Jokes of the day

[y2kmark]

The correct punch line is "One, and THAT's not funny".

The Drew Carey version (according to a semi autobiographical book he wrote titled "Dirty Jokes and Beer") is:
How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in and one to suck my dick!

Not everyone is going to think that's funny, but It's funnier than your "not funny" version...

 

[y2kmark]

Q: What kind of soup do Chinese homosexuals eat?

A: Cream of Sum Yung Guy.

Wayne Campbell requested that in the "Wayne's World" movie...

 

[y2kmark]

[/QUOTE]

Q: What's the difference between heaven and hell?

In heaven, the English are the police, the French are the cooks, the Swiss are the administrators, the Italians are the lovers, and the Germans are the mechanics.

In hell, the English are the cooks, the French are the administrators, the Swiss are the lovers, the Italians are the mechanics, and the German are the police.

Thank you George Carlin...

 

[onomatopoeia]

The Drew Carey version (according to a semi autobiographical book he wrote titled "Dirty Jokes and Beer") is:
How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in and one to suck my dick!

Not everyone is going to think that's funny, but It's funnier than your "not funny" version...

Yes it is, but it was SchlongConery's unfunny joke, not mine.

 

[Robert Mugabe]

The Drew Carey version (according to a semi autobiographical book he wrote titled "Dirty Jokes and Beer") is:
How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in and one to suck my dick!

Not everyone is going to think that's funny, but It's funnier than your "not funny" version...

Insult joke to try on one of your female friends.
Question. "what do you have in common with a yeast infection?" Answer. "you are both irritating cunts"

 

[onomatopoeia]

A great diss to say to a much younger man with an attitude problem: "If you were MY son...you would be better looking and more intelligent, and your mom would be, too".

 

[Tomoreno]

 

[onomatopoeia]

Insult joke to try on one of your female friends.
Question. "what do you have in common with a yeast infection?" Answer. "you are both irritating cunts"

I'll bet you've never said that to a woman who is still your friend.

 

[onomatopoeia]

Safe sex is important, but I don't think it should be the mandate of the TTC to promote masturbation:

 

[y2kmark]

People keep saying "Nothing is Impossible", but I do nothing most days...

 

[onomatopoeia]

I like to do things that nobody else can do. Just last week, I denied that he's a jolly good fellow.

 

[onomatopoeia]

Most men, when they see lesbian sex, imagine a ménage à trois without the middleman.

 

[y2kmark]

Most men, when they see lesbian sex, imagine a ménage à trois without the middleman.

Menage a twat, Canadian fur traders, crack snackers and clam slammers...

 

[downbound123]

Menage a twat, Canadian fur traders, crack snackers and clam slammers...

tongue and groovers

 

[JohnHenry]

Young lad banging his sister after school:
She: you have a bigger dick than Daddy,
He: I know. Mummy even said so.

 

[bemeup]

A young lady is being examined in the doctor’s office. The doctor observes that she has a large letter Q impressed across her chest. The curious doctor asks how she got it, and she replies “ Oh that. My boyfriend goes to Queen’s, and he likes to wear his hockey jersey when we have sex. I guess it made an impression.”
Couple of weeks later, another young lady is being examined, and she has a large letter T across her chest. She tells the doctor that her boyfriend attends U of T and likes to wear his hockey jersey during sex.
Couple weeks after that, another young lady, this time with a large letter M across her chest. “Let me guess”’ says the doctor. “Your boyfriend attends McMaster.” “No”, she replies, “my girlfriend goes to Western.”

 

[onomatopoeia]

Q: What's more pathetic than paying for phone sex?
A: Paying for text message sex.

 

[onomatopoeia]

I was being served by an amply endowed young lady cashier at the grocery store. As I paid her for the food I said "32C?". She looked at me with a puzzled expression. "Your T-shirt, it says Guess", I said. She smiled and said "Good guess".

 

[Robert Mugabe]

I was being served by an amply endowed young lady cashier at the grocery store. As I paid her for the food I said "32C?". She looked at me with a puzzled expression. "Your T-shirt, it says Guess", I said. She smiled and said "Good guess".

I was at a Safeway and the cute half Asian cashier had a badge on with the words " Special $10.00". I asked "what is the special for $10.00? " She replied "me. I am". I asked, "is that for an hour?" She looked pissed and snapped at me " An hour? more like 5 minutes". I said, "that's all I need. I'll go and hit a bank machine" She said "you can leave now"

 

[ogibowt]

sometimes im unlucky
yesterday i did push ups in the nude
didnt notice the mousetrap