breakups

[fuji]

No moral compass. I am far from perfect. My first preference would be that my wife was still alive because I really love her. I can't replace her and I am stuck in a rut.

You are making the reverse mistake as the guys who try and calculate the costs of dating and compare it to the costs of an SP.

An SP is not a substitute for a wife or girlfriend. A relationship may be based on sex, but a heck of a lot of other stuff gets built on to it, and the happiest memories you have with your wife or gf are almost never sexual.

Similarly, SP's deliver a sort of sexual experience and variety that you will never get from a relationship, even if your have regular, great sex with you partner. Your partner can't be Asian one day and Spanish the next. She can't have different sizes boobs. She can't stay young forever.

To me, SP's deliver something like the ultimate in real time, real life porn. It doesn't mean anything, a lot of it is fake, she is acting a part, you don't really get to know each other, but it sure is fun.

I can watch porn and still love my wife, and for the exact same reason I can fuck an SP and still love my wife.

Totally different mental space TO ME. Surely my wife would not agree. Sex is weird that way.

 

[massman]

To the op.

I'll put it simply, and I've been there.

There are two issues here that are making you crazy.

1. The hurt of losing someone you love. And not being loved back
2. A sense of injustice. That you have done so much for her, emotionally and materially. And she in the end treats you like garbage. This feeling of being disrespected/ taken advantage of makes you unable to see straight. You want at least to set the record straight, have her acknowledge the wrongs she has done to you. It's like getting ripped off at a store. You fume about it for days. Now multiply that by the years of your relationship, then by a factor of a few thousand because of the feelings you still have, and it puts you in a situation where you can't see straight.

Get over the injustice part first. It's not fair, it's not right, but as others have said she has done you a favour in the long run by showing her colours this way. Imagine you got married, a few years down the road you get cancer, in an accident whatever, and you need her, and at that time she decides she needs to be "all about herself".

I've been through a couple hard breakups in the past. One ended a bit like you. We had an intense, intimate relationship for a couple years. She had a lot of troubles through that time, and I was instrumental in helping her survive that. For a variety of reasons the relationship ended, and that hurt but what hurt more was she treated me like garbage. Wouldn't even show me the courtesy of sitting down with me and letting me go, talking to me. Instead she stopped communicating with me. And when I objected to this she called me selfish and inconsiderate. I got over that, but the sting of how she so easily disregarded all the times I'd been there for her still gets me.

A while later another relationship. A woman who I probably loved more than the first. Agsin, complicated reasons and she decides to end it. She sits down with me, explains where she is at, doesn't ignore me when I'm hurt by this. Tells me how much I meant to her and always will.

Now #2 was probably more likely someone who I could be with forever. Yet I was able to accept the breakup easier. That was a lesson to me that despite the fact that emotional loss and feeling unjustly treated are two things that get mixed up into one bad feeling, but are separate. Separate them in your mind. See the poor treatment of you as how she would inevitably treat you, when you needed her the most. As the others have said she has do e you a favour.

The emotional loss will lessen with time. To have cared about someone deeply does enrich you as a person and will better equip you for the next great girl.

Read your post and pretend you are a guy like us. You can't help but conclude you are better off.

 

[Curious36]

To the op.

I'll put it simply, and I've been there.

There are two issues here that are making you crazy.

1. The hurt of losing someone you love. And not being loved back
2. A sense of injustice. That you have done so much for her, emotionally and materially. And she in the end treats you like garbage. This feeling of being disrespected/ taken advantage of makes you unable to see straight. You want at least to set the record straight, have her acknowledge the wrongs she has done to you. It's like getting ripped off at a store. You fume about it for days. Now multiply that by the years of your relationship, then by a factor of a few thousand because of the feelings you still have, and it puts you in a situation where you can't see straight.

Get over the injustice part first. It's not fair, it's not right, but as others have said she has done you a favour in the long run by showing her colours this way. Imagine you got married, a few years down the road you get cancer, in an accident whatever, and you need her, and at that time she decides she needs to be "all about herself".

I've been through a couple hard breakups in the past. One ended a bit like you. We had an intense, intimate relationship for a couple years. She had a lot of troubles through that time, and I was instrumental in helping her survive that. For a variety of reasons the relationship ended, and that hurt but what hurt more was she treated me like garbage. Wouldn't even show me the courtesy of sitting down with me and letting me go, talking to me. Instead she stopped communicating with me. And when I objected to this she called me selfish and inconsiderate. I got over that, but the sting of how she so easily disregarded all the times I'd been there for her still gets me.

A while later another relationship. A woman who I probably loved more than the first. Agsin, complicated reasons and she decides to end it. She sits down with me, explains where she is at, doesn't ignore me when I'm hurt by this. Tells me how much I meant to her and always will.

Now #2 was probably more likely someone who I could be with forever. Yet I was able to accept the breakup easier. That was a lesson to me that despite the fact that emotional loss and feeling unjustly treated are two things that get mixed up into one bad feeling, but are separate. Separate them in your mind. See the poor treatment of you as how she would inevitably treat you, when you needed her the most. As the others have said she has do e you a favour.

The emotional loss will lessen with time. To have cared about someone deeply does enrich you as a person and will better equip you for the next great girl.

Read your post and pretend you are a guy like us. You can't help but conclude you are better off.

Fantastic advice IMO. Its all true... I was dating a hottie in between marriages....we got along very well and all of a sudden she wouldnt respond to my texts, calls etc. I was honestly worried that she got in an accident since we chatted everyday prior. Finally got ahold of her and she said "dont contact me any more" I said OK....but why? what happened? NEVER got an explaination and even though I dont have any hang-ups on the girl, it still bothers me.....as I cannot figure it out.

 

[Captain Fantastic]

To the OP:

Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

... Or stop trolling us.

Your threads are so pathetic that it can only be one or the other.

 

[jw01]

To the op.

I'll put it simply, and I've been there.

There are two issues here that are making you crazy.

1. The hurt of losing someone you love. And not being loved back
2. A sense of injustice. That you have done so much for her, emotionally and materially. And she in the end treats you like garbage. This feeling of being disrespected/ taken advantage of makes you unable to see straight. You want at least to set the record straight, have her acknowledge the wrongs she has done to you. It's like getting ripped off at a store. You fume about it for days. Now multiply that by the years of your relationship, then by a factor of a few thousand because of the feelings you still have, and it puts you in a situation where you can't see straight.

Get over the injustice part first. It's not fair, it's not right, but as others have said she has done you a favour in the long run by showing her colours this way. Imagine you got married, a few years down the road you get cancer, in an accident whatever, and you need her, and at that time she decides she needs to be "all about herself".

I've been through a couple hard breakups in the past. One ended a bit like you. We had an intense, intimate relationship for a couple years. She had a lot of troubles through that time, and I was instrumental in helping her survive that. For a variety of reasons the relationship ended, and that hurt but what hurt more was she treated me like garbage. Wouldn't even show me the courtesy of sitting down with me and letting me go, talking to me. Instead she stopped communicating with me. And when I objected to this she called me selfish and inconsiderate. I got over that, but the sting of how she so easily disregarded all the times I'd been there for her still gets me.

A while later another relationship. A woman who I probably loved more than the first. Agsin, complicated reasons and she decides to end it. She sits down with me, explains where she is at, doesn't ignore me when I'm hurt by this. Tells me how much I meant to her and always will.

Now #2 was probably more likely someone who I could be with forever. Yet I was able to accept the breakup easier. That was a lesson to me that despite the fact that emotional loss and feeling unjustly treated are two things that get mixed up into one bad feeling, but are separate. Separate them in your mind. See the poor treatment of you as how she would inevitably treat you, when you needed her the most. As the others have said she has do e you a favour.

The emotional loss will lessen with time. To have cared about someone deeply does enrich you as a person and will better equip you for the next great girl.

Read your post and pretend you are a guy like us. You can't help but conclude you are better off.

wow dude, u hit it with this man....ur #1 > that is exactly how i feel. Yes, i bitch about money i spent etc etc, it's really not even about that; it's about the treatment and decency for the other person to respectively talk to you. yes i was being stubborn and may be was in denial/prob still am, but i asked her to give me some respect and talk to me one on one, not thru text or freaking phone -it's 8.5 years worth of work that u cant just simply stop. i got a huge void in my life b/c all i did for the past 5years+ was be with her b/c she made no friends and attempted to live in a "bubble"...so i gave up alot of my time and my boys and my fams to be with her....and the end result is this bullshit. like i said, money gifts w.e dude, ill think of it as charity for the rest of my life but it's the lack of respect that gets to me b/c i didnt do this to her.....its shameless how ppl can turn this way against you man.....and blame all of lives probs on you. hurts man b/c u went to the end of the world and back for them and they are blind to all u did b/c they are fking in no mans land.

 

[jw01]

so....she called me last night 4 times.......last call at 1.30am.....all my buddies and eveyrone telling me not to call her and ignore her....what should i do? i uno why she called...what she wanted to tell me, but she didnt text me. i want to go to her place tmrw night and show up with a rose or something? i know it seems pussy but i want to i uno....im happy in a sense i didnt call her back right away, which is what i would do in the past so kudos to myself. just not sure ...i saw her FB name was no one said it was gonna b easy but she later deleted it.

 

[CapitalGuy]

^^ At 130 in the morning, she wanted a booty call. Not to talk about your feelings and cry together, but a booty call. You let your emotional uncertainty get in the way of that.

Remind me again which one of you is the girl in this relationship?

Anyhow, she has spent almost her entire adult life with the same guy, and needs to expand her horizons. She needs to be a slut for a while, and a party girl. We've all seen it dozens and dozens of times. For the first time in her life she is free, single, independent and able to do whatever she wants with little regard for others. Let her do that. Eventually they settle down. It could take a month, it could take 5 years, who knows. But my money would say that by age 40 she will be firmly established as a soccer mom in Cambridge or Bowmanville. If not with you, with someone else. This is (most probably) a phase.

Here's your problem: you want the phase to end this weekend. It won't. And if she gets back together with you too soon, she will simply cheat on you later on. She needs to get this shit out of her system before she settles down into a domestic life. BUT: you don't seem to be mature enough to let that happen, to wait around for that. Frankly, most guys would wish her well, move on to the next girl, and be happy to see her in 8 years with a husband and a kid, content that you both have good, happy lives. But you're too stuck on her to accept that, or perhaps to understand it clearly just yet, so you stick around hoping she gets over this phase real fast and you can go back to where you were.

Like I say, the risk is that she will leave her slut phase too soon - maybe out of fear, maybe because of a bad incident, maybe because she actually misses you. I expect you will keep pining over her and hope for the latter of those reasons. Next time she calls, answer the phone, get laid, then give space to decide if it was just a booty call or if she actually wants to get back with you. On her terms, in her time. Again though, its usually the GUY who is in control of these scenarios.

Whatever happens, I hope it works out for you.

 

[thecuriousgeorge]

I stopped reading a little while ago so forgive me if it has been said....

Stop bitching about the gifts you bought...wtf are you gonna do with them? Sell them? Keep them?smell them?

All that late night meet up stuff sounds creepy and stalkerish....stop it

Understand that some people (men and women) will use others to better themselves until they are confident enough or have gained what they felt they were lacking..once achieved you are disposable... sounds like ur situation

If you're 26 and joined TERB in 2005 that puts you around 17/18 at the time...you started dating her then according to you...so if you started dating a girl the same time you joined an escort board and are now depressed she is cheating and doesnt want you..come on

Lastly...despite everything i just said...you really just need to grow and pair and walk away...forget her..think about it realistically..if you got her back would u really want to keep her after what she is putting u through....you keep callin the guy she is fuckin a fag..but right now he sounds like the guy gettin laid while ur cryin in a corner like a.....well you know

 

[massman]

so....she called me last night 4 times.......last call at 1.30am.....all my buddies and eveyrone telling me not to call her and ignore her....what should i do? i uno why she called...what she wanted to tell me, but she didnt text me. i want to go to her place tmrw night and show up with a rose or something? i know it seems pussy but i want to i uno....im happy in a sense i didnt call her back right away, which is what i would do in the past so kudos to myself. just not sure ...i saw her FB name was no one said it was gonna b easy but she later deleted it.

Don't show up with a rose. Call her back, during normal waking hours and ask what she called about. Hopefully it will be her realizing that she has treated you like garbage, and apologizing. At which point you say "thank you for this. You have given me some sense of closure and made it a lot easier to move on. I love you but have realized over the last few weeks that I need someone who cares about my feelings and my needs as much as her own. Have a nice life. "

 

[jw01]

I stopped reading a little while ago so forgive me if it has been said....

Stop bitching about the gifts you bought...wtf are you gonna do with them? Sell them? Keep them?smell them?

All that late night meet up stuff sounds creepy and stalkerish....stop it

Understand that some people (men and women) will use others to better themselves until they are confident enough or have gained what they felt they were lacking..once achieved you are disposable... sounds like ur situation

If you're 26 and joined TERB in 2005 that puts you around 17/18 at the time...you started dating her then according to you...so if you started dating a girl the same time you joined an escort board and are now depressed she is cheating and doesnt want you..come on

Lastly...despite everything i just said...you really just need to grow and pair and walk away...forget her..think about it realistically..if you got her back would u really want to keep her after what she is putting u through....you keep callin the guy she is fuckin a fag..but right now he sounds like the guy gettin laid while ur cryin in a corner like a.....well you know

i was bitching about the gifts b/c i was bitching....i could care less...it was about respect at the end of the day.

i didnt pick up her calls b/c i was out and left my phone in my car or else i wouldve called or picked up. but all my boys are telling me it's good i didnt answer nor should i call her back. i posted a pic with this chic i know last week and apparently she saw it and wasnt fond of it. anyhow, i get what you all are saying, she needs to get it out of her system b/c i have done the same thing....and i do hope she calls and things turn out all good but yeah, that is wishful thinking i guess.

i still want to go see her for a booty call or w.e and see if we can rekindle anything?....the fact she called 4 times, i was not near my phone which suxs but yeah. i doubt she will call today tho. i just dont know if i should return her call or what....clearly im confused. i love the girl which makes it hard.

 

[thecuriousgeorge]

i was bitching about the gifts b/c i was bitching....i could care less...it was about respect at the end of the day.

i didnt pick up her calls b/c i was out and left my phone in my car or else i wouldve called or picked up. but all my boys are telling me it's good i didnt answer nor should i call her back. i posted a pic with this chic i know last week and apparently she saw it and wasnt fond of it. anyhow, i get what you all are saying, she needs to get it out of her system b/c i have done the same thing....and i do hope she calls and things turn out all good but yeah, that is wishful thinking i guess.

i still want to go see her for a booty call or w.e and see if we can rekindle anything?....the fact she called 4 times, i was not near my phone which suxs but yeah. i doubt she will call today tho. i just dont know if i should return her call or what....clearly im confused. i love the girl which makes it hard.

See my 3rd point again..shitty thing to have happen but it happens quite often..

As for a booty call...ur not ready...ur still attached....and that is the opposite of a booty call

Trying to rekindle something is dumb and doesn't work nearly as often u would like...from the sounds of ur situation..u have no chance of that

If i was ur boy....i would hit u every time u mentioned her...probably KO'd by now...

Ur friends have the right mindset but they need to be more assertive with u....terbites can tell u to man up or grow a pair all we want but u sound like the emotional type that needs to hear it from someone close

I get that u feel cheated, used, and disrespected....and u should...

 

[GPIDEAL]

Be glad you weren't married yet...nothing like marrying the wrong person. Been there - it was a nightmare from day one - should have listened to the people around me. It was tough when it ended a year later - I wanted to get right back in but after a few months started to see more clearly and realized my life was far better off. I had already "wasted" 6 years (5 pre marriage). About a year after it ended she wanted back....I just said no thanks. As tough as it may seem I would just lay low - no letters, no emails or phone calls - you can't force her to love you anyways. Give yourself some space - if she wants back I'm sure she'll let you know & maybe you won't. I'd want my things back too but not anything I gave her as a gift.

The one thing in life that I wish I had learned much earlier is that you can't talk a woman into being into you. If you're trying to "convince" a woman into being with you then you are usually wasting your time.

Remember that the best revenge is living well.

I could quote more sage advice from other Terbites here but there wouldn't be enough room.

She sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, enjoyed being pampered by you, but doesn't respect or have the decency to break it off in a courteous way.

You should also have more self-respect and esteem. You don't deserve to be treated like this. Move on.

You should thank her because now you know that you deserve someone better.

 

[jw01]

Really ? jw .....respect merits respect !

Are you forgetting you posted here a few months ago that after 7 yrs of dating this girl and being engaged to her you finally brought her around your family ? If you expect her to respect you then you shouldnt have been disrespectful to her by not bringing her around your family especially if you " loved " her so much !!!! She cant respect someone who she doesnt trust and who doesnt respect themselves . You are not totally blameless in the breakdown of this relationship so stop playing it like your so hurt and surprised by her reaction . Break ups happen people make promises and dont follow thru but rarely if ever does a break up happen cuz of 1 person . Whenever trust and respect are compromised in a relationship it never ends well . You cant take back whats already done but you can and should take responsibility for your part in the demise of this relationship . Until you do this you wont be able to move on with her or anyone else and you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over again . Trust me on this ! >> Misty

hey misty

yes a relationship is two ppl and i know somwhere along the road i messed up. trust is huge in any relationship so i take blame for it....i didnt play my cards right or was forced to play it in certain ways due to cultural values etc that ultimately was the demise of this relationship. i just thought all the other things would over power this issue but i was may be naive to it or in denial myself. i want her to be happy, believe me, i am hoping she can see she can be with me but it;s too late for that, until she has a bad experience.

like the other guys mentioned, do urself and let things fall in its place + she needs to figure herself out and not live in a bubble like she has been with me for w.e reason she chose to, which suxs b/c it impacted our relationship. anyhow, im not perfect but just having a difficult time with the breakup b/c i truly cared for this chic and wanted to wife her. but life has other plans, who knows may be down the road. i will try to be most optimistic and let her chase me or miss me - if she even does. ill take it the fact she called is a good thing but im sure even she will stop calling at some point if i dont show that i am interested.....i just dont know if i should return her call now, in a week from now or when?

 

[massman]

Ok JW. You've had a ton of advice here. Much of it from people older, wiser and more experienced than you. Take that advice, and make your own decisions. And reap the brnefits, or live with the consequences, because it is your decision what to do.
Only you have the ability to make the decision on hiw to handle this and what to do next. Stop asking us what to do over and over again until someone tells you to try to get back with her. Have the balls to decide what to do yourself. There is no right answer. From what you have told us, trying to get back together is fraught with risk for you being hurt again. But we only have your side.

Just be honest with yourself. Hurt aside, do you think it is worth it to expose yourself to the risk of getting hurt like this again? And again? If the it is worth the possible chance of getting walked over again- go for it. But. Step back a sec and think.

 

[**Sophie**]

that is what i am waiting for...that day...not sure when it will come...may be it will require a bad experience with one guy or two guys or w.e but u think she will call?

it's tough though how she went about it...i cant get her off my mind and keep missing her or wanting to call her. i even have this urge to go see her this wknd sneak in her backdoor and knock to see if she wants to talk or something...but i highly doubt it b/c shes being a easy bitch with another dude....suxs ass!

I thought that way once too, accept in my situation the person lied to me and said he was leaving the country on business for about a year which was a lie. He was in Mississauga the whole time with his ex wife, who he has kids with. I didn't know this tho and like a good girl waited....he did come back 6 months later (guess the ex gave the guy the boot again) and I was happy, or so I thought. Long story short, I found out all the lies he told me, and was happy to at least have my eyes opened up to the truth, but I waited, like a doorknob that I was and wasted so much time...waiting....don't let this happen to you! Move on JW....there is a nice girl just for you waiting....remember, when one door closes another door will open. Don't stare at the closed door, walk through it. It's not as bad as you think on the other side...

I hope this helps

Oh and the ending of my story is amazing. I healed, put my big girl panties on and went back to living life. I wasn't looking for anything, I was massaging and wanted to concentrate on myself. Since, I have gotten out of the sex industry, found the love of my life and the rest is history!!! You need to move forward, concentrate on yourself, u will fall, but get back up, it's life JW....But please, please stop obsessing over what you HAD with this girl and move forward. Put your car in drive so to speak and don't look back.

Good Luck buddy!!!!

Oh and p.s if you need to think of her as dead, that's ok too, whatever works. She was honest with you, she told you she needs to do herself, thank her for telling you, at least she didn't string you along! Be okay with that because if you don't you will get stuck in this dysfunctional circle and looking back a few years from now, saying to yourself, why was I so stubborn. Why didn't I just let it go, I could have healed by now. Is that what you want?!

 

[blofeld]

You've always had a beautiful heart Sophie! Good luck!

 

[**Sophie**]

You've always had a beautiful heart Sophie! Good luck!

Thank you Blofeld. That means a lot.

 

[Little Foot]

For the op http://youtu.be/2DBrDOb2rng

 

[newguy20]

jw, are you sure you're not a girl?
As Sophie suggests, put your big girl panties on.

 

[Eddie401]

shes being a easy bitch with another dude....suxs ass!

I'm betting that right now she's fucking a guy with a bigger cock than you, who is way better in bed, and never calls her an "easy bitch". Try not to think about it.