breakups

[james t kirk]

The one thing in life that I wish I had learned much earlier is that you can't talk a woman into being into you. If you're trying to "convince" a woman into being with you then you are usually wasting your time.

Remember that the best revenge is living well.

Quoted for truth in both points.

If you have to convince her to love you, forget about it.

 

[danmand]

Quoted for truth in both points.

If you have to convince her to love you, forget about it.

Or, to say it differently: It is better to be with someone that loves you than with someone you love.

 

[Mrbluntx]

sigh i understand how you feel OP.

met a girl spent some serious time getting to know her, and then all of a sudden out of the blue, she shuts me out completely... may be i did the same thing as you, text her and msg her too much. what really hurt is that we started out as a long distance relationship, i got to stay and visit her, and even after that we still talked for months. I guess it was up until i showed her my insecurities as a person that might have drove her away, only because it was getting more and more difficult to maintain that kind of relationship.

Now what hurts even more is that, she moved from her city to mine, and she had this idea planned for some time so it seems (from what i know is that she was thinking about a former lover (pretty sure it was me)) but i haven't heard from her since i got wind of that info.

I guess learning to let go for the time being is best.

 

[james t kirk]

Or, to say it differently: It is better to be with someone that loves you than with someone you love.

Not necessarily, however, in most relationships, usually one person "loves" more than the other person.

It's a catch 22 because as a male, if you love her more than she loves you, I swear, inevitably, you're going to get dumped and crushed. Women can smell it and they view it as desperation and they don't like it. On the other hand, if the male loves the female more than the female loves the male, you (as the male) will truly know what it means to be crazy about a woman. (Though you will get killed at some point, I can guarantee it.)

If you're in a relationship where she loves you more than you love her, you will probably find a more loyal woman. She wants to be with you, she is completely enamoured with you and you will have that security and caring that you will never find with a woman when you are the puppy dog. She never quite feels 100% secure with you and for some reason, this makes her love you even more. But the flip side of the coin is that you're not crazy about her.

 

[**Sophie**]

she did you a favour...you should be celebrating!!

 

[GrandBlasterK]

Not necessarily, however, in most relationships, usually one person "loves" more than the other person.

It's a catch 22 because as a male, if you love her more than she loves you, I swear, inevitably, you're going to get dumped and crushed. Women can smell it and they view it as desperation and they don't like it. On the other hand, if the male loves the female more than the female loves the male, you (as the male) will truly know what it means to be crazy about a woman. (Though you will get killed at some point, I can guarantee it.)

If you're in a relationship where she loves you more than you love her, you will probably find a more loyal woman. She wants to be with you, she is completely enamoured with you and you will have that security and caring that you will never find with a woman when you are the puppy dog. She never quite feels 100% secure with you and for some reason, this makes her love you even more. But the flip side of the coin is that you're not crazy about her.

Well said Captain Kirk! I used to believe that in order to win a woman's heart, she needs to know that you're crazy in love her, but given the psychology of women, the less you love her the more she wants you. This of course assumes you've already been intimate, because that changes the dynamics. Women expect you to fall in love with them first, but as long as she feels insecure with you (in the sense that her competition wants you too), you've got her wrapped around your dick. It took me a while to realize this because I'm the type of guy who wears my heart on my sleeve (and been hurt many times before), but I still know how to use my conducting stick and avoided the pitfalls of marrying the wrong woman because I knew they couldn't reciprocate love.

 

[doggystyle99]

hey all

so my relationship with my fiance ended sadly, i went and got the ring. im under the impression she is already dating or seeing some jerk but meh.

i messed up by constantly writing her emails and texting her and her mom which made me look beyond desperate but this girl blamed me for all her mental and emotional issues and made me the scapegoat for everything that went bad in her life. she was overweight 4 years ago so didnt get to enjoy and prob wants to do that now. she treats a random stranger with trust and when it comes to me, i have become this monster in her head. it`s getting all these cold shoulders from her ...where she emailed me a few days back and said she is sorry but doesnt love me and i was in her life to get her life straight and help her get her business running and all but she doesnt need me in her life right now.

it`s sad b/c for the million good times all she sees is negative; she didnt go out make friends, was anti social and was being miserable while she was being with me and i got the short end of the stick and was patient that she will turn herself around. ever since shes blamed me for all her life`s problems (wow), she is going out, talking to ppl and even being cool with her sisters and throwing it in my face, like wtf, as if i ever stopped her from doing any of the above. yes, my family was non existent for her, but family and all are micro in the grand scheme of things b/c the life u live is between urself and ur partner, everything else is noise.

anyways, her recent email like i said was beyond cold with a informal apology that if she hurt me she is sorry but she needs to "do herself, and look after herself now" -> as if she wasnt doing that before or she was all about me? pff and to make matters worse, i went to her place two weeks ago to drop off a letter around 1.30am on a wknd and emailed her in advance...she happened to ironically be coming home and thought i was waiting for her or stalking like....biggest bullshit timing and shit. anyways, she ended the letter saying she will get a restraining order against me like wtf....this random dude hussled her for 1K and shes cool with him yet the guy u were with for 8 years, u can talk shit like this and blame all ur problems? to make matters worse her mom is feeding her random shit when she knows me better.

she had wrote in the email she will return the ring next week but after getting that stupid email from her, i went with my mom to get my ring b/c there is too much disrepect from her end. she had mentioned she would return all my things + the ring....she returned only my shorts and shirt and my ring. none of the expensive items i got her (4K bags, louboutins etc) or even my personal computer, camera or money she owned me.....her mom had the balls to text me after to say, is there is anything missing let her know!!!

wtf should i do...i love this girl and i care for her but she`s 100% cold on me...and b/c how emotionally stupid and weak she is...a guy will take advantage if he hasnt already....sad!

what should i do...i want to get back with this girl b/c ive committed so much of my energy time and money...i dont want have her hate me this way and see me as this monster b/c if u think all this negative u wont b happy pff....+ her mom is saying,is there anything missing ....really!!!

what should i do to reconcile and make her see me for all the good ive done and not have her hate me for fking stupid reasons.....+ what should i write to her mom?

b/c of her bullshit behavior...i want to ask for everything back even my expensive stuff i gave her..and ive told her in the past, i want everything back if ur gonna b a bitch to me b/c i didnt waste my hard earned money to get played by her crap....OR....so i just let it all go..and see if things work out and lay low while she does her thing?

You are the same guy that couldn`t stand up to your family for butting into your relationship, I remember reading that thread and your family had no respect for your fiance but you didn`t have the balls to stand up to them.
You have become this monster because of the above reasons, FYI women like men that can stand up for them and make them feel safe not men that can`t do the above and women usually leave those men who don`t make them feel safe from the world.

From what I am reading on here it seems like you are blaming her for everything and don`t think anything was your doing. Sometimes in life events have to happen so that it opens up your eyes to who you are and maybe you can change yourself and be a better person but if you think you did nothing wrong you are only going to repeat the same mistake again and be caught in the same dillema and still think its others faults and not yours.

Here is a link to the other thread.

https://terb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?449904-relationships-and-families-issues

BTW if you still cared about her you would never talk about her insecurities, mental issues or emotional issues on here, you would genuinely want to work it out with her regardless of those issues and by putting information like this on here you are making her look like a bitch and you are making yourself look like an idiot if you do go back to her, and frankly the only reason you are doing that is trying to make yourself look like the one in the right by stating such information.

Also you will never be a man nor will any girl or woman see you or think of you as a man until you stand up to your family for a woman that you love.

 

[jw01]

hey guys

thanks for your responses....it is still very fresh as i just got the ring the other day and i am sure she is seeing this fag - i swear how she is willing to see someone already or move on so fast, it's shocking.

i understand she had weight and insecurities in her teens so she couldnt enjoy or go out like regular people. it appears to me now that she wants to do that now b/c shes has a banging body now for over 3 years and wants to re-live the years she missed. she sees her younger teenager sister raving, talking to guys and im sure my X likes the attention as well. i just didnt expect her to turn herself so cold. yes, she said she fell out for love with me for 2 yrs, but i never held her hostage to be with me - yes i always told her we can make things work, but her personal issues became over whelming so i was always extremely patient. i was under the impression if u show all this love, this care, at one point she will sit back and see me as this outstanding guy that gave her everything she wanted - minus the family love. i am the eldest in my family and 10 years in canada, so it is a culture shock for my family for me to be with someone outside my culture etc.

anyways, i know "time heals" all but time is going so slow and ive fallen in a serious depression. i cant do anything w/o looking at her pictures or wondering who she is what. she is extremely naiive and oblivious when it comes to guys so that is my biggest fear that guys will play her and she wont even know. whenever i tried to tell her, she use to tell me to stop babying her and let her make the mistakes....really! except when i wanted to out or even if i chcked out a girl, hell would break lose - i never understood this logic.

i think i was too nice; i bought her expensive items from louie bags ($4K+) multiple times to louboutins etc.......she claimed she wanted to erase me, took me off facebook, instragram and everything, even her sister and mom did (i was really hurt when her mom did), but she appears to be "happier" now. she is making friends, going out, turned vegan when she was with me, but called to tell me she might even consider eating meat again b/c she feels good and wants to enjoy herself....LIKE WTF, how am i being blamed for all this.

all she sees is negative with me while ive been the one person in her life that was always there for her, encouraged her and helped her get her feet up. in return, she kicks me to the street and spits on me, while other guys and strangers are God sent.

i know everyone is telling me, better now than later etc etc...even she said itself, that better now than later, but i just dont understand why it all came crashing down as me being the guy holding her "hostage" or "holding her back"?? even a homeless guy prob seems amazing to this girl compared to me. i got my head on straight, got a good career and spent so much time and effort into making something good in this relationship so my X doesnt have to worry about money, about enjoying herself or ever being short on love from me....but in the end, she hurt me so bad and has no regrets or remorse....she is 23 and young im 26 but i still dont understand why all the blame came on me/became the scapegoat. i cant even talk to her w/o her screaming at me, while other faggets are getting a free ride b/c she emotionally stupid and is letting this one dude console her while he getting easy pu**y....

i agree u cant force someone to love u or be with you, but man, .....does the world have no remorse or common sense that if someone tries and does all they can for u, u see them for how good and amazing they are, instead of running all over them? i want this girl in my life but i just dont know what to do...im not calling or emailing her after her last shameless response and disrespect...i just want her to see me for me and know that she can be happy and we can be as amazing as whoever.

ugg so depressed!!!

 

[kajan]

Time will heal you. Go hang out with your good friends and have a guys night out. Go have fun and try not to think abt her.

 

[jw01]

You are the same guy that couldn`t stand up to your family for butting into your relationship, I remember reading that thread and your family had no respect for your fiance but you didn`t have the balls to stand up to them.
You have become this monster because of the above reasons, FYI women like men that can stand up for them and make them feel safe not men that can`t do the above and women usually leave those men who don`t make them feel safe from the world.

From what I am reading on here it seems like you are blaming her for everything and don`t think anything was your doing. Sometimes in life events have to happen so that it opens up your eyes to who you are and maybe you can change yourself and be a better person but if you think you did nothing wrong you are only going to repeat the same mistake again and be caught in the same dillema and still think its others faults and not yours.

Here is a link to the other thread.

https://terb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?449904-relationships-and-families-issues

BTW if you still cared about her you would never talk about her insecurities, mental issues or emotional issues on here, you would genuinely want to work it out with her regardless of those issues and by putting information like this on here you are making her look like a bitch and you are making yourself look like an idiot if you do go back to her, and frankly the only reason you are doing that is trying to make yourself look like the one in the right by stating such information.

Also you will never be a man nor will any girl or woman see you or think of you as a man until you stand up to your family for a woman that you love.

dude believe me im not an angel neither am i trying portray myself as a perfect man....it may come off that way, but it was not about maning up - yes, maybe, but ultimately that is all noise in any relationship or distractions. i never let her sisters b.s and shit or her issues divert my love or attention away from her. yes, we both made mistakes, both are human, but at the end of the day, when u have somone that loves and gives 100%, how do u turn so cold and blame all ur issues on them? i get she did her part and stuck with me for 8 years, i agree, but i also gave so much more. fk the money aspect but it should factor in b/c i spent 120K in 8 years, thats a condo down payment for me...i saw a future which is why i invested in this chic and took so much shit, but ......yeah....i just want to win her back or have her appreciate me for all i did.....it suxs

 

[Mrbluntx]

dude believe me im not an angel neither am i trying portray myself as a perfect man....it may come off that way, but it was not about maning up - yes, maybe, but ultimately that is all noise in any relationship or distractions. i never let her sisters b.s and shit or her issues divert my love or attention away from her. yes, we both made mistakes, both are human, but at the end of the day, when u have somone that loves and gives 100%, how do u turn so cold and blame all ur issues on them? i get she did her part and stuck with me for 8 years, i agree, but i also gave so much more. fk the money aspect but it should factor in b/c i spent 120K in 8 years, thats a condo down payment for me...i saw a future which is why i invested in this chic and took so much shit, but ......yeah....i just want to win her back or have her appreciate me for all i did.....it suxs

yeah that sucks, the financial aspect is always something to look. just think of it this way, it was the investment in a shot at happiness. who knows may be the next one won't require or even accept such lavish gifts.

 

[lazysausage]

never settle for less, you will realize it soon

 

[**Sophie**]

Hey listen, as if it isn't bad enough that she must have understood that breaking up is hard on its own, but to put all the blame on your shoulders, as if to almost insinuate that maybe, just maybe, if you were different, she wouldn't feel the way she does. That's called a mind fuck. Putting the blame all on you, shows to me just how much of a coward she really is. Don't look for her pictures that's just you obsessing over why you think you weren't good enough for her, and looking for pictures of her and who is in her life now is unhealthy and will only keep you in the same place you are now. Don't compare other woman to her (if you find yourself doing this), just let her go. Letting go can be very powerful. Learn whatever it is you need to learn from this and start to try to move on. You are a much better person that to waste your precious time on another moment of her. Start focusing on yourself, soon you will start to understand everything happens for a reason and you may even start waking up without her being the first thought on your mind. Keep yourself busy, keeping yourself occupied will help from thinking about her too much.

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before. It gets better, I promise. We have all been there, it isn't pretty when it happens, but I wouldn't take back anything I have been through, good and bad, because it has made me who I am today and it will for you too.

 

[shack]

dude believe me im not an angel neither am i trying portray myself as a perfect man....it may come off that way, but it was not about maning up - yes, maybe, but ultimately that is all noise in any relationship or distractions. i never let her sisters b.s and shit or her issues divert my love or attention away from her. yes, we both made mistakes, both are human, but at the end of the day, when u have somone that loves and gives 100%, how do u turn so cold and blame all ur issues on them? i get she did her part and stuck with me for 8 years, i agree, but i also gave so much more. fk the money aspect but it should factor in b/c i spent 120K in 8 years, thats a condo down payment for me...i saw a future which is why i invested in this chic and took so much shit, but ......yeah....i just want to win her back or have her appreciate me for all i did.....it suxs

I liked doggy's post. I don't think you heard him. It's mainly about manning up for yourself.

 

[TeasePlease]

Hey listen, as if it isn't bad enough that she must have understood that breaking up is hard on its own, but to put all the blame on your shoulders, as if to almost insinuate that maybe, just maybe, if you were different, she wouldn't feel the way she does. That's called a mind fuck. Putting the blame all on you, shows to me just how much of a coward she really is. Don't look for her pictures that's just you obsessing over why you think you weren't good enough for her, and looking for pictures of her and who is in her life now is unhealthy and will only keep you in the same place you are now. Don't compare other woman to her (if you find yourself doing this), just let her go. Letting go can be very powerful. Learn whatever it is you need to learn from this and start to try to move on. You are a much better person that to waste your precious time on another moment of her. Start focusing on yourself, soon you will start to understand everything happens for a reason and you may even start waking up without her being the first thought on your mind. Keep yourself busy, keeping yourself occupied will help from thinking about her too much.

It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before. It gets better, I promise. We have all been there, it isn't pretty when it happens, but I wouldn't take back anything I have been through, good and bad, because it has made me who I am today and it will for you too.

JW - read over and over until it sinks in.

sophie just saved you years of grief and/or thousands in therapy bills.

 

[spiral]

A shes young and have a sister whose a **********. And she is now getting into that scene?.. Thats your problem. My ex was one too, they get crazy mental in a relationship

 

[spiral]

Not necessarily, however, in most relationships, usually one person "loves" more than the other person.

It's a catch 22 because as a male, if you love her more than she loves you, I swear, inevitably, you're going to get dumped and crushed. Women can smell it and they view it as desperation and they don't like it. On the other hand, if the male loves the female more than the female loves the male, you (as the male) will truly know what it means to be crazy about a woman. (Though you will get killed at some point, I can guarantee it.)

If you're in a relationship where she loves you more than you love her, you will probably find a more loyal woman. She wants to be with you, she is completely enamoured with you and you will have that security and caring that you will never find with a woman when you are the puppy dog. She never quite feels 100% secure with you and for some reason, this makes her love you even more. But the flip side of the coin is that you're not crazy about her.

This is the god damn truth!

 

[jw01]

couldnt sleep cause i have a few things on my mind so wanted to ask....

a couple weeks back i was in her town and in line, ironcally the dude she is seeing i think, was in line with his buddies - they dont know me. anyways, i over heard them talking shit saying how easy she is and how they dont have to do much on their part....my theory exactly b/c of her state of mind! anyways, i tried to warn her and tell her, these dudes r sharks and dont b easy and b stiff like u with me towards guys b/c they dont God damm give two shits but to no avail she thinks im being over protective etc...bullshit, b/c she bitched at me if i checked out a girl.

anyhow, i know she wants to "learn her lesson" but i care for her regardless....should i msg her cousin to talk to her, as it to pretend it was them that saw those dudes? like i said, she would value what other say over me.....i care for her and thus dont want jerks to take advantage if they havnt already b/c she is stupid like this and will fall for them. one of the guys made out with her and almost got shiet 6 years back (she was getting me back for having hickies back in the day - which was my f up).....so that dude is boys with the guy she is seeing so im sure hes told her how easy etc b/c of their convo they were having.

what do u guys think?

 

[TeasePlease]

couldnt sleep cause i have a few things on my mind so wanted to ask....

a couple weeks back i was in her town and in line, ironcally the dude she is seeing i think, was in line with his buddies - they dont know me. anyways, i over heard them talking shit saying how easy she is and how they dont have to do much on their part....my theory exactly b/c of her state of mind! anyways, i tried to warn her and tell her, these dudes r sharks and dont b easy and b stiff like u with me towards guys b/c they dont God damm give two shits but to no avail she thinks im being over protective etc...bullshit, b/c she bitched at me if i checked out a girl.

anyhow, i know she wants to "learn her lesson" but i care for her regardless....should i msg her cousin to talk to her, as it to pretend it was them that saw those dudes? like i said, she would value what other say over me.....i care for her and thus dont want jerks to take advantage if they havnt already b/c she is stupid like this and will fall for them. one of the guys made out with her and almost got shiet 6 years back (she was getting me back for having hickies back in the day - which was my f up).....so that dude is boys with the guy she is seeing so im sure hes told her how easy etc b/c of their convo they were having.

what do u guys think?

After so long watching her back, it's hard to stop caring but....

dude, it's not your job. She's gotta make her own decisions and accept the consequences.

Its might be one month from now or it might be ten years from now....but she'll realize one day that you were a good thing for her.

The question is, even if she did, would you look at her the same way now that you've seen her true colours?

 

[theycallmebruce]

dude believe me im not an angel neither am i trying portray myself as a perfect man....it may come off that way, but it was not about maning up - yes, maybe, but ultimately that is all noise in any relationship or distractions. i never let her sisters b.s and shit or her issues divert my love or attention away from her. yes, we both made mistakes, both are human, but at the end of the day, when u have somone that loves and gives 100%, how do u turn so cold and blame all ur issues on them? i get she did her part and stuck with me for 8 years, i agree, but i also gave so much more. fk the money aspect but it should factor in b/c i spent 120K in 8 years, thats a condo down payment for me...i saw a future which is why i invested in this chic and took so much shit, but ......yeah....i just want to win her back or have her appreciate me for all i did.....it suxs

Dude, stop focusing on the money. It was your decision to give her gifts and stuff. Let it go. Material things don't mean shit. What would have happened if you got married and then divorced and forced to give half of your assets? Just let it go. You are showing your own insecurities and that is a concern. Go and get some help because you are not right in the mind. Dude, you are a young guy and you need to just learn from this and move on. It's not worth it. Go on some dates and get your fuckin' mind off her.