Where can I get one, I could take it to the next Repug fundraiser ($5K a plate BTW)...
Jokes of the day
- Thread starter thirdcup
- Start date
A Scotsman and a Newfie were walking down a country road when they saw a sheep with its head stuck in a fence.
"A'right! The perfect opportunity!" cried the Scotsman, who lifted his kilt and leapt on the backside of the sheep, shagging it furiously until he was satisfied
Smiling, the Scotsman smoothed out his kilt and turned to the Newfie. "Go on," he said, "It's your turn."
"Alright!" said the Newfie, and stuck his head in the fence.
"A'right! The perfect opportunity!" cried the Scotsman, who lifted his kilt and leapt on the backside of the sheep, shagging it furiously until he was satisfied
Smiling, the Scotsman smoothed out his kilt and turned to the Newfie. "Go on," he said, "It's your turn."
"Alright!" said the Newfie, and stuck his head in the fence.
Not exactly a joke, but a true story reported in a farm publication. A woman hired a landscape business to plant a butterfly garden. Some time later she was asked how many butterflies she had attracted. She said, "none, but I have lots of caterpillars that I have been killing all summer."
Why did the Art thieves get-a-way vehicle run out of fuel?
Cus they had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh
Cus they had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh
Q: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down, and a dog do with one leg raised?
A: Shake hands.
A: Shake hands.
For women, why is sex like a snowstorm?
Because they don't know how many inches they will get and how long it will last.
Because they don't know how many inches they will get and how long it will last.
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and had made it to Southampton, England, there to board a train bound for a few days in London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat he found was one directly across from a well-dressed, middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war-weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip to the end of the train, he found himself once again facing the woman with the dog in the opposite seat. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, but you are also quite arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier leaned against the swaying wall of the train and again asked if he might please sit down. The lady said, "Not only are you Americans rude and arrogant, you're also very inconsiderate."
The soldier didn't say anything else. Instead, he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train, and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, demanding that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding your fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat he found was one directly across from a well-dressed, middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war-weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip to the end of the train, he found himself once again facing the woman with the dog in the opposite seat. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, but you are also quite arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier leaned against the swaying wall of the train and again asked if he might please sit down. The lady said, "Not only are you Americans rude and arrogant, you're also very inconsiderate."
The soldier didn't say anything else. Instead, he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train, and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, demanding that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding your fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
It's widely known that men fantasize about having two women at the same time.
One to clean, and one to cook.
One to clean, and one to cook.
Did you hear about the Winnipeg advent calendar?
The windows are all boarded up and someone stole the chocolate.
The windows are all boarded up and someone stole the chocolate.
Why Escorts dread accidentally meeting former clients in public places on their own time, (Real 1970's Captain Morgan magazine ad):
