Jokes of the day
- Thread starter thirdcup
- Start date
Confucious say: Man who runs in front of car may become run down, but man running behind car will be exhausted
I like that one, too. but it didn't go with my trio of sex-based Confucius memes. One more from me, of these:
And then there was the new receptionist at the accounting firm of Deloitte and Touche who was reassigned to the steno pool after answering the phone with "Good morning, Toilet and Douche.".
This is from a computer fonts message board, where I'm one of the mods.
What is considered personal use and what is commercial?
stnfabian: "What is the best way to give recognition to the creator? I wish to do so and ask for permission.".
onomatopoeia: "That varies from Faith to Faith. The sacrifice by fire of an unblemished kid goat, calf or suckling pig, while considered old school by most, is surprisingly well received, and may lead to Divine Favour within a fortnight, particularly in battle. The key word is unblemished; examine your sacrificial animal closely, and make sure it has not been surgically altered, (ie: no gelded, spayed/ neutered should ever be used, only breeding stock).
While illegal in most countries, the sacrifice of an unweaned infant child will still appease most Elder Gods, especially if you are requesting permission to perform an act deemed illegal, blasphemous, or sacrilegious under more than one criminal or religious code.
In all cases, you should be kneeling, or in some recognizable posture of submission. I think that's they only universal requirement.
I hope this helps!
What is considered personal use and what is commercial?
stnfabian: "What is the best way to give recognition to the creator? I wish to do so and ask for permission.".
onomatopoeia: "That varies from Faith to Faith. The sacrifice by fire of an unblemished kid goat, calf or suckling pig, while considered old school by most, is surprisingly well received, and may lead to Divine Favour within a fortnight, particularly in battle. The key word is unblemished; examine your sacrificial animal closely, and make sure it has not been surgically altered, (ie: no gelded, spayed/ neutered should ever be used, only breeding stock).
While illegal in most countries, the sacrifice of an unweaned infant child will still appease most Elder Gods, especially if you are requesting permission to perform an act deemed illegal, blasphemous, or sacrilegious under more than one criminal or religious code.
In all cases, you should be kneeling, or in some recognizable posture of submission. I think that's they only universal requirement.
I hope this helps!
Last edited:
Helps what, Qanon?This is from a computer fonts message board, where I'm one of the mods.
What is considered personal use and what is commercial?
stnfabian: "What is the best way to give recognition to the creator? I wish to do so and ask for permission.".
onomatopoeia: "That varies from Faith to Faith. The sacrifice by fire of an unblemished kid goat, calf or suckling pig, while considered old school by most, is surprisingly well received, and may lead to Divine Favour within a fortnight, particularly in battle. The key word is unblemished; examine your sacrificial animal closely, and make sure it has not been surgically altered, (ie: no gelded, spayed/ neutered, animals should ever be used, only breeding stock).
While illegal in most countries, the sacrifice of an unweaned infant child will still appease most Elder Gods, especially if you are requesting permission to perform an act deemed illegal, blasphemous, or sacrilegious under more than one criminal or religious code.
In all cases, you should be kneeling, or in some recognizable posture of submission. I think that's they only universal requirement.
I hope this helps!
...Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.'
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Dominic Savino?'
Yes, Father, it is.
'And who was the girl you were with?'
‘I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
"Well, Dominic, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
‘I cannot say.’
‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
I'll never tell. '
“Was it Nina Capelli?'
“I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
“Was it Cathy Piriano?'
“My lips are sealed.'
“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go say a rosary and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Dominic Savino?'
Yes, Father, it is.
'And who was the girl you were with?'
‘I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.'
"Well, Dominic, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
‘I cannot say.’
‘Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
I'll never tell. '
“Was it Nina Capelli?'
“I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
“Was it Cathy Piriano?'
“My lips are sealed.'
“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go say a rosary and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
A lady takes on a lover during the day while her husband is at work. One day, her 9-year-old son comes home from school unexpectedly, sees his mother and her lover in the bedroom and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
That day, her husband also comes home unexpectdely. In a panic, she puts her lover in the closet -- not knowing that her son is already hiding in there.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
Man - "OK."
A few weeks later it happens again that the boy and the lady's lover find themselves in the same closet.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
Man - (remembering the last time), "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the boy and his father are outside playing.
Father - "Grab your glove, let's play catch."
Boy - "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
Father - "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000".
Father - "That's terrible to cheat and overcharge like that... that's much more than a ball and glove are worth... you have swindled somebody... I'm taking you to church so that you can confess."
They go to the church... the father orders his son to sit in the confession booth and then closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that again."
Perry
That day, her husband also comes home unexpectdely. In a panic, she puts her lover in the closet -- not knowing that her son is already hiding in there.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
Man - "OK."
A few weeks later it happens again that the boy and the lady's lover find themselves in the same closet.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
Man - (remembering the last time), "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the boy and his father are outside playing.
Father - "Grab your glove, let's play catch."
Boy - "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
Father - "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000".
Father - "That's terrible to cheat and overcharge like that... that's much more than a ball and glove are worth... you have swindled somebody... I'm taking you to church so that you can confess."
They go to the church... the father orders his son to sit in the confession booth and then closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that again."
Perry
Every time the man comes home from a business trip, he notices that his son has a new badge on his Boy Scouts uniform. He says "I'm proud of you son, you must have worked hard to earn those badges.". The kid says "Nope.". His father asks the kid how he got them, and the kid says "Every time you go away, the Scout Master visits mommy. He hands me a badge, and says 'go take a hike.'".
