+1
Interesting how much smug self-righteous moralizing gets posted here. Most of which probably reflects feelings of guilt and self-doubt.
How do you hide the hobby?
- Thread starter JoeBobBriggs
- Start date
Interesting how much smug self-righteous moralizing gets posted here. Most of which probably reflects feelings of guilt and self-doubt.
Keep your routine the same. The comment about additional showers is a valuable one. If you work last or have business that allows you to be absent, then that's good. As others have suggested, establish some new routines which allow you some playtime or methods to squirrel away some cash.
Try to have a "hobby computer" as well. If she's not tech-savvy and you know your way around a computer, get a netbook. $300 or so. Install a linux variant such as Ubuntu and either partition the hard drive to 1/2 Windows (wince) and the other half Ubuntu. Do your discreet stuff on the Ubuntu partition. It comes with Firefox, Open Office and a mail client. The Ubuntu website has great instructions particularly on keeping Firefox in "private mode".
If you go fully Ubuntu, though you won't be able to access Netflix and have to do major gymnastics for iTunes if it can be done at all if that's important to you.
If you go fully Ubuntu, though you won't be able to access Netflix and have to do major gymnastics for iTunes if it can be done at all if that's important to you.
Amen brother. Also, I love a difference in opinion - it makes the world interesting, and people like Simon482 are worth reading for shits and giggles, but some of the smuggies around here are so self-important that it becomes boring.
Here's a question
For the guys who are married or in a relationship, and still see SPs on the side, at what point does the lying, and the constant covering your tracks, and the dummy phones and all that just become too much hassle? It just seems like a lot of effort for a small payoff? Is there a point where the hiding and whatnot, just outweighs the joy?
For the guys who are married or in a relationship, and still see SPs on the side, at what point does the lying, and the constant covering your tracks, and the dummy phones and all that just become too much hassle? It just seems like a lot of effort for a small payoff? Is there a point where the hiding and whatnot, just outweighs the joy?
All the effort means they truly love their wives, otherwise they wouldn't bother keeping it secret.
My wife knows about my notebook but doesn't touch it for no other reason that she doesn't know how to operate the Operating System. (Ubuntu).
Your first mistake was setting up a joint account with your wife. My SO and I each have our own personal bank accounts and one joint account. The joint account is used for select joint expenses only and that sort of thing. The bills are divided umongst us and paid from our own personal accounts. We have always had separate bank accounts and my SO prefers having her money go into her account.
Idea 1 would be for you to set up a separate savings account for yourself. I have a number of personal accounts she doesn't care or suspect anything. Suggest to her that you should each get your own personal bank accounts and have your pay desposited separately and then divide each of the house hold expenses up accordingly. If you both each split your monthly rent or mortgage payment then suggest that you each continue to pay that major expense jointly and deposit fund accordingly into your joint account. Or just go ahead and set up a new bank account on your own and don't tell her.
Idea 2 - Never ever tell the wife what you are doing with SPing or MPing otherwise you will be sturring up a major hornets nest and you will get stung big time!
Idea 3 - If you are feeling guilty about seeing SP's then go to MP's more regularily. Or if the guilt is still there stop hobbying entirely and take up watching porn and masterbating like crazying when ever you get a chance. Or see if the wife will engage in some more taboo sexual activities ie. anal, deep throat, CIM, DATY etc. My SO doesn't engage in any of these and has a low sex drive hence the reason I hobby now and again.
Hahaha....I find it funny that one needs a reason to hobby (regardless of relationship status). A person who like sex and/or beautiful ladies is normal. That's just human nature. A marriage is a concept and way of life created by us. You vs Nature?! You win some and loose some.
Getting back to the question. You need to get control of two critical resources, time and money. You need to setup your own set of accounts. Savings accounts, cheque account, RRSP accounts, TAX free savings account, etc. Nothing wrong with a share account, but having 'only a share account' is not a flexible way for either of you to carry on with your life. You will start rearranging your finances however you can to put money into these accounts. You need to establish a small portion of your budget for "entertainment, drinking with buddies, and stuff". One way to get money into these accounts is for you to develop hobbies or take courses that interest you. As soon as you have 'legit or politically correct' avenue to spend money at your 'discretion', than you will have the freedom to allow for more exciting and 'secretive' hobby that you wouldn't like to share with your partner.
Good luck.
Getting back to the question. You need to get control of two critical resources, time and money. You need to setup your own set of accounts. Savings accounts, cheque account, RRSP accounts, TAX free savings account, etc. Nothing wrong with a share account, but having 'only a share account' is not a flexible way for either of you to carry on with your life. You will start rearranging your finances however you can to put money into these accounts. You need to establish a small portion of your budget for "entertainment, drinking with buddies, and stuff". One way to get money into these accounts is for you to develop hobbies or take courses that interest you. As soon as you have 'legit or politically correct' avenue to spend money at your 'discretion', than you will have the freedom to allow for more exciting and 'secretive' hobby that you wouldn't like to share with your partner.
Good luck.
Not to keep this going and probably inevitably get flamed by those who live in glass houses, but I just had to say that it was a relief to read this. I often wrestle with this in my life. I love my wife of several years very much. She still makes me smile when she walks in the room. We're best friends and do almost everything together. We have a very good and active sex life. It's hard to imagine life without her. But my problem is that I love sex VERY much.
I've always been a very sexual active person, going back to being a teenager. And I basically came into this hobby to avoid having affairs with "civilians" that could easily lead to emotional attachments and serious drama... but that's why I feel like I can honestly say that I love my wife despite sleeping with SPs or just other women in general. It's way too easy for me to separate emotions from sex. Sex with my wife is completely different from sex with others, in particuar SPs. So when I'm with an SP, it doesn't feel like cheating. It basically just feels like expensive masturbation.
Anyway, for those of you who are harshly judgmental, I will say again that I struggle with this. I often ask myself "if I love her so much, how can I cheat on her?" I'm still trying to find the answer. But I've certainly read lots of interesting things on the topic of mongamy, and let's just say, you shouldn't rush to judgement. Here's a good starter article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/magazine/infidelity-will-keep-us-together.html?_r=1&hp
As for the OP's question, I hide it easily because 1) I don't do it often -- maybe 2 or 3 times a year; and 2) I'm in charge of all our finances.
I wonder if the guys on the high horse could go on a terb/hobby break. Chances are they too are hooked on sex.
Guy was just asking a question not to be judged.
Probably the easiest way is to keep all your routines, skim some money, do the occassional MPA, plan so that you know you won't be home for a while so you won't come home freshly showered. MP allows you to do a walk in. Thus no need for a hobby phone/computer. You could call ahead using a payphone to book an appointment. If you are going out with the guys pop in before hand and by the time you go home wife won't know the difference.
Guy was just asking a question not to be judged.
Probably the easiest way is to keep all your routines, skim some money, do the occassional MPA, plan so that you know you won't be home for a while so you won't come home freshly showered. MP allows you to do a walk in. Thus no need for a hobby phone/computer. You could call ahead using a payphone to book an appointment. If you are going out with the guys pop in before hand and by the time you go home wife won't know the difference.
Dear Gentlemen,
I'd like to express me opinion and comments:
"woman, wives, girlfriends" etc.. truly deserve an applause. Coming from an italian descent, it was truly visible that the man was the boss and leader of the family. The man was obeyed, respected, loved, whorshiped and feared. My father just had to look at my mom a certain way, and she understand her place. Wow!
Today, Woman have power and dominance over there man, kids, inlaws and family. Why? Because when woman were being raised by there own parents, they had to shut up, listen, and were manipulated by them. Today, that same woman has power, yes power. She owns 50% of everything you have to your name, and she owns your kids 100%. Let me give you a prime example of a woman actions of today.
My dog is placed in a grate every night because he is still a pup. Every morning as i open his grate, he bolts out of there, excited and full of energy, goes bullistic, and a woman does the same after she leaves her place of up bringing. I hope that makes sense to some of you. Anyway, its just an opinion.
I'd like to express me opinion and comments:
"woman, wives, girlfriends" etc.. truly deserve an applause. Coming from an italian descent, it was truly visible that the man was the boss and leader of the family. The man was obeyed, respected, loved, whorshiped and feared. My father just had to look at my mom a certain way, and she understand her place. Wow!
Today, Woman have power and dominance over there man, kids, inlaws and family. Why? Because when woman were being raised by there own parents, they had to shut up, listen, and were manipulated by them. Today, that same woman has power, yes power. She owns 50% of everything you have to your name, and she owns your kids 100%. Let me give you a prime example of a woman actions of today.
My dog is placed in a grate every night because he is still a pup. Every morning as i open his grate, he bolts out of there, excited and full of energy, goes bullistic, and a woman does the same after she leaves her place of up bringing. I hope that makes sense to some of you. Anyway, its just an opinion.
