Once again I thinks it's you who doesn't want to accept my point. Because I keep it short and don't relive my traumatic childhood/teenage or adulthood experiences to win an argument doesn't mean I don't get it. This is what you do with these traumatic experiences that matters. I saw a therapist for years to regain my confidence. What are you going to do dear? How much longer your are going to say "hey but it's worst for me than you...you don't understand....you can't compare..." you can cry into your shit or get out of your shit. I stand by my point.Sorry, you have no clue what you are talking about.
It isn't a matter of being rejected once and curling into the fetal position and sobbing like a bitch.
You get rejected, sure, but you also get accepted... accepted to the point where people open their wallets just for a chance to spend money with you.
Comparing yourself to someone who say was bullied through the latter part of K-12, constantly having the idea reinforced that they are unlikable and getting no encouragement or flirting afterwords.
Comparing yourself to someone who gets girlfriends on facebook from other countries with his long hair metal looks and metal interests but can't find anyone locally because of social anxiety.
Comparing yourself to someone who when his buds offered him an air dance for his birthday at the annuity bar gripped the chair in terror and said those immortal words "I think I am going to puke" [don't feel bad, this one was a bit of a jerk actually].
Comparing yourself to someone who is so stiff and wooden that he doesn't even have to ask someone out to seriously creep them out, over and over. [People complain to a friend of his who I also know] He tried busting out of his shell, even thought he was doing well, but he didn't know the sort of damage he was doing.
Actually of the nerdly set, about half are now married and they didn't "man up" they just happened to come across someone of similar looks and interests and who made it easy and got lucky to find them.
Sometimes much like with the movie Wargames, the best move is to just not play and hope for the best [see above line]
Alas if I could go back 30-35 years with what I know now. I mean I am not lower than dirt, well sure that store bought dirt with all the nutrients, I can't compete with that but I am above normal dirt.
"What is d&d dear? Dick & Disappointment?"
I'll take someone who doesn't get it for 200 Alex.
Women do not make it very easy for men when it comes to dating.
- Thread starter Tashki
- Start date
We all know more than one guy from our youth who married the first woman who slept with him more than once.
Yes I do. I know enough. If someone says to an alcoholic "just man up and quick drinking" I think it's pretty safe to assume that person never struggled with the demon rum.
Also you don't seem to understand the difference between.
1: Professional and personal rejection. They are not even on the same planet.
2: The difference between constant rejection and rejection mixed in with success
You and her stubborn refusal to accept and understand the issues that some guys have to deal with tells me that what ever issues you [singular] had to deal with must be pretty minor otherwise you wouldn't talk the way you do.
One advantage of being older - even back in the day 30+ and dating - is you know yourself (as you've stabilised your personality) and thus it takes a lot less time to figure out your date and whether she'll be compatible. Recognising 2 decent people can not be compatible is liberating. That advice book from 20 years ago that suggested women play hard to get etc (was it "the rules"?) basically provided a guide of which women to avoid, if she's going to put you through all those tests. It's hard, but move on if it doesn't work. If a woman is a blatant materialist who measures your worth in jewelry then don't hate her just move on from her and appreciate the bullet you dodged.
The what is worse than someone who says this.
"Honestly you guys needs to stop with those dating apps. You perpetuate the fuckery. Get out and learn to approach a woman like a man. It was working 10yrs ago. Buy her a drink, show you are interested, ask questions, be a gentlemen and conquer her. Do an activity you like and obviously you will meet people with common interest and you can develop a friendship and maybe more.
This whole swipe right generation creates a bunch of high expectations cry babies that cannot handle rejection and it goes both ways. It also made a bunch of lazy people who cannot stand up and flirt if not behind a keyboard."
Is saying this after supposedly going through traumatic experiences and seeing a therapist for years to regain confidence.
It's like those born again ex smokers.
Also, it wasn't working 10 years ago or 20 or 30 years ago.
Have you read my posts in this thread? I have a whole post on just how hard it is to be a guy without dating. Don't fucking shoot your BS down my throat.
You are telling me I don't get personal rejection vrs professional. Hello???? I purposely made the distinction of difference between them because they are different. You were the one who basically said we don't know any type of rejection because we have men pay us. Like come on man. Give your head a shake.
And then to add insult to injury, you purposely and repeatedly diminish what trauma and experiences we have gone through because we don't respond the way you feel we should - who the fuck are you to say anything about someone else’s past experiences, let alone denounce them????
You are totally ignorant here man. 1000% Your assumptions are off the wall, and because I say you went after her, I am now lumped into your original opinion of her. Like seriously??? What is wrong with you this morning? Bad day?? Take a minute, take a step back, read, try not to assume and then make your point. Just a friendly suggestion. You are better then this type of posting. I have seen it from you before. Hopefully you get back there.
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NotADoctor,
Reading through this…. You’re being given advice and you’re fighting back refusing to accept it. That is a problem. You are going to stay stuck in your position.
Reading through this…. You’re being given advice and you’re fighting back refusing to accept it. That is a problem. You are going to stay stuck in your position.
There are a few women I've known that I didn't find physically attractive, but we had common interests and/ or I liked their personality. I made that clear to them early on. A small percentage became angry and defensive, but most of them were relieved, in the sense that they knew I didn't have ulterior motives, they could be their normal selves, instead of having to act on their best behavior, they have someone who will give them his honest opinion, instead of what he thinks they want to hear, and they knew someone who would attend certain functions that interested them, but not anyone else that they knew. They also know that if they fall asleep while drunk, they'll wake up to find a pillow under their head, a blanket on top of them, and a hand written note, and nothing more. In a couple of cases, I ended up dating one of their friends.
Call me shallow if you must, but I don't ever have romantic interest in someone I don't find attractive physically. There's more to it than that. I don't believe in wasting time, energy and money pursuing someone I don't really want to be with, but might settle for, at least on a short term basis, and I'd be looking for opportunities to upgrade. If a woman holds my interest, I don't notice anyone else in her presence, and what she has to say is interesting, because she's saying it.
I've been on the other side of these platonic relationships as well, with women that I find attractive, and they like my company, but not enough that they would want to be anything more than just friends. I'm cool with that, too, as long as they don't use me as their shoulder to cry on when they want to vent about a bad relationship they're in. A gay guy is a much better choice for that role.
Call me shallow if you must, but I don't ever have romantic interest in someone I don't find attractive physically. There's more to it than that. I don't believe in wasting time, energy and money pursuing someone I don't really want to be with, but might settle for, at least on a short term basis, and I'd be looking for opportunities to upgrade. If a woman holds my interest, I don't notice anyone else in her presence, and what she has to say is interesting, because she's saying it.
I've been on the other side of these platonic relationships as well, with women that I find attractive, and they like my company, but not enough that they would want to be anything more than just friends. I'm cool with that, too, as long as they don't use me as their shoulder to cry on when they want to vent about a bad relationship they're in. A gay guy is a much better choice for that role.
It is a fuckery. Based on physical appearance and shallowness. Nobody will ever give a fuck about what you have inside. They will look at you and swipe right or left. They cannot even say maybe.
Flirting with a women with humor and/or share a passion with someone are not middle-aged practice. It has been done forever.
And yes these apps does create a bunch of lazy cry baby. Look at you finding every reason in the world NOT to get out of your comfort zone. You even go to the lengths of saying I am lying and never had any problem. You are not only staying in you shit, you bath in it.
You cannot help an achoolic unless he wants to help himself bro. Same goes to you.
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I have looked into evolutionary psychology, and it's pop-culture version (EvoPsych) is full of arrant nonsense that makes it into "everyone knows" stories that make people believe dumb things.
I'm not even sure we have good evidence of that, but that's the closest thing in your list that would qualify.
But the rest is just so stories spun out from that assumption.
You're not doing yourself any favors rooting your answers in pop-culture EvoPsych.
Sure. But that would just argue that both sexes would want attractive, physically fit people, since that was your primary signal of resources in out evolutionary heritage.
That's even assuming you think picking that one stage of development and freezing it is a good choice.
Yup. And some people do want a power imbalance for various other reasons, but the idea that's a some "essential truth about men and women" is silly.
It is good to stay in your shit as with say,,,,,, the grieving process, it needs to take its course. The trick for people is to first know they are in the shit, secondly identifying what the shit is, without those two realizations the shit can ruin your life especially when shit starts to compound by way of multiple unresolved issues. Just sitting with your shit is not bad, it is necessary, just don't get stuck there.
My two cents.
LJ
There is a whole sentence and paragraph that is there to give proper context. Next time highlight the whole sentence. Thanks booboo.
if you are prepared to waste time on conveyor belt workers who become dumber with every day of work maybe you are missing out?
Agreed, I have dated a women on social support. She was sexy, kind and brilliant, just going through a difficult transition period.
She valued kindness, time together and experiences rather than the stereotypical shoes, bags and clothes.
Never make assumptions. People make economic choices that do not necessarily reflect your values and that has to be fully respected.
Be it good or bad you always learn something from people you meet. Life is about living.
welfare is different from working in McDonalds. Not working is not stupid. Working in McD for an adult is pretty bad.
