Your fave Terrible Sêx Joke

[Azria]

An escort went to her accountant to do her taxes. After asking her some questions, accountant then asked her what she did for a living. She replied, “I’m a prostitute.”

The accountant looked at her and said, “I can’t put that down on the form. Can you give me a different occupation title?“

The escort replied, “Oh, sorry. Yes, you can list my occupation as escort.”

The stuck up accountant replied,”Ma’am I still can’t put that down. Can you give me a different occupation title? This is going to the IRS, you know.”

The escort, feeling a bit flustered and irritated, thought for a moment and then said, “Look, just put down ‘chicken farmer’ then.”

“Chicken farmer?!” replied the accountant. “How does your job make you a chicken farmer?!”

“Well, last year I raised over 300 cocks.”

Hahajahahahaha ! Oh this is going in my vault.

 

[xmontrealer]

Why liver?

Don't knock it 'til you try it (if you're a guy, that is...)

 

[Azria]

Here's an old classic:

One day Little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parent's bedroom to check it out. He opened the door and saw his Mom bent over the dresser with his Dad pumping away behind her.

Johnny's Dad saw him and gave him a little smile and a wink, as Johnny closed the door.

After business was finished Dad went to check on Little Johnny, and opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over his dresser and Johnny going at it behind her.

Dad yelled "Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!?"

Little Johnny replied "It not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?!?"

There are so many layers to this I’m ashamed for laughing. Lol

 

[xmontrealer]

It’s probably the equivalent to a wide nose joke abojt a Black person but i have an affinity towards Jewish men and love, love, love their attributes whether stereotypical or not… Adam Driver is a faaaaave.

I hate to break it to you, but I just asked Alexa, who advised me that Adam Driver is Baptist.

Adam Sandler is Jewish though...

 

[Bushdoc]

This from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Super Dave Einstein as Marty Funkhauser telling this joke to Jerry Seinfeld. (as well as I can remember it)

Was going to say this. Super Dave was so great.
This Norm Macdonald one is also good.

It's only about 30 seconds. The rest of the clip is just laughter.

 

[Azria]

Was going to say this. Super Dave was so great.
This Norm Macdonald one is also good.

It's only about 30 seconds. The rest of the clip is just laughter.

I love Norm. That was a good one too. I’m crass AF so it’s heaven for me. Lol

 

[Azria]

I hate to break it to you, but I just asked Alexa, who advised me that Adam Driver is Baptist.

Adam Sandler is Jewish though...

I actually meant Adrien Brody. I always mix those two up.
Adam Sandler is too!

 

[Azria]

I hate to break it to you, but I just asked Alexa, who advised me that Adam Driver is Baptist.

Adam Sandler is Jewish though...

I had no idea Michael Douglas was Jewish and he was the love of my life but didn’t know it. Lol

 

[Bushdoc]

I love Norm. That was a good one too. I’m crass AF so it’s heaven for me. Lol

For sure, Norm was one of the greatest!

On his Norm Macdonald Live Podcast had a joke segment where he and the guest would just take turns reading jokes he wrote. Often they were intentionally stupid, other times they were genius, but either way hilarious.
Here's a compilation of jokes but linked to a moment where he does a quick one about sex work:

 

[xmontrealer]

I had no idea Michael Douglas was Jewish and he was the love of my life but didn’t know it. Lol

Google famous Jewish musicians, comedians, and actors lists and you'll find a lot of surprises.

Not so much for sports stars though...

 

[Azria]

Gotta love the food/sêx jokes!

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef strokin' off!

haha!

 

[shack]

Did you hear the pick up line that's being used in gay bars?

"May I push in your stool?"

 

[Archer2012]

Being Jewish I can tell these:

Q: What's the difference between a Jewish American Princess (JAP)and Jello?
A: Jello wiggles when you eat it!

Q: What's the difference between a JAP and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers into a bowling ball.

Q: Why does a JAP close her eyes during sex?
A: She can't stand to see her husband having fun.

Q: What's the difference between a JAP and a bowling ball? (version 2)
A; If you really really had to, you could eat the bowling ball!

Q: What's the typical Jewish husband's version of foreplay?
A: Fifteen minutes of begging...

Q: What happens when a Jewish guy walks into a brick wall with a full erection?
A: He breaks his nose!

what does a JAP do with her asshole in the morning???



Kisses him and sends him off to work.

 

[Azria]

Did you hear the pick up line that's being used in gay bars?

"May I push in your stool?"

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

[eddie kerr]

An old very bad sex joke.

Group of people exchanging ghost stories. When asked if they've felt the presence of a ghost, most people agree. When asked if they've seen a ghost, fewer people agree. Then asked if they've had sex with a ghost - an old man puts up his hand.

You sir, you've had sex with a ghost?
Ghost...I thought you said goat.

That was my joke way back.LOL. OH my Goodness Me.

 

[Robert Mugabe]

Jewish guy making love to his wife. Suddenly says to her " sorry, did I hurt you?" She replies "No. why?" Husband says "I thought you moved".

 

[Azria]

what does a JAP do with her asshole in the morning???



Kisses him and sends him off to work.

Geeeeez. This thread is really going in on my Jewish people lolol

 

[Azria]

Let’s not forget the good old masturbation joke …

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner.

 

[Varoufakis]

Why liver?

You have to watch the movie Leolo ....
Léolo is a 1992 Canadian coming of age-fantasy film by director Jean-Claude Lauzon. The film tells the story of a young boy named Léo "Léolo" Lauzon, played by Maxime Collin, who engages in an active fantasy life while growing up with his Montreal family, and begins to have sexual fantasies about his neighbour Bianca, played by Giuditta del Vecchio....

 

[Azria]

You have to watch the movie Leolo ....
Léolo is a 1992 Canadian coming of age-fantasy film by director Jean-Claude Lauzon. The film tells the story of a young boy named Léo "Léolo" Lauzon, played by Maxime Collin, who engages in an active fantasy life while growing up with his Montreal family, and begins to have sexual fantasies about his neighbour Bianca, played by Giuditta del Vecchio....

How did you know I was a movie fanatic? Done! I’m going to DM you when it’s all done.