Should a wife take your last name when you get hitched? And why?

[Jenesis]

It has to do with the proof/validation of their father hood. Women, become Moms...and moms are always the most important family member to every child. There is no doubt when a child is born, who is the mother.

Father's have to take it on faith (no matter how good the marriage is) that the child is truly his.

Bestowing a family name, the wife taking it and giving it to the child seems like a reasonable concession to me.

I understand others might feel differently about this.

Wait, let me get this straight. Without any names, a mother is known as the mother to child, but a father(even in marriage) is never truly known to be the father? Why? Because women are whores cheating left and right? I don’t get that one.

And I would disagree that a mother is the most important parent role in a child’s life. Y’all wouldn’t get the sex from a lot of the escorts that you do if they didn’t have daddy issues. Hell, myself included when I was younger. Not escorting but bad relationships.

Lastly - what does the man have to change to concede to his women equally? What part of himself does he need to change to prove his love to her?

 

[luvdog]

Wait, let me get this straight. Without any names, a mother is known as the mother to child, but a father(even in marriage) is never truly known to be the father? Why? Because women are whores cheating left and right? I don’t get that one.

And I would disagree that a mother is the most important parent role in a child’s life. Y’all wouldn’t get the sex from a lot of the escorts that you do if they didn’t have daddy issues. Hell, myself included when I was younger. Not escorting but bad relationships.

Lastly - what does the man have to change to concede to his women equally? What part of himself does he need to change to prove his love to her?

The whole Maury Povich show is built on this principal alone, who is the father?

There is a good reason some Men dance when they find out they are not.

"Lastly - what does the man have to change to concede to his women equally? What part of himself does he need to change to prove his love to her?"
You're kidding right?
Women have way more legal benefits than a Man.

LD

 

[VIPhunter]

Wait, let me get this straight. Without any names, a mother is known as the mother to child, but a father(even in marriage) is never truly known to be the father? Why? Because women are whores cheating left and right? I don’t get that one.

And I would disagree that a mother is the most important parent role in a child’s life. Y’all wouldn’t get the sex from a lot of the escorts that you do if they didn’t have daddy issues. Hell, myself included when I was younger. Not escorting but bad relationships.

Lastly - what does the man have to change to concede to his women equally? What part of himself does he need to change to prove his love to her?

You do like to spin things Jess.

If you believe that couples are starting a 'new' family when they get married, and I would suggest there is PLENTY of evidence that women are more of the marrying mindset than men, taking ONE name for the family makes sense.....


Kinda like what the pro-choice people say: If you DON"T want to take his name, don't do it. If you she won't take your name, but it's important to you, don't marry her.

 

[curr3n_c1000]

So the only reason is get married to uphold tradition? Then why are women working? Wasn’t that a tradition? Many men are happy to have the extra household income. Some Men are happy that she is the one making the higher or only income. Are you saying those people shouldn’t be married?

At what point should marriage be about the here and now and not about “traditional” views? When do they become Archaic? And again what is so important about this specific tradition?

Men didn't ask women to work. Women got fooled by capitalist. Now you can't even raise the children you birth.

And that's right. Why get married if the commitment, values and traditions aren't being upheld?

You don't actually want a Husband, you just want to throw a party for yourself.

 

[Jenesis]

The whole Maury Povich show is built on this principal alone, who is the father?

There is a good reason some Men dance when they find out they are not.

"Lastly - what does the man have to change to concede to his women equally? What part of himself does he need to change to prove his love to her?"
You're kidding right?
Women have way more legal benefits than a Man.

LD

That is not answering the question.

You and I are standing at the alter. In order for me to prove my love, before we do anything, is to change a part of me and my history for you, to prove to you that I love you. What do you do equally for me at that point to prove your love to me?

 

[Jenesis]

Men didn't ask women to work. Women got fooled by capitalist. Now you can't even raise the children you birth.

And that's right. Why get married if the commitment, values and traditions aren't being upheld?

You don't actually want a Husband, you just want to throw a party for yourself.

Let’s be clear - not me. I don’t believe in marriage. Probably why I have hard time with this.

Not one of you can explain why women need to change their last name. All you have said is reasons to take things away If she doesn’t. And you can’t explain why this one “tradition” needs to be kept now in 2022 when all the other traditions of marriage are basically gone now.

 

[Sonic Temple]

Personally - if I was married - wouldn't matter to me if the wifey took my last name or not, I would def. include both names for the kids though. I wouldn't want to change my last name so really can't expect her to do it, unless it was voluntary - then all good. Otherwise - keep our last names intact and include both for the kids.

 

[luvdog]

That is not answering the question.
What do you do equally for me at that point to prove your love to me?

A Man becomes subservient to his wife the moment he makes that commitment, put that ring on his finger.
He is legally and Financially responsible, for supporting his wife and children. For taking care of them.
Which is why we have Alimony for Men after divorce.

Proving love? If that isn't proving love, then I don't know what it is.

LD.

 

[VIPhunter]

Let’s be clear - not me. I don’t believe in marriage. Probably why I have hard time with this.

Not one of you can explain why women need to change their last name. All you have said is reasons to take things away If she doesn’t. And you can’t explain why this one “tradition” needs to be kept now in 2022 when all the other traditions of marriage are basically gone now.

There is no need to do anything. There is no need to get married in the first place.

But if one is to agree to marriage, then both parties have to (long before they stand at the altar) agree to a number of things. Name changing might be important to them....or...it might not be.

 

[Sonic Temple]

Let’s be clear - not me. I don’t believe in marriage. Probably why I have hard time with this.

Not one of you can explain why women need to change their last name. All you have said is reasons to take things away If she doesn’t. And you can’t explain why this one “tradition” needs to be kept now in 2022 when all the other traditions of marriage are basically gone now.

This tradition is useless if you tell me - someone many many many years ago thought - let me take your name or you must take my name and here we are today. There is no reason to take anyone's name - you do it because you chose to do it - nothing more nothing less.

 

[Jenesis]

There is no need to do anything. There is no need to get married in the first place.

But if one is to agree to marriage, then both parties have to (long before they stand at the altar) agree to a number of things. Name changing might be important to them....or...it might not be.

I don’t know how many times I can explain this. I agree.

My question is to the men here who find this important, and I’m asking them why? If this doesn’t pertain to you and you are going to keep repeating yourself, then it makes no sense for us to continue. You keep saying the same thing. If the couple agree, then great if they don’t, then don’t get married. Yes I get that. That is the natural outcome.

I’m asking why the need in the first place. If you can answer that great - if not, I will continue this discussion with others.

I’m not trying to be rude, but I feel like I am dancing in circles with you as either you don’t understand what I am asking or you just don’t have an answer

 

[curr3n_c1000]

Let’s be clear - not me. I don’t believe in marriage. Probably why I have hard time with this.

Not one of you can explain why women need to change their last name. All you have said is reasons to take things away If she doesn’t. And you can’t explain why this one “tradition” needs to be kept now in 2022 when all the other traditions of marriage are basically gone now.

I don't mean you specifically.

I am explaining but you are not hearing. It's a commitment. If a woman can't even commit to a name change, why should a man commit to marriage? Just be common-law, win-win.

 

[Jenesis]

I don't mean you specifically.

I am explaining but you are not hearing. It's a commitment. If a woman can't even commit to a name change, why should a man commit to marriage? Just be common-law, win-win.

You are not fully explaining. How is taking a last name showing more commitment, then agreeing to marry in the first place? And if that is the only way, then what does the man do equally to prove his love at the time of marriage?
We are not taking common law. Or the outcome if she does or doesn’t. We are talking about the need and how a last name proves love above anything else.

 

[Jenesis]

A Man becomes subservient to his wife the moment he makes that commitment, put that ring on his finger.
He is legally and Financially responsible, for supporting his wife and children. For taking care of them.
Which is why we have Alimony for Men after divorce.

Proving love? If that isn't proving love, then I don't know what it is.

LD.

No no no. That is not how it goes. Not anymore. That concept has changed. I helped my ex get a buy out of the house, the most minimal amount in child support which if he took the kids, he wouldn’t have to pay.

I helped my brother also pay nothing based on her income and his and the fact that he has the child 50% of the time.

I helped my dad get custody of my two younger siblings and get awarded support.

The law is equal and far, it is the fault of men for failing to use the system properly

 

[curr3n_c1000]

You are not fully explaining. How is taking a last name showing more commitment, then agreeing to marry in the first place? And if that is the only way, then what does the man do equally to prove his love at the time of marriage?
We are not taking common law. Or the outcome if she does or doesn’t. We are talking about the need and how a last name proves love above anything else.

It's showing a desire to have life-long commitment because you are legally changing your name.
It shows she values the same principals of marriage I do.
It shows how much she loves you. A woman isn't going to take just anyone's name.

Why can't we respect people's beliefs, values and traditions.

We are all not followers of "Hook-up" Culture. Marriage for some people is not a joke. If a man brings his whole family to an event, he's not playing games. Respect that.

 

[VIPhunter]

I don’t know how many times I can explain this. I agree.

My question is to the men here who find this important, and I’m asking them why? If this doesn’t pertain to you and you are going to keep repeating yourself, then it makes no sense for us to continue. You keep saying the same thing. If the couple agree, then great if they don’t, then don’t get married. Yes I get that. That is the natural outcome.

I’m asking why the need in the first place. If you can answer that great - if not, I will continue this discussion with others.

I’m not trying to be rude, but I feel like I am dancing in circles with you as either you don’t understand what I am asking or you just don’t have an answer

It was important to me, because I wanted to be seen as a family unit...and I think hyphenated names are clunky and stupid.

My mother, my grandmother, great-grand mother took this name.

As for my SO, her mother, her grandmother and her great grandmother took their husband's name.

It was the way it was done, and breaking that chain, seemed unnecessary.

 

[VIPhunter]

Why should a man buy a woman an expensive and useless diamond ring when they get engaged? - It's dumb and wasteful but I doubt many women would want to give this up.

Why wear an expensive wedding dress- More waste for no good reason

I think we spent close to 2 grand on flowers all those many years ago- More waste, but important to my SO. So we didit.


There are many traditions that when looked at under the cold light are dumb and useless. BUt I'm sure, when getting married they 'feel' right to many.

 

[Jenesis]

It was important to me, because I wanted to be seen as a family unit...and I think hyphenated names are clunky and stupid.

My mother, my grandmother, great-grand mother took this name.

As for my SO, her mother, her grandmother and her great grandmother took their husband's name.

It was the way it was done, and breaking that chain, seemed unnecessary.

You don’t think that is a false sense of security? That just because she took your last name that actually means she loves you? Or is it just because that is how it is done? Doesn’t that take away from it?

And what about it makes it important? Just the fact that you all have the same last name. Which as you pointed out can be done with hyphenating. Should you not be equally expected to hyphenate your name with hers so you are truly a family unit and now has to leave their history behind?

 

[Uncharted]

You don’t think this is rather an archaic ideology? Considering our times now?

Interesting.

Then why, considering our times now, is a man still expected to buy the Woman a Diamond Ring when they get engaged?
And not just get a ring, but one that costs the equivalent of at least 2 months of his salary.

Women expect that sacrifice from a man in order to get married, why can a man not expect something as relatively easy as a name change?

 

[Jenesis]

Why should a man buy a woman an expensive and useless diamond ring when they get engaged? - It's dumb and wasteful but I doubt many women would want to give this up.

Why wear an expensive wedding dress- More waste for no good reason

I think we spent close to 2 grand on flowers all those many years ago- More waste, but important to my SO. So we didit.


There are many traditions that when looked at under the cold light are dumb and useless. BUt I'm sure, when getting married they 'feel' right to many.

I agree it is a waste. I don’t think a man needs to give a ring to a woman and since a marriage is a nothing more then a contract, it should be done a city hall and then family can have a party later. Don’t see anything wrong with that at all. Weddings are another useless tradition.

But again, I am not talking about that. I’m talking about the last name. Why is it so important and what does a man do equally?

You can say maybe a ring for a name???? I would think it is stupid but at least it would be more then the nothing I have gotten now.

Interesting.

Then why, considering our times now, is a man still expected to buy the Woman a Diamond Ring when they get engaged?
And not just get a ring, but one that costs the equivalent of at least 2 months of his salary.

Women expect that sacrifice from a man in order to get married, why can a man not expect esomething as relatively easy as a name change?

Just answered that. Can you tell me why you need the last name? Many women can probably tell you all the dumb reasons they need a ring.