Wheel - A lot of good points on this thread. Bottom line, go out with her and I wish you well. When she hints around for you to give her money or buy her something or pay her rent or whatever, remember this thread and the points made. If she doesn't ask for a dime, GREAT - you have found someone that really likes you for you. Go with the flow and see what comes of it. I hate to say this but if I were a betting man my bet is on her wanting something other than you for you. I have been wrong before and hope I am in this case but I don't think so. Keep us posted and I hope you prove me wrong!
Infatuation / Falling Hard for an SP ...
- Thread starter TheWheel
- Start date
Good point PL. In other threads discussing this topic the defining moment is whether or not money is brought up. I mean, if 3 months into the relationship she borrows 10 bucks because she hasn't been to a bank machine yet so she can pick up some tampons is a totally reasonable request but if she needs major coin for rent, well, you have your answer.
$ defines us?
I see a huge confusion here between cash flow and love. So let me make it even more confusing. Here are 2 questions that might generate some interesting conversations….
1) I have a friend whose wife has been diagnosed as terminal. Looks like he will spend a few hundred thousand a year for the next little while with 24/7 home nursing, specialists, etc. Of course the old social medical system would take care of her, but just not in an acceptable way. So simply put… he is paying a lot of $ for her. Granted sex may not be an issue, but money is flowing. So since money is flowing, does that mean love is impossible?
2) Another friend took in a foster child and eventually paid her way through university, even gave her an allowance. Granted sex may not be an issue, but money is flowing. . So since money is flowing, does that mean love is impossible?
3) So if you accept a longish term relationship with a SP, and subsidize her living expenses, even paying her way through school….. Would seem money is really not the primary issue. So what is?
I see a huge confusion here between cash flow and love. So let me make it even more confusing. Here are 2 questions that might generate some interesting conversations….
1) I have a friend whose wife has been diagnosed as terminal. Looks like he will spend a few hundred thousand a year for the next little while with 24/7 home nursing, specialists, etc. Of course the old social medical system would take care of her, but just not in an acceptable way. So simply put… he is paying a lot of $ for her. Granted sex may not be an issue, but money is flowing. So since money is flowing, does that mean love is impossible?
2) Another friend took in a foster child and eventually paid her way through university, even gave her an allowance. Granted sex may not be an issue, but money is flowing. . So since money is flowing, does that mean love is impossible?
3) So if you accept a longish term relationship with a SP, and subsidize her living expenses, even paying her way through school….. Would seem money is really not the primary issue. So what is?
I would argue completely different dimension. Terminally ill people and foster children aren't out there soliciting money for their company and hoping guys like them for repeat business. Being terminally ill and a foster child is not a business - SP's are. As far as having a longish term relationship with a SP, yes it is possible but unlikely. SP's have a mindset - personal and business - and when you meet them, it is in the business mode. Crossing over is nearly impossible for both as posters here recognize for various reasons.LordLoki said:
I particularly like KWI's comment - ..."unless you want to pay me a rate of $220/hour as my time is not free. How is that for being a money hungry bitch?" I know most peoples time is not "free" in the business world, for any business, but am not sure I would have put it that way. It certainly makes the point though!
KWI will compromise good taste for $ ???
In general I have hired a wide range of non sexual service providers and most had drawn lines between business and personal relationships. I have however seen a few examples of them leaving the business and entering the personal. Ever see a bodyguard quit her job and then immediately kiss the principle? I can be disconcerting, but does happen.
So why do you perceive that an SP cannot make that decision? Granted it is not the clients decision to make; but same applies to maids, personal coaches, and assorted consultants.
Actually, I think that KWI’s comment was sort of focused on you personally, and apparently she is much nicer and less restrictive to people more able to communicate with her in a pleasant and interactive manner.petitelover said:
In general I have hired a wide range of non sexual service providers and most had drawn lines between business and personal relationships. I have however seen a few examples of them leaving the business and entering the personal. Ever see a bodyguard quit her job and then immediately kiss the principle? I can be disconcerting, but does happen.
So why do you perceive that an SP cannot make that decision? Granted it is not the clients decision to make; but same applies to maids, personal coaches, and assorted consultants.
What? I think you need to re-read the posts contained herein. I have no beef with KWI and my quote of her was not meant to criticize.LordLoki said:
As far as Wheel is concerned, the issue remains if his SP friend will see him without renumeration. Consistent with my posts, it might happen but in my humble opinion, unlikely. The real question is how would Wheel deal with some of the questions and issues raised by Fuji's post?
Loki: I think KWI's comment was a direct comment to me because of her inane hatred of what I stand for (lol intelligent debate is one and she SO hates that). As for being able to communicate with her in a pleasant manner, go back and read my post which set her off. It is in no way unpleasnt or non-interactive, it simply states the obvious and is not in agreement with her views.
As for discussing the merits of her comment: She was stating that if I wanted to continue to discuss the current topic, I had to pay her that rate. Which of course is ludicrous.
As for an sp being a money hungry bitch because she's in business that isn't true at all because then anyone who is in any business could be classified that way. Unless of course you're in a not for profit organization and live in poverty.
I think the examples Loki gave are pretty good topics for discussion actually. Say for example after dating an sp, she decides to go back to college and because of your relationship with her, you decide to support her during her schooling. Now if you were dating a non sp woman, and she decided to go back to school, wouldn't you also do the same? (support her I mean). Of course anyone with half a mind would have to weigh the seriousness or future of the relationship before undertaking such a huge financial burden.
I think the major difference between the examples and a relationship with an sp is if money becomes a determining factor in whether she dates you or not. For eg: if she says I can see you Saturday but unless I get rent money, I can't. See what I mean? Even though she hasn't come out and blatantly stated it, there is a condition that you need to meet in order to spend time with her.
Now if you had dated her for a couple of months and she says to you: I'm a little short of rent money this month, could you lend me x amount? I'll pay you back as soon as I can. Now this could be stated even by a non-sp woman and it isn't conditional on your seeing each other, it is just something that crops up.
As for discussing the merits of her comment: She was stating that if I wanted to continue to discuss the current topic, I had to pay her that rate. Which of course is ludicrous.
As for an sp being a money hungry bitch because she's in business that isn't true at all because then anyone who is in any business could be classified that way. Unless of course you're in a not for profit organization and live in poverty.
I think the examples Loki gave are pretty good topics for discussion actually. Say for example after dating an sp, she decides to go back to college and because of your relationship with her, you decide to support her during her schooling. Now if you were dating a non sp woman, and she decided to go back to school, wouldn't you also do the same? (support her I mean). Of course anyone with half a mind would have to weigh the seriousness or future of the relationship before undertaking such a huge financial burden.
I think the major difference between the examples and a relationship with an sp is if money becomes a determining factor in whether she dates you or not. For eg: if she says I can see you Saturday but unless I get rent money, I can't. See what I mean? Even though she hasn't come out and blatantly stated it, there is a condition that you need to meet in order to spend time with her.
Now if you had dated her for a couple of months and she says to you: I'm a little short of rent money this month, could you lend me x amount? I'll pay you back as soon as I can. Now this could be stated even by a non-sp woman and it isn't conditional on your seeing each other, it is just something that crops up.
Good examples - I am in total agreement. Wheel - these are "crib sheets" for your encounter. Use them wisely.tboy said:
tboy said:
Actually I think she is directing the comments at you because you used insulting, inappropriate, and dogmatic words directed at her. Your “You know, for a second there I thought you had some class but yet again, you prove me wrong.” would have been enough to trigger her reaction in most bright women with a touch of fire in them.
Hey we are not talking about anything really shocking or disgusting here. Not like falling in love with your lawyer.
I am not sure they were out of context. Sometimes anger brings out the truth in people. In any event, I like your style Loki!LordLoki said:
Well if not out of context certainly out of character. KWI seems like a rather pleasant lady and those worlds were dripping in anger.petitelover said:
Thanks for the compliment. I just sort of like bright feisty and stubborn women.
Even found a pretty great one though Terb.
Well, my initial comment to her was: "KWI: you are just perpetuating the stigma of that "old school" way of thinking. I personally know and have known a few women who like to fuck and never once thought of them as sluts because of it. I know many of my buddies did too (do too? didn't also? whatever)."LordLoki said:
Which isn't derogatory, or insulting or can be construed as such in any way shape or form.
Her response was that I was "talking out of my ass..." which is insulting to say the least. Now if I responded to her insulting tone in a negative fashion then, as I always do, I respond in kind. If someone discusses a topic in a respectable manner, then I reciprocate but as with (notso) fabulous, all you had to do to incur her wrath was to have the gaul to disagree with her.
Actually keeping track of this is getting a tiny bit silly. From what I can see she disagreed with you and said: “So in the same posts, it looks to me and only IMHO, that you are talking out your ass.” Attacking the logic and credibility of your arguments.tboy said:
You turned around and instead of dealing with the validity of the statements you attacked her personally with: “You know, for a second there I thought you had some class but yet again, you prove me wrong.”
If this was a debate I would say your forfeit. Since it is not a debate she got annoyed and suggested we all put you on ignore.
But hey, I am overly civil by nature, so what do I know?
Welcome to Being Human 101, no need to take notes, since hand outs will be provided. Lesson One: Instinctual Behavior trumps Rationality, or, Why Most People Get Together.solitaria said:
"Real", "meaningful", sound like blinded ideology. By "real" you presumably mean something loaded up with all sorts of value judgements, by "meaningful" you mean something that fits a certain ideological standard. Well I prefer to pay attention to the actual world, rather than the "real" one.
Here are some ugly facts that beat up on your beautiful theory of relationships: It is possible to be in love with more than one woman. Most relationships that last start out as irrational lust. It is possible to have close, intimate companionship with someone while cheating on them.
Essentially you're saying it's impossible to fall in love with someone if you already have a "real" relationship, and that is sewage. People who are in real relationship fall in love with other people every day.
We can't help it. We're human,
Developing feelings towards the person you are fucking is the product of a few million years of evolution. You can control yourself when it happens, you can avoid situations that cause it. You can see it coming and dodge the bullet, but you can't help that it will happen sometimes.
Do you have some issues that you're working out? My experience is that people who are that judgemental are actually judging themselves in some way, rather than the people they purport to be pointing fingers at.
Is it hard to believe that someone can have close companionship and love with their SO, but still like to fuck other women?
It's the height of stupidity to point fingers at other people's behavior when the truth is you yourself haven't comprehended the way the world works. I know someone who married an escort, they have a good strong relationship still going strong after ten years. Was it the height of stupidity for them to have those feelings, to still have them?
Splash some water on your face and see the world as it is.
It happens to a lot of ppl and not at all surprising. You are crossing a boundary when you are getting physical with a woman. You will find a lot of practical advice on this forum. Wish you a rapid recovery from your condition.TheWheel said:
