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Should a wife take your last name when you get hitched? And why?

luvdog

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No no no. That is not how it goes. Not anymore. That concept has changed. I helped my ex get a buy out of the house, the most minimal amount in child support which if he took the kids, he wouldn’t have to pay.

I helped my brother also pay nothing based on her income and his and the fact that he has the child 50% of the time.

I helped my dad get custody of my two younger siblings and get awarded support.

The law is equal and far, it is the fault of men for failing to use the system properly
In your experience, it was different.

The fact that you stated your Ex took the kids shows how unique it is.
Most Men don't get their kids to raise.

This is not the majority of situations.

The fact that you were able to help your Dad and Brother is not the norm.

"The law is equal and far, it is the fault of men for failing to use the system properly".
_----- I disagree, there are many men that aren't treated well by the system.
I could also say women too, but it is still in the minority.

The law is supposed to be neutral, but the legal system has become a cash cow for lawyers interested in
filling their pockets.
That is a whole other topic.
LD.
 

Jenesis

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In your experience, it was different.

The fact that you stated your Ex took the kids shows how unique it is.
Most Men don't get their kids to raise.

This is not the majority of situations.

The fact that you were able to help your Dad and Brother is not the norm.

"The law is equal and far, it is the fault of men for failing to use the system properly".
_----- I disagree, there are many men that aren't treated well by the system.
I could also say women too, but it is still in the minority.

The law is supposed to be neutral, but the legal system has become a cash cow for lawyers interested in
filling their pockets.
That is a whole other topic.
LD.
That is a whole other topic and lots of people pick bad lawyers but men make the most mistakes. They leave the house and they stop paying or what they pay is labeled child support only. That automatically defaults their payments to the house. It becomes an issue of abandonment in the eyes of the law and you lose rights. That starts the down fall.

And while I know it is unique in my cases, I can assure you I only used the law. Law that stumped a few lawyers and a judge, but when presented correctly, it really is a cake walk and no one has a choice but to follow it.

But again, a topic for another day. LOL.
 
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oakvilleguy

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I actually discouraged my wife from changing her last name to mine because it’s a hassle to do so and involved fees for a passport, citizenship card, drivers license etc but she did it anyway.

I also know a woman who changed her last name to her first husband’s and kept it when she got married the 2nd and 3rd time
 
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Mr.Know-It-All

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Jul 26, 2020
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This tradition is useless if you tell me - someone many many many years ago thought - let me take your name or you must take my name and here we are today. There is no reason to take anyone's name - you do it because you chose to do it - nothing more nothing less.
There is a practical reason to take on someone's name down the road.

There are lots of hyphenated names now. So a man whose last name is Gilbert-Todd marries a woman whose last name is Smith-Ferguson, and they have children. If they both choose to keep their names and pass it on to their kids the kid's last name will be Gilbert-Todd-Smith-Ferguson which is utterly ridiculous.
 

VIPhunter

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You don’t think that is a false sense of security? That just because she took your last name that actually means she loves you? Or is it just because that is how it is done? Doesn’t that take away from it?

And what about it makes it important? Just the fact that you all have the same last name. Which as you pointed out can be done with hyphenating. Should you not be equally expected to hyphenate your name with hers so you are truly a family unit and now has to leave their history behind?
As I wrote, it worked before. Why change things?

And as I also wrote, hyphenated names are clunky and dumb to my ear.
 
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Uncharted

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Aug 8, 2013
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Can you tell me why you need the last name? Many women can probably tell you all the dumb reasons they need a ring.
Me personally, I don't. However, I understand the reasons others have listed for wanting such.
Marriage is a joining.
Legally you are merging when getting married.
Tax wise you become a single tax entity in many respects, when getting married
Religiously, marriage symbolizes two people becoming one spiritual being.
Everything about the institute of marriage represents the joining, combining and sharing of two lives as one.
If a person is going to ignore the base level traditions and beliefs of that institute, then why are they entering into it in the first place?
That's like wanting to buy a Ferrari, but then replacing everything that makes it a Ferrari with parts from a Charger, because you didn't like those things about the Ferrari.
 

VIPhunter

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Jan 17, 2012
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Me personally, I don't. However, I understand the reasons others have listed for wanting such.
Marriage is a joining.
Legally you are merging when getting married.
Tax wise you become a single tax entity in many respects, when getting married
Religiously, marriage symbolizes two people becoming one spiritual being.
Everything about the institute of marriage represents the joining, combining and sharing of two lives as one.
If a person is going to ignore the base level traditions and beliefs of that institute, then why are they entering into it in the first place?
That's like wanting to buy a Ferrari, but then replacing everything that makes it a Ferrari with parts from a Charger, because you didn't like those things about the Ferrari.

Nice analogy. Well done.
 

jalimon

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Jan 10, 2016
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Never heard of someone changing her name in Quebec for over 30 years. We have stopped doing that long ago.

Only exception about 5 years ago a girl I knew changed her name after marriage because her last name was Bonichon! Which is the french for Nicetits! 😷
 
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VIPhunter

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Jan 17, 2012
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Never heard of someone changing her name in Quebec for over 30 years. We have stopped doing that long ago.

Only exception about 5 years ago a girl I knew changed her name after marriage because her last name was Bonichon! Which is the french for Nicetits! 😷
Yeah. Another insane over reaction of government , this time a law from the 80s.

Can you imagine? A law?!!
 

shakenbake

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Question is simple. If I were ever to get married I would keep my last name. I see no reason to change it. To go through the hassle of a legal name change, changing SIN, DL, CCs, bank accounts, etc. Anyone who has lost their wallet knows the hassle.

I don’t see why I need to go through all that

Edit - for the record I am never getting married so this is just a thought of if I did. Second - this topic was circling a woman’s only board I am on so I thought I would get the opinion of men from a male dominant board. .
Interesting that in a supposedly patriarchal society as in Italy, the wife continues to use her maiden name. That has been the norm for the longest time, even in the early 20th century and earlier. I had encouraged my wife when we got married to continue that practice. My grandmother used her maiden name until she passed away and she was born in 1909. Why does a woman change her name upon marriage? In Spain, the husband changed his surname to his wife’s surname, as do the Portuguese, if I recall.
 

xmontrealer

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Interesting that in a supposedly patriarchal society as in Italy, the wife continues to use her maiden name. That has been the norm for the longest time, even in the early 20th century and earlier. I had encouraged my wife when we got married to continue that practice. My grandmother used her maiden name until she passed away and she was born in 1909. Why does a woman change her name upon marriage? In Spain, the husband changed his surname to his wife’s surname, as do the Portuguese, if I recall.
As we were married in Quebec, my (now ex) wife retained her maiden name. As that was the law there, I had no adverse reaction to that, although it did take some explaining to my parents out West. And in truth it did not bother me at all on a philosophical level. I would not have changed my surname to hers.

Our children have my last name. I do not personally know anybody in Quebec, or anywhere else, where the children did not take the father's surname. I don't think I would have been very happy if my wife had insisted they have her surname, or hyphenated last names.

Biblically a male Jewish child's name would be his or her first name, followed by "son of" the father's first name, but that soon got too complicated, so family surnames evolved.

On occasion my wife and myself having different names on our passports caused raised eyebrows in certain overseas countries when we checked into hotels, but was easily explained.

However, when my wife took our 13 year old son to Israel by herself, we had to get a certified true copy of our marriage certificate, plus a notarized letter from me authorizing her to take him out of Canada, as of course his last name on his passport was different from hers...
 
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Pleasure Hound

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Personally, I think that the "taking last name" tradition is rather outdated and does suggest that a woman is property.

In real life, I don't really care either way. If the woman chooses to change her last name, then I'm cool with that.If not, it does not affect me in any way.

Sometimes changing your last name is beneficial, especially if the last name sounds dirty or funny.....
 
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rhuarc29

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Apr 15, 2009
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I don't know the difficulties of one spouse not taking the last name of another, if any. The only thing I can think of is that depending on his family/friends, if a man takes the last name of his wife he's probably going to be teased about it for the rest of his life about not wearing the pants in the family. Not the worst thing, but could be grating.
 

curr3n_c1000

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Women are ridiculous. They can spend 2 years planning a wedding, but 2 month to change her name over? Nope, can't do it. Too much of a hassle.

As far as I'm concerned, if a woman doesn't take your name, she already has one foot out the door.
 
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Jenesis

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Women are ridiculous. They can spend 2 years planning a wedding, but 2 month to change her name over? Nope, can't do it. Too much of a hassle.

As far as I'm concerned, if a woman doesn't take your name, she already has one foot out the door.
I just think that is so funny. You won’t change your name, you expect her too and if she can’t then you won’t marry her. Over a name, you won’t marry her. LOL
 

stinkynuts

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I see nothing wrong with a woman keeping the last name of the husband. In some countries and societies, it's the female surname that is adopted by the husband. I don't see it being a big issue. Those who think it is, have many options. To each their own.
 
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