Time for some laughter? Please share yours...
- Thread starter Kusa
- Start date
A skydiver "in" joke:
The good thing about when your parachute doesn't open is that you have the rest of your life to solve the problem...
The good thing about when your parachute doesn't open is that you have the rest of your life to solve the problem...
Guy walks up to the female bank teller and says “ I wanna deposit some fucking money in this motherfucking bank!”
The teller says “Sir, we don’t tolerate language like that in this bank.
He says “ I don’t care, I wanna deposit my fucking money in this motherfucking bank!”
She says she will call security if he doesn’t leave, and he says “let me see the manager. Manager comes over and asks him “ Sir, what is the problem?”
He says again “ I wanna deposit some fucking money in this motherfucking bank!” Manager replies “ Sir, we cannot tolerate that sort of language here. By the way, how much money were you planning to deposit?” Guy says “ 50 million dollars.” Bank manager replies “and this cunt wouldn’t let you?”
The teller says “Sir, we don’t tolerate language like that in this bank.
He says “ I don’t care, I wanna deposit my fucking money in this motherfucking bank!”
She says she will call security if he doesn’t leave, and he says “let me see the manager. Manager comes over and asks him “ Sir, what is the problem?”
He says again “ I wanna deposit some fucking money in this motherfucking bank!” Manager replies “ Sir, we cannot tolerate that sort of language here. By the way, how much money were you planning to deposit?” Guy says “ 50 million dollars.” Bank manager replies “and this cunt wouldn’t let you?”
Some current sick jokes from sickipedia.net
-Emma Stone wants people to use her real first name which is Emily. Not a problem, happy to help. When I am having my wank fantasies from now on, that's the name that will be on your toe tag.
- I've been urged to change the slogan of the construction firm I recently founded. Something other than "We specialise in quick erections."
- Well that's the last time I ever go on a gay pride march. I got bummed by a lion.
- If it wasn't for reports of US shootings, I'd just have assumed that Americans never even went to school
- I see Israel have admitted to making a grave mistake, they confused the aid workers with a convoy of Palestinian babies.
- I thought I found a dinosaur leg but found out it was a fossil arm
-Emma Stone wants people to use her real first name which is Emily. Not a problem, happy to help. When I am having my wank fantasies from now on, that's the name that will be on your toe tag.
- I've been urged to change the slogan of the construction firm I recently founded. Something other than "We specialise in quick erections."
- Well that's the last time I ever go on a gay pride march. I got bummed by a lion.
- If it wasn't for reports of US shootings, I'd just have assumed that Americans never even went to school
- I see Israel have admitted to making a grave mistake, they confused the aid workers with a convoy of Palestinian babies.
- I thought I found a dinosaur leg but found out it was a fossil arm
When I was in grade school, there was a kid in our neighbourhood who was born with Thalidomide 'flipper arms', and every year at Halloween, he was a Tyrannosaurus Rex.
An illiterate Feminist had a man charged with unwanted sexual touching. At trial, the Judge agreed with the defense motion that tacit approval had been given by the hand-written slogan on her t-shirt which read 'No Means Now!".
A Woman's Studies major accused her gastroenterologist of sexual harassment after he told her she had acute peritonitis.
Q: What do you call a man who puts his career ahead of his family?
A: A team player.
Q: What do you call a woman who puts her career ahead of her family?
A: Childless.
A: A team player.
Q: What do you call a woman who puts her career ahead of her family?
A: Childless.
Husband: I had a terrible row with my wife last night. But she crawled to me on her knees in the end.
Friend: Wow, that’s really impressive! What did she say?!
Husband: “Come out from under that sofa, you coward!”
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her the lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me now.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Q: Why did the dead man divorce his dead wife?
A: Because she was frigid.
Friend: Wow, that’s really impressive! What did she say?!
Husband: “Come out from under that sofa, you coward!”
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her the lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me now.
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.
Q: Why did the dead man divorce his dead wife?
A: Because she was frigid.
Probably one of the funniest SNL skits of all time.
I cannot drink Brunello without laughing and trying not to tell that joke. I think I first heard it back in the late sixties. Maybe 70?
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