Did i do wrong?

[surferboy]

This one convoluted story. At what point did you tell her it was a bad idea, after the skinny dipping, when she entered your bed or when you entered her ? It is beyond belief that you let yourself get in a position of being alone with the girl and then suggest that you had any thoughts of this being a 'bad idea'. Certainly asking the 'kid' if it is a bad idea removes absolutely none of the burden of guilt on an activity which unlike a naive 'kid' - you knew exactly what you were doing.

I have no idea why her asking your age has any bearing on the story other than a mild ego boost - whether she thought you looked younger doesn't change your actual age or in anyway excuse your behaviour - other than reinforce an opportunity for having sex with your neighbour's 'kid'. Your terminology of 'kids' - the whole reaction (similar to the girl being 12), I can't help but think you are a scummy creep that would just as quickly hit onto the 15 or 16 yr babysitter if she started 'flirting' with you.

If you simply 'had sex with a college girl', I would not have thought the same way.

Obviouisly you can't read very well,so i'll state the facts again.

When we were making out in the lawn chair,i said it was a bad idea,think i said it again when she ripped my clothes off.
Her asking my age doesn't have any bearing on the story,she simply didn't believe me until i showed her my ID
Not my neighbors kid,one of her friends.
Would you like me to refer to the "kids" as offspring or kin?
Scummy creep,that would tap the underage babysitter? Think you have to many fantasies built up in your head...
"Simply had sex with a college girl,i wouldn't have thought the same way" What have you got against uni girls?Oh i get it,you don't like them smarter than you lol

 

[surferboy]

Only thing I'd say that the OP did wrong is not keep in touch with her. It's pretty harsh to be her 2nd lover ever & then not see where the young woman wants to go from here. It comes across like the OP was just using the woman for sex & had a great time but wants nothing else from her.

Even if the OP is not interested in this woman the decent thing to do would be to have this difficult conversation & bring some closure. I think it's the decent thing to do.

Had a talk with her earlier tonite.She's ok with things,offered to buy me lunch if i ever make it dt & she doesn't have class.Talked about a lot of different things & f**k is this girl witty & smarter than i thought.Said guys her age are immature & she can't have an intelligent conversation with them.I told her to give them a chance,we develope slower but eventually get to the same level! No worries about this girl,i almost feel like i was just part of her game.

 

[TeasePlease]

On a site such as Terb you would think the "whatever happens between 2 consenting adults is okay with me" viewpoint would be sacrosanct.

That's just rationalization for what we do in the hobby. Legal and moral are not necessarily the same thing. The latter is something for each of us to figure out for ourselves. Whatever let's us sleep, right?

Had a talk with her earlier tonite.She's ok with things,offered to buy me lunch if i ever make it dt & she doesn't have class.Talked about a lot of different things & f**k is this girl witty & smarter than i thought.Said guys her age are immature & she can't have an intelligent conversation with them.I told her to give them a chance,we develope slower but eventually get to the same level! No worries about this girl,i almost feel like i was just part of her game.

I heard the same from a friend's daughter (23 yr old) last summer. We were hanging out a fair bit. I'm glad I didn't take it further.

As for young girls being mature....that's something we see a lot of in the hobby. It's no surprise that industry girls might grow up fast (or perhaps they grew up fast and that's part of how they ended up in our midst?). But, I've also learned from these ladies that there's big difference between knowing a lot about sexuality and what makes men tick vs. knowing about life and what makes the world tick. It aint the same.

 

[Ms.FemmeFatale]

Had a talk with her earlier tonite.She's ok with things,offered to buy me lunch if i ever make it dt & she doesn't have class.Talked about a lot of different things & f**k is this girl witty & smarter than i thought.Said guys her age are immature & she can't have an intelligent conversation with them.I told her to give them a chance,we develope slower but eventually get to the same level! No worries about this girl,i almost feel like i was just part of her game.

So you don't feel guilty and therefore you have answered your own question.

I didn't get into this whole debate because I was gone for the weekend, but I did want to comment.

Sexually you did nothing wrong. You were two people of legal age.

Position of authority is nothing here either. Not in my opinion. You are not a hired babysitter, teacher, priest, etc.

What you did however was have sex while drunk. That can be an issue. You are how old? You still can't handle your booze? Enough to know better then to have some random one night stand? As others have said, what if you knocked her up? If you were drunk enough to say you had a lapse in judgment, how is that acceptable?

You fucked your neighbor's daughter, That can be an issue.

I have a daughter close to this girls age. I know she has sex with her boyfriend. I can't stop it. If I was out and a trusted friend slept with her, drunk or not, I would shoot you both. You have no respect for your neighbor or the fact that you have watched these kids grow up since they were babies as you said. It is great that she is smart, and witty and knows what she wants as a woman, why you couldn't let her have that with someone else shows more about you then her. I am sorry, but that is the reality.

 

[TeasePlease]

If I was out and a trusted friend slept with her, drunk or not, I would shoot you both. You have no respect for your neighbor or the fact that you have watched these kids grow up since they were babies as you said. It is great that she is smart, and witty and knows what she wants as a woman, why you couldn't let her have that with someone else shows more about you then her. I am sorry, but that is the reality.

The responsible voice of reason....

 

[james t kirk]

The responsible voice of reason....

You think it's reasonable to shoot someone?

I think it's fucked up.

 

[james t kirk]

I've read all 5 pages of this thread and I have a few thoughts.

1. No-one has said this to this point, but maybe she wanted to have sex with him. Did it ever occur to any of you judgemental types that she wanted to get laid? The idea of having sex with "an older guy" (albeit one who still thinks he's a teenager, and maybe that's what made it ok for her - she probably would not have done it with a guy who was 35'ish if that guy acted like a 35'ish man) maybe gave her pause and she'd thought she'd try it.

2. If she's 18, she's legal. He might be a bit on the creepy side, but only a bit. (Most of us (myself included) are probably just a bit envious of his story truth be told.

3. I hope for his sake she doesn't get all remorseful and call Law Enforcement on his ass saying that she was drunk and could not, therefore, given consent. (No joke, this is happening all over the place now. The so called "rape culture").

4. If the OP has half a brain, he would not tell anyone about this. First off, no good will come of it. Second off, see point 3 above. If her parents get wind of it, especially the drinking bit, they may very well have him charged with rape since their darling daughter was in no position to give consent.

5. WTF is a 35'ish man doing hanging out with a bunch of high school kids? I'm older than the OP, but when I was his age, I didn't hang around high school kids, or university kids. I didn't feel I had a commonality with them and was not attracted to their world. Someone else mentioned the "Peter Pan Syndrome" and this is probably pretty accurate in the case of the OP.

6. Advice to the OP - stop texting or emailing this girl. If you do get brought up on charges, she will have you nailed. If you want to stay in touch with her just to let her down easy, then phone her. No more drunken sex with teenagers. Although you may not be in a position of authority over her, if you got her drunk and had sex with her - you're setting yourself up to see the inside of a police station if she or her parents decide that you are pedophile and you defiled their darling innocent (ahem) little girl. You're fucked.

Here OP - read this.....this is how the legal system in North America is going these days.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/glob...-against-campus-rape-culture/article19871248/

You're OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND to be pouring alcohol (any alcohol) down a teenage girl's throat and then fucking her. OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND.

 

[TeasePlease]

You think it's reasonable to shoot someone?

I think it's fucked up.

Lol, not literally. But then again, I don't have any daughters.

btw, you're wrong about point 1. I and several others have said that she likely made her own mind. As for point 2, there's a difference between legal and moral. Just because something is legal doesn't mean that it's moral also. Moral is for each person to decide. For point 4 - I'm sure a part of this is dude blowing his own horn. Hell, I would if I just bagged a hot 18 year old. lol.

 

[Mister K]

Consenting adults. I'm just saying...

Would we be having this conversation if the OP had gone to a party with an 18 year old SP, they both had a few, ended up screwing?

Regarding the guilt that you are experiencing that's YOUR own moral compass that's kicking you in the ass. You need to make peace with it yourself.

Finally, I hope the young lady keeps the experience to herself, or things might get mighty uncomfortable between you and your neighbours/friends.

 

[james t kirk]

Consenting adults. I'm just saying...

.

Yeah, they are consenting adults and YOU are just saying.

Unfortunately, just being "consenting adults" isn't a get of jail free card when he gets arrested for sexual assault because she had been drinking booze that the OP so nicely gave her and thus she was not in a position to give consent.

He can try the "consenting adults" angle with the judge. See how far it gets him.

 

[Ms.FemmeFatale]

You think it's reasonable to shoot someone?

I think it's fucked up.

I am photographer, I am allowed to shoot people. LOL

JK - I did not mean in the literal sense. Did you really think that or were you looking for a way to make a smart ass comment?

 

[james t kirk]

I am photographer, I am allowed to shoot people. LOL

JK - I did not mean in the literal sense. Did you really think that or where looking for a way to make a smart ass comment?

I seemed like a red neck thing to say on your part.

 

[Ms.FemmeFatale]

I seemed like a red neck thing to say on your part.

Oh, I am a red neck now. This is good to know. I may never have been able to make it through life with your profound assumptions.

Good Job James! Good job! Mamma would be so proud.

 

[Mister K]

Yeah, they are consenting adults and YOU are just saying.

Unfortunately, just being "consenting adults" isn't a get of jail free card when he gets arrested for sexual assault because she had been drinking booze that the OP so nicely gave her and thus she was not in a position to give consent.

He can try the "consenting adults" angle with the judge. See how far it gets him.

Cap'n, I'm taking the OP at face value that she wasn't THAT drunk. Your point is valid but given the nature of the post, I think we can safely rule out that he "took advantage" of her.

I can state that personally I have had two occassions when I was in my 20's where I had friends/co-workers who were drunk and wanted to have sex.

In both cases I turned them down and put them to bed. One wanted to get even with her boyfriend for screwing around on her, and the second was a co-worker who became very upset when I would not have sex with her. I explained that while I would certainly enjoy it if she was sober, I don't think she'd be making the offer if she wasn't drunk. The next day I received a kiss and thank you. This young woman NEVER drank and was upset because earlier in the day she was told that one of her girlfriends had been diagnosed with a bad cancer in her leg and she had to have it amputated to save her life.

That just my experience. Everyone must decide for themselves where the line lays.

Your ship, Captain.

 

[demien2k5]

You fucked your neighbor's daughter, That can be an issue.

I have a daughter close to this girls age. I know she has sex with her boyfriend. I can't stop it. If I was out and a trusted friend slept with her, drunk or not, I would shoot you both. You have no respect for your neighbor or the fact that you have watched these kids grow up since they were babies as you said. It is great that she is smart, and witty and knows what she wants as a woman, why you couldn't let her have that with someone else shows more about you then her. I am sorry, but that is the reality.

Slight error there Femme. He actually slept with the friend of the neighbor's daughter. A stranger. Not the neighbor's daughter herself, or anyone he saw grow up, which adds some variation to the whole scenario. I believe there was still an ethical breach of trust between the OP and his friends, but no moral breach given the sex was consensual between two adults.

 

[AdamH]

Not your neighbor's daughter.. You're not exactly "Old enough to be their father".. So who the fuck cares.. Unless there's more to this story (you've known the girl since she was little), then you didn't do anything more than fuck a 20 year old girl who happened to know your neighbors at the cottage..

 

[james t kirk]

Oh, I am a red neck now. This is good to know. I may never have been able to make it through life with your profound assumptions.

Good Job James! Good job! Mamma would be so proud.

What I said was, "it seemed like a red neck thing to say" (And it is.)

I didn't say you're a red neck, you (incorrectly) inferred that that was what I was stating.

But I can't argue with you if that's how you see yourself.

 

[TeasePlease]

Slight error there Femme. He actually slept with the friend of the neighbor's daughter. A stranger. Not the neighbor's daughter herself, or anyone he saw grow up, which adds some variation to the whole scenario. I believe there was still an ethical breach of trust between the OP and his friends, but no moral breach given the sex was consensual between two adults.

what's the difference between "moral" and "ethical"? (I never paid much attention in ethics class.)

 

[Ashley V]

but no moral breach given the sex was consensual between two adults.

As it was pointed out earlier that might all depend on what the online feedback will be. This girl is 18. She will tell a friend or two if in fact others who where in attendance don't know already what happened. Those friends will spread it around to others via social media. If the comments get nasty eg. omg what a slut!!!! to salvage her rep the sex may not have been so consentual at that point.

 

[demien2k5]

what's the difference between "moral" and "ethical"? (I never paid much attention in ethics class.)

http://www.diffen.com/difference/Ethics_vs_Morals