Unhappy wife 100% of the time

[Butler1000]

Never understood it either Femme. But I have an excellent SO. I made sure of that when I was dating and looking to settle down. Any hint of emotional or sexual blackmail got them the curb.

Take the advise. Get all your legal stuff in order. Blindside her and end it. You will be happier in the long run.

 

[Cassini]

If she isn't leaving home, it is a clear sign of a mental illness. The description sounds a little like depression. However, the anger, irritability, in bed all the time, may also be something completely different, like chronic pain or migraines. (Not all migraines cause pain, however they can cause the symptoms of pain.) She likely needs medical treatment from professionals to understand what the issues are.

If she will not do anything, go to a therapist without her. Describe what is happening to someone familiar with treating mental illness (not all therapists are capable of doing this.) They will be able to give you some constructive advice.

With no treatment, this situation will likely end in divorce. However, if you talk to the therapist, at least you will understand why you are divorcing her, and you will know that you did all that you could. It is important to have tried. Knowing that you tried is important in building future healthy relationships.

 

[needinit]

Yep, we have kids and that's one of the reasons that I stuck around for so long. Even still, I should have left sooner.

There are theories now that staying for the kids is as bad or worse as there is constant tension and fighting etc in the home...if things can be worked out financially and with correct balance of access, then often better to be separate earlier.

 

[spraggamuffin]

I'd be willing to bet she is vitamin D deficiant .........

D as in Dollar? Cha Ching. Vitamin $$$.

A woman will tell you that love does not put food on the table or buy her the luxuries she wants.

Watch both the upstairs and downstairs lips spread wide and far as your net worth increases.

 

[Smallcock]

In retrospect, I would never have married this woman and I'm envious of those who are still single. Sorry for my rambling, just wanted to vent. Thanks for listening.

Based on what I've read throughout the years, unless one finds a perfect match, it's best not to compromise and get married to somebody who is not completely compatible.

Best options for modern adult relationships for men:

1) Get married but hobby on the side to fulfill or supplement sexual needs not being met at home (and/or have a mistress). If your wife makes good money and you live well, but there is a lack of sex and poor communication, it doesn't matter. Stay married, but when you leave home, have fun.

2) Don't get married. Stay in a common-law relationships but do not have kids.

3) Stay single, but get an open minded female roommate to live with you in your home. She pays you rent at a discounted rate in exchange for favors. This way you get paid to have fun. Keep the lease renewal at 3 months at a time. If things don't work or it's time to move on and find a new roommate and start all over, it's a breeze. And you still have the freedom to hobby whenever you want.

 

[mynameisearl11]

Have you thought of contacting Dr. Phil?
Kidding aside,if divorce is not part of a solution then you need to do MORE in order to improve your marriage situation. DO NOT TRY TO SOLVE HER PROBLEMS. If you haven't tried this already...ask her if she'd like you there with her when she's blowing up at you. In other words try empathy method to soothe her 'unpleasant' moods. Human nature has a tendency of blaming others for his/her problems. She does it and so do you. Instead of blaming her for her 'mental disorder' you should ask yourself if you have done enough to 'save' your marriage. Sorry, don't want to sound like an ass but being on here on a regular basis will not help you much on your current marriage life challenges.
When she's consistently mad at you it means she does not RESPECT you. Why? Are you making money? Are you lazy,smoker etc. It is easier said than done but you should do more probing and more listening to get to the bottom of what caused her to 'hate' you. BTW,I still am married with much longer time together as compared to yours. Happily married at home and as a hobbyist I might add
If you don't show her that you care then you know its time to quit the union.

 

[slowandeasy]

My wife sleeps every day until 3 pm, so if I try to pay a company to serve her, it is impossible. She doesnt work and she doesnt go outside, nor does she answer the door. I called my friend over and let him in the door in order to get her served.

Your wife seems severely depressed, and probably has other health or mental health issues. If she has anyone whom she respects and will listen to, you might try having them talk to her, but only if they
have some understanding of mental health issues/depression.

The woman needs serious help. The only thing you can do for her is to try to get her to see a professional. If you cannot do that, then your only other option is to leave her.

 

[slowandeasy]

Don't dwell in the past or have those good memories make you soft. She didn't want to make the first move, and did her own thing, especially with the pursuit of this other guy from Australia. Seek out someone new to make you happy. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

Right said Fred.

mtm2011, it sucks that you had to go through that, but you are better off without her.

 

[fuji]

My wife is perpetually angry - every day! This has been going on for 14 years and no matter what I do, I cant successfully curb her unhappiness. Do any terbites have advice on how to deal with a wife who is NEVER happy. Specifically, how do you stop them from getting mad so often?

You are validating and enabling. Otherwise it won't be like that. You cannot control her feelings and you cannot stop her from getting mad so don't try. Instead try to reset the relationship around something else.

Do not argue. Do not appease. When you really did do something wrong, make it right I you're own terms, fix what you broke, apologize, make it up. But don't submit to demands or cross examination.

Try changing the topic.

She will probably be passive aggressive and refuse the new topic because it is a 14 year old habit.

Propose fun activities and invite her. Go and do it anyway with or without her. Don't only do this when fighting, make an effort to have a list of things to do, and be active. Use it as an oblique counter to fights. Let her sit alone at home if she refused to come along but keep inviting her.

Try this "oblique" approach for a few months. Cut fights short with appropriate apologies, change the topic, invite her somewhere, leave. You are open to a relationship and mutual activities, other topics, but closed to fighting. Counter negatives with positives.

There is a good chance she is cheating on you, feels bad about it, and is turning it into hostility. Let her figure that out.

If after some months of being independent, interesting, inviting, and not engaging in any fighting there is no change then move out.

Continue the above while separated. Engage with her while you are separated and try to include her but continue to refuse to participate in anger or fighting. If still no improvement after the year, divorce.

 

[slowandeasy]

Thanks man, I hear what you're saying. I feel like I want to give it one more shot. It's been two years now since we have been apart and I want to see if maybe we might be able to start fresh... just start spending time together. I miss having the whole family together.

I'm probably setting myself for a huge let down, and will get depressed about it, but I want to give it one last shot. I know it sounds crazy but maybe this time apart was something we needed.

It depends on your own mind set if things can work out. The truth is that the reason she started talking to some guy in Australia is that she felt she was missing something in her life. That might have been something
you were not giving her or it might have been something in her own mind that led her there. At the end of the day, her solution was to strike up a romance online, instead of talking to you or trying to make her
life better at home.

My advice is that maybe it can work out, but it will have to be both of you wanting it to work out, not just you hoping it will work out.

Good luck buddy.

 

[afterhours]

My wife sleeps every day until 3 pm, so if I try to pay a company to serve her, it is impossible. She doesnt work and she doesnt go outside, nor does she answer the door. I called my friend over and let him in the door in order to get her served.

I am not sure if you really want to resolve it or want to continue living like that. If you want to resolve, the easiest way is to set up surreptitious video and start a conversation with her about divorce and dividing money. After she hits you enough times, take video to the cops.
She will be charged with assault and forbidden to go to the house except once with the officer to pick up her belongings.
Then you can start living and sorting out the family law aspect of it.

 

[slowandeasy]

I don't understand any of this. Where is the balls to simply say fuck off with your bullshit. To me it sounds like she starts to bitch and he simply says "ok" I don't think I could ever be with such a passive man.

Go to a lawyer, find out your rights regarding house, kids, etc. Take everything that you can away from her. If it is your money, and she has access to it, stop that. Joint acct? Open a new single acct just for you. Keep all your own money. Buy only the basics in the house. Tell her you don't want to be with her anymore cause she is an angry violent selfish person. Treat her like the roommate that never leaves. She will get the message and either change her shit or find a new man online to move on to. Either way, be done with her. But you have to have the balls to do it.

Sorry if that is cruel but I never understood this with men.

This is relevant and not relevant. It depends on the person you are dealing with. Telling some people "fuck off with your bullshit" just does not register with them. Or Maybe Freedom lover is too passive. I know that when I was married I felt too badly when I told my ex-wife to fuck off. But now that we are divorced, we get along great, because when she starts her bs, I tell her to fuck off, and don't feel guilty about it.

With freedomlover, 14 years of this, and the fact that his wife sleeps all day and night shows that there is a serious problem with her.

 

[afterhours]

With freedomlover, 14 years of this, and the fact that his wife sleeps all day and night shows that there is a serious problem with her.

I think there is a problem with him.

 

[fuji]

With freedomlover, 14 years of this, and the fact that his wife sleeps all day and night shows that there is a serious problem with her.

I agree. But he can't fix it. He can provide alternatives to sitting at home being depressed, but she may decline them.

Does she have a friend or a mother or sister who maybe is in a less hostile and poisoned relationship with her?

That person may be able to gently coax her to seek help dealing with depression.

The best the OP can be is a constant source of interesting alternatives to being depressed. He can't force her to do anything especially since he is the target.

 

[afterhours]

I wonder what amount of $$ coming through/from wife is enough to live 14 years of your precious life like OP lives. Let's set up a poll.

 

[fuji]

I wonder what amount of $$ coming through/from wife is enough to live 14 years of your precious life like OP lives. Let's set up a poll.

You know, despite the situation, he may care about her and hope she could be happier.

Time after time you have shown yourself to be a self centered jerk with a very inhuman view of women. You need help too.

Certainly sounds like a relationship that is headed for the rocks but that doesn't mean that he thinks only of himself like you do.

 

[love stick]

Sorry to hear what your going through..I have been going through it myself for the past 8 years. If you have kids, then your stuck like me. Nothing you do will ever change her so stop giving a shit and let it fall on deaf ears. If you have kids, spend as much energy and love on them as you can and the rest on AMP.

 

[HotelCali]

It sounds like she's in a pretty terrible place. I'm betting her reality is quite dark and her thinking is skewed. With all the behaviours I would recommend psychological counselling and if she is unwilling to participate and if she won't go then just go on your own. A professional will be able to recommend strategies to help her/cope with all she throws (literally and figuratively) at you. Sometimes people who are mentally unwell torment those they love the most and it's a horrendous dynamic to be part of. If you rule out mental illness or are beyond the point of wanting to try to help her resolve it then by all means leave the marriage. Your own life is too short and precious to be spending in a never-ending struggle.

 

[afterhours]

You know, despite the situation, he may care about her and hope she could be happier.

Time after time you have shown yourself to be a self centered jerk with a very inhuman view of women. You need help too.

Certainly sounds like a relationship that is headed for the rocks but that doesn't mean that he thinks only of himself like you do.

If OP was a woman abused by a man or a gay or lesbian I would be of the same opinion. Whoever lives in described circumstances for reason other than money needs to get his/her head examined.

They say love is a disease curable by marriage, one would hope that 14 years is enough to cure it.

 

[danmand]

I don't understand any of this. Where is the balls to simply say fuck off with your bullshit. To me it sounds like she starts to bitch and he simply says "ok" I don't think I could ever be with such a passive man.

Go to a lawyer, find out your rights regarding house, kids, etc. Take everything that you can away from her. If it is your money, and she has access to it, stop that. Joint acct? Open a new single acct just for you. Keep all your own money. Buy only the basics in the house. Tell her you don't want to be with her anymore cause she is an angry violent selfish person. Treat her like the roommate that never leaves. She will get the message and either change her shit or find a new man online to move on to. Either way, be done with her. But you have to have the balls to do it.

Sorry if that is cruel but I never understood this with men.

Things are not often black or white. It is entirely possible to love and care deeply for somebody without being able to live with that somebody. Also, there is a long history of the couple having had many good times together, and having shared important events together. For these reasons and out of decent concerns for their partner, men (and women) will try to excuse any later destructive behaviour, and carry on longer than outsiders can imagine.