Lend your advice please.

[TeasePlease]

Probably but isn't the OP a hypocrite for being on BP in the first place? Ye who is without sin cast the first stone.

Why do you assume that there was something wrong about the OP being on BP? What if he's ok with admitting to his friend that pays for sex?

I take your point about a material factor in this case being that the girl is a working girl. It is precisely because of that that privacy concerns are important....but not necessarily paramount IMO.

It wasn't my example that I hypothesized. It was yours. My point throughout this is that it's not what she does for a living that's at issue, it's the nature of the relationship itself.

If I were close enough to the guy to care AND be able to have such a frank discussion (and yes, have some idea as to how he would react), I wouldn't drop the bomb and walk away. Hell, if anything, I would probably be the best friend to have around for support.

But, perhaps we're going about this all ass backwards. Maybe the decent thing to do is to go to the girl and have a frank discussion with her. Maybe she's already told him. Maybe she doesn't want to tell him and has perfectly good reasons not to. And no, I don't mean to drop her a creepy FB message... We're all adults, and we can behave with courtesy and respect.

 

[castaniabrucciatta]

So you don't harm your relationship with your buddy AND don't out yourself to the girl, I would discreetly reach out to her. Text, phone that is non traceable.

'By the way, your FB pic is on BP and I know you're seeing XXXX. If I found out others will. Do what you have to'.

Then if possible do your best to avoid ever meeting her. If not possible and you do meet her and she somehow connects you - just play it down and not make a big deal.

You could always send me her info and I could speak on your behalf.....you know to help you out....

CB

 

[GPIDEAL]

Of course he is, and of course by telling his high school friend, he will be outing himself too. Throwing around platitudes doesn't change the situation.

hes a hypocrite for seeing sps while being spoken for. not for simply being on bp.

Why do you assume that there was something wrong about the OP being on BP? What if he's ok with admitting to his friend that pays for sex?

I take your point about a material factor in this case being that the girl is a working girl. It is precisely because of that that privacy concerns are important....but not necessarily paramount IMO.

It wasn't my example that I hypothesized. It was yours. My point throughout this is that it's not what she does for a living that's at issue, it's the nature of the relationship itself.

If I were close enough to the guy to care AND be able to have such a frank discussion (and yes, have some idea as to how he would react), I wouldn't drop the bomb and walk away. Hell, if anything, I would probably be the best friend to have around for support.

But, perhaps we're going about this all ass backwards. Maybe the decent thing to do is to go to the girl and have a frank discussion with her. Maybe she's already told him. Maybe she doesn't want to tell him and has perfectly good reasons not to. And no, I don't mean to drop her a creepy FB message... We're all adults, and we can behave with courtesy and respect.

Yes he may be outing himself (unless he conveys the news in a clever, benign way) but it's not a simple platitude.

How can he judge his buddy's GF when he's a hobbyist (single or not, it's still something we like to keep to ourselves)? Guess a double standard is okay for us fellas?

My own example was slightly different than the one you stated, but it makes no difference if it's the boss' son or his daughter-in-law. I chose not to tell someone about their partner's infidelity, whether real or perceived, and they are 'close enough' to me, although I'm an employee but we go way back and are kind of like family. If the perceived infidelity is the result of one being an SP, there's definitely more shock value, but that doesn't mean she's evil, or wouldn't be a good wife or mother.

As an after thought (and based on what you and CB have suggested), I suppose it might be a good idea to send an anonymous message to his GF that she should be more discreet on BP, and assure her that her secret will remain as such, but that someone else might not be so forgiving or understanding. I also wouldn't reveal myself or contact her in person about it. I wouldn't even see her as a hobbyist.

 

[TeasePlease]

Wouldn't an anonymous (and possibly read as being threatening even if not intended) message be more upsetting to the lady?

 

[Babypowder]

How can he judge his buddy's GF when he's a hobbyist (single or not, it's still something we like to keep to ourselves)?

hes not judging. he wants to make sure his good friend knows what he is getting into. sex in general is something we like to keep to ourselves it doesnt stop sps/pornstars from writing tell all books hoping to have a best seller. there is no double standard here simply because he is a hobbyist. people in this thread have a real difficulty with the distinction between cheating and prostitution. you can have one without the other.

 

[GPIDEAL]

Wouldn't an anonymous (and possibly read as being threatening even if not intended) message be more upsetting to the lady?

Word it so that it isn't threatening. As I also suggested, make it re-assuring that you're not there to out her but that someone else may think differently, so it would be wise for her to hide her face or be more discreet.

I probably would let sleeping dogs lie. Is there a right answer? Maybe not.

But this leads me to another question from the discussion in this thread. Do all hobbyists have disdain for SPs after they leave?

 

[GPIDEAL]

hes not judging. he wants to make sure his good friend knows what he is getting into. sex in general is something we like to keep to ourselves it doesnt stop sps/pornstars from writing tell all books hoping to have a best seller. there is no double standard here simply because he is a hobbyist

Come on. Due to her secret profession, he's judging her not to be fit for his good friend, relationship-wise. Then again, if his friend is equally as judgmental, then perhaps he knows better than us. Like I said Babypowder, there might not be a right answer here, but you may not be wrong at the end of the day (how's that for a platitude lol).

 

[Babypowder]

Come on. Due to her secret profession, he's judging her not to be fit for his good friend, relationship-wise. Then again, if his friend is equally as judgmental, then perhaps he knows better than us. Like I said Babypowder, there might not be a right answer here, but you may not be wrong at the end of the day (how's that for a platitude lol).

as i said you are having a difficult time with the difference between cheating and prostitution. due to her having sex with other people behind his good frends back he is judging her. NOT on her profession. if he knows and is ok with it there is no problem. If she is doing it for free and he doesnt know about it the exact same problem exists.

 

[TeasePlease]

as i said you are having a difficult time with the difference between cheating and prostitution. due to her having sex with other people behind his good frends back he is judging her. NOT on her profession. if he knows and is ok with it there is no problem. If she is doing it for free and he doesnt know about it the exact same problem exists.

...unless you subscribe to the theory that if she's getting paid for it, it's work; not cheating! lol

 

[Babypowder]

...unless you subscribe to the theory that if she's getting paid for it, it's work; not cheating! lol

:frusty: :frusty: :frusty:

 

[TeasePlease]

:frusty: :frusty: :frusty:

Dude, it's called "rationalization"...an essential life coping skill! LOL

 

[IM469]

So what happens if this dude tells the guy & next thing u know they are on the 6 o'clock news? He snapped, she's dead, or beaten, etc? Do any of u know how to predict how someone will handle that? Will he take to violence? Revenge? Tell her family? Out her on the net?

She isn't cheating. She's working!

Who is anyone to decide what HER consequences are?

Three of the most bizarre statements I've read and they are all in one thread !

1) I'm not going to tell my friend that he is currently being lied to and cheated on by his GF because instead of worrying about my friend- I should worry about the girl who is lying to him. An added incentive for not providing the truth to my friend is that the extent that his GF (SP) has been deceiving him is so great, that she is worried that he might go ballistic and injure her. Really ?????

2) It's not cheating because it's your job. So if my friend screws another girl without your knowledge but doesn't make money from her it's cheating but screwing five or six strangers behind his back is okay because you got paid ? Really ?????

3) The whole concept of talking to my friend is because I am worried about his consequences. This is not two adults agreeing on a fling or a paid interlude, this is a guy who is looking at a long term relationship with someone who is lying to him. So if you had a friend who you could prevent from making a painful mistake - you would not say a word ? Really ?????

The ferocity of the defense from SP against a truthful relationship makes me wonder ... how man guys are living an illusion out there ?

 

[Babypowder]

2) It's not cheating because it's your job. So if my friend screws another girl without your knowledge but doesn't make money from her it's cheating but screwing five or six strangers behind his back is okay because you got paid ? Really ?????

i swear she was trolling with that one

 

[GPIDEAL]

as i said you are having a difficult time with the difference between cheating and prostitution. ***due to her having sex with other people behind his good frends back he is judging her***. NOT on her profession. if he knows and is ok with it there is no problem. If she is doing it for free and he doesnt know about it the exact same problem exists.

I think it's you having difficulty with the distinction between cheating and prostitution based on what you said (encircled with asterisks) - you really think that it's all fun and games with prostitutes? That they really have love affairs or seek passionate sex with their customers?

That being said, I don't believe that it's all work and never play for SPs. They do like some of their clients, and have real orgasms. However, to quote Eddie Murphy, cuz you might understand this from a male perspective "I love you baby, but I wanna fuck her" lol.

 

[Babypowder]

I think it's you having difficulty with the distinction between cheating and prostitution based on what you said (encircled with asterisks) - you really think that it's all fun and games with prostitutes? That they really have love affairs or seek passionate sex with their customers?.

No its definitely you. when you suggested OP was a hypocrite for simply looking at BP you made this clear. her enjoyment of the sex irrelevant. dont act like she is being raped. you fuck someone behind your SO's back while she is under the belief that she is in a monogamous relationship its still cheating even if the sex was bad. whether OP found her profile on BP or in the fuck me section on POF its the exact same issue.

 

[Conil]

No its definitely you. when you suggested OP was a hypocrite for simply looking at BP you made this clear. her enjoyment of the sex irrelevant. dont act like she is being raped. you fuck someone behind your SO's back while she is under the belief that she is in a monogamous relationship its still cheating even if the sex was bad. whether OP found her profile on BP or in the fuck me smpection on POF its the exact same issue.

Keep an open mind GPI is a long time friend of Muse/MPA.

 

[Babypowder]

Keep an open mind GPI is a long time friend of Muse/MPA.

it all makes sense

 

[Nathan Drake]

Very hard to keep up and respond to each comment. Amazing.

I will say this, maybe to clear up a little about where my head is at.

I have no problems with her being an SP and being my friends GF. I could date an SP, and if she got outed...I would defend her, it's all about how you feel.

My main concern is for my friend. He could know about her being an SP already and not care (similar to myself). In that case IDGAF

It could be a fake FB account HE created or someone else trolling FB. I don't know.

I think as friends hanging out, there is a way of figuring out what I need to figure out..without him knowing, and without outing myself. Just kinda steer the conversation about opinion.

He makes great coin, and she probably fucks him good...he may not care --so-- why should I.


If it's baby you're my one and only till the end let's go shopping? Not a chance. As a real friend. If you're fucking somebody who (ALTHOUGH may be the safest provider) is exposing you to higher risks, and possibly milking you - without you choosing to do so - I'll be a friend and at least drop a hint. There's ways of doing it. How best for me I have yet to figure out.

He wouldn't say a word - just tell her to peace out. It's how we do.

Sorry to all the working girls this isn't meant to offend. I'm part of the life I know the issues -- but real life and real friends come first. Now if I'd seen the girl a few times and then seen her with my friend just now....different conversation.



THANK YOU ALL

Feedback. It's giving me a lot of insight..helping me balance the "Good Friend vs. STFU" aspects. It's all good feedback to me.

We're all friends here...mostly all anyways.

 

[sheri.valente]

Hey all, this is my first post on the boards, though I've read a bunch of threads and feel like I've gotten to know some of you a bit

The problem that I see with outting her is that every situation is different. Personally, my partner knows what I do, and supports me 100%. That said, we'd been together for 3 years before I started as an SP.
It's possible he already knows. It's possible he doesn't, and she's planning on telling him. It's possible that it's a very new relationship. It's possible she's only SP-ing for a short time, and plans to quit and never go back. It's also possible, yes, that it's long-term and she never plans to tell him. In which case, things will tend to work themselves out on their own - I already find it somewhat difficult to hide what I do from my family, and I'm not living with them!

In an ideal world, would everyone who either works as or partakes of SPs would tell their significant others. In reality, it doesn't work like that. If your friend was female, and you knew her male partner was hobbying, would you feel obliged to tell her? Maybe you would, I don't know. But either way, in the end, it's really no one's business except those in the relationship. Discretion is key to everyone. I expect my clients to not out me, just as I don't out them.

Sorry for the wall of text!

 

[satinmodels]

Don't do it! It's between ruining decades of friendship or pleasuring yourself for an hour...Not worth it. Besides, do you really wanna be where he has?