Relationship Question

[LancsLad]

It is simply wording as he said upper hand.

It was an off the cuff glib remark about striking a partner and if a male had said it in regards to a female the Board would be all over them..

I'm simply highlighting the always present double standard when it comes to PC matters.



.

 

[RTRD]

Yes...

You do know there is no cure for asperger's syndrome, right?

...but being informed and diagnosed are the first steps to managing it. If you are aware that what you consider normal really isn't, and that people might take issue with it, you can be mindful thereof.

Additionally, while you cannot be "cured" of Asperger's, there are drug which and treat the symptoms and side effects

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/aspergers-syndrome/DS00551/DSECTION=treatments-and-drugs

Same with Adult ADHD....for which there is also no cure, and which also has different but similar sociological effects.

 

[Jade4u]

It was an off the cuff glib remark about striking a partner and if a male had said it in regards to a female the Board would be all over them..

I'm simply highlighting the always present double standard when it comes to PC matters.



.

Yes, well I am sure there is males that also say somtimes she made me so angry I would have liked to of... that does not necessarily mean a some time he would be inclined to do so. Yes, I do have a problem if men strike women or women to men. I think things can always be worked out without anyone taking or having the upper hand is all I really meant by it. I myself do not have any double standard in regards to these matters and was only throwing words because of his wording as liking to have the upper hand.

 

[LancsLad]

Yes, well I am sure there is males that also say somtimes she made me so angry I would have liked to of... that does not necessarily mean a some time he would be inclined to do so. Yes, I do have a problem if men strike women or women to men. I think things can always be worked out without anyone taking or having the upper hand is all I really meant by it. I myself do not have any double standard in regards to these matters and was only throwing words because of his wording as liking to have the upper hand.

Cheers:


I've got no argument with you and only wanted to make the point to show how easy it is to make a verbal gaff.



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[mrsix]

MakeItSo has some kind of imagination, which speaks to physical / social immaturity, or some kind of mental defect.

Double agents? Super abilities? Self-aggrandizing monologues? This guy needs help, and not the kind that can be found on this board. Holy crap, if this guy ever gets out of his mom's basement, the world is going to kick his ass.

Hey MakeItSo...I'm smarter than you...and I can fly.

 

[MakeItSoNumber1]

The guy with the 180 IQ gets tripped-up with a simple homonym. You're looking for the word "than", not "then" - but then I guess you're just changing your writing patterns, eh? Nonetheless, here's a link to a simple grammar lesson for you - http://grammartips.homestead.com/than.html

You need therapy. You may have a high IQ (and I do question this - your grasp of logic as demonstrated in your posts here is mediocre at best), but your EQ is in the toilet. As someone with a background in clinical psychology, you're fairly neurotic. You have a lot of fixed and rigid beliefs about yourself, others and the nature of the way things are that do not serve you well at all. I don't think its your IQ that turns people off, it's your personality.

I will overlook your poor assessment of my abilities concerning logic. However, you are likely correct about the neuroses and the EQ; if you mean EQ in a dynamic/intuitive sense. I am highly neurotic, I agree.

I would submit to you though, that my beliefs are not so fixed or rigid. In fact, one of the things that enables me to perform so well in science is an open mind and a disdain for rationalizations. I suppose if you knew me you would understand that I am quite self actualized and have many of the traits associated with an advance psyche from a humanistic perspective. I would say at this stage I am working on accepting people for who/what they are.

My problem is actually the opposite, I can often see truth easily and quite frankly it is very disturbing. Most people are able to essentially lie to themselves or have the institutions in society lie to them so that they can be happy. After all, happiness is just perspective. I would agree that this objectivity does not serve me well in my relationships with people. I am exceedingly good at being right and this has been recognized by the people around me but it is hard to be right and happy.

I know the kind of person you are and since you have had so much fun scanning me I suppose I will return the favor. University faculty is filled with people like you and almost every family physician I have met is like you as well; reasonably intelligent but quite secure in your beliefs. You also feel intrinsically superior to others, which is quite different from simply being aware of ones abilities. You focus on things like protocol or rules, rather than concepts or ideas; which is a way of sequestering power and maintaining it without having to process much information. People like you are very threatened by people like me, but the funny thing is that us neurotic types are the engine that drive innovation. This is because while you believe that you know everything, I am aware that I know very little and that as a human being my cognitive functions are spotty and unreliable. This makes my life unsure and I am in a constant state of cognitive dissonance. I suppose I envy people like you, sufficient intelligence to do whatever you want pretty much but low enough so that you are able to believe that the emperor has clothes. As a person with a background in clinical psychology you are quite abusive to someone you believe requires therapy.

There is something that I have learned about intelligence as a trait. If I were to brag about anything else: penis size, strength, speed, muscles or what have you there might be some level of abusive responses. People can forgive these kinds of abilities but growing up I learned that people hate intelligence as a trait in others. It makes sense because it is so important and I suppose it has been for some measure of our evolutionary history. It must be in the genes, perhaps a number of loci, to make sure it is never left out.

I am glad that I am not a fragile person, the abusive remarks have been off the chart. Perhaps in the near future some of you might want to obtain therapy for sociopathic or narcissistic disorders. Many also seem to have deep rooted insecurities/anger that do not bode well for your health in general.

I thank you for your responses though, they are the reason I asked the question on here. They were honest responses and were representative of a varied cross section of our (apparently angry) society.

 

[CapitalGuy]

Hmm. Its actually the ability to convey one's boring drivel into a public forum, that I hate. Thankfully, my good friend "ignore" stands at the ready...

 

[Captain Fantastic]

I have fallen in love and she was fighting against me, trying to get the upper hand. It is not important what she did, only that it was a power struggle using people, information and such. She is very skilled and has impressed me but I had the upper hand but I wanted her to tell me the truth and play with me not against me. I kind of pushed her over the edge doing this.

I fell in love another time and I think I did the same thing again.

Anyways, after she was totally rocked this way by me she has now started up again (after about 4 months healing time for both of us) and I know she loves me and I love her but I still feel weird about playing against each other like this. Right now I am talking to a girl who I know is a double agent, she has spent the last 3 months building my confidence in her and she thinks I trust her completely. Now I am at the same decision point, do I just play the game to win this time rather than to try and not play the game?

Is there anyone who does not have an adversarial relationship with their SO? Do you eventually get trust and such or is it always this battle?

I kind of feel that I can never be truly intimate with her or trust her.

I think this was a repeating story arc on "Desperate Housewives"...

There is something that I have learned about intelligence as a trait. If I were to brag about anything else: penis size, strength, speed, muscles or what have you there might be some level of abusive responses. People can forgive these kinds of abilities but growing up I learned that people hate intelligence as a trait in others. It makes sense because it is so important and I suppose it has been for some measure of our evolutionary history. It must be in the genes, perhaps a number of loci, to make sure it is never left out.

Actually, I have found that people don't hate intelligence as a trait. They do however, hate blindly arrogant "intelligence" coupled with a lack of humility and social graces. The type of supposedly "smart" person who looks down on the unwashed masses and passes judgment - all while ignoring their own failings as a means of deflection. You know the type - the ones who think "intelligence" is the end-all-be-all - so they can feel better about themselves (and their shortcomings) at the expense of others...

It takes all kinds (with all of their inherent strengths and weaknesses) in this crazy world - the sooner you accept that the better off you'll be.

 

[C Dick]

I got in the 160's consistently on an official Mensa book I bought one time.

There you go. I can fly also.

 

[dance]

Makeit,
My hunch is most people who respond on these threads are not angry, narcissistic, sociopathic, etc. Suppose we could look at their responses to other threads to determine patterns, if interested, but my hunch is most people start off with a neutral to benign position. Many expressed a sincere desire to help, and concern for the best interests of a stranger, which is impressive. If they sound angry, perhaps your words have pushed some buttons? Probably worth looking at that...
As for IQ, you must know that intelligence can not be measured by matrices, even if there are some good tests in use (by that name even) measuring that kind of reasoning. Standardized IQ tests administerd by psychologists, have - since the time these tests were created - always measured a mixture of skills, including, importantly, intelligence in a social context. (As an academic, you may enjoy reading Vygotsky; language and reasoning develop only as children learn to manage a *social* reality). I think most responders in this thread are picking up on the social side of your intelligence as a weakness, as you have too, so perhaps worth looking at that.
Recommending therapy for a stranger is strange, but interesting to note that it seems to be a pattern in the thread....
Asking someone's IQ is silly, perhaps better to ignore questions of that sort. If you want to put yourself and your problems out there for the board to comment on, it's probably worth your while to assume we have the best intentions, and simply look at consistencies in the feedback of your "lay" audience. Good luck! - I mean it

 

[wet_suit_one]

Well, for the record, and for what it's worth Mon Capitaine, I like you. I have recognized some similarities between yourself and myself as well. The EQ thing is something people such as ourselves need to work at.

I also find this thread quite instructive about humans and the relationship between the more and less intelligent. Even if you are not as "intelligent" as you state (which I rather doubt), your ability to come off as such is impressive and certainly fooled most or all of the folks here. Your comments about those of a certain intelligence (the family physician types) is very insightful indeed.

In my opinion, having studied the world for this long, I would suggest to you that you apply your intellect to where it can do the greatest good. Namely politics in the pure sense, not the partisan hackery that most equate to politics. Innovation in politics is possible but hard (probably much harder than building a warp drive given the subject matter). It also very very worthwhile. More worthwhile than any scientific pursuit (or at least Socrates thought so, and on reflection, study and experience I am inclined to agree).

As for the women problems, don't worry about it my friend. You are male and she is female. There will be disputes, it is innate. Ask any man or any worman and somewhere in their response this truth will shine through. As for worthwhile pursuits, solve the problems of war and the chaos that consumes the relations between nations. That is worthwhile, challenging and rewarding. We need new rulers for the new times. Perhaps it could be you.

As for all you hater, nyaah, nyaahh, nyahh you can't catch us (intellectually anyways...).

LOL....

Great thread indeed!

 

[Mencken]

I will overlook your poor assessment of my abilities concerning logic. However, you are likely correct about the neuroses and the EQ; if you mean EQ in a dynamic/intuitive sense. I am highly neurotic, I agree.

I would submit to you though, that my beliefs are not so fixed or rigid. In fact, one of the things that enables me to perform so well in science is an open mind and a disdain for rationalizations. I suppose if you knew me you would understand that I am quite self actualized and have many of the traits associated with an advance psyche from a humanistic perspective. I would say at this stage I am working on accepting people for who/what they are.

My problem is actually the opposite, I can often see truth easily and quite frankly it is very disturbing. Most people are able to essentially lie to themselves or have the institutions in society lie to them so that they can be happy. After all, happiness is just perspective. I would agree that this objectivity does not serve me well in my relationships with people. I am exceedingly good at being right and this has been recognized by the people around me but it is hard to be right and happy.

I know the kind of person you are and since you have had so much fun scanning me I suppose I will return the favor. University faculty is filled with people like you and almost every family physician I have met is like you as well; reasonably intelligent but quite secure in your beliefs. You also feel intrinsically superior to others, which is quite different from simply being aware of ones abilities. You focus on things like protocol or rules, rather than concepts or ideas; which is a way of sequestering power and maintaining it without having to process much information. People like you are very threatened by people like me, but the funny thing is that us neurotic types are the engine that drive innovation. This is because while you believe that you know everything, I am aware that I know very little and that as a human being my cognitive functions are spotty and unreliable. This makes my life unsure and I am in a constant state of cognitive dissonance. I suppose I envy people like you, sufficient intelligence to do whatever you want pretty much but low enough so that you are able to believe that the emperor has clothes. As a person with a background in clinical psychology you are quite abusive to someone you believe requires therapy.

There is something that I have learned about intelligence as a trait. If I were to brag about anything else: penis size, strength, speed, muscles or what have you there might be some level of abusive responses. People can forgive these kinds of abilities but growing up I learned that people hate intelligence as a trait in others. It makes sense because it is so important and I suppose it has been for some measure of our evolutionary history. It must be in the genes, perhaps a number of loci, to make sure it is never left out.

I am glad that I am not a fragile person, the abusive remarks have been off the chart. Perhaps in the near future some of you might want to obtain therapy for sociopathic or narcissistic disorders. Many also seem to have deep rooted insecurities/anger that do not bode well for your health in general.

I thank you for your responses though, they are the reason I asked the question on here. They were honest responses and were representative of a varied cross section of our (apparently angry) society.

I, as another poster also noted, can identify with some of what you have said here and in your initial post. I doubt that I am in your IQ range, but I also tend to see the world in some similar ways. I am seen as cynical when I see myself as skeptical, I am seen as lacking in emotion when I see myself as having a lot of insight into some of the social nuances around me, I am seen as someone who always goes "too deep" into almost any given topic, when I see myself as a generalist, I am seen as someone concerned with detail, when in my own mind I see myself as a "big picture" person. I can discuss almost any topic with someone who is expert in that field and come across as knowledgable...not necessarily expert, but at least able to converse. I am convinced that the "scientific method" loosely defined, is the only reliable way of understanding reality - and our perceptions of reality are, at best, clouded even so.

Your comment "exceedingly good at being right" made me laugh. That is exactly how my wife would describe me I'm sure. Exactly. I cannot resist setting the record straight, at correcting the story if there is an error in fact. And she is a great storyteller...and she never lets the facts interfere with a great story. Her exaggerations, and my reaction to them, have been a divisive issue in our relationship.

Counselling I/we have had brings out two aspects to this. First, I would like the counsellor to address why she exaggerates, and if something can be done to help that. But counsellors only seem puzzled by that...and address the issue of my reaction to it. And I have come to agree...whatever she says she owns, and is her problem, I can only deal with my own reaction and I need to lighten up.

With all of that you can judge if we have a few things in common...not that it really matters a lot I suppose. I am wondering if the struggle you talked about between yourself and this friend is along the lines of having to prove who is most knowlegable or intelligent. If so, it really doesn't matter. But I think you know that. I think you are asking more about her issues, and it might be appropriate for her to get some counselling also...a relationship should not be primarily a struggle between two people, although there are always some of those along the way.

Your comment about people hating intelligence also seems a bit off to me. I think what people react to is some of the social aspects of intelligence. They don't like to be outsmarted and have cherished beliefs and thoughts demolished. They don't appreciate "truth" per se...they want peace and other things instead. And that is OK. But it makes it hard when "truth" or "reality" or "fact" are important to you, or me. Anyway, what you see as them hating "intelligence" is more likely "hating it when they are made to feel stupid" - which I'm sure you can easily do, and probably do unintentionally. I can't help you with that as I do the same thing...but I do try to recognize it and not do it. But it is hard - because I probably lack the emotional intelligence or tools to automatically avoid doing it.

The relationship you describe in your initial post may need some help...and I hope you can both get it. It sounds like there is something of value there...and you both would benefit from some up front help. Or alternatively that you can find someone that adores you, has no claim to being highly intelligent, and who does not challenge you or rock your boat. Someone who just loves you unconditionally the way you are.

I can't speak to which of these alternatives is better - I ended up somewhere in between, and it doesn't work so well sometimes. But it has worked and we trundle on.

 

[CapitalGuy]

Its against TERB rules to have duplicate handles.

Well, for the record, and for what it's worth Mon Capitaine, I like you. I have recognized some similarities between yourself and myself as well. The EQ thing is something people such as ourselves need to work at.

Great thread indeed!

 

[y2kmark]

I agree with Jade ...

being the contrarian that I am,

You DO like to play at semantics! Sometimes your word choice can be atrocious, though. The term "contrarian" is way off the mark - the term "COMPLETE AND TOTAL ASSHOLE" is much more to the point.