Friedrich Nietzsche Thoughts on Unhappy Marriages: “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”― Friedrich Nietzsche
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My first marriage.
I married a very attractive Sicilian. If you want an idea, check out Milani at secrets. They could almost be sisters.
Loved her, loved her mother, family, how tight knit they were. Years later, we divorced. Not friendly, but amicably. We are after all adults, and we both said “ I do”. I still love Nona, miss her quite a bit. It wasn’t until I was really grown up, and I started reflecting on things, looking inwards. That I truly discovered myself, understood myself. The way I think, my motivations for doing this or that, for not doing this or that. My likes, my dislikes, my wants and needs out of life. Getting a call from a Doctor the first week of January to be told there’s cancerous bomb in my head. Coming home from work in February, to the proverbial “Dear John, empty home letter”. Waiting a few more months, for the surgery to remove it. All while not knowing if I’d see my girls the next Christmas. Having bankers, lawyers, rape me. Splitting up, all the things I’d worked so hard to achieve over a life. The big house, the white picket fence, the things that decorated the house, the things we had bought, the things we thought were important….
Nothing like.
Losing more than half your net worth, all told about 70-80%….your kids, your things, and almost your life, in the span of a couple months. To figure out what’s important, and what’s not…
My second.
Coming out of my divorce a couple years later I knew who I was. I knew what I wanted out of life. A few false starts with a few. I watched many friends, men and women alike mistake lust for love. I watched men chase pussy like they were teens again, bitching about gold diggers. I watched my divorced female friends chasing cock, bitching about unfaithful men. I watched both cry
“why are there no good ones left”.
Me, I worked on me. Spent the time to figure out who I was. When we met, neither of us were looking for it. We spent the next 6 months dating. Getting to know each other, becoming the best of friends, before we got physical. The old school way. All our friends envied us, can’t understand why……As for my friends that tried to find it, but could never understand why each relationship crashed and burned……
How can anyone, anyone. Know who and what is right for you. If you don’t know yourself first.. Generally, with a broad brush stroke. Most men I know don’t work on themselves, and don’t or aren’t all that self aware.
And with respect..divorces, separations, and common law break ups, . about 60-70% of them grow apart, fall apart and will go through it.
I wonder why…