Falsely accused by ugly female colleague of inappropriate staring

[Valcazar]

I'm not a slut, I'm a good girl who takes the cock

I had a FWB who had a similar line.
She absolutely hated being called a slut or anything like that.
It wasn't her kink. She was good girl who loved taking cock.

 

[Vera.Reis]

I had a FWB who had a similar line.
She absolutely hated being called a slut or anything like that.
It wasn't her kink. She was good girl who loved taking cock.

There is an extreme level of trust that I have to have with someone to feel comfortable being degraded. I have to have a very strongly grounded belief that you care for me and completely respect me as a person and that this is a role play and you don't actually think those things of me. So like if my partner asked to call me a slut in bed, and yes he would ask first, it would not bother me because I know how much he cares for me and admires who I am as a person. But I also know him well enough to know he would get no enjoyment out of degrading me, we have very similar interests in the bedroom which obviously is a great thing.

But when clients try that shit without asking, you've just ruined the whole session for yourself because my demeanor will change as now I'm not sure if you actually think I'm a whore or a slut and if you thinking that means you might try to hurt me

 

[Valcazar]

I think most hetero men would agree this photo depiction is accurate AF

I don't think most hetero men are that deluded.

 

[Valcazar]

There is an extreme level of trust that I have to have with someone to feel comfortable being degraded.

Same.
I never could wrap my head around it at all until I was friends with someone who really had a solid degradation and humiliation kink.
Listening to her talk about it made it a bit more understandable in how it worked for her.
I can get into it in some playful scenarios, where the idea of it is played with but it isn't about actually being degraded or humiliated, but even that needs lots of trust to work.

I have to have a very strongly grounded belief that you care for me and completely respect me as a person and that this is a role play and you don't actually think those things of me. So like if my partner asked to call me a slut in bed, and yes he would ask first, it would not bother me because I know how much he cares for me and admires who I am as a person. But I also know him well enough to know he would get no enjoyment out of degrading me, we have very similar interests in the bedroom which obviously is a great thing.

For me there is also a version of using slut (or similar) that isn't about degradation at all, but about a sort of transgressive naughtiness and taboo breaking.
That's a very different vibe than degradation dirty talk, even if sometimes you're overlapping with the same vocabulary.

But when clients try that shit without asking, you've just ruined the whole session for yourself because my demeanor will change as now I'm not sure if you actually think I'm a whore or a slut and if you thinking that means you might try to hurt me

Exactly.
All this is EXTREMELY dependent on context, connection, communication and knowing what the fuck the layers of text and subtext are and what's really going on.

 

[Vera.Reis]

For me there is also a version of using slut (or similar) that isn't about degradation at all, but about a sort of transgressive naughtiness and taboo breaking.
That's a very different vibe than degradation dirty talk, even if sometimes you're overlapping with the same vocabulary.

Yes, obviously there's a different between like if he said something along the lines of me being his slut instead "you're a slut", the former depending on tone, consent and all that jazz could be a praise, the latter just feels degrading to me no matter how you say it.

Exactly.
All this is EXTREMELY dependent on context, connection, communication and knowing what the fuck the layers of text and subtext are and what's really going on.

I really wish some clients understood this a little more, so many otherwise great appointments ruined by pushing a degradation or worse, incest, kink on me without asking. For the love of GOD do not call a woman mommy without permission and a discussion of what that means for you

 

[Muchadoaboutnothing]

Hating women is something I have a hard time getting my head around but definitely exists. I can see being angry with an individual woman as you can be with a man but to just be angry with all women is so counterproductive if you are a heterosexual and want some action.

Hence why it’s dangerous for the sps who get the ones going through these bad divorces or times of life or suppressed rage and hate for women.…

 

[Muchadoaboutnothing]

I see your point, and I some sense you are right, but the dynamic of unwanted attention to a man from a gay man is different than that from a man to a woman (as I’m sure you are aware). I’ve been hit on more than once by gay dudes, and it never crossed my mind that unwanted attention could lead to threats to my safety. I just simply ignored it, or politely said “sorry, no offence but I’m not interested” then went about my day, forgetting about it.

probably due to strength and size or stature and general hormonal makeup

 

[Joyrection]

View attachment 296049

Yes this, have seen it played out numerous times, and certainly being aware of how you are perceived goes a long way to navagating the office minefield.

 

[squeezer]

Yes this, have seen it played out numerous times, and certainly being aware of how you are perceived goes a long way to navagating the office minefield.

The thing is in the civvy world you know right away if a lady is cool with you approaching or not. That look of talk to me or get away from me is as if it's printed on their forehead. LOL

 

[Joyrection]

The thing is in the civvy world you know right away if a lady is cool with you approaching or not. That look of talk to me or get away from me is as if it's printed on their forehead. LOL

Sadly most creepers or socially awkward people are completely oblivious to those social cues.

 

[NotADcotor]

The thing is in the civvy world you know right away if a lady is cool with you approaching or not. That look of talk to me or get away from me is as if it's printed on their forehead. LOL

For me the get away from me is pretty much tattooed on all female foreheads at birth.

[Exceptions yadda yadda, I'll ruin the joke by being Lois Griffin's meatloaf... shallow and pendantic]

 

[Muchadoaboutnothing]

The thing is in the civvy world you know right away if a lady is cool with you approaching or not. That look of talk to me or get away from me is as if it's printed on their forehead. LOL

Not if she’s got Botox as someone in one of the other threads suggested that the sps should be getting. It’s affecting how humans read emotions as there are subtle muscle movements all over the face and so when babies try to mirror their mother they don’t know how to and thus struggle
throughout life to know how to read body language and sometimes truly don’t know why

 

[Muchadoaboutnothing]

Sadly most creepers or socially awkward people are completely oblivious to those social cues.

This can be sometimes attributed to family dynamic. Do they have a nuclear family ? Siblings? School system? in person socialization from a young age ? Corrective behaviour therapy if needed at one point? Otherwise how else do they know and they become upset when really it’s them but they maybe ignorantly don’t realize this

 

[Muchadoaboutnothing]

For me the get away from me is pretty much tattooed on all female foreheads at birth.

[Exceptions yadda yadda, I'll ruin the joke by being Lois Griffin's meatloaf... shallow and pendantic]

We now know you aren’t a doctor for sure

 

[Darts]

I lost interest in this thread. I'll stop at page 8. The rest of the crowd can carry on.

 

[NotADcotor]

We now know you aren’t a doctor for sure

Ah but my user name is not a Dcotor. Ha! Never said I didn't have an MD
But alas I don't. However I am the sort of person who could turn up in a woman's prison with a bunch of pardons and still not score so I don't think being a medical doctor or having a doctorate would change much. Although my nerdlyness did get me a one evening stand.

 

[Paprika]

A bit of an update:

1. First I went on a business trip for a few weeks advised by the department manager to lie low for a while.

2. After I came back I observed the person a few weeks to catch any wrongdoing.

3. One day person left workplace to buy food well before the designated break and took 20 minutes, I got it in tape, along with another coworker as witness, my direct supervisor noticed it too.

4. I voiced my concern to management about abuse of company time, and said I would escalate issue to HR if not resolved.

5. Management confronted person, who tried to deny the whole thing, which undermined her credibility.

6. I will use that fact she got caught in a lie to defend myself against the staring allegation if this bullshit comes up again in the future.

 

[massman]

A bit of an update:

1. First I went on a business trip for a few weeks advised by the department manager to lie low for a while.

2. After I came back I observed the person a few weeks to catch any wrongdoing.

3. One day person left workplace to buy food well before the designated break and took 20 minutes, I got it in tape, along with another coworker as witness, my direct supervisor noticed it too.

4. I voiced my concern to management about abuse of company time, and said I would escalate issue to HR if not resolved.

5. Management confronted person, who tried to deny the whole thing, which undermined her credibility.

6. I will use that fact she got caught in a lie to defend myself against the staring allegation if this bullshit comes up again in the future.

Dude, give it a rest. You look like a complete dick here. “Person left work before break to buy food and was gone for 20 min”. Your surveillance (and grudge here) is creepy. No wonder she is skeezed out by you. Seriously, read what you just wrote out loud and think of what you’d say to someone else here if they described doing what you are.

 

[massman]

Dude, give it a rest. You look like a complete dick here. “Person left work before break to buy food and was gone for 20 min”. Your surveillance (and grudge here) is creepy. No wonder she is skeezed out by you. Seriously, read what you just wrote out loud and think of what you’d say to someone else here if they described doing what you are.

Furthermore, you just proved her assertion that you were staring at her. That plus the fact that your complaint about her is clearly about getting revenge, it could likely fuck you, and not in a good way. Management and HR fucking hates vexatious / petty stuff like this, and it may cost you. You are not only poisoning your working relationship with her, now you are creating a toxic work environment for others as you now will be known as the “narc” who is monitoring people’s break time and other work behaviour. Stop now before you create more pain for yourself. I understand that you feel you’ve been “wronged” (but now you’ve called that into serious question) but you need to be a big boy and put this behind you. Your boss told you to lay low, and you are not.

 

[northofsixty]

Absolutely some obsessive creepy stalker vibes here. Who the fuck records their co-workers on their phone ???