Married Hobbying
- Thread starter FunInToronto2023
- Start date
Yes, falsely accused at Just Relax, where I only received HJ's.
"Guilty" though at other spas and with escorts.
That said, I never had an extra-marital "affair" with a civilian and actual emotions involved, which in my self-justifying opinion would have been actual "cheating", as opposed to what I did...
I think someone already mentioned it, but take a break if guilt is playing a role.
And I think you said sex has stopped (I didn't go back and read the topic), but you could try perhaps pulling a move on her? Or if it's gotten to the point already where that wouldn't do much then maybe communicate about it with her? My ex wife and I would openly communicate certain things and we have kids. But never been in a situation like yours. I'd try communicating with her if you still wanted sex from her and find her sexually appealing. No idea how old she is but perhaps could be a mental thing or menopause. I know it happens to quite a few guys where sex down the road slows down or stops altogether. Could he hormone issues too.
I've bumped into quite a few religious folks who are super conversative sexually. Not sure if religion is playing a role eventually because people change as they age. Just tossing it out there.
And I think you said sex has stopped (I didn't go back and read the topic), but you could try perhaps pulling a move on her? Or if it's gotten to the point already where that wouldn't do much then maybe communicate about it with her? My ex wife and I would openly communicate certain things and we have kids. But never been in a situation like yours. I'd try communicating with her if you still wanted sex from her and find her sexually appealing. No idea how old she is but perhaps could be a mental thing or menopause. I know it happens to quite a few guys where sex down the road slows down or stops altogether. Could he hormone issues too.
I've bumped into quite a few religious folks who are super conversative sexually. Not sure if religion is playing a role eventually because people change as they age. Just tossing it out there.
I’m the same my behaviour has been horrible “but” I’ve never had an emotional affair. I want to feel wanted, and have, but “only” sexually. I’ve never felt the desire to run out on the family, it’s been some of a have your cake and eat it too (because there’s nothing fun going on at home). Totally trying to justify it I know.
She will probably tell it to everyone. So maybe just keep it a secret.
If your wife is not meeting your needs because she is unwilling or lacking interest, or if she has physical restrictions that get in the way, then a conversation should be had about getting you looked after.
I believe that, us men, if we are not sexually active we start to lose interest in life, weaken, stop exercising and age fast. You don't want that, you need to keep the juices moving through and constant masturbation is a lonely substitute.
I'd also say if your wife is willing to engage sexually then you should never, ever deny her, especially for the reason that you were banging a pro that day, or plan to the next day. Never deny your wife.
If there is not a lot going on at home, then stepping out with a professional is the way to go. You will not get emotionally involved, you will not leave for her and you will not embarrass you wife with people finding out.
All this is assuming you want to stay with your wife because you are compatible in all the other ways.
I believe that, us men, if we are not sexually active we start to lose interest in life, weaken, stop exercising and age fast. You don't want that, you need to keep the juices moving through and constant masturbation is a lonely substitute.
I'd also say if your wife is willing to engage sexually then you should never, ever deny her, especially for the reason that you were banging a pro that day, or plan to the next day. Never deny your wife.
If there is not a lot going on at home, then stepping out with a professional is the way to go. You will not get emotionally involved, you will not leave for her and you will not embarrass you wife with people finding out.
All this is assuming you want to stay with your wife because you are compatible in all the other ways.
He seems to still be into his wife in other ways which is good (I could be wrong). I think having a conversation about it is key and seeing where it leads too. Worst case nothing changes between you both sexually but at least you tried. And since you're only using MPs for a happy ending it seems than dealing with it with your own hand it helps relieve stuff that your own hand cannot do mentally & physically because it's another person's touch. And you did mention exploring more FS. As far as being quiet about it and not telling anyone that's a decision only you can make. Taking a break is fine if it's bothering you. Your wife could have hormones or stress issues that we don't know about like I stated previously. And not everyone wants to go on meds. Each women's body is different as they age and such. My ex wife wanted nothing sexually when she was pregnant where as for other women it can increase their sex drives or just putting out in other ways for their partners. I've always stayed loyal to the person I was dating or short term with.
My marriage lasted only about 5 years and sex decreased shortly after we had kids. She even today is in general a miserable person, too many negative thoughts, controlling and a lot more. If I was in your position with someone who besides sexually I enjoyed I wouldn't want to just up and leave or end it with them. Unfortunately, humans have desires and some can handle things easier than others. I go weeks and months without much sexually just fine not to say I wouldn't enjoy it often. But at the same time I wouldn't want to spend my entire life with a partner for the next several years and there's nothing happening sexually. A marriage counsellor in my situation did nothing because she wasn't open to admitting her mistakes and stuff and just lashed out after we'd leave a session. Very immature and stuff when I was the one trying to make things work out and putting effort. Overall people aren't that complicated and life is pretty simple in general terms. I can read people pretty quick based on my ways and if I was a marriage counsellor or something (keep in mind many professionals like that are divorced too at times) I can tell when something is already over. Not to side track your topic, but humans sometimes push certain red flags because things like infatuation comes into play. It happens to tons. I know why I did what I did at the time and have no regrets. I know I should have just dated her a year or two longer and wouldn't have bothered with a marriage or wanting kids from her but I wouldn't change it. Not too many men stick around for their kids especially at a young age. I've enjoyed it all and the peace that came with it than coming home from work and dealing with another "kid" so to say. If someone's coming home to someone who's generally positive and does other things for their partner and kids without complaining much you have it good. I have yet to be in another relationship (besides a few dates) and meet someone like that cause I've never experienced that. And plenty of women have dealt with grown "boys" because I've heard stories.
After having an open discussion with her about your sex life (you and her only; not what you've done on the side of course) and seeing where it leads then decide how you wanna handle things moving forward. Plenty of people in their 40s and 50s or so divorce and some do find something overall better afterwards than what they stuck around with. That's a decision you can make. And divorce isn't as scary as some make it out to be. Not sure how old your kids are and stuff because that will play a role along with income of course. As someone who's happily divorced I know if I had stayed much longer with mine just for the sake of it my mental health wouldn't be doing so well. Luckily her and I never got into drugs or things like alcohol issues but it was more so me coming home and just dealing with nothing but a miserable person who she wasn't during the first few years together prior to kids. And besides just the sex being the issue on hand you'll have to ask yourself what other things she does that you enjoy and dislike which may want you to actually leave her. And like I said if I was with someone for years and it was just the sex and/or cuddles lacking because I enjoy touch at times it probably wouldn't be a deal breaker. But to satisfy a desire that's not being fulfilled is something women do behind their SO back too. Sometimes people do have good partners and miss out on something and decide how they want to handle it. I personally start with an open and mature discussion first and if that doesn't change anything then take it from there.
And nothing wrong with seeking professional help from like a therapist or something. It might take a while finding a good one because some aren't good. But in the end it'll be you deciding what you want to do. Forums like this is a good way to help figure things out to. There's tons to read online about things like this and even watch videos on like YT just make sure it's hidden of course lol. Morals and religion tend to play a role. Some would say if you weren't seeing a MP, but were doing something online only (Such as OF) through cam without any emotions that's cheating too and others would disagree. Just my two cents. YMMV.
My marriage lasted only about 5 years and sex decreased shortly after we had kids. She even today is in general a miserable person, too many negative thoughts, controlling and a lot more. If I was in your position with someone who besides sexually I enjoyed I wouldn't want to just up and leave or end it with them. Unfortunately, humans have desires and some can handle things easier than others. I go weeks and months without much sexually just fine not to say I wouldn't enjoy it often. But at the same time I wouldn't want to spend my entire life with a partner for the next several years and there's nothing happening sexually. A marriage counsellor in my situation did nothing because she wasn't open to admitting her mistakes and stuff and just lashed out after we'd leave a session. Very immature and stuff when I was the one trying to make things work out and putting effort. Overall people aren't that complicated and life is pretty simple in general terms. I can read people pretty quick based on my ways and if I was a marriage counsellor or something (keep in mind many professionals like that are divorced too at times) I can tell when something is already over. Not to side track your topic, but humans sometimes push certain red flags because things like infatuation comes into play. It happens to tons. I know why I did what I did at the time and have no regrets. I know I should have just dated her a year or two longer and wouldn't have bothered with a marriage or wanting kids from her but I wouldn't change it. Not too many men stick around for their kids especially at a young age. I've enjoyed it all and the peace that came with it than coming home from work and dealing with another "kid" so to say. If someone's coming home to someone who's generally positive and does other things for their partner and kids without complaining much you have it good. I have yet to be in another relationship (besides a few dates) and meet someone like that cause I've never experienced that. And plenty of women have dealt with grown "boys" because I've heard stories.
After having an open discussion with her about your sex life (you and her only; not what you've done on the side of course) and seeing where it leads then decide how you wanna handle things moving forward. Plenty of people in their 40s and 50s or so divorce and some do find something overall better afterwards than what they stuck around with. That's a decision you can make. And divorce isn't as scary as some make it out to be. Not sure how old your kids are and stuff because that will play a role along with income of course. As someone who's happily divorced I know if I had stayed much longer with mine just for the sake of it my mental health wouldn't be doing so well. Luckily her and I never got into drugs or things like alcohol issues but it was more so me coming home and just dealing with nothing but a miserable person who she wasn't during the first few years together prior to kids. And besides just the sex being the issue on hand you'll have to ask yourself what other things she does that you enjoy and dislike which may want you to actually leave her. And like I said if I was with someone for years and it was just the sex and/or cuddles lacking because I enjoy touch at times it probably wouldn't be a deal breaker. But to satisfy a desire that's not being fulfilled is something women do behind their SO back too. Sometimes people do have good partners and miss out on something and decide how they want to handle it. I personally start with an open and mature discussion first and if that doesn't change anything then take it from there.
And nothing wrong with seeking professional help from like a therapist or something. It might take a while finding a good one because some aren't good. But in the end it'll be you deciding what you want to do. Forums like this is a good way to help figure things out to. There's tons to read online about things like this and even watch videos on like YT just make sure it's hidden of course lol. Morals and religion tend to play a role. Some would say if you weren't seeing a MP, but were doing something online only (Such as OF) through cam without any emotions that's cheating too and others would disagree. Just my two cents. YMMV.
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Wow thank you for that in-depth feedback and response I appreciate it a lot (and anyone else I haven’t replied to I really appreciate it all). We’ve barely been intimate for many years. My horrible behaviour started with going on Tinder and over the years escalated from dating while married to seeing MPs and not having sex, then to SPs and then had an ad pop up for sugar dating and because I can afford that as well (it’s no more money than seeing an SP it’s just a different experience) started hooking up with SB’s. And then getting hit on in my industry with female suppliers texting me outside of work and asking to see each other. So absolutely disgusting behaviour. So a big part of all this and I love her in every other way except the lack of sex I looking in the mirror and not feeling worthy of anything. That must be part of the sex addiction as well. My wife cheated on me early on in our relationship when we were still quite newly married and that didn’t help anything. And it was so messed up because I had already been propositioned several times as a newlywed but would never dare to even entertain another girl. And now it’s spiraled into a very sordid pattern of behaviour where I could write a book or novel of everything I’ve done and where I’ve done it and the circumstances. And the women I’ve done it with and all the standing invitations of single and married women that are still there with girls from 19 to almost 50 years of age. Maybe we’re all messed up to some extent and I’m just extra.
Don't beat yourself over it. A lot of people do what you're doing. There's still tons of loyal people out there too. I knew someone once who was engaged and IIRC the marriage got called off just before the day or shortly after cause he slept with someone else and she found out lol. And are you sure your wife who cheated on your earlier in the marriage hasn't done it since? If she's not getting any either or very little who's to say perhaps she doesn't get it else where unless you know for sure. And people doing each other without emotions in business is quite normal. People get stressed at work and I've heard about people doing it even places like at the stairwell in an office building then going back to their normal stuff. Suppliers probably do it for many reasons including stress, wanting the business or just typical human nature of finding another person attractive and into being poly. Some real estate agents will do clients at times just to close a deal. There's a lot out there. Some wealthy women know for a fact their husband is doing someone and they accept it and keep quiet because at the end of the day he comes back to her. Some of course when finding out will end things. It all depends on the person of course.
Social media in general has made it just easier I find. If someone deep down wanted more (even when there was no social media) they could still get it. People reconnect with there high school or middle school crushes and one thing leads to another. Or someone posts a revealing pic and gets hit on in their comments/private messages; not saying this always happens but it does. I would say based on that respond you seem to have gained an addiction or close to it. You're lucky your wife isn't super strict with your devices lol cause some women have their men locked down and even track them. I know a guy who gets questioned cause his wife will ask where he went than his normal trip lol. Me personally when in a relationship I don't care cause I have nothing to hide. But it's really not that hard to hide with a second phone and saying it's a business trip...Hope it works out for ya! Trying seek some good professional help next year like you said or talking with your SO first.
Social media in general has made it just easier I find. If someone deep down wanted more (even when there was no social media) they could still get it. People reconnect with there high school or middle school crushes and one thing leads to another. Or someone posts a revealing pic and gets hit on in their comments/private messages; not saying this always happens but it does. I would say based on that respond you seem to have gained an addiction or close to it. You're lucky your wife isn't super strict with your devices lol cause some women have their men locked down and even track them. I know a guy who gets questioned cause his wife will ask where he went than his normal trip lol. Me personally when in a relationship I don't care cause I have nothing to hide. But it's really not that hard to hide with a second phone and saying it's a business trip...Hope it works out for ya! Trying seek some good professional help next year like you said or talking with your SO first.
I think the OP has filled himself with guilt over something he has no need to feel guilty about. He keeps talking about his "disgusting" behavior, but I don't even know what he is talking about. He just sees escorts. What of it? Maybe religion or conservative parents are behind his confusion or his revulsion.
Clearly he loves and want to preserve his family, which is great, and he also has sexual needs that are not met at home. This is so normal it is nor even an interesting story. What is interesting is his guilt, his disgust. That is something worth exploring for him with the right therapist. Come that day, what goes on in those therapy sessions will be as private as what goes on for him in a massage parlor or an incall escort setting. If someday after his own therapy work, he wants to try marriage counseling with his wife, that is a possibility, but probably the beginning of the end.
Vibrantly sexual, enduring marriages may exist, but I would say they are most uncommon in our society.
Clearly he loves and want to preserve his family, which is great, and he also has sexual needs that are not met at home. This is so normal it is nor even an interesting story. What is interesting is his guilt, his disgust. That is something worth exploring for him with the right therapist. Come that day, what goes on in those therapy sessions will be as private as what goes on for him in a massage parlor or an incall escort setting. If someday after his own therapy work, he wants to try marriage counseling with his wife, that is a possibility, but probably the beginning of the end.
Vibrantly sexual, enduring marriages may exist, but I would say they are most uncommon in our society.
