Falsely accused by ugly female colleague of inappropriate staring

[Y_Diner]

She's a chick, youre a dude, she wins, end of story man, sorry

None of us know what actually happened. The only ones that know the truth are the OP, and the ugly woman.
Best thing you can do is walk away and 0 contact. If contact is required via email, cc a female and male higher up so they are aware of the conversation;
if in public, make sure there is a witness.

 

[Darts]

This is a toxic workplace. Escape while you are still alive.

BTW: I had a female boss once. She had 4 direct reports. 3 males and 1 female. She was actually very supportive of her male subordinates. I think there is a competition among females for male attention.

 

[JohnnyWishbone]

Sad thing is I have a female boss too and she's definitely not sympathetic towards any accusations against me, she's holed up in her own office 100 meters away, and rely solely on hearsay, and she's reopening old wounds by bringing up issues that had been resolved several years ago, completely unrelated, and telling me not to "get back at people" while others make up bullshit. Now that I think about it, I'm glad she had cancer.

I hate the work place these days with quotas for the unqualified, woke policies and nasty people (they've always been there) who will shit on colleagues to get ahead. Am glad I've only got 5 years or so before I retire. Sounds like you should find another job...is that a possibility ?

 

[DesRicardo]

Honestly, there are a lot of holes in you story and the biggest thing is you accepted a verbal warning without full explanation.

It seems you are monitoring her to some degree. Maybe not sexual, but she doesn't know that or she could be be putting you in check before you make a move.

I don't know, but I wouldn't have accepted a verbal warning without full details.

 

[NotADcotor]

Just reading this post you are being so defensive and the fact you wrote "ugly colleague" proves your hurt and being revengeful

Or maybe... just maybe he is defensive because he was accused of doing fucked up shit he didn't do.

 

[NotADcotor]

Apparently I was accused by two different women of saying some rather fucked up shit.
Except
1: I know it's fucked up shit, aggressive and cringe pick up lines and I would never say that sort of stuff
2: Although I am outgoing when it comes to approaching women for that sort of thing I get crippling social anxiety so even if I wanted to, I couldn't do it. Hell I get a serious case of the nerves when calling an escort I've seen twice before.
I half suspect some other dude was doing that and the girl at the desk figured all us big fat white guys look alike and figured it must be me.

Another time I got accused of being a "molester" and a stalker because I had the nerve to go to a Harveys that I go to back then almost every night.

Driving along, get into the parking lot. Car ahead of me stopped. I go to pass and I hear screaming from the car. I stop pull back and she is screaming at the top of her lungs, calling me a molester and to stop following her.
I don't know who the bitch was, never met her. All I did was try to go to a fast food place and I assume by coincidence she was ahead of me for part of the way and paranoia isn't just a song by Black Sabbath.

But remember, believe all women.

 

[Paprika]

I hate the work place these days with quotas for the unqualified, woke policies and nasty people (they've always been there) who will shit on colleagues to get ahead. Am glad I've only got 5 years or so before I retire. Sounds like you should find another job...is that a possibility ?

Cant do. Already earning good salary for my trade, 10th year at my job, I have another 30 years to go, so leaving this job is like giving up 5 million dollars, plus I have mortgages to pay, so there's no way I will leave, I'm getting the union involved and will be even more careful from now on.

If I have an issue I go to my supervisor, but butterface every time goes directly to the department manager to complain, when I told my supervisor about this complaint, he's not even aware of it. I'm sure if butterface had any real evidence, she would have gone to HR already.

 

[The Oracle]

[/QUOTE]

Sad thing is I have a female boss too and she's definitely not sympathetic towards any accusations against me, she's holed up in her own office 100 meters away, and rely solely on hearsay, and she's reopening old wounds by bringing up issues that had been resolved several years ago, completely unrelated, and telling me not to "get back at people" while others make up bullshit. Now that I think about it, I'm glad she had cancer.

So you're saying you have a history of past work issues?......And you wish ill on your boss.

Look inward young man....Look inward.

 

[xix]

Why do I get the feeling you work for the Electric company.

What ever her situation is with her, something or someone triggered her.
Maybe you took her job that she wanted.... The list is big.
So if you can apply for another position in the same company, that will keep you away from her go for it.

Don't engage with other women except to say Hi, till you retire.

Document everything in a black book.

 

[MadGeek]

Cant do. Already earning good salary for my trade, 10th year at my job, I have another 30 years to go, so leaving this job is like giving up 5 million dollars, plus I have mortgages to pay, so there's no way I will leave, I'm getting the union involved and will be even more careful from now on.

If I have an issue I go to my supervisor, but butterface every time goes directly to the department manager to complain, when I told my supervisor about this complaint, he's not even aware of it. I'm sure if butterface had any real evidence, she would have gone to HR already.

Why the fuck are you loyal to this place? You should never be loyal to an employer. You sound like you've already made your mind up you're going to be there for the next 30 years. You're just a fucking a number to an employer. They could slit your throat tomorrow; the week after; six months from now; hell 20 years from now. Then what? Oh... I was loyal that must count for something! Guess what? It counts for sweet, fuck all! Even in a union shop!!! Figure out your worth - talk to your employer's competitors; comparable jobs in other industry's and make a decision. Butterface is nothing more than a distraction from the important info: you're employer wouldn't think twice about putting you through a woodchipper if it saved them a nickel so who gives a shit about butterface. If you had your shit together you would have already had an exit strategy in play. Don't waste time on women or drama. Shit can go sideways on you tomorrow. Always have a plan, never be at someone's mercy.

 

[richaceg]

Cant do. Already earning good salary for my trade, 10th year at my job, I have another 30 years to go, so leaving this job is like giving up 5 million dollars, plus I have mortgages to pay, so there's no way I will leave, I'm getting the union involved and will be even more careful from now on.

If I have an issue I go to my supervisor, but butterface every time goes directly to the department manager to complain, when I told my supervisor about this complaint, he's not even aware of it. I'm sure if butterface had any real evidence, she would have gone to HR already.

Tell your supervisor she's undermining him by bypassing and goes directly to the manager when this could've been resolved in his level...he's the ally you need...all things considered....I'd be ready to leave this place....never be tied to your employer...

 

[black booty lover]

Honestly, there is a lot of holes in you story and the biggest thing is you accepted a verbal warning without full explanation.

It seems you are monitoring her to some degree. Maybe not sexual, but she doesn't know that or she could be be putting you in check before you make a move.

I don't know, but I wouldn't have accepted a verbal warning without full details.

That's what I'm saying. I would have thrown it right back and said "I was going to contact you as I think she's staring at me". The story is to vague.

 

[JohnnyWishbone]

Cant do. Already earning good salary for my trade, 10th year at my job, I have another 30 years to go, so leaving this job is like giving up 5 million dollars, plus I have mortgages to pay, so there's no way I will leave, I'm getting the union involved and will be even more careful from now on.

If I have an issue I go to my supervisor, but butterface every time goes directly to the department manager to complain, when I told my supervisor about this complaint, he's not even aware of it. I'm sure if butterface had any real evidence, she would have gone to HR already.

Because she reported something first I think whatever you come back with won't be believed. Can't you do your trade at another company or you're relying a union or something to inflate your salary ?

I won't even make eye contact with women at work now. I'm pleasant (Except for no eye contact longer than a split second) but am very wary. I went on a few dates in 2016 with a colleague from another department and then she ghosted me. She lost interest, fair enough. I invited a load of people to my leaving event and wanted to invite her but other people advised against it since I had messaged her twice with no response (got ghosted) 3-4 months earlier (I took the 2 un-responded messages as a message she was not interested and left it at that) and if I included her on a group email people/friends said she could have gone to HR or even the Police to claim I was harassing and stalking her. So I never invited her. She's probably a decent lady but I was taking no chances since the company is also quite good and didn't want to burn bridges over some middle aged woman who's very likely someone I wouldn't want to date now anyway

 

[Jenesis]

Because she reported something first I think whatever you come back with won't be believed. Can't you do your trade at another company or you're relying a union or something to inflate your salary ?

I won't even make eye contact with women at work now. I'm pleasant (Except for no eye contact longer than a split second) but am very wary. I went on a few dates in 2016 with a colleague from another department and then she ghosted me. She lost interest, fair enough. I invited a load of people to my leaving event and wanted to invite her but other people advised against it since I had messaged her twice with no response (got ghosted) 3-4 months earlier (I took the 2 un-responded messages as a message she was not interested and left it at that) and if I included her on a group email people/friends said she could have gone to HR or even the Police to claim I was harassing and stalking her. So I never invited her. She's probably a decent lady but I was taking no chances since the company is also quite good and didn't want to burn bridges over some middle aged woman who's very likely someone I wouldn't want to date now anyway

This is why I asked how she ghosted him? Ghosting is reserved usually for dating or some type of romantic gesture.

So how did she ghost him? He doesn’t seem to want to answer. I wonder why he doesn’t want to. Would certainly give a different impression of the situation. I mean if she ghosted him, he didn’t find her ugly back then, now did he?

Things that make you go hmmmmmmm????

 

[xyphy]

about 20 years ago I had a client that I was friendly with accuse me of sexual harassment. It was a completely messed up situation because she was the one who actually did the harassment to me.
I was getting rid of some furniture that she knew about and wanted some of the items. Told her the price we were asking and she asked if there were ways that she could lower the price.
I didn't bite, kept saying the price we were asking, but would give her a little bit of a deal. she kept at it with the vague comments "...is there anything I could do to get a better price?..." kind of talk. little flirty giggles and that eye blinking look while asking.
she just kept at it.
"there are things that I could do to you if you could give me a better price..." the crazy thing is that she was doing this in front of my team members. making it a joke and kept at it all day.
again, I would answer with, well. you could arrange for the mover or courier to help with moving the stuff. I just didn't want to go down that road. this was a good client that she worked for. I know my boundaries.
finally one of her colleagues just said "...I think she's offering you a blow job!".
rolling my eyes, i was truthfully just shrugging it off. laughed and let the day go forward.
2 days later, I get a meeting request with the president of the company and go to his office and there are about 4 other people in there, lawyers. they tell me that they had a sexual harassment complaint against me and they were terminating our relationship.
Talk about being found guilty without a trial.
they just wanted distance. I get it, but I was floored. It still bothers me to this day. I truly was the one being harassed.
found out later that she used it as an excuse to be put on a different account, wanted to move up the ladder more quickly etc.
Just sharing this because it's the one making the complaint that will win every time.

 

[Darts]

Holy shit, some of these stories are just plain scary. Obviously, some women have weaponized sexual harassment/misconduct (real or imagined).

I started my career in -------------------- firm where except for the partners we were all in our 20's and early 30's. Both males and females did stuff that would land us in deep shit in to-day's toxic work environment. Also, I think the sexual attitude in Montreal is more liberal than Toronto.

 

[bazokajoe]

Not sure why so many people here say he should look for a job elsewhere.

 

[squeezer]

Not sure why so many people here say he should look for a job elsewhere.

Exactly! It's not easy to find another good-paying job if he's been at the same place for a while. Especially if the job comes with a pension.
.

 

[Paprika]

Not sure why so many people here say he should look for a job elsewhere.

I did reach out to my company's health care provider today regarding the stress I'm experiencing, and he advised I should start looking,not necessarily to leave, but just in case I was let go, I should be prepared for the worst. I'm not going without putting up a fight.

 

[squeezer]

I did reach out to my company's health care provider today regarding the stress I'm experiencing, and he advised I should start looking,not necessarily to leave, but just in case I was let go, I should be prepared for the worst. I'm not going without putting up a fight.

You do seem to have a track record as you said yourself and the ghosting comment does make me suspicious. It's the old saying, where there's smoke there's fire. Albeit, I don't blame you for defending yourself if it's not true.