How do you hide the hobby?

[Blue-Spheroid]

I'm not sure comparing women to dogs is the right approach.

As for the "moral" debate in this thread, it's ridiculous.

For those married men who don't want to see SPs, please continue to abstain with everyone's blessing. The same blessing is extended to the single men who don't feel comfortable paying for intimate services; you're within your rights not to partake. I would wonder, however, why these types of people are even here on TERB.

However, for those of us who have chosen to participate in this hobby, each of us has our own reasons and standards for participation. Similarly, every relationship, be it marriage, girlfriend, dating, whatever, is unique. What works for some may not work for others. We all have our own personal concepts of love and affection and we each interact with our partners (if we are attached) in our own unique ways. Additionally, each relationship has its own baggage and unseen factors.

Those who would criticize the OP (or anyone else) for not matching some arbitrary standard of morality is really just showing their inflexibility and naivete about relationships and real-world interactions. The OP may be wrong to hobby or he may have good and valid reasons. Either way, there's no way we can know the truth as anonymous members of an escort review board.

Why waste breath and show your immaturity by questioning the lives of people you don't know/ Wouldn't we be better advised to answer the guy's questions or ignore the thread as we see fit?

 

[kajan]

Wrong answer, but thanks for participating.

how is my answer wrong?

 

[gcostanza]

Dear Gentlemen,

I'd like to express me opinion and comments:

"woman, wives, girlfriends" etc.. truly deserve an applause. Coming from an italian descent, it was truly visible that the man was the boss and leader of the family. The man was obeyed, respected, loved, whorshiped and feared. My father just had to look at my mom a certain way, and she understand her place. Wow!
Today, Woman have power and dominance over there man, kids, inlaws and family. Why? Because when woman were being raised by there own parents, they had to shut up, listen, and were manipulated by them. Today, that same woman has power, yes power. She owns 50% of everything you have to your name, and she owns your kids 100%. Let me give you a prime example of a woman actions of today.
My dog is placed in a grate every night because he is still a pup. Every morning as i open his grate, he bolts out of there, excited and full of energy, goes bullistic, and a woman does the same after she leaves her place of up bringing. I hope that makes sense to some of you. Anyway, its just an opinion.

You might want to grab a couple of bandaids, your knuckles are dragging.

 

[hornydavid]

Here's a question
For the guys who are married or in a relationship, and still see SPs on the side, at what point does the lying, and the constant covering your tracks, and the dummy phones and all that just become too much hassle? It just seems like a lot of effort for a small payoff? Is there a point where the hiding and whatnot, just outweighs the joy?

No idea. But not yet

 

[Thunderballs]

i think we'd all agree with you, if we lived in utopia.

This topic has been rehashed several times on terb. But to summarize, many attached guys have lives where through no fault of their own, sex has taken a back seat to all other aspects, and even fallen off the radar completely. This leads the guy not only being horny, but feeling unwanted and rejected every day of his life. But these guys also realize that there is more to the relationship than just sex, and do not feel justified in getting divorced. Also there are issues of responsibility to supporting the wife and kids emotionally and financially. So some of these guys chose to discreetly hobby, to get some occasional satisfaction, and to feel like a sexual person again.

I wouldnt hazard a guess at what is in anyone elses heart, or what goes on in a relationship behind closed doors in specific cases. But these sentiments generally come up every time the topic is discussed.

So i agree the wife would be devastated if she knew. That is a risk, and a violation of trust. But it is what some feel they need to do to survive in a less than ideal relationship, where all other approaches to the problem have failed.

You sir, are an intelligent, elloquent man. I tip my hat to this well crafted post.

 

[Clear History]

A little thread bending here.

I recently saw an sp who has a cat. As my wife was getting the laundry together she says "why do you have animal hair on your socks?" Luckily I have a big family who all have dogs and cats so it was easily explainable. I also saw an sp with two little dogs who were jumping all over me. (I love dogs so it was ok by me). But I was in the buff by then but checked my socks very carefully after.

So be aware of potential animal hair on clothes when visiting an sp with pets.

 

[Thunderballs]

Personally, I like to do my own research and read articles, pages, blogs, etc on how to catch a cheating spouse. This keeps me up to date on what is happening out there and what counter measures need to be taken. I guarantee that there are ways to catch you mentioned in those articles that you have never even thought of. Everyone's circumstances are different so you have to look at what you are doing and judge whether it may send up a red flag. For example, if you scoot out to the gym your wife may have already calculated the kilometers it takes to get there and back. If she is already suspicious it would be easy to catch you in a lie by noting the before and after mileage on the odometer. In my opinion, if she is suspicious, she will catch you eventually. Period. The trick is to not arouse suspicion. Do some research and learn the red flags. Also your biggest ally is the fact that she will not want to admit that you are cheating so she will delude herself and rationalize a great many inconsistencies in your behavior before she tips the scales in favor of suspicion. But once she crosses over into that suspicious mindset, just stop hobbying for a good long period of time altogether. This is the only way to save yourself because no one is smart enough to outsmart all of the catch-a-cheating-spouse resources available out there.

Last point, I see a lot of people recommending separate bank accounts. I had an old account from way back that I had kept just because it had no fees. It was perfect because the wife even forgot I had it. So I decided to use it for hobbying. I did all the right things like going paperless, changing the mailing address to my work address, hid the ATM card, everything. Things were going really well for months and then one day, and the infidelity Gods were shining down on me that day let me tell you, I got home before my wife (which rarely happens). I check the mail and there is a f'ing bank statement mailed to my house!!! Just like that right out of the blue! And I would have been busted since it had a number of deposits with some $400 withdrawals throughout the month for....you guessed it. Explain that. So lesson learned, I closed the account and took Tony Soprano's advice. This is a cash only business! You can always explain a wad of cash. Gee honey, I was going to surprise you for your birthday with a [insert big expensive life saving gift here].

 

[Hangman]

how is my answer wrong?

I have neither the time nor inclination to explain. You'll have to figure it out.

 

[Hangman]

...
Last point, I see a lot of people recommending separate bank accounts. I had an old account from way back that I had kept just because it had no fees. It was perfect because the wife even forgot I had it. So I decided to use it for hobbying. I did all the right things like going paperless, changing the mailing address to my work address, hid the ATM card, everything. Things were going really well for months and then one day, and the infidelity Gods were shining down on me that day let me tell you, I got home before my wife (which rarely happens). I check the mail and there is a f'ing bank statement mailed to my house!!! Just like that right out of the blue! And I would have been busted since it had a number of deposits with some $400 withdrawals throughout the month for....you guessed it. Explain that. So lesson learned, I closed the account and took Tony Soprano's advice. This is a cash only business! You can always explain a wad of cash. Gee honey, I was going to surprise you for your birthday with a [insert big expensive life saving gift here].

Your wife opens mail addressed to you?

 

[james t kirk]

A little thread bending here.

I recently saw an sp who has a cat. As my wife was getting the laundry together she says "why do you have animal hair on your socks?" Luckily I have a big family who all have dogs and cats so it was easily explainable. I also saw an sp with two little dogs who were jumping all over me. (I love dogs so it was ok by me). But I was in the buff by then but checked my socks very carefully after.

So be aware of potential animal hair on clothes when visiting an sp with pets.

Man, that is one aware wife you have - noticing animal hair on your socks.

 

[Clear History]

Personally, I like to do my own research and read articles, pages, blogs, etc on how to catch a cheating spouse...

I haven't been able to find it recently but I once stumbled upon a message board where the theme was being "the other woman". Actually it was for both men and women but most posts seemed to be made by females. It was/is a support group for the "other woman" in a "cheater's" context. Not a hobby board but lot's of talk and tips about not being discovered and general emotional support.

I probably did a search on stuff that Thunderballs mentioned.

I've always said that there's a message board for "everything".

 

[massman]

You sir, are an intelligent, elloquent man. I tip my hat to this well crafted post.

Thanks! Easy to appear eloquent when speaking the truth.

 

[Sexucator]

i think we'd all agree with you, if we lived in utopia.

This topic has been rehashed several times on terb. But to summarize, many attached guys have lives where through no fault of their own, sex has taken a back seat to all other aspects, and even fallen off the radar completely. This leads the guy not only being horny, but feeling unwanted and rejected every day of his life. But these guys also realize that there is more to the relationship than just sex, and do not feel justified in getting divorced. Also there are issues of responsibility to supporting the wife and kids emotionally and financially. So some of these guys chose to discreetly hobby, to get some occasional satisfaction, and to feel like a sexual person again.

I wouldnt hazard a guess at what is in anyone elses heart, or what goes on in a relationship behind closed doors in specific cases. But these sentiments generally come up every time the topic is discussed.

So i agree the wife would be devastated if she knew. That is a risk, and a violation of trust. But it is what some feel they need to do to survive in a less than ideal relationship, where all other approaches to the problem have failed.

Great post massman.

 

[MrBruce]

Not to keep this going and probably inevitably get flamed by those who live in glass houses, but I just had to say that it was a relief to read this. I often wrestle with this in my life. I love my wife of several years very much. She still makes me smile when she walks in the room. We're best friends and do almost everything together. We have a very good and active sex life. It's hard to imagine life without her. But my problem is that I love sex VERY much.

I've always been a very sexual active person, going back to being a teenager. And I basically came into this hobby to avoid having affairs with "civilians" that could easily lead to emotional attachments and serious drama... but that's why I feel like I can honestly say that I love my wife despite sleeping with SPs or just other women in general. It's way too easy for me to separate emotions from sex. Sex with my wife is completely different from sex with others, in particuar SPs. So when I'm with an SP, it doesn't feel like cheating. It basically just feels like expensive masturbation.

Anyway, for those of you who are harshly judgmental, I will say again that I struggle with this. I often ask myself "if I love her so much, how can I cheat on her?" I'm still trying to find the answer. But I've certainly read lots of interesting things on the topic of mongamy, and let's just say, you shouldn't rush to judgement. Here's a good starter article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/magazine/infidelity-will-keep-us-together.html?_r=1&hp

As for the OP's question, I hide it easily because 1) I don't do it often -- maybe 2 or 3 times a year; and 2) I'm in charge of all our finances.

Man, that article really hit home for me. Thanks for posting it...although I may not be thanking you in the future!

 

[JoeBobBriggs]

I'm the OP and as you can see I've been a TERB member for a long time.

I can honestly say that this is the first time I've agreed with 95% of the responses to my post.

How can I "love" my wife when I engage in the hobby? You're right -- I can't, not in the traditional sense. But I can say this -- I want to spend the rest of my life with my wife, I hate the thought of hurting her, and I would be absolutely devestated if I ever found out she was cheating on me. Am I a complete hyprocrite? Absolutely. But when a beautiful 23 year old in short shorts and a tight tanktop walks by and smiles at me -- somehow hyprocrisy doesn't seem like such a bad thing. I blame genetics.

That being said -- what I've heard in this thread is that there is no secret formula -- if I'm going to engage in the hobby (yes, and be a hypocrite in the process), it means I need to be careful, thoughful and discreet. Maybe it can only happen a few times a year -- but when you think about a 9 treating your cock like a water fountain and she's been lost in the desert... something is better than nothing at all.

Thanks to everyone for their feedback.

 

[harbourhavoc]

This was a great thread to read through.

There is no secret formula to this. I'm married and am partaking in these "transgressions". How do I feel about it? Not the greatest -- but what could I do? This is the way I'm built, and I'm obviously not alone.

Best of luck OP, and happy hobbying to everyone.