It's All Over

[drlove]

This is a companion thread to "I Just Told My LF That I Hobby".

I believe my friendship with her is now over - there is no going back, unfortunately. Due to a lapse in judgement, I miscalculated the extent to which she could not come to terms with what I told her. I thought I would have a bit more leeway since it is (was) a friendship and not a bonafide relationship. Apparently not, and that makes it my fault.

This has caused me to re-examine the effect the hobby has had on my life. Have I become so firmly entrenched in this subculture (the commercialization of sex) that I have become desensitized to the intrinsic value or sacredness that civillian women attatch to it?? Upon reflection, I realized that the world of hobbying has become the new "normal" for me, and the stigmas attatched to it have taken a back seat in my mind.

Unfortunately, I forgot that some people have an extreme aversion to anything of the sort. Not that it really matters now; due to my own stupidity I have lost a true friend. I've never felt as low as I do now.

 

[stinkynuts]

Sorry about your loss, but you'll get over her.

If this is the result of being honest with her, then it's for the best. Neither party is right or wrong. She just couldn't deal with your behaviour, and it's understandable. It's unfortunate that your friendship could not withstand this. If she is willing to give up your friendship over this, then it means

1)Your friendship was not that valuable to begin with.

OR

2)Your hobbying goes against her principles so much that she cannot be with you.

If it's case 1, then all the better. If it's case 2, you must re-evaluate whether it's worth changing your life to regain her friendship.

Good luck.

 

[zanner69]

This is a companion thread to "I Just Told My LF That I Hobby".

I believe my friendship with her is now over - there is no going back, unfortunately. Due to a lapse in judgement, I miscalculated the extent to which she could not come to terms with what I told her. I thought I would have a bit more leeway since it is (was) a friendship and not a bonafide relationship. Apparently not, and that makes it my fault.

This has caused me to re-examine the effect the hobby has had on my life. Have I become so firmly entrenched in this subculture (the commercialization of sex) that I have become desensitized to the intrinsic value or sacredness that civillian women attatch to it?? Upon reflection, I realized that the world of hobbying has become the new "normal" for me, and the stigmas attatched to it have taken a back seat in my mind.

Unfortunately, I forgot that some people have an extreme aversion to anything of the sort. Not that it really matters now; due to my own stupidity I have lost a true friend. I've never felt as low as I do now.

some things are just better off kept quite and secret!!! - you should of gotten a take from us before you decided to tell your LF!!

my take on this is that life is too short to worry about this kind of stuff - so move on!!!!

 

[hambone]

Sorry to hear you lost your friend, but I do wonder how "true" she actually was.

I believe that we all here become somewhat desensitized to how women outside the industry feel. I had a conversation with my wife the other day that really brought that home to me.

Personally, I know that hanging around SC and talking to the dancers has caused me to realize that I need to be very careful in conversations with "civilian" women.

 

[PHNINE]

Wow DrLove, I didn't think it would turn out liek this buddy. I truely am sorry to hear about your loss. I didn't think she would actually cut off from the relationship completely. I mean maybe she did have feelings for you and just couldn't bare the fact that you hobby. I mean that is the only reason I can think of that would have this kind of outcome. If she was just a friend, she would have probably given you some shit, busted your balls a bit, but eventually let it go or at least just respectfully disagreed with your pooning.

I really have nothing to say to lighten this blow, I mean it is as shitty as it can be. Hopefully you won't take it to hard on yourself, and realize that perhaps this hobby is taboo after all, and what people don't know won't hurt them. I am not asking you to lie, but just simply bend the truth. Again Doc, I am sorry to hear that and you know you'll always have friends on this board to talk to. Seriously...I mean that...regardless if it is through PM's, on the board, or even over a beer, I know I am for ya. Hope you feel better buddy!!!!!

 

[asiam]

Well I am not a hobbyist but as far as I can see she was never your friend! Since when do real friends take away their friendship because they disagree with a lifestyle choice?

 

[drlove]

2)Your hobbying goes against her principles so much that she cannot be with you.

Yes, That is the reason why.

 

[drlove]

To eyeofthedragon and asiam, thank-you for your responses, and I agree with you. Unfortunately in her mind, the idea of "seeing prostitutes" as she put it goes against her values, morals and principles. She is religious, but more than that, I think she has lived a very sheltered life in some respects.

 

[DATYdude]

It's fair

We all make choices about who we will be friends with and sometimes the things our friends do ruin the friendship. Friends come and go, that's the way it is.

More interesting to me is her reaction and how it shows this longstanding taboo. It makes me wonder what is so threatening about sex for money, especially to women?

Let me make two guesses:

1. Many women have considered selling sex and the notion is at the same time intriguing and frightening.

2. Sex for money is a direct threat to hetero women's quest for marriage and security, which is a major conditioning of women's behaviour from an early age.

 

[drlove]

How Ironic

I'm not sorry for telling her the truth, in principle; I'm just sorry for telling her in the first place. This situation is just so ironic:

Irony #1 - If I had lied to her, we would still be friends

Irony #2 - I participate in this hobby (in part) to avoid getting hurt. (No emotional attatchment or relationship hassles.) Regardless, I still got kicked in the teeth.

Irony #3 One of her favorite movies is, of all things "Pretty Woman". Not because of the subject matter, but because Richard Gere is in it.

 

[homonger]

First off, doc, I am also sorry about how this has worked for you. You obviously felt your friendship was in a place that could handle complete honesty, and obviously, it wasn't. To be callous, f**k her! The topic came up, she wanted to know, and you told her. On surface, her position is ridiculous. She is a platonic friend, so the fact that you like to pay strange women to have sex with, it really shouldn't have any impact on your relationship. And BTW, thank you for sharing your experience. If and when I ever decide to "come out", this was something I needed to hear.

Sex for money is a direct threat to hetero women's quest for marriage and security, which is a major conditioning of women's behaviour from an early age.

Now this is interesting. The traditional "unspoken-but-we-all-know-it's-there" contract between men and women is that she provides him sex, and in return, he provides her with security. One could argue this exchange is outdated nowadays, because women are certainly capable of making their own money, and clearly men can easily get sex outside of this kind of arrangement. The old joke about how men pay for it one way or another is funny because it is true. But for some reason, the more honest (imo) and efficient transaction between hobbyist and sp retains a stigma.

Taking this thought a little further, certainly women understand that men can get sex readily nowadays, and therefore, the traditional lure of sex is no longer a sufficient basis for men to want to commit and get married. The stereotypical sequence is that men spend their youth having fun and trying to boff as many chicks as possible, and then they reach an epiphany at some point, and decide it is time to settle down and get married. I believe women appreciate this stereotype, because it suggests men, on their volition, choose to settle down, and this choice, in and of itself, signifies maturity and an acceptance of life's responsibilities. Men who do not make this choice are viewed as immature, irresponsible and unsuitable.

 

[shawnbg]

Sorry for your loss DR Love, but I don't think she was a true friend or she liked you more then a friend. Your post just inspired me to test the waters and tell one of my best lady friends. She's married now with two kids, but we used to date a few years ago. I hadn't talked to her in a couple weeks as she was out of town and we were just talking on MSN while we're both at work. She was asking about my Montreal trip and I told her I didn't want to tell her what I did while I was there. She kept asking and asking me and I told her I saw a few escorts while I was there. She responded by laughing and said “whats so bad about that, they’re probably better then the usual bar sluts you pick up”. LOL. Then she wanted to know all the details. I guess each person may take things differently and the nature of the relationship is important. This girl is just a friend to me now and there was no chance of a relationship between us.

 

[Big Sleazy]

Dr. Love,

In my youth I would have told her as well and damn the consequences. As I've gotten older, I've gotten wiser. There's certain things that I hold close to the vest at all times. Not everbody shares my opinions nor my beliefs. I used to fight to the death over these things. Now I size up the situation and bite my tongue. It's just not worth it. So chalk this one up to experience. And consider yourself wiser.

And you might want to take solace in the fact that prostitution has been around for many years and will be for many more. It's a rare man that hasn't laid down with a woman of ill repute. But even rarer for one to admit it.

BS

 

[Preferred]

Sorry to hear that drlove. This is a very private and secret hobby. Sometimes it is best to keep it that way.

 

[drlove]

Sorry for your loss DR Love, but I don't think she was a true friend or she liked you more then a friend. Your post just inspired me to test the waters and tell one of my best lady friends. She's married now with two kids, but we used to date a few years ago. I hadn't talked to her in a couple weeks as she was out of town and we were just talking on MSN while we're both at work. She was asking about my Montreal trip and I told her I didn't want to tell her what I did while I was there. She kept asking and asking me and I told her I saw a few escorts while I was there. She responded by laughing and said “whats so bad about that, they’re probably better then the usual bar sluts you pick up”. LOL. Then she wanted to know all the details. I guess each person may take things differently and the nature of the relationship is important. This girl is just a friend to me now and there was no chance of a relationship between us.

Irony #4 - Shawnbg, my ex GF felt the same way, and encouraged it, yet my LF who I'm not intimately involved with, throws a hissy fit.

 

[drlove]

...chalk this one up to experience. And consider yourself wiser.

BS

Well, at least I won't be making the same mistake with my next gf. Thanks.

 

[PHNINE]

Gosh Doc, it is ironic. Hopefully she will come around after things have cooled down. If she really values your friendship she should be able to look past this when the time is right. Whenever things go south between friends time is usually the best remedy. But again don't be sorry for who you are...hope you feel better buddy...

 

[drlove]

Gosh Doc, it is ironic. Hopefully she will come around after things have cooled down. If she really values your friendship she should be able to look past this when the time is right. Whenever things go south between friends time is usually the best remedy. But again don't be sorry for who you are...hope you feel better buddy...

Thanks, PHNINE

 

[zanner69]

any SP's want to give Drlove a freebie to make him feel better????

i think so!!!! - so how about it ladies??

as I already told you Drlove - life is too short - there are more worse things that could happen to you in life than this - so move on!!!

 

[stinkynuts]

This may be one time when seeing an sp to make yourself feel better may not be such a good idea.