Time for some laughter? Please share yours...
- Thread starter Kusa
- Start date
Jesus Christ is playing golf with one of his buddies and he knocks the ball into a sand trap. His buddy says now you're in trouble. Jesus says I don't think so. I can get it out with a 9 iron. I saw Arnold Palmer do something like it last week on tv.
His buddy says, no offense man, but you're no Arnold Palmer.
So Jesus takes the shot. Misses and drives the ball into the lake. Where upon he goes running out on the water to try and find it.
A passer by sees this and in amazement asks the buddy "who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?".
Buddy says. "no. he is Jesus Christ. He Thinks he's Arnold Palmer"
What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
One of them has fits when they shuck and the other one.....
Bill and Hillary Clinton are in a restaurant. Bill scans the menu, and says "I'm definitely gonna have a quickie". Hillary says "It's pronounced "keesh", dear".
Craig Ferguson left a large gaping hole in late night programming when he left the Late Late Show. None of the current hosts are even remotely at his level.
White guys vacationing in Jamaica has a night out in the bar finds a prostitute as a real good time. The prostitute tells the guy if I’m not good have my name Wendy tattooed on your deck, he thinks to himself that’s a great idea and does it. Couple weeks pass these in the same bar enjoying some beverages, and as you experienced mother nature calls, he makes his way to the restroom to relieve himself. Is there in front of the urinal, there is a Jamaican through your nose down he notices that the Jamaican has tattooed W D on his stick. The white guy talks to the Jamaican and since you know Wendy’s reply is whose Wendy? The white guy says oh it’s a great prostitute I met here couple of weeks ago and she asked me to have her name tattooed on my Dick. The Jamaicans confused he shows his deck gives the diffuse strokes and what does it say “ welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day”
Years ago, I saw a young lady about 19 years old streetwalking on Carlton Street near Jarvis. Several guys in a convertible recognized her as they drove by, and called her by her real name. She shouted back at them: "No! I'm not me!".
This is the first original joke that I can remember having told. I was three years old.
I had a bad cold, with lots of sinus congestion. I cleared my nose 'wino style' by blocking one nostril and expelling the contents of the other. A long string of thick mucous was dangling out of my nose, so I went into the kitchen and said "Look, mom, I'm an elephant!".
I had a bad cold, with lots of sinus congestion. I cleared my nose 'wino style' by blocking one nostril and expelling the contents of the other. A long string of thick mucous was dangling out of my nose, so I went into the kitchen and said "Look, mom, I'm an elephant!".
Dan Bilzerian is a D list Internet celebrity. He claims to have won $11 Million dollars in one night playing poker, and also claims to have once been a sniper in the US Marine Corps. He's well known in social media circles for posting photos of himself on rented yachts, surrounded by a bevy of paid models. His lifestyle is pretty much funded by simps living vicariously through his public image.
Dan was in Las Vegas during the October 1, 2017 mass shooting. Video evidence surfaced, showing him running away, pushing bystanders aside, which conflicted with his official account that he had been acting heroically. His DM account of the incident includes an amusing typo:
From sickipedia.net
I was watching porn earlier on my phone and saw some fat bloke with a small cock wanking in the background...put me right off. Then I noticed it was my reflection.
I was watching porn earlier on my phone and saw some fat bloke with a small cock wanking in the background...put me right off. Then I noticed it was my reflection.
Q: What's the difference between Heaven and Hell?
A: In Heaven, the English are the police, the French are the cooks, the Swiss are the administrators, the Italians are the lovers, and the Germans are the mechanics.
In Hell, the English are the cooks, the French are the administrators, the Swiss are the lovers, the Italians are the mechanics and the Germans are the police.
A: In Heaven, the English are the police, the French are the cooks, the Swiss are the administrators, the Italians are the lovers, and the Germans are the mechanics.
In Hell, the English are the cooks, the French are the administrators, the Swiss are the lovers, the Italians are the mechanics and the Germans are the police.
