When I originally asked, I got: "I just don't want to". I pressed a bit, asking her why our dating life had more sex and she said: "You were duped". Painful to hear.
We've fought about it off and on for years. Last year was the worst... She made me read (I didn't want to) her journal entry which one-sidedly criticized my foreplay technique... I lost it on her and asked how she could expect me to 'better' without communication and consistent sex (4-5 times per year)... [I rarely cum with her, but never criticize...]
After that blow-out fight, she actually went away with her work friends (all girls) to a cottage during our anniversary. Upon her return, I asked why should I even stay in the marriage... She asked me if I still loved her and I said "no"... She burst into tears and my life flashed before my eyes, panicking over my kids and I reversed my comment to "yes" saying I didn't hear her question correctly...
Still no sex, but she's making me my lunch somewhat regularly now...
I helped generate amazing kids. She's a caring Mom and tries for them. The kids are physical specimens, funny and excel in school. It is all worth it.