Time for some laughter? Please share yours...
- Thread starter Kusa
- Start date
A wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning, “Windows frozen, won’t open.” The husband texts back, “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and tap the edges with a hammer.” The wife texts back five minutes later, “Computer really messed up now.”
She: “Honey, I don’t like you with the new glasses on.”
He: “But sweetheart, I don’t wear any glasses.”
She: “True, but I do.”
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Honey bee!
Honey bee who?
Honey bee a dear and get me a soda!
Police Inspector: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?
Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?
Husband: I think now the thief’s wife has started using it
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes. She fantasizes about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?
Wife: The table was too heavy.
I play the world’s most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
How does a homosexual fake his orgasm?
Pores warm yogurt on your back
She: “Honey, I don’t like you with the new glasses on.”
He: “But sweetheart, I don’t wear any glasses.”
She: “True, but I do.”
Knock, Knock!
Who’s there?
Honey bee!
Honey bee who?
Honey bee a dear and get me a soda!
Police Inspector: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card?
Husband: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Inspector: Then why are you reporting it now?
Husband: I think now the thief’s wife has started using it
I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said yes. She fantasizes about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?
Wife: The table was too heavy.
I play the world’s most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
How does a homosexual fake his orgasm?
Pores warm yogurt on your back
@The Mechanic: Dude, you posted these same Reader's Digest jokes two weeks ago, in #96, with the gay joke tacked on the end.
Try to get a life, and confine your jokes to the politics section (Oh, you mean somebody actually has those opinions?)...
Here's an old one from Season 1 of Chicago Med:
What's the difference between a doctor and God?
God doesn't think he's a doctor...
What's the difference between a doctor and God?
God doesn't think he's a doctor...
Today I was standing in an 'unstructured' line, and behind me was an old Black man, probably almost 80. A second Black man with medium dark complexion approached from the side, intending to go through the line towards a different room. He gruffly said "Can I pass?".
When he was gone, I turned to the older man behind me and said "He can't pass. Everyone knows he's Black.", and the old man thought that was REALLY funny.
When he was gone, I turned to the older man behind me and said "He can't pass. Everyone knows he's Black.", and the old man thought that was REALLY funny.
Jesus Christ is playing golf with one of his buddies and he knocks the ball into a sand trap. His buddy says now you're in trouble. Jesus says I don't think so. I can get it out with a 9 iron. I saw Arnold Palmer do something like it last week on tv.
His buddy says, no offense man, but you're no Arnold Palmer.
So Jesus takes the shot. Misses and drives the ball into the lake. Where upon he goes running out on the water to try and find it.
A passer by sees this and in amazement asks the buddy "who does he think he is? Jesus Christ?".
Buddy says. "no. he is Jesus Christ. He Thinks he's Arnold Palmer"
What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
One of them has fits when they shuck and the other one.....
Bill and Hillary Clinton are in a restaurant. Bill scans the menu, and says "I'm definitely gonna have a quickie". Hillary says "It's pronounced "keesh", dear".
