breakups

[Curious36]

I might sound a bit harsh here but please understand that it all comes from a place of kindness.

You are too young to be engaged and she is definitely too young to be engaged. I think you were the one who made a thread about your family not accepting her and agonizing over how to manage it all. At the time, the fact that you were unwilling to immediately take a firm stand with your family was a pretty good indicator that you're not ready for such a serious commitment. And it sounds like you two had been together for a while. If so, she's so young that she hasn't really had a chance to experience life. This is something she needs. My one disagreement with the great advice you're getting from many of the others on this thread is that she's probably not a bad person. The fact that you're so desperate to get back with her proves she must have many good qualities. She's young. She's needs to experience life, make mistakes, and grow as a person. And this often means hooking up with people who may not care for her any way other than sexually. That's ok. Nobody worries about men doing that (um, terb!). You don't own her body so stop trying to control what she does with it. There's a very good chance she knows that this guy (or guys) is not 'good' for her, but it's what she wants right now. She may end up hurt, but that's life. She needs a chance to experience life and it feels like you're trying to stifle her. People don't react well to that and it's probably why she's being so cold.

Finally, the gifts. It's totally appropriate to get your stuff back but not the gifts. Gifts are gifts. Asking to get back things you bought her demonstrates a real lack of class/maturity. Again it sounds like you trying to own her. I can't imagine anyone reacting well to learning that what they thought was given in generosity was actually just an assurance for her continued devotion. I'm not saying all this to be a jerk. Many of us have been in similar situations. Now we look back and realize that 1) it probably saved us from a lot of misery later on and 2) it's a chance to grow and mature personally. In two years you'll be shaking your head and laughing at how dramatic it all seemed at the time.

Very well said and should be read a few times by OP. Another thing to add is she KNOWS you are obsessing about her and is probably tryiing to be "mean" to discourage your almost "stalkerish" tendancies towards her. Shes gone dude. Shes gone. She needs NO protection from you and doesnt WANT any protection from you. She NEEDS to make mistakes as that often helps people mature/grow. You need to mature and grow from your mistakes. She is feeling shitty and awkward toward you. She has moved on.....now your turn.
If it makes you feel better start mourning the loss as if she died. Better yet start acting like she died i.e. you can not longer contact her, e-mail her, visit......NOTHING. It sucks but by delaying the realization she is gone is only hurting yourself further.
As for gifts.....they are gifts.....NEVER think about asking for them back or else you are giving for the wrong reason. I highly suspect those "gifts" were a desperate attempt to hold relationship together by having this lady somehow "indebted" to you. This mentality is wrong on so many levels and I hope you have learned from this that gifts dont hold a relationship together unless the reciever is a gold-digger, and nobody wants to be with a gold-digger.....
I hazzard to say that everyone on TERB has been through similiar circumstances in terms of heart-break.....start listening and stop finding excuses to ignore as you are just hurting yourself further.....

 

[jw01]

Very well said and should be read a few times by OP. Another thing to add is she KNOWS you are obsessing about her and is probably tryiing to be "mean" to discourage your almost "stalkerish" tendancies towards her. Shes gone dude. Shes gone. She needs NO protection from you and doesnt WANT any protection from you. She NEEDS to make mistakes as that often helps people mature/grow. You need to mature and grow from your mistakes. She is feeling shitty and awkward toward you. She has moved on.....now your turn.
If it makes you feel better start mourning the loss as if she died. Better yet start acting like she died i.e. you can not longer contact her, e-mail her, visit......NOTHING. It sucks but by delaying the realization she is gone is only hurting yourself further.
As for gifts.....they are gifts.....NEVER think about asking for them back or else you are giving for the wrong reason. I highly suspect those "gifts" were a desperate attempt to hold relationship together by having this lady somehow "indebted" to you. This mentality is wrong on so many levels and I hope you have learned from this that gifts dont hold a relationship together unless the reciever is a gold-digger, and nobody wants to be with a gold-digger.....
I hazzard to say that everyone on TERB has been through similiar circumstances in terms of heart-break.....start listening and stop finding excuses to ignore as you are just hurting yourself further.....

that is what my buddies are telling me as well...pretend she does not exist anymore.

the only thing that stings and it's my stupidity of buying her lavish gifts is that...if she wants to erase me as she quotes, from her memory, why would she keep all the gifts and only return my jeans and ring? i realize it's a gift and that is not what im crying about, it may appear that way, but im just curious to know why when someone claims they will return everything, only give me 2 pair of my jeans and the ring back? i bought her things out of my love and cared for her like i said, but she kept accepting them, which is w/e,,...i wouldnt say no to a rolex watch if a girl got it for me...but....i dont undertand when u tell me, u want to erase me b/c i was all this negative in ur life, like wtf, then return everything no b/c are those gifts not associated with me?

fk i wish this bad dream could end.

 

[fuji]

Past is the past. Not a dream. Reality. But tomorrow is another day, and there are other women.

Move on. It is not worth any more of your energy.

 

[Serpent]

that is what my buddies are telling me as well...pretend she does not exist anymore.

the only thing that stings and it's my stupidity of buying her lavish gifts is that...if she wants to erase me as she quotes, from her memory, why would she keep all the gifts and only return my jeans and ring? i realize it's a gift and that is not what im crying about, it may appear that way, but im just curious to know why when someone claims they will return everything, only give me 2 pair of my jeans and the ring back? i bought her things out of my love and cared for her like i said, but she kept accepting them, which is w/e,,...i wouldnt say no to a rolex watch if a girl got it for me...but....i dont undertand when u tell me, u want to erase me b/c i was all this negative in ur life, like wtf, then return everything no b/c are those gifts not associated with me?

fk i wish this bad dream could end.

she used you: she used you when she was fat and now she wants to "experience life". she used you for the gifts she was happy to receive and give nothing back in return. That's how some selfish women are. anyways, she's 23 and she'll figure it out eventually. I'm telling you: travel somewhere, forget her and move on. you dodged a bullet because she might never change for the better.

 

[danmand]

that is what my buddies are telling me as well...pretend she does not exist anymore.

the only thing that stings and it's my stupidity of buying her lavish gifts is that...if she wants to erase me as she quotes, from her memory, why would she keep all the gifts and only return my jeans and ring? i realize it's a gift and that is not what im crying about, it may appear that way, but im just curious to know why when someone claims they will return everything, only give me 2 pair of my jeans and the ring back? i bought her things out of my love and cared for her like i said, but she kept accepting them, which is w/e,,...i wouldnt say no to a rolex watch if a girl got it for me...but....i dont undertand when u tell me, u want to erase me b/c i was all this negative in ur life, like wtf, then return everything no b/c are those gifts not associated with me?

fk i wish this bad dream could end.

You should do yourself a favour and forget about these GIFTS. They were gifts, meaning you gave them to her. They belong to her.

 

[TeasePlease]

She's young. She's needs to experience life, make mistakes, and grow as a person. And this often means hooking up with people who may not care for her any way other than sexually. That's ok. Nobody worries about men doing that (um, terb!). You don't own her body so stop trying to control what she does with it. There's a very good chance she knows that this guy (or guys) is not 'good' for her, but it's what she wants right now. She may end up hurt, but that's life. She needs a chance to experience life and it feels like you're trying to stifle her. People don't react well to that and it's probably why she's being so cold.

all of that is fine and well but you're missing one thing.....she wasnt single. She needed to get single first. How she treats others matters. It's called character and integrity.

If it's one thing I've learned over my years, most people take the chickenshit route when they want out. They don't want to be the bad guy, or they don't want conflict. Or maybe they do care about the other person. But if they did, they wouldn't guck them over.

Its just selfish

Mind, were only getting one side of the story here.

 

[cityguy57]

It's one thing to ask for advice - it's another to do it. If you're asking for advice take it seriously. You're going to waste a whole lot of time and the end result is going to be no different - the sooner you start on that road the sooner the bad dream will end.

 

[jw01]

Jesus fuck you are an immature, sissified piece of work. What the fuck, dude? Posts 51 and 54 make me think you're hopeless, or that we are going to read about you in the paper after this chick's body is found in a ravine.

Ya it sucks to get dumped, but (as I hope you will soon realize) life goes on and who gives a fuck? A guy I went to high school with hung himself the summer after we graduated, killed himself at 18, because his girlfriend had dumped him. If her were alive today, do you think he would give a shit about his high school girlfriend?? Doesn't matter - he couldn't cope when he needed to cope. I can assure you that a VAST majority of Terbites (read: those who have built successful lives) don't even remember what stressed them out in high school, let alone dwell on the details. Hopefully you too will one day not even remember all this. But right now you sound like a teenaged fucking girl obsessing over Justin Bieber or her first crush. You do.

I don't know your life circumstances but if you are going to enjoy the years you have remaining, you need to make some changes. Move out of your parents' house, get a real job, join the Army, move to Singapore, do SOMETHING to become a man. I get that you are in the middle of all this breakup shit, but here's a clue: Men don't get hurt when things don't go their way, they get angry. So stop whining, stop crying, stop obsessing. Change whatever it is in your world that allows you to be such a fucking sissy over getting dumped. Start the changes that will make you embarrassed about these posts, when you're 40 and comfortable with who you are. Is you father alive and in the picture? Is he a Man, or is he the guy who does your mom's laundry? If he's a Man, use him to help yourself grow up. I don't expect an anonymous posting by some stranger on TERB will resonate with you, but holy fuck you need to stop the emo crap. You aren't dealing with this well.

And to help cope with the short-term pain, get a hooker, get a bunch of hookers, or just go here: http://www.pattayaphotoguide.com/

Good luck, and don't do anything stupid.

yeah your right...even she told me man up.....may be it was my upbringing that made me soft or be so patient...i cant get angry even if i do its for literally i swear 2 mins and im cool again....it's an issue and i dont know how to deal with it. yes, i will try hard to not pay any attention to this girl starting tonight but its hard man. ive worked my ass off in 8 years and taken so much bullshit u cant even imagine and ultimately thought, she will change for the better and see that i've stuck by her side. i didnt know that a few years down the road, she would want to venture out and "Experience" life and see how things are and make mistakes when ive tried to give her all.....shes with this dude now, going with him to get tattoos, at least he is and she is posing for pics on his couch and life is amazing it seems for her....whats even more distrubting that it this dude will look like a super hero, b/c it'll ultimately be like, he save her from the dark spot in her life and wow, he bought her over the first day and shieet....my x is smart but is stupid is not realizing that this dude is BFFs with the guy u made out with and even tho he may be a good guy, im sure hes in it for a fuck b/c im sure hes heard how easy she is and how naive she is to guys.

that's my biggest beef + the fact she is fronting all the shieet i got her as if she got them + her mom has the balls to ask me, if there is anything missing in the box she gave me, really bitch!

i know im complaining and venting but i dont understand how she is so fucking cold towards me and me amazing with the rest of the world!!! i can go screw SPs and whoever, but in the back of my mind, ill keep thinking that mofo is getting a free fuck and shieet for doing balls....all b/c he text her or liked her pic and hes getting all game and getting easy pussy from this dumass.

 

[Barca]

Sack up brother. The world is a whole lot harder than this and you're going to get eaten up if you don't mature real fast. One thing is for sure, you're not ready to get married. She did you both a favour.

 

[John Henry]

Sack up brother. The world is a whole lot harder than this and you're going to get eaten up if you don't mature real fast. One thing is for sure, you're not ready to get married. She did you both a favour.

Lucky you weren't married to her . You would be losing a lot more then what you are now . You might get lucky and if she calls you one day asking you to take her back . Then you can have the great satisfaction in saying . Well, you know what. It starts with a F.U.

 

[jw01]

Lucky you weren't married to her . You would be losing a lot more then what you are now . You might get lucky and if she calls you one day asking you to take her back . Then you can have the great satisfaction in saying . Well, you know what. It starts with a F.U.

that is what i am waiting for...that day...not sure when it will come...may be it will require a bad experience with one guy or two guys or w.e but u think she will call?

it's tough though how she went about it...i cant get her off my mind and keep missing her or wanting to call her. i even have this urge to go see her this wknd sneak in her backdoor and knock to see if she wants to talk or something...but i highly doubt it b/c shes being a easy bitch with another dude....suxs ass!

 

[realthing69]

that is what i am waiting for...that day...not sure when it will come...may be it will require a bad experience with one guy or two guys or w.e but u think she will call?

it's tough though how she went about it...i cant get her off my mind and keep missing her or wanting to call her. i even have this urge to go see her this wknd sneak in her backdoor and knock to see if she wants to talk or something...but i highly doubt it b/c shes being a easy bitch with another dude....suxs ass!

Normally I'd say go see an SP or go meet other women but I don't know dude...you are definitely starting to sound like a stalker.

It's like you are hoping that one of us is going to give you a different answer. Stay off this forum, don't talk about her, forget about her, learn from this and move on!

...and sorry for sounding like an asshole.

 

[red]

You really took your mom with you? Really?

That's a weird thing to do once you are past seventh grade.

You have some boundary issues as well- going to give her a letter at 130 am- I can understand her desire to move on. Your comments are all one sided and seemed to reflect on your immaturity and inexperience. Hopefully this knocks some perspective into you but my guess is you will be alone the rest of your life and spend that life moaning about the gifts you gave your only girlfriend.

Grow up and get busy living or get busy dying- your call

 

[fmahovalich]

Loving someone, who does not love you back.......

Is like waiting for a SHIP at the AIRPORT.


MOVE ON BROTHER.

 

[IM469]

Seriously? You took your mother with you?

My gut reaction also. I almost envision him staying in the back of the car while mommy sorts it out. As for asking your gifts back - it seems childish. You gave the gifts to the girl because of love, it suggest there were caveats now is super petty.

If you are really serious about reconciliation - give her some space and send her (not her mom) a note expressing that you respect her decision and hope that you can both retain a close friendship. If there are questions or details that need working out, not to hesitate in contacting you. Basically - you can't have her fearing that talking to you will just trigger an emotional bear trap with you.

If there is another guy - beating the shit out of him will only seal your fate and his future. IMHO

 

[theycallmebruce]

that is what my buddies are telling me as well...pretend she does not exist anymore.

the only thing that stings and it's my stupidity of buying her lavish gifts is that...if she wants to erase me as she quotes, from her memory, why would she keep all the gifts and only return my jeans and ring? i realize it's a gift and that is not what im crying about, it may appear that way, but im just curious to know why when someone claims they will return everything, only give me 2 pair of my jeans and the ring back? i bought her things out of my love and cared for her like i said, but she kept accepting them, which is w/e,,...i wouldnt say no to a rolex watch if a girl got it for me...but....i dont undertand when u tell me, u want to erase me b/c i was all this negative in ur life, like wtf, then return everything no b/c are those gifts not associated with me?

fk i wish this bad dream could end.

It so sad that you have no clue regarding how stupid you sound when you speak about material stuff. Dude, material things mean nothing. If you think that getting your shit back will change anything, you are wrong. You really need to give yourself a shake and just accept that she doesn't want you back.

 

[John Henry]

This is where many guy's fail . They buy the girl expensive gifts . Go to expensive restaurants . Even go on trips . It's like their trying to buy the girls love . If the girl really wanted to be with a guy , all of that expensive shit is not necessary . Really what does the girl offer the guy ??? A piece of ass once in a while . Big deal . That could be had any where and for a lot less .

She is on a power trip right now . Every time she turns you away she is feeling better about herself . Do yourself a favour and stop trying to see her . Don't give her the satisfaction of having the power over you . She sees you now as a mosquito buzzing around her head saying shoo get away . Stop it .

Count yourself lucky , very lucky for now you know what she really is like . Who cares how many guy's she see's . She's not yours now . Think of her as a ship that has sailed away . Never to be seen again . Good riddance .

There's always a new ship that will sail in the harbour . When that happens , don't try and buy the ship at first . Just take it out for a cruise once in a while and see how she handles the rough waters .

 

[Mikehorn]

 

[bestman007]

that is what i am waiting for...that day...not sure when it will come...may be it will require a bad experience with one guy or two guys or w.e but u think she will call?

it's tough though how she went about it...i cant get her off my mind and keep missing her or wanting to call her. i even have this urge to go see her this wknd sneak in her backdoor and knock to see if she wants to talk or something...but i highly doubt it b/c shes being a easy bitch with another dude....suxs ass!

Get her back bro. Give every fibre of your being. Don't give up so easily if you truly think she is "the one". But plan your strategy carefully. If you give up so easily you may live your life with deep regret and take this to your grave. Good luck!

 

[Butler1000]

Ok. Everyone is for the most part being nice. Time for a bit of not nice.

You are emotionally immature and incapable of having a meaningful and equal relationship at this time. You don't have the balls to stand up for yourself and set boundries that are neccessary in relationships. You are focused on the material and not the meaningful. You are clueless in how to communicate your feelings and desires to a woman so she respects them. You are spending too much time trying to please people and looking for their approval(including the various threads you have posted here) rather than making decisions for your own benefit and on your own terms.

In effect you are at this time one of the worlds little bitches. One that unless you choose to become your own man will continue to be taken advantage of and relient emotionally on your mother.

Now either choose to start the journey to self awareness and self relience. Or start eating a lot of McDonalds so you can pad that ass of yours for the reamings that will continue to happen to you.

And if this makes you cry......well boo hoo.....