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The Mechanic

Active member
Jan 5, 2007
265
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What are the three rings in life?

One there is the engagement ring

two there is the wedding ring

and three comes the suffering
 
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The Mechanic

Active member
Jan 5, 2007
265
200
43
A wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning, “Windows frozen, won’t open.” The husband texts back, “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and tap the edges with a hammer.” The wife texts back five minutes later, “Computer really messed up now.”

She: “Honey, I don’t like you with the new glasses on.”
He: “But sweetheart, I don’t wear any glasses.”
She: “True, but I do.”

Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Honey bee!
Honey bee who?
Honey bee a dear and get me a beer!

Police Inspector: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?
Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?
Husband: I think now the thief’s wife has started using it

I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes. She fantasizes about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
 
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onomatopoeia

Bzzzzz.......Doink
Jul 3, 2020
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Cabbagetown
I make computer fonts as a hobby.

This hobby costs me nothing to do. I can do it without leaving the house. I can do it at any time of the day or night. I can do it for fifteen minutes when I have nothing better to do, or I can do it for fifteen hours in a row. I can stop doing it for an extended period of time, then resume right where I left off. I only need to use one hand to do it. I could also make some money, if I post my finished work online.

The only other hobby that I can think of which meets all of those conditions is rubbing one out.
 
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Insidious Von

My head is my home
Sep 12, 2007
40,025
7,432
113
Shaq told the biggest joke of the season to The Joker's face. At the time the Minnesota Timberwolves were up 2-0 in their playoff round against the Denver Nuggets.


Rudy Gobert is the best defensive player in the NBA.

 
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onomatopoeia

Bzzzzz.......Doink
Jul 3, 2020
21,552
17,403
113
Cabbagetown
It's really difficult to have a conversation with an Escort when she's giving you a blow job, because she can only say things like "glug" and "kuh", and you're not going to understand, unless you're a dentist.
 
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