Dating a SW, opinions.
- Thread starter Lexi Laila
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I'm a maybe. It depends on the SW. There's 2 I know I would date in a heartbeat because they're both amazing women.
This thread is interesting considering I just exited a client-turned-civie relationship (though Ive had several throughout my years as Florence). Previously Ive always either voluntarily or been asked to leave my Florence life behind to pursue the relationship. Though I don't ever regret it, I find that I have to severely downgrade my lifestyle in order to do so. The power interplay is off balance and resentment grows. I think I've just come to accept that it is super difficult for me to leave the industry behind because I really love it - the relationships not just with the clients but with other providers - the network of women is just so strong and supportive - we're all educated and compassionate people and have a strong community feeling. I feel super empowered and in my skin. The issues we came upon in the end were - 1. He wouldn't be proud to show me off as an escort. 2. He didn't want to physically share me with anyone else. 3. He literally wanted me to depend on him financially - and this last point was what caused the most friction because I'm too much of an independent person to let that happen. Aside from this, I just really enjoy escorting!! Check back on me when I master another income stream that makes comparable mula though.
Nice introspection, however, the OPs question deals with the man's perspective, not the lady's.
See I thought once we decided to date (the SW and I) I could not imagine asking her to quit her gig. Either accept her for who she is or move on. If she chooses to quit great, but if not no worries. She's the same person either way. It's arrogant to issue ultimatums in relationships except when new or unknown serious things are revealed. Like....If she was married lol.
(Me and the sw in oz I dated...backstory: we got on well on our first date (she said no one ever datoed her so well lol) and I let slip that if I was younger and better looking I'd date her for real...assuming then we'd have a laugh but to my surprise she said "I'd date you for real" ...Really? Yep. Up for a drink At the bar across the street? Yep. And we were off).
Maybe being older (mid-late 50s, she was mid 30s but billed as 23 but she was ebony so she looked 23 lol) and already did the true love and had kids...just didn't worry about it. She has a square gig during the day (medical supplies company) and moonlighted a few nights a week for an escort agency so I suppose I could introduce her as per the square job (she revealed real name second date). We met at the bar across the street was the cover story lol.
I'd probably take Effie_White's advice of asking in community more than any advice from the people here, but I'll chip in.
I've dated three sex workers over my life time. (One stripper, one did phone sex work, one escort.) A few of my exes had worked in the biz at some point (more people do than many realize) but weren't in when we were involved.
I've learned I'm ok with it. Some were short term relationships, some long term. None ended over the sex work. Problems came up, but they weren't based in the work at all.
Didn't come clean to all friends and family about all of them, I left that as the woman's call after she had met people so she could decide if she thought they would handle it well.
I don't think there is a one size fits all answer. People are different at different points in their lives and people are different based on the friends and family they are close to/in touch with.
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It's funny. Now that he lived his life and had the family experience, He "understands and realizes" love and sex are two different things.
Naw, you wanted kids with 'the good girl' and want to finish your life out with 'the bad girl'. That's the honest answer.
If being honest with guys about being an escort is problematic there are other options:
Maybe the better question is why would SWers date johns?
(this should rustle some jimmies)
(this should rustle some jimmies)
Because all of us are young and fit and have big dicks and expensive cars and therefore you should be seeing us for free anyway and that in fact when you stop and think about it we are actually kinda doing you a favour.
Don't forget the big fat wallets!Because all of us are young and fit and have big dicks and expensive cars and therefore you should be seeing us for free anyway and that in fact when you stop and think about it we are actually kinda doing you a favour.
My only concern in dating a SW would be that we have to have sex with a condom all the time... Or that she's tired and doesn't want to do it... Jeez...
Marriage is a disastrous arrangement. Just hanging out with a true romantic friend is where it is at.
Marriage is a disastrous arrangement. Just hanging out with a true romantic friend is where it is at.
^^^ Perspective. You really change as you get older.In my 20's it would have been a no go. I wanted the dream girl. The one you are proud to show to your parent. So this is what I did that resulted in 2 beautiful kids but no sex for such a long time... I was dying inside... a divorce followed and never been happier since.
20 year's later no problem I would date you in a heartbeat. I changed. You see I realized over the years that for me love and sex are entirely 2 different things. Jealousy is not in my gene... I am not the type who "own" a girl I am the type who wants to "share" haha I was invited last winter by an escort to make a 3 some with her boyfriend. It was awesome. I would probably do the same with you
I've dated a couple (1 dancer, 1 MPA). I SP less seriously (just FWB).
If you're going to do this, you have to enter into it with a lot of forethought as to what it entails. You can't ask them or expect them to quit for you; it has to be their decision. You know going in what they do, therefore you don't have any right to ask them to quit.
In the case of the dancer, she couldn't deal with being treated respectfully (she admitted this to me) because she was used to being used sexually and verbally (and sometimes physically) by her bf's. When she was with someone who didn't do those things, she got suspicious & ultimately ended the relationship.
With the MPA, she didn't want to continue as an MPA, she looked to me as a way out of the business. The crazy part was, we had only been on 1 date & hadn't talked about being exclusive, or really even about dating or what each of us was looking for in a relationship. So I ended up walking away from her, cause at this stage in my life, I don't date crazy & wouldn't consider it with someone who wasn't even willing to talk about it.
I think it can work out in this situation, but the guy can't be too hung up on society's expectations of "manhood", and the girl has to be empathetic enough to be able to see how difficult the guy might have it in this situation. Then they both have to be willing to make the necessary accommodations to prove to the other that they're the number one in each other's lives, just as with any other job. That being said, it's not the same as just any other job. Both parties have an obligation to go to extreme lengths to make it work.
JMHO.
If you're going to do this, you have to enter into it with a lot of forethought as to what it entails. You can't ask them or expect them to quit for you; it has to be their decision. You know going in what they do, therefore you don't have any right to ask them to quit.
In the case of the dancer, she couldn't deal with being treated respectfully (she admitted this to me) because she was used to being used sexually and verbally (and sometimes physically) by her bf's. When she was with someone who didn't do those things, she got suspicious & ultimately ended the relationship.
With the MPA, she didn't want to continue as an MPA, she looked to me as a way out of the business. The crazy part was, we had only been on 1 date & hadn't talked about being exclusive, or really even about dating or what each of us was looking for in a relationship. So I ended up walking away from her, cause at this stage in my life, I don't date crazy & wouldn't consider it with someone who wasn't even willing to talk about it.
I think it can work out in this situation, but the guy can't be too hung up on society's expectations of "manhood", and the girl has to be empathetic enough to be able to see how difficult the guy might have it in this situation. Then they both have to be willing to make the necessary accommodations to prove to the other that they're the number one in each other's lives, just as with any other job. That being said, it's not the same as just any other job. Both parties have an obligation to go to extreme lengths to make it work.
JMHO.
This is an interesting question as I don't even know how I would feel about it until happened. I think like any relationship, a lot would depend on the person and trust. I know I would be super insecure and jealous about the stuff going on with other guys in the line of work, but maybe the right SW could convince me that I'm the one that truly makes her happy and it would be worth dealing with the insecurity. Personally I think eventually it would bother me to the point that I would end of giving her an ultimatum to pick me or the line of work. Again, for me, I think there are lot's of variables that would effect the decision so it's hard to say unless I was actually in that situation.
+1 you really nailed this one.
IMO the shittier you treat an SW when dating the more turned on and the more willing to be with you. It’s really more about how their perceive their own worth than a reflection on you.
I often think that in their world of hyper femininity, of which their business is built on, they are attracted to hyper masculine or mysoginist men. It’s just how the job screws with their heads.
I dated a few girls and if they have daddy issues on top of it all, they are going to push your buttons until you “show them who’s boss”. Put them in a corner that they can’t get out of and they will love you forever, even to the detriment of their own lives. What was the name of that porn star who kept asking her MMA fighter bf to beat her up during sex? Well, that went pretty far south for that dude and now he’s in jail.
I can’t do that, it’s against my nature of treating people like proper individuals who deserve polite conversation and courtesy.
Your mileage may vary.
There is a wide range. I have know sps to marry former clients and retire and on the other end I know a female sp who said they would never date anyone who had ever hired an sp desptie herself being an sp. Certainly the percentage of women who have done at least one day of sex work is getting pretty high each generation so if you arent willing to date at least someone who has been involved in the biz as a worker or client - will you could be ignorant about it but it likely everyone has dated someone already that been involved. Its pretty main stream now.
But just like watching porn used to be taboo 10 years ago and now is discussed in media/talk shows etc sping openly has sometime to go.
But just like watching porn used to be taboo 10 years ago and now is discussed in media/talk shows etc sping openly has sometime to go.
I previously worked in a strip club, and being with a SW would never bother me. I learned a long ago that it's a job and not there whole life.
I would actually actively persue a relationship if I could.
I would actually actively persue a relationship if I could.
Did know a lady in the biz who said she did do match.com or something similar. She was attractive and known pretty well in the GTA (don't pm me no disclosure). She said when it got to honestly mentioning her escort gig, 90% of the men fled at that point. Those that hung in were "dented cars" lol...folks just out of rehab, or similar issues (I'm proudly dented myself lol).
