My SO is gaining a lot of weight, which completely transforms her. I can still see the person behind but virtually lost all sexual desire for her. She loves sex and it puts a lot of pressure on me, for the first time in my life I try to avoid sex. We haven't talked about it but I don't think I can continue like this any longer. Has anybody gone through something similar?
SO gaining weight :(
- Thread starter HappynSmiling
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1. Sort of tell her how you feel. Don't say you don't find her sexy anymore.... Say that you are concerned about her health and could not imagine life without her. Ask her to make time with you to workout together. Push yourselves during those sessions. If you keep her honest you will inevitably see returns.
2. For the time-being have a routine where you look at online porn before you fuck and then pretend she's someone else while fucking. It will get you through temporarily though #1 is the is the long-term solution.
Oh yeah, I can relate.
It's like a bad joke. She's easily put on 40 pounds since we became a couple. She was always a little thick, but was attractive. She has a very beautiful face and spectacular naturals, but she has put on a lot of weight in the mid section, and legs and ass. So much so that I avert my eyes when she's nude because it's a boner wrecker. Under the covers is all fine and dandy, but I'm a visual guy and the visual just isn't good. As a result, in order to get it up, I've turned to priming the pump with some fairly out there fantasies (all of it legal and I won't bore you with the details.). Also, the sex has become more perfunctory because I just don't want to look at the rolls. This is not how I like to have sex. To her credit, she has her head on straight and is perfect in just about every other way. But you always want what you don't have don't you.
Now myself, I've recently lost about 30 pounds by removing all sugar from my diet. I'm 6-3 and have dropped from 250 or more to 220, with a goal of 200.. She has noticed my weight loss (and most notably that my clothes don't fit and I make a point of showing her) and she is well aware that she is too fat. So she has been eating healthier. In fact, we always eat a healthy evening meal. I have watched what she eats and I have to say that she has a portion problem. She simply eats too much. She may have lost 5 pounds. A start, but a long way to go.
So she is trying, and I keep after her (gently) about portion control and walking more for exercise. Still, she has a long way to go. I would never trade her in for another woman, so I'm just going to keep encouraging her to watch her diet and walk more.
It's like a bad joke. She's easily put on 40 pounds since we became a couple. She was always a little thick, but was attractive. She has a very beautiful face and spectacular naturals, but she has put on a lot of weight in the mid section, and legs and ass. So much so that I avert my eyes when she's nude because it's a boner wrecker. Under the covers is all fine and dandy, but I'm a visual guy and the visual just isn't good. As a result, in order to get it up, I've turned to priming the pump with some fairly out there fantasies (all of it legal and I won't bore you with the details.). Also, the sex has become more perfunctory because I just don't want to look at the rolls. This is not how I like to have sex. To her credit, she has her head on straight and is perfect in just about every other way. But you always want what you don't have don't you.
Now myself, I've recently lost about 30 pounds by removing all sugar from my diet. I'm 6-3 and have dropped from 250 or more to 220, with a goal of 200.. She has noticed my weight loss (and most notably that my clothes don't fit and I make a point of showing her) and she is well aware that she is too fat. So she has been eating healthier. In fact, we always eat a healthy evening meal. I have watched what she eats and I have to say that she has a portion problem. She simply eats too much. She may have lost 5 pounds. A start, but a long way to go.
So she is trying, and I keep after her (gently) about portion control and walking more for exercise. Still, she has a long way to go. I would never trade her in for another woman, so I'm just going to keep encouraging her to watch her diet and walk more.
I don’t have any experience in this but would think communication is the key.
What are the circumstances that cause this weight gain? This is directed to the OP and James t Kirk.
What are the circumstances that cause this weight gain? This is directed to the OP and James t Kirk.
Agree with number 1. Find a form of exercise that you both enjoy and do it together.
There are a variety of different reasons for weight loss and weight gain and a variety of studies that contradict each other. I have heard good things about the ketone diet which is basically no carbs. Cutting out anything with added (refined) sugar is good. But then I've seen other options too such as 6 small meals a day every 2 hours, 2 meals or 1 meal per day (go wild), don't eat after 6 or 7pm, etc. And of course exercise is never a bad thing.
As far as portion size, people on the ketone diet state portions can be huge. Then you have others where portion control is very important. I just make these points to make people aware that portion size may/may not be the cause. Sometimes seeing a nutritionist/allergist can also identify normal foods that your body has issues with.
To the OP, I must state that sex burns calories so if SO has a weight issue, you know what you gotta do...
Just tell her or try a few shot before sex.
But better if she lose weight, because drinking until she's fuckable , can kill you.
But better if she lose weight, because drinking until she's fuckable , can kill you.
I went through this with an SO a while back, similar to JT Kirk below I was also on great path physically which made the delta between her and I even worse.
One piece of advice I received, which did seem to help, was to engage in physically strenuous activities together as a way of helping her to see what I saw. I remember going hiking and hitting a long rise in the trail, by the time she reached the top she was telling me how she needed to change her lifestyle because she was so out of shape, she would have had no trouble what that hill 5 years ago, etc. This led to a positive supportive discussion, a nice way to crack the ice.
In the end she couldn't commit to truly changing her lifestyle, meaning what she ate, so she was doomed to failure. But there was at least a joint effort there for a while.
The other approach I heard, but never tried, was to plan a vacation to a bikini destination. You both throw yourselves into getting in shape to look good on the beach, and when she succeeds you shower her with praise.
You didn't mention how old she was, but that is also a bigger factor than I realized. Almost all of us have a tendency to put on more weight as we age, but for women it is possibly tougher as they absolutely must control their weight on the input side, whereas guys have a bit more play on the calorie-burning back end.
Good luck!
KK
Very simple.
Once she snagged a man who was willing to offer her commitment, she let herself go.
Try to do something moderately active as a couple like dancing, swimming, etc. Even talking a short walk after dinner. If you're sitting on your ass all day, then she's likely to do the same. Take it slow at first: once or twice a week and then increase the activity level slowly. Also, try doing more of the cooking and pick healthier meals.
Just to add to this, there's other types of activities/events such as runs (5k, 10k) or a variety of physical events like Spartan or Tough Mudder. Any one of these requires some effort in advance to train in order to get through it.
Cycling/spin classes/yoga are other options too. I went for a spin class recently having not done it for a few years and could only go 25 minutes versus the hour. Same thing with something like yoga. Most people who have an ounce of self-motivation feels a little upset if you don't make it to the end.
My observation is that a significant fraction of (most?) women put on weight either around or after menopause... first wife, previously a little slip of a thing, did. Second wife is inevitably following in her footsteps. Not really their fault... It's like their metabolism changes, in that they eat/exercise (or not) doesn't change, but suddenly they are up 10 kilos.
I think the dual exercise suggestions above would be a good starting approach, but in my experience nothing works unless you want to marry yet another 30-year old, which does get expensive.
My prescription: Appreciate your wife for her other fine qualities and meanwhile patronize thinner SPs. (You might "throw her a bone" occasionally to prevent her suspecting that you have opted for professional help.)
Her diet didn't change much, she actually tries to eat a little healthier. Her mom is pretty big and I wonder if it's something genetics related. Will try to talk as some of you have suggested. I don't have much choice now.
To the OP and Captain Kirk, how old are your SO's? And have they had children? Are they working or just staying at home.
Also alcohol kills your boner, so that might actually make it worse.Just tell her or try a few shot before sex.
But better if she lose weight, because drinking until she's fuckable , can kill you.
