Should a wife take your last name when you get hitched? And why?

[Jenesis]

Question is simple. If I were ever to get married I would keep my last name. I see no reason to change it. To go through the hassle of a legal name change, changing SIN, DL, CCs, bank accounts, etc. Anyone who has lost their wallet knows the hassle.

I don’t see why I need to go through all that

Edit - for the record I am never getting married so this is just a thought of if I did. Second - this topic was circling a woman’s only board I am on so I thought I would get the opinion of men from a male dominant board. .

 

[luvdog]

The reason for taking their last name was to carry on their family name after they pass.
Most men have children for that reason, they want to have a legacy to carry on.

A woman taking her husbands name is a validation of their marriage, and their children.

That might not be important to you, but for a Man making a commitment, it is.
LD

 

[Jenesis]

The reason for taking their last name was to carry on their family name after they pass.
Most men have children for that reason, they want to have a legacy to carry on.

A woman taking her husbands name is a validation of their marriage, and their children.

That might not be important to you, but for a Man making a commitment, it is.
LD

Why can’t a woman carry on her family name? Some men only have daughters, so what then? The family line just dies? That doesn’t make any sense.

You don’t think this is rather an archaic ideology? Considering our times now?

And again, the amount of paper Work and hassle I, as woman, have to go through to change a name is annoying. Have you ever lost your wallet? Not to mention if the woman has built a career on her last name, all that goes out the window so that a man can feel emotionally secure? Is that the right thing to call it? Emotional security? I don’t see what else to call that feeling you are describing on the man’s side.

 

[curr3n_c1000]

If she doesn't want to uphold the traditions of a marriage, Why should a man marry woman?

 

[luvdog]

Why can’t a woman carry on her family name? Some men only have daughters, so what then? The family line just dies? That doesn’t make any sense.

You don’t think this is rather an archaic ideology? Considering our times now?

And again, the amount of paper Work and hassle I, as woman, have to go through to change a name is annoying. Have you ever lost your wallet? Not to mention if the woman has built a career on her last name, all that goes out the window so that a man can feel emotionally secure? Is that the right thing to call it? Emotional security? I don’t see what else to call that feeling you are describing on the man’s side.

No. I don't it is that archaic.
A Man has different responsibilities. They are not less important than a wife.

Some women have hyphened their last names with their Husbands. So it not entirely his.
There are also women with careers that use their maiden name to promote themselves and use their husbands name privately.

There is paperwork in just getting married alone. I see the tax rates go up for people just getting married without children.

Otherwise, what would be the point of getting married, why not just be common-law?
LD

 

[Jenesis]

If she doesn't want to uphold the traditions of a marriage, Why should a man marry woman?

So a man shouldn’t marry a woman he loves and who loves him simply because she won’t take his last name? Love means nothing? The only way she can prove her love is by changing a part of herself? Does that sound like love?

 

[curr3n_c1000]

So a man shouldn’t marry a woman he loves and who loves him simply because she won’t take his last name? Love means nothing? The only way she can prove her love is by changing a part of herself? Does that sound like love?

A man can love you with out marriage can he not?

If you ain't ready to commit like that to me, then I ain't ready to commit like that to you.

 

[Jenesis]

No. I don't it is that archaic.
A Man has different responsibilities. They are not less important than a wife.

Some women have hyphened their last names with their Husbands. So it not entirely his.
There are also women with careers that use their maiden name to promote themselves and use their husbands name privately.

There is paperwork in just getting married alone. I see the tax rates go up for people just getting married without children.

Otherwise, what would be the point of getting married, why not just be common-law?
LD

Because of legal protections. That is why gay people wanted the right to marry. A wife would not be allowed to make choices over her husband’s health for example.

@luvdog sorry I added more

I know all the rest of what you said but it doesn’t explain the NEED for her to change her name. To end her family line, to take away a part of herself just to make him feel what??? What is it that the man feels that makes this a need?

 

[Jenesis]

A man can love you with out marriage can he not?

Sure. That doesn’t answer any of my questions though. Is the only way that a woman can prove her love is to change a part of herself?

 

[VIPhunter]

Question is simple. If I were ever to get married I would keep my last name. I see no reason to change it. To go through the hassle of a legal name change, changing SIN, DL, CCs, bank accounts, etc. Anyone who has lost their wallet knows the hassle.

I don’t see why I need to go through all that

Edit - for the record I am never getting married so this is just a thought of if I did. Second - this topic was circling a woman’s only board I am on so I thought I would get the opinion of men from a male dominant board. .

Why would you care?

Marriage means many different things to may different people. This is a decision both parties have to be agreeable to. If they can't agree, getting married to each other would probably be an unwise idea.

 

[luvdog]

Because of legal protections. .A wife would not be allowed to make choices over her husband’s health for example.

Yeah, that is a great part of it.
It is also to protect the children as well.

I think many couples forget that.

But for those childless, I am not sure how that works.

No fault-divorce is so common now.
LD

 

[VIPhunter]

Because of legal protections. That is why gay people wanted the right to marry. A wife would not be allowed to make choices over her husband’s health for example.

Easily taken care of with a living will/Power of attorney.

 

[Jenesis]

Yeah, that is a great part of it.
It is also to protect the children as well.

I think many couples forget that.

But for those childless, I am not sure how that works.

No fault-divorce is so common now.
LD

I don’t get it either for anything really. Even the legal protections. Seems the contract outweighs the benefits in my personal opinion. It is why I never did it.

 

[Jenesis]

Easily taken care of with a living will/Power of attorney.

True but people want to get married so all the power to them. Doesn’t explain why a woman needs to take a wives name or why if she doesn’t, she shouldn’t be married?

 

[Jenesis]

Why would you care?

Marriage means many different things to may different people. This is a decision both parties have to be agreeable to. If they can't agree, getting married to each other would probably be an unwise idea.

I did explain why I was asking. Is curiosity not allowed on this board?

I am not disagreeing. I am questioning why men feel so passionately about this? I don’t understand and while I am challenging the The notions of tradition, I’m purposely doing so because in this time and era it makes absolutely no sense to me. So I’m questioning as to why to help understand. Is there seriously an issue with my general curiosity? If you don’t want to partake, no one is forcing you.

 

[VIPhunter]

True but people want to get married so all the power to them. Doesn’t explain why a woman needs to take a wives name or why if she doesn’t, she shouldn’t be married?

I never wrote that.

I wrote they should agree on the importance of either keeping her family name, taking his, mixing the two, or him taking hers.

If they cant agree, there may be a problem.

 

[curr3n_c1000]

Sure. That doesn’t answer any of my questions though. Is the only way that a woman can prove her love to change a part of herself?

You can love anyone at anytime.

A marriage is a form of commitment. If you can't uphold that tradition of the commitment, then what's the point?

 

[Jenesis]

You can love anyone at anytime.

A marriage is a form of commitment. If you can't uphold that tradition of the commitment, then what's the point?

So the only reason is get married to uphold tradition? Then why are women working? Wasn’t that a tradition? Many men are happy to have the extra household income. Some Men are happy that she is the one making the higher or only income. Are you saying those people shouldn’t be married?

At what point should marriage be about the here and now and not about “traditional” views? When do they become Archaic? And again what is so important about this specific tradition?

 

[Jenesis]

I never wrote that.

I wrote they should agree on the importance of either keeping her family name, taking his, mixing the two, or him taking hers.

If they cant agree, there may be a problem.

That is fine. I’m not talking individually. I’m not taking about their personal relationship. I’m asking in general why a woman NEEDS to take a man’s last name.

Other then traditions of passing down the name of the male line, no one has been able to give me a straight answer.

 

[VIPhunter]

I did explain why I was asking. Is curiosity not allowed on this board?

I am not disagreeing. I am questioning why men feel so passionately about this? I don’t understand and while I am challenging the The notions of tradition, I’m purposely doing so because in this time and era it makes absolutely no sense to me. So I’m questioning as to why to help understand. Is there seriously an issue with my general curiosity? If you don’t want to partake, no one is forcing you.

It has to do with the proof/validation of their father hood. Women, become Moms...and moms are always the most important family member to every child. There is no doubt when a child is born, who is the mother.

Father's have to take it on faith (no matter how good the marriage is) that the child is truly his.

Bestowing a family name, the wife taking it and giving it to the child seems like a reasonable concession to me.

I understand others might feel differently about this.