How did you have time to set up 10 bottles at the end of an aisle 3 times? And what melon did you use as a ball?
Very Ominous
- Thread starter thumper18474
- Start date
I was at the beach the other day and some chick comes up to me ..chuckling at my ..uh OK I admit it...my beer gut
And asked me is that a Coors or Corona beer gut..her friends were giggling so I said...well there's a tap underneath it
Taste for yourself!
And asked me is that a Coors or Corona beer gut..her friends were giggling so I said...well there's a tap underneath it
Taste for yourself!
Had my physical today..doctor says my sugar is too high
So I went home and moved it to a lower shelf
So I went home and moved it to a lower shelf
I like to treat every situation in life like my dog...
If I can't play with it..or eat it I just pee on it and walk away..
If I can't play with it..or eat it I just pee on it and walk away..
Why is it called Boob sweat?
And not humidititties?
Or
Boobie..boobie dew?
And not humidititties?
Or
Boobie..boobie dew?
If someone born in Holland married someone born in the Phillipines...
Would their children be...
Hollapinos
Would their children be...
Hollapinos
If I got paid by the # of stupid people I deal with per day instead of by the hour....I could retire in a week!!
People ask how I take it when wifey travels for extended periods.
Well, the food and the sex is about the same, but the dishes pile up.
Well, the food and the sex is about the same, but the dishes pile up.
I was at the hardware store the other day and asked this guy....what gets rid of ..grime and stains?
H e said Ammonia cleaner...
I said...Sorry..I thought you worked here
H e said Ammonia cleaner...
I said...Sorry..I thought you worked here
Albert Einstein was a Genius
But
His brother Frank..was a monster!!
But
His brother Frank..was a monster!!
A witty pun about a sailing trip has been crowned the funniest joke told at this year’s Edinburgh Festival Fringe.
Thousands of performers flock to Scotland’s capital each year to entertain and delight crowds at the Fringe.
Gags that made the top 10 at Edinburgh's Festival Fringe last week.
1. “I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.” Mark Simmons
2. “I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward… two steps back.” Alec Snook
3. “Ate horse at a restaurant once - wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful.” Alex Kitson
4. “I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it.” Arthur Smith
5. “I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.” Mark Simmons
6. “My dad used to say to me ‘Pints, gallons, liters’ – which, I think, speaks volumes.” Olaf Falafel
7. “British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons?” Chelsea Birkby
8. “I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it.” Masai Graham
9. “My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had.” Zoë Coombs Marr
10. “The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati.” Olaf Falafel
Thousands of performers flock to Scotland’s capital each year to entertain and delight crowds at the Fringe.
Gags that made the top 10 at Edinburgh's Festival Fringe last week.
1. “I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.” Mark Simmons
2. “I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward… two steps back.” Alec Snook
3. “Ate horse at a restaurant once - wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful.” Alex Kitson
4. “I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it.” Arthur Smith
5. “I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.” Mark Simmons
6. “My dad used to say to me ‘Pints, gallons, liters’ – which, I think, speaks volumes.” Olaf Falafel
7. “British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons?” Chelsea Birkby
8. “I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it.” Masai Graham
9. “My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had.” Zoë Coombs Marr
10. “The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati.” Olaf Falafel
Rodney Dangerfield: I get no respect from girls.
The other day, a girl calls me up and says "Come over there's nobody home."
I went over, there was nobody home.
Today a woman knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local community swimming pool...
So I gave her a glass of water
Feels real good when I support the community
So I gave her a glass of water
Feels real good when I support the community
When you're Stressed..you eat..IceCream chocolates..and pie...why?
Because STRESSED spelled backwards is...
DESSERTS!
Because STRESSED spelled backwards is...
DESSERTS!
Everytime I see a mattress on top of a car..I can't help but wonder..
Are Escorts doing door dash now???
Are Escorts doing door dash now???
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Years ago a boy was born without eyelids...so doctors decided to circumcise him and use the skin for his eyelids...he grew up normal but just a little .....cockeyed
Thought it was October 13, how can you mistake such an important day.Tomorrow is National No Bra day..let's show some support!
Last year was a flop!..
