SO gaining weight :(

[jackal2006]

Great point lomotil. It's really the good with the bad. A lot of men and women get fat once they are comfortable in a committed relationship. Also when kids come along that changes priorities. I have friends that love the Barbies and get the Barbies. Trust me I'm a man too and love the 8s or 9s some of my friends get but guess what. Beauty is one thing and that fades and gets old. After you've banged a hot chick for years it is really the person that counts. And a lot of those Barbies will run away the first sign of trouble or difficulties. Many will not be there when you are in your last years. With exercise and diet anyone can change but they have to want to change. If the original poster loves her and she has the qualities she values as a person he should consider himself lucky and work with her to get her healthy. I would suggest doing stuff together and try to sell the lifestyle change to prevent issues like cancers or type 2 diabetes esp if they have a genetic predisposition to it (i.e. black, latino, or Asians have higher risk of type two diabetes than whites ).

The grass is not always greener on the other side. As someone that has dated in this city there is a lot of garbage people out there that value looks or material things and besides looks they don't offer much. I've kind of started accepting that living in Toronto with the low quality of singles I'll probably die alone. If you've found a true life partner value that and consider yourself lucky. Weight can be changed but a shitty person can't.

 

[Goodoer]

What are you guys complaining about?! At least your SO wants to have sex!

My SO has gained at least 40lbs since got together. She uses the kids thing as an excuse. I realize bodies change and I except that, but she eats too much, always has desert and does nothing to burn an extra calorie off.

Tried to do better in 2017 and lost 20lbs extra, just to gain it right back over these last 3 months. I am finding it tougher than I thought. I drink beer (heavy) and have a bit of a hypothyroid issue now.

The best shape of my life was when I was with my previous girlfriend. She was a fitness chick for sure, competing in FAME, etc. We ate healthy and hit the gym regularly. We were together for years and we finally split up, I took a break from going to the gym and never went back!

 

[Occasionally]

Got to live with it everyone.

As everyone gets older (men and women), you are going to gain weight. Most of us (myself included), probably have a job sitting around, we don't exercise much (if at all), and we eat crap half the time.

Kudos to those who have the willpower at 40 or 50 to be eating right and exercising.

However, I'm a firm believer physical attraction is still important. And I don't want to hear anyone say looks aren't important. Because they are. So don't feel shallow if looks are important to you.

 

[essguy_]

My SO is gaining a lot of weight, which completely transforms her. I can still see the person behind but virtually lost all sexual desire for her. She loves sex and it puts a lot of pressure on me, for the first time in my life I try to avoid sex. We haven't talked about it but I don't think I can continue like this any longer. Has anybody gone through something similar?

My ex gained some weight after our second. I got her a set of Pilates lessons. She got hooked. After about a year, she was in seriously good shape - also strengthened her pussy muscles.

 

[renuck]

Our bodies definitely chance as we get older, hormones change, metabolism slows down, etc.. Putting on weight almost seems inevitable regardless of what you do except for a few lucky people. My SO has probably gained ~50% since we started going out. I read a lot of people say that once you are married and have a kid there is no motivation for the woman to maintain herself, and I can't say I don't agree with that statement because I'm kind seems that's what I'm looking at. I wonder if that is the real mentality of some women though.

I get some weight gain is going to happen (and I'm not innocent here either) but I think there is more to it in the "letting themselves go" argument. The extra pounds don't bother me as much but the desire to be sexy or even care about a physical relationship looks like it fades as well. If she remained active to be capable of doing anything more than just lie there in mish and put some effort into sex I'd be happy but I have a (nearly) sexless marriage now and I'm curious if the mentality is it's just easier to give up and try to avoid the situation, or if it is in fact the mentality is us married guy's are now "hooked" so no more effort is required or expected.

 

[mclarkez1980]

Going to guess OP and anyone 'who can relate' aren't going to be entering any Mr universe contests any time soon and most likely have boilers that resemble an old catchers mitt. But go on about your SO gaining weight...

 

[Charlemagne]

Going to guess OP and anyone 'who can relate' aren't going to be entering any Mr universe contests any time soon and most likely have boilers that resemble an old catchers mitt. But go on about your SO gaining weight...

If those 'who could relate' were that good looking, they wouldn't be paying for it.

 

[koreanjames]

However, I'm a firm believer physical attraction is still important. And I don't want to hear anyone say looks aren't important. Because they are. So don't feel shallow if looks are important to you.

Of course it is ! It’s one of the reasons why we are here !

 

[IM469]

Got to live with it everyone.

As everyone gets older (men and women), you are going to gain weight. Most of us (myself included), probably have a job sitting around, we don't exercise much (if at all), and we eat crap half the time.

Kudos to those who have the willpower at 40 or 50 to be eating right and exercising.

However, I'm a firm believer physical attraction is still important. And I don't want to hear anyone say looks aren't important. Because they are. So don't feel shallow if looks are important to you.

I can see the hypocrisy if a guy with a huge fat gut since marriage then complains about his wife's weight gain not realising maybe he's the reason she has given up her own efforts. I am proud that I weigh about the same as I was when I got married and have adjusted my diet to keep it that way. My ex actually just started pigging out on unhealthy foods with the expected results. Every time we went shopping she would complain about her weight and inability to fit sexy dresses that she liked. We split for a variety of other reasons although we are still good friends.

Now single, she has dropped the weight and looks hot. I told her that not only does she look good but now she is more healthy. Theory - if you still care for your fat ass wife - divorce her to help her get healthy.

 

[Kirby2006]

Now single, she has dropped the weight and looks hot. I told her that not only does she look good but now she is more healthy. Theory - if you still care for your fat ass wife - divorce her to help her get healthy.

There are some truly altruistic people in this world. I commend you IM.

 

[IM469]

There are some truly altruistic people in this world. I commend you IM.

Sometimes you got to give tough love and push down those emotional selfish feelings concerning the mother of your children. Men don't get enough credit for the sacrifices we make for our ex SOs. The half our age floozies we frolic with after our divorce is simply our way of coping with a broken heart.

 

[Goodoer]

jesus christ, marriage sounds depressing

Ha Ha! Jesus Christ is the fucking problem!

I am sure marriage works for some. When you see it working, you envy it as it is probably "amazing". I'm sure my wife realizes now that she's just not into marriage at all. She's a trapped 'free spirit'.

 

[sempel]

jesus christ, marriage sounds depressing

Ha Ha! Jesus Christ is the fucking problem!

I am sure marriage works for some. When you see it working, you envy it as it is probably "amazing". I'm sure my wife realizes now that she's just not into marriage at all. She's a trapped 'free spirit'.

What does marriage have to do with anything? It's just the nature of this particular relationship. Would this situation be different if this is your common-law spouse or your live-in SO? Hell it might be someone you are dating and they've put on some poundage. Comes down to whether you have enough invested to try and fix it or exit. In this case the OP seems to like everything else about his spouse except for this, although weight going up so sex going down for most is a big issue.

If the OP actually gets along with his wife, perhaps sitting down and talking about it may even be a good course of action. Some people can take the hint but others might be oblivious until you tell them directly and nicely.

 

[Ffm_BV]

First off...for the love of all that is good...do NOT broach the topic of weight with your wife by bringing up health, OP. It sounds so condescending and fake coming from a husband. Wives aren’t idiots. Most of us know our husbands wouldn’t give two shits if our unhealthy habits resulted in us looking like the hot women in porn.

I have an alternative theory. As someone mentioned, women have this remarkable habit of losing weight and looking sexy once they ditch their previous relationship where they packed on the weight. That’s not a coincidence and it has nothing to do with having trapped someone as justification to let oneself go. The difference is that the relationship slips after a while. Any relationship (marriage or otherwise) takes work. It may mean more effort but you have to go back to treating your wife like you did in the beginning. Be romantic with her, compliment her and make her feel like she’s fun and sexy. That will encourage her to become that person in a positive way without having to further drag her ego through the mud. Your wife has a mirror. I’m sure she knows she gained weight. I think right now she sees no incentive to lose it because she feels like she’s become old news to you. She finds more comfort in relaxing and eating than she does in the way you look at her. I’m not placing the blame on you. I’m simply saying that whether you noticed it or not, you may have begun to treat her like just another average broad...and so that’s how she’s started to behave. If you love her and truly think she’s perfect in every other way, show her that. When she feels confident about being able to satisfy you as a woman, she will make it her duty to push herself a little bit more to be the best she can be. It’s very similar to wives nagging husbands for being broke - if you feel belittled by a woman for not earning enough money, what incentive do you have to try harder? I would think none. I would think you would push yourself more if you had a good woman by your side who supported you, made an effort to understand you and made you feel like her support wasn’t conditional. That’s a woman who you would care to do right by. Many women feel the same about their appearance. Sadly, society has made physical looks the currency with which women navigate the world. Support her and she will feel compelled to give you the best of herself.

 

[K Douglas]

My condolences to you. Nothing worse than being repulsed physically by your SO.

 

[MissCroft]

I dated a man who complained that I was getting too chubby. Then I lost weight and he complained that I was too skinny. Men. Hmmpphh. :clock:

 

[ReaganAdams]

If you've found a true life partner value that and consider yourself lucky. Weight can be changed but a shitty person can't.

First off...for the love of all that is good...do NOT broach the topic of weight with your wife by bringing up health, OP. It sounds so condescending and fake coming from a husband. Wives aren’t idiots. Most of us know our husbands wouldn’t give two shits if our unhealthy habits resulted in us looking like the hot women in porn.

I have an alternative theory. As someone mentioned, women have this remarkable habit of losing weight and looking sexy once they ditch their previous relationship where they packed on the weight. That’s not a coincidence and it has nothing to do with having trapped someone as justification to let oneself go. The difference is that the relationship slips after a while. Any relationship (marriage or otherwise) takes work. It may mean more effort but you have to go back to treating your wife like you did in the beginning. Be romantic with her, compliment her and make her feel like she’s fun and sexy. That will encourage her to become that person in a positive way without having to further drag her ego through the mud. Your wife has a mirror. I’m sure she knows she gained weight. I think right now she sees no incentive to lose it because she feels like she’s become old news to you. She finds more comfort in relaxing and eating than she does in the way you look at her. I’m not placing the blame on you. I’m simply saying that whether you noticed it or not, you may have begun to treat her like just another average broad...and so that’s how she’s started to behave. If you love her and truly think she’s perfect in every other way, show her that. When she feels confident about being able to satisfy you as a *partner*, she will make it her *priority* to push herself a little bit more to be the best she can be.

Support her and she will feel compelled to give you the best of herself.

It's good to see that some people here have good heads on their shoulders.

 

[Robert Mugabe]

Time for a pep talk.

 

[freedom3]

I saw some "wide load" signs for sale. Pick a few up and leave them around the house.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8Ry9k075-w

In all seriousness, as long as she feels that she is in no danger of losing you (and your money), then she will feel there is no point to going to the effort to losing weight. As pointed out above, when women are single, they worry about weight.

My advice: Develop a wandering eye. When you are out with her, be sure to let her catch you looking at other women.

 

[Ffm_BV]

I saw some "wide load" signs for sale. Pick a few up and leave them around the house.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8Ry9k075-w

In all seriousness, as long as she feels that she is in no danger of losing you (and your money), then she will feel there is no point to going to the effort to losing weight. As pointed out above, when women are single, they worry about weight.

My advice: Develop a wandering eye. When you are out with her, be sure to let her catch you looking at other women.

That’s great advice if you want your marriage to go to shit. Making her insecure might make her lose weight...sure...but once she does, other men will notice. Men who she won’t associate with feeling like crap. That might encourage her eye to wander, too. Playing games never solves anything. It’s the refuge of the emotionally stunted.