Balancing a crush on an SP

[IM469]

Just from a healthy emotional distance POV my rule was always to leave the dancers and the clubs at the clubs, and to never go to the same club, or see the same dancer, twice in a row. Now with escorts I follow a similar rule-- Never twice in a row.

It's fine to see people you like more often, but I always want to keep things simple, and to err on the side of keeping my transactional relationships health for me.

'Healthy' can/will vary between people...

If I got to this level of paranoia - I probably just stop going into clubs all together. You would avoid a club because you had a dance with a stripper who probably has forgotten you ? What happens if you visit a club twice ? A dancer sees you and you are now smitten with deep emotional commitment to marry her ?

It's entertainment. A one on one fantasy performance by an entertainer who you are paying for her efforts. If this concept is hard to fathom - don't go.

 

[The Options Menu]

If I got to this level of paranoia - I probably just stop going into clubs all together.

I could have worded that to sound less paranoid-- It's not like I wrote it on a stone table, or I ever had a problem with a dancer or club (or escort for that matter). At the time I liked roaming around anyway, and as 'paranoid' as the rule was it helped keep things fresh for me. Admittedly the rule is hamfisted, but it kept things simple and fun. Like I said, I have no qualms with repeating more often with people I like and enjoy more, at places I like and enjoy more.

I have no regrets with my SCing... Or seeing escorts... But I like keep my committed relationships non-transactional, and that keeps things really simple. My 'rule' helped do that, even if I didn't really need it.

 

[tobermory]

What most of us ultimately have with our preferred providers are friendly transactional relationships. Most of our lives are filled with friendly tranactional relationships of various types. That doesn't make them not 'real', but ultimately they are what they are.

QFT

 

[Goofgaff18]

 

[wildestdream]

I've swum in the deep end with an SP - no I won't get into the details of the relationship but it was not an exclusive arrangement and monetary consideration was always present.

This SP made me feel things I hadn’t felt in a long time - a sweet romance, a sense of new adventure, and a deep emotional connection. At some point, it passed the point of being transactional and became natural. It’s been the absolute pinnacle of my hobbying experience.

In fact, this SP helped me quit the hobby - I realized I ultimately cared less for sex and more for companionship and I didn’t need to find it anywhere else. (For folks wondering why I’m still on TERB, it’s my social media outlet.)

My take on the cynicism I’ve observed on this thread (or pragmatism/realism if you will, but it’s a fine line). Sure, most folks don’t want to lose their heads as a result of this hobby, so emotional detachment is reasonable for the majority and might even be a required mindset for those who can’t regulate their impulses. But there’s also a place for beautiful interactions that go beyond the session.

 

[bggolfingmaniac]

I made this mistake last year with a SP and she clearly let me know where she stood by cutting all ties to me, including ghosting me on a planned getaway. (silence sucks) That whole situation ended my desire for SPs, but I hang around for the banter a bit, kinda fun...

Lesson learned though if I ever break my hiatus.

 

[that6969]

Live and learn. Some would feel awkward if their client wanted a relationship and they had no interest so they most likely who ghost and stuff. Moreso because women don't want some guys stalking and doing other weird things. Even if after you got that feeling out of your mind some most likely wouldn't want to see you again. A lot like to play it safe too.

Also if you do decide to date a SP who gives you a chance you have to deal with a poly relationship and her most likely not quitting even if you had the funds to support her fully. And most constantly want stuff in return because that's how they think. It's like dating a wealthy businessman who sees the world in black and white and won't go out of there way to even do some good deed because they want funds for their time and knowledge. I dated someone once who wasn't a SP or anything and each time I said no to going out at times she'd blow up and stuff. That's not a fun feeling and can mess you up mentally. Not worth it at all. You can find better minded people out there especially those working actual jobs and tend to get along with others well then blow up.

 

[green man]

Laugh all you want.
I’ve gotten myself in a situation where I genuinely really like a certain SP that I see frequently. We text almost everyday talking about our days, etc.
I’m always thinking about her and not sex with her, honestly - her as a person and how she communicates and the down time we have spent together.

Has anyone else battled this as well?

I feel like it's a place you can get yourself at easily, I have been, but I just shrug it out because they're just working - And their work is to give you pleasure. I have seen people start relationships with SP's before too, but never something that lasted long, it's a huge thing to get through your mind after you are together...

 

[glamphotographer]

I've been there, done that, my advice is don't fall in love with an escort, it will go bad for you.

 

[james 25]

Difficult to separate those feelings but you need to being in this

 

[sweetiepieexo]

Laugh all you want.
I’ve gotten myself in a situation where I genuinely really like a certain SP that I see frequently. We text almost everyday talking about our days, etc.
I’m always thinking about her and not sex with her, honestly - her as a person and how she communicates and the down time we have spent together.

Has anyone else battled this as well?

This actually happens way more than you think & some may even be ashamed to admit it.

Without going into too much detail ; I went through a similar situation with a regular. He didn't tell me he was in love with me , he just stopped seeing me all together.

About a year or so went by & he came back to see me & openly admitted to me that the reason he didn't see me was because he fell in love.

I am not sure if he or I will see each other again but he respected me enough to know he had to get those feelings under control .

I would just remember that you only know the part of her that she not only shows you, but ALL her clients. That may include being friendly, making you feel extremely comfortable , being a good conversationalist & being relatable ; and last but not least providing you with good services.

Even if you text her outside of her work hours it is part of her profession to make you feel comfortable & happy when contacting her. Always , always , always keep that in mind.

 

[Mangoman0052]

I very much appreciate the insight and honestly, this is all stuff that we know, but try not to block out or not pay attention to.
I know I’ll never date this woman, but I think I need to find that balance for myself of not getting caught in my head and blowing my bank accounts

 

[squeezer]

The only time the feeling can be both ways is when the escort stops wanting to be paid hourly and it must be her choice, not the john pressuring her to do so. As long as you are paying for her time, you are a client, full stop.

 

[IAmDave]

I’ve asked her to let me take her out and she said she’s open to it, but it’s a bit premature, as she usually never would see a client out of a session.

Plenty of places in here where one might jump to conclusions, but this was it for me.

That's not what interest sounds like. If she wanted to, that'd be an easy yes. She doesn't.

 

[Y_Diner]

OP, it’s a business transaction and you are only income to her. Stop seeing her for a while and see someone else, or several other girls.

 

[princekwekua]

And see someone else, or several other girls.

Easier said than done. Few providers meet my criteria - DDG, slim, tallish, few tattoos, no enhancements, no lip fillers. And even fewer amenable to my intense interaction

 

[princekwekua]

Two years of regular business. Generous with tips. Only communication was to set up appointments. Then she disappeared. Never told me she retired or anything. She has just stopped responding to appointment enquiries.
Makes me believe she was deeply dissatisfied with being a sex worker. And perhaps hated fact I am old enough to be her dad or even grandad. So gave me the finger on her way out. Shocker and a bummer

 

[Phil C. McNasty]

Laugh all you want.
I’ve gotten myself in a situation where I genuinely really like a certain SP that I see frequently. We text almost everyday talking about our days, etc.
I’m always thinking about her and not sex with her, honestly - her as a person and how she communicates and the down time we have spent together.

Has anyone else battled this as well?

This won't end well for you.

I'm not trying to be a jerk, its just the truth

 

[that6969]

Two years of regular business. Generous with tips. Only communication was to set up appointments. Then she disappeared. Never told me she retired or anything. She has just stopped responding to appointment enquiries.
Makes me believe she was deeply dissatisfied with being a sex worker. And perhaps hated fact I am old enough to be her dad or even grandad. So gave me the finger on her way out. Shocker and a bummer

She doesn't need to explain to you why she stopped working. Maybe she blocked your number or ghosted ya or changed her number. Maybe she retired because she got a job or met a partner along with plenty of other reasons. If I was seeing some SP as a client as a regular for whatever many years I wouldn't explain to her when I decide to move on from her for whatever reason. She doesn't need to know. I'd ghost her and most don't contact you first anyway because that's how this business functions. And not to mention you said your only actual communication was to set up appointments. You hardly even had a connection with her after hours like some do over text. And a lot of the time that texting is just pure business. A few people dealing with regulars and stuff think they are owed some explanation because she retired for whatever reason and want some closure. Clingy much???

 

[xix]

Laugh all you want.
I’ve gotten myself in a situation where I genuinely really like a certain SP that I see frequently. We text almost everyday talking about our days, etc.
I’m always thinking about her and not sex with her, honestly - her as a person and how she communicates and the down time we have spent together.

Has anyone else battled this as well?

Just date her or ask her out.