Jokes of the day
- Thread starter thirdcup
- Start date
For all you music lovers, here is a list of my favorite songs for senior citizens
7. On the commode again. 6. Mrs Brown you've got a lovely walker. 5. Like a roll or scone? 4. Walk on the mild side. 3. Seize of my heart. 2. Worn to be mild. .......and the number one tune is....... I get by with a little help from Depends.
7. On the commode again. 6. Mrs Brown you've got a lovely walker. 5. Like a roll or scone? 4. Walk on the mild side. 3. Seize of my heart. 2. Worn to be mild. .......and the number one tune is....... I get by with a little help from Depends.
Paddy and the Catholic priest are walking through the red light district of town. They pass a number of Ladies of the Evening plying their trade.
Priest, shaking his head: "That certainly is an eyesore".
Paddy: "There's an even better one on the next corner, Father".
Priest, shaking his head: "That certainly is an eyesore".
Paddy: "There's an even better one on the next corner, Father".
Two nuns are walking down a dark city street in a bad part of town. Two thugs grab them, drag them into an alley and start raping them.
The first nun holds her hands together in prayer, looks to the sky and says, "Dear God, please forgive them for they know not what they do".
The 2nd nun says, "Shh! This one does".
The first nun holds her hands together in prayer, looks to the sky and says, "Dear God, please forgive them for they know not what they do".
The 2nd nun says, "Shh! This one does".
What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
You can't hear a vitamin...
There is attitude, and then there is a positive attitude! "Life is not the way it's supposed to be - it's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference."
After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the US Air Force pilot finally regained consciousness. He was in a hospital in a lot of pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes/IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him looking worried. It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.
The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a pilot, but an Air Force pilot, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word: "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow, he managed to mumble in reply,
"Can I feel your Boobs, then?"
And that, my friends, is a real positive attitude!
After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject, the US Air Force pilot finally regained consciousness. He was in a hospital in a lot of pain. He found himself in the ICU with tubes/IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and a nurse hovering over him looking worried. It was obvious he was in a life-threatening situation.
The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a pilot, but an Air Force pilot, she spoke to him softly and slowly, enunciating each word: "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow, he managed to mumble in reply,
"Can I feel your Boobs, then?"
And that, my friends, is a real positive attitude!
Parked near the courthouse the other day and parked in a handicapped spot.
A meter maid comes running up.
"Sir, do you have a handicap? I need to know what it is."
Tourettes fuckyou cunt...
A meter maid comes running up.
"Sir, do you have a handicap? I need to know what it is."
Tourettes fuckyou cunt...
Last edited:
I recently ordered Chinese food from a local place, went to pick it up, and as I was driving home I heard the bags rustling and moving!!!
I thought, "what in the world is that? Has something got in the bag?"
I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.
I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat, and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the spring rolls!!!!
I thought it had to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ....... and there it was .......
...
A Peeking Duck!!!
I thought, "what in the world is that? Has something got in the bag?"
I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.
I was driving so I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat, and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the spring rolls!!!!
I thought it had to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ....... and there it was .......
...
A Peeking Duck!!!
How many yuppies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Trick question! Yuppies screw in hot tubs...
Photos from my recent trip to the Canadian Coal-Mining Museum:
