If you're taking an SP out for a meal, you're using her time. Time she could be making money with or doing her own thing. If she really likes you, she might dine with you for free but clients should not expect it. Gifting her with a free meal with you would be a gift to yourself, way more then buying lingerie would be.
Need Advice - Christmas Gift for SP?
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While you are correct in saying there's nothing wrong because any person can give another a gift, Tiberius makes some solid points WRT going above and beyond. And you say some extra appreciation for her services - services which you paid for. That doesn't compute.
I mean, am I mistaken in thinking if you give a lady a gift you are treating it like a relationship, something it supposedly isn't?
As mentioned I've given homemade goodies. These were to regulars (MPA's) who were very nice to me and IMO did go above and beyond in a variety of ways. During our conversations they mentioned they liked certain things so I brought some in because it was easy to do and sometimes the joy of giving is a reward in itself. I didn't give expecting anything in return.
But I think it's a whole different thing when someone feels the need to give a gift to a person who takes money from you for her services and gives you the standard treatment, as good as it may be. I don't think people give gifts to their lawyers, contractors, masseuses, therapists, etc. unless (1) you are friends or (2) the person went above and beyond in some way and you are giving the gift as a thank you.
Not sure why you are writing this. Another person commented on giving a person a dinner gift and saving $500, implying she wouldn't be charging you and an SP made a joke about that indicating acceptance. I've merely pointed out it's a suggestion that some will like and some won't, precisely for the reason I've mentioned and now you've re-iterated.
Obviously clients should not expect it (since many list an actual dinner date option with a price attached). And again, there is planning required, including acceptance by the SP. Not planning to show up with a bunch of raw ingredients hoping the lady is hungry and is ok with me cooking.
I gave an SP a box of expensive, yet delicious chocolate wafers I brought back from Switzerland. I could tell she really appreciated it and she remembers me as the "wafer guy" whenever I see her now. What a sweetie, no pun intended.
I make jokes and a red-headed lady got pissed - now she's known as "Ginger Snaps"...lol...sorry
- A gift card for Victoria secret don't buy her the actual lingerie because A) she may not like what you got her and B) it may not fit
- Bottle of sparkling wine preferably Moët (I know it's consumable but wine is always a great gift)
- A sex toy gift basket with a dildo, bullet vibrator, butt plugs, condoms, lube, etc
- Beauty kit gift basket including makeup brushes, sephora gift card, MAC gift card, makeup bag, make up remover wipes, lip balm, exfoliating gloves, body wash
- Steve Madden bag
- chance Chanel perfume or nude by Rihanna perfume or any Dior perfume (can't go wrong with these scents)
Good luck! I hope this helps!
- Bottle of sparkling wine preferably Moët (I know it's consumable but wine is always a great gift)
- A sex toy gift basket with a dildo, bullet vibrator, butt plugs, condoms, lube, etc
- Beauty kit gift basket including makeup brushes, sephora gift card, MAC gift card, makeup bag, make up remover wipes, lip balm, exfoliating gloves, body wash
- Steve Madden bag
- chance Chanel perfume or nude by Rihanna perfume or any Dior perfume (can't go wrong with these scents)
Good luck! I hope this helps!
I'm glad to hear that you dont have hassles from other gals you see. These are smart ladies who understand this is not a monogamous relationship. We are all here to play Adult Games with each other, why ladies get their feathers in a ruffle is beyond me.
I wrote that exact same thing, before seeing your post. You're spot on.
The few times I've bought gifts for industry ladies, it was for ladies I had seen regularly off the clock. Everything from lingerie (functional, not overtly sexy) to clothing to boots to jewelry. In all cases, I pulled from my knowledge of what that particular woman liked. If you don't know what she likes, you're better off not getting her anything as it will come off the wrong way.
I didn't know this was an option. I would do that. Ask the booking agent. For sure.
A "freebie" is a little much in my opinion. Some extra time or maybe some money back on the session- sure, but an entire freebie session - no. I would never do that. Breaks the boundary lines. This is still paid work. Not to mention this time of year is very expensive for everyone. For me to do this, I would be giving up 25-50% of the "income" earned in a month if I did this for one client. I saw a total of 5 different clients this month and that is the most I have seen in a month in a very long time. Not to mention that most of my appointments are 2 hrs. Blanket statements like that just don't fit.
First I think that Sophia was joking as you indicated above, but I have to say I do see a theme here that you may not be aware of and one you may not like.
You are okay in accepting OTC time for almost anything. OTC Conversation, meal, massage, etc. Which is fine. Yet you never seem to be accepting of anything that would remotely give the SP more then her "pay". Seems a little hypocritical in some ways if I am being politely honest. There is a lot of take take take but no room for give give give within the confines of the business transcation. Which creates a completely unequal dymanic between the parties.
Now to make this clear, I will give an example. I have no problem with and often do go over time. An hour is 90mins, 90mins is 2 hours, etc. There is about 30 mins of chit chat that is on my time. I have no problem giving that. That is me giving more of myself on my time/dime and is in apprecaition to the clients who come to see me. So that is my "give" and that is where the client takes. I can only give outside of the business transcation because everything within the transcation is already paid. A clients "give" would be inside the business transcation. Either by doing something for the lady during the paid time, or offering a tip/gift which adds to the business transcation by upping the value. That is the where the client "gives" and the SP takes. That is equal to me. That shows equality between the parties. You can't include the actual donation as that is the actual business transcation. That is not "giving" to the SP. That is paying her for her time and service.
What I am seeing with your posts is a whole heck of a lot of rules regarding the business transcation and what happens during that time - which is right and true - however I also see lots of willingness to take more if available. Again nothing wrong with that either. Just understand that is not equal between the parties and after time, an SP could be sick of giving and the client always taking. You may want to ask yourself where your giving is.
Now I know it could be said that your "giving" is in the massage, or the chat or the dinner being made, but that is simply not the case when we are talking SP/Client relationships. Taking me out for dinner is not a gift. I have friends who I go out to dinner with all the time. We flip who treats. That is equal friendship. Your pleasing conversation does not a gift make either. It is equally shared by the SP but since it is on her time, that is her "gift" to you. All these things you are willing to share with an SP OTC is not an equal give and take.
Just something I would think about. Because these gentlemen who are willing to give these things like cash value gifts, or tips or massages during the paid time is how some clients "give" back to the SP. Just like when a lady does something OTC, that is her "give". When both parties do these things, that is a proper equal give and take relationship. Anything solely on one side or the other is an unequal relationship and one party is left doing all the giving and the other is doing all the taking.
This dynamic is why most ladies will NOT do OTC anything. Because the client seems to feel that his "donation" or his equal conversation/shared meal, etc. is his act of giving and in reality, it is not.
I was being a smarty pants. I'm not a starving stray cat in need of food. I can buy my own meals out of the money I earn. A client saying off the cuff, "I have some time, what are you doing right now, want to go to lunch?" at the end of a session and not taking offence if I pass is one thing. Asking me to take a night off work to go to dinner with you for free is another story and connotes something more akin to a real relationship than that of a client wanting to simply do something nice for me, especially because like Jessica, I often give a little extra time freely for pleasant chit chat.
I found an interesting quote of Aristotle: "Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." Sage advice!
I found an interesting quote of Aristotle: "Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." Sage advice!
Never heard that one. Sounds like he's saying avoiding criticism is no proper way to live.
There was a SP in Scarborough who actually bought quite a selection of cookies, cakes, chocolates etc for her clients during the Christmas season. So I made it a point to book her again and take her a gift as I felt so bad that I did not give her anything.
Wow - definitely not my day. Let's take a step back. I'm going to try and explain what I am intending to say because there's been some clear misunderstanding.
While Sophia's comment about stray cats was a joke, I took it to mean she doesn't mind being fed. Perhaps I am wrong about this but was basing it on the fact that she replied to a guy saying he'd cook and save on the $500 dinner date. If I am wrong, I'm sorry but that was my logic. Therefore, Sophia, IMO, fit into the category of gracious and able to accept a gift versus being the ladies who come off as very transactional and you even asking the question would be totally disrespectful and out of line. There is also the assumption that the person is a low volume provider therefore (1) you are doing an appointment so they wouldn't be taking a night off and this would happen after your appointment (or before) and (2) the lady ALWAYS has the option to decline and there would be no backlash. And Sophia, I don't think you are a starving SP who can't afford her own meal.
Now, as mentioned, I have given MPA's gifts/tips/etc. Why? Because they went above and beyond. So I do gift in certain situations.
Now, can we all agree that the SP/client relationship is a business relationship? I'm pretty sure that is quite clear, it's not a personal relationship. Therefore, in analyzing it from a business standpoint, it doesn't make the most sense for a customer to give a gift to a supplier since you are paying the supplier for the goods/services they provide. So unless the supplier goes above and beyond, this doesn't happen very often. OTOH, suppliers tend to give gifts to their customers as a thank-you for their continued business/loyalty.
Jessica, I've bolded a paragraph because we are in COMPLETE AGREEMENT. So somehow you are arguing with me but we are both in agreement. In your example, you are going above and beyond, so I would not be surprised if your regular customers wanted to give you something above and beyond the donation. The OP has not (to my knowledge) indicated that the SP he is intending to gift has gone above and beyond other than seeing him on a regular basis, for which he compensates her the rate she requests.
Again, I get that some people are generous (hell I'm accused of being very generous in certain regards). So if a guy wants to get a gal a gift, nobody's stopping him - everyone is free to do as they like and spend their money as they choose. But to me, it doesn't make sense to give a gift to an SP who does only what's she's expected to do, no more, no less, because she has been compensated by the donation.
I re-read your response and also agree with the second bolded paragraph. So I'm confused where there's disagreement there.
I will say that a client who gives lingerie is doing it somewhat for his own benefit. Very different from a gift of cash/gift card/book/spa day. Even a toy is partially for his benefit unless he's just giving it to her and saying use it on her own.
I agree with Captain Kirk and find mclarkez1980's response misguided if not ludicrous. Wake-up - it's a service .. it's not real ! You are the one who should consider a robot or blow up doll - at least you won't fall in love and start an expensive courtship that ends when your money runs out. I'm not ruling out a bottle of wine or similar valued token gift of appreciation but anything above that - why not just get a big 'L' tattooed on your head to confirm her point of view.
I spend a lot of money with suppliers - it is not unusual for me to get token gifts as an appreciation for the business I gave them. Following this analogy - you should be getting an appreciation gift for the business you bring them. I have yet to see a thread - "What should I (SO) buy my best customer for a gift this Christmas ?".
Maybe my definition of Sugar Daddy needs refinement but taking your S.O. for a $1,000 + shopping spree and then coughing up an hourly rate for future services is not a Sugar Daddy.
