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The Mechanic

Active member
Jan 5, 2007
265
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What are the three rings in life?

One there is the engagement ring

two there is the wedding ring

and three comes the suffering
 
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The Mechanic

Active member
Jan 5, 2007
265
200
43
A wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning, “Windows frozen, won’t open.” The husband texts back, “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and tap the edges with a hammer.” The wife texts back five minutes later, “Computer really messed up now.”

She: “Honey, I don’t like you with the new glasses on.”
He: “But sweetheart, I don’t wear any glasses.”
She: “True, but I do.”

Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Honey bee!
Honey bee who?
Honey bee a dear and get me a beer!

Police Inspector: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?
Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?
Husband: I think now the thief’s wife has started using it

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes. She fantasizes about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
 
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onomatopoeia

Bzzzzz.......Doink
Jul 3, 2020
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Cabbagetown
I make computer fonts as a hobby.

This hobby costs me nothing to do. I can do it without leaving the house. I can do it at any time of the day or night. I can do it for fifteen minutes when I have nothing better to do, or I can do it for fifteen hours in a row. I can stop doing it for an extended period of time, then resume right where I left off. I only need to use one hand to do it. I could also make some money, if I post my finished work online.

The only other hobby that I can think of which meets all of those conditions is rubbing one out.
 
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Insidious Von

My head is my home
Sep 12, 2007
40,024
7,432
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Shaq told the biggest joke of the season to The Joker's face. At the time the Minnesota Timberwolves were up 2-0 in their playoff round against the Denver Nuggets.


Rudy Gobert is the best defensive player in the NBA.

 
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onomatopoeia

Bzzzzz.......Doink
Jul 3, 2020
21,552
17,403
113
Cabbagetown
It's really difficult to have a conversation with an Escort when she's giving you a blow job, because she can only say things like "glug" and "kuh", and you're not going to understand, unless you're a dentist.
 
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