This is definitely an addiction and I have an addictive personality. I got married 6 years ago and cheated with escorts for 5+ years. It was when I had a daughter of my own almost a year ago that it killed my desire to do this. Don’t get me wrong I get tempted here and there, sometimes I will come here just to look and fantasize, but anytime it comes to actually booking an appointment I can’t do it. I do have guilt about my wife, but when I think of my daughter it kills any thought of doing that.
Advice from married guys
- Thread starter sholon
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I'm in the same boat...just have not pulled the trigger with an escort, only MP with HJ...not doing it for me anymore...really need to make it happen soon. I think you have it right !
I too have tried many different women and for years the most times I would see an SP is 3-4 x then move on. Recently have been seeing one consistently though for 2 years and have seen her at least 10 x. Not sure what to make of it to be honest. Excited by it and concerned it's crossing a line to an emotional connection
I top did first strip clubs, them massage parlors with HJs . Then one visit to a massage parlor attendant asked if I wanted sex. The rest was history. Never looked back
I started with strip clubs at first.
When I got married, I decided I'd stop. I still remember the night before our wedding, sitting at The Rail and my favourite dancer asked me, "what are you up to this weekend?". I answered, "oh, I'm getting married. Tomorrow." She laughed, and I got my last dance ever... knowing full well it wouldn't be my last, I was just gaslighting myself. I continued with the SC scene, and it was many years into our marriage before I started with the MP scene. I'd done the SP thing once or twice, but I prefer MPs. No FS, no BJ covered or otherwise. That's a line I just don't ever want to cross. But lap dances? Body slides? Russian finishes with fake boobs? Fuck ya!
I love my wife. We are amazing partners. I couldn't survive without her, and I feel like she couldn't without me. But... sex was never stellar, and then it got worse.
Back when we decided we'd like to have kids, and we stopped unprotected sex, and got pregnant on our first try. Then we had a miscarriage. As soon as she was ovulating, she was eager to try again. At first it was fun, I was having more sex than ever. But it changed, it started to feel more like a duty than making love. It was no fun, and I didn't want to anymore. When I declined, she'd get pissed. Which made it even worse, because now I'm being forced. After about a year of this, we did get pregnant again. This pregnancy went smooth and healthy, but I was a wreck - afraid because of the miscarriage. Basically, I was a mess for 9 months. Oh, and she had zero-sex drive during pregnancy. I think we did it maybe once? Just as well, I wasn't interested.
She wanted us to have more kids, but I told her I just couldn't. I couldn't live through all that trauma again. She is disappointed, but she understands. We've had very little sex after our kid was born. I thought it was because I was too afraid of accidently getting pregnant, so I got the snip hoping that would relieve my nerves... but it hasn't. I suppose if I'm being honest, I just don't want to with her anymore.
So, I continue with this hobby. When the pandemic started, I stopped SCs completely. It was the thing I missed most! When things started opening up again, I stuck with MPs only. I really enjoy it. It does feel like therapy in a way. I don't feel guilty about the hobby itself, but I do feel bad about the dishonesty. I despise dishonestly. I will never outright lie to her, and I never have. And yes, I'm completely ignoring the fact that lying-by-omission is still lying. Na na na! I can't hear you!
In my perfect world, we'd have an open marriage. She's my best friend! I even sometimes find myself wanting to tell her about my hobbying, because I enjoy it so much. I tell her about all of my other obsessions! If she hooked up with another dude, I'd love it! But I can't envision a universe in which I have the balls to bring up the subject of an open marriage.
Okay... apparently I needed to vent.
When I got married, I decided I'd stop. I still remember the night before our wedding, sitting at The Rail and my favourite dancer asked me, "what are you up to this weekend?". I answered, "oh, I'm getting married. Tomorrow." She laughed, and I got my last dance ever... knowing full well it wouldn't be my last, I was just gaslighting myself. I continued with the SC scene, and it was many years into our marriage before I started with the MP scene. I'd done the SP thing once or twice, but I prefer MPs. No FS, no BJ covered or otherwise. That's a line I just don't ever want to cross. But lap dances? Body slides? Russian finishes with fake boobs? Fuck ya!
I love my wife. We are amazing partners. I couldn't survive without her, and I feel like she couldn't without me. But... sex was never stellar, and then it got worse.
Back when we decided we'd like to have kids, and we stopped unprotected sex, and got pregnant on our first try. Then we had a miscarriage. As soon as she was ovulating, she was eager to try again. At first it was fun, I was having more sex than ever. But it changed, it started to feel more like a duty than making love. It was no fun, and I didn't want to anymore. When I declined, she'd get pissed. Which made it even worse, because now I'm being forced. After about a year of this, we did get pregnant again. This pregnancy went smooth and healthy, but I was a wreck - afraid because of the miscarriage. Basically, I was a mess for 9 months. Oh, and she had zero-sex drive during pregnancy. I think we did it maybe once? Just as well, I wasn't interested.
She wanted us to have more kids, but I told her I just couldn't. I couldn't live through all that trauma again. She is disappointed, but she understands. We've had very little sex after our kid was born. I thought it was because I was too afraid of accidently getting pregnant, so I got the snip hoping that would relieve my nerves... but it hasn't. I suppose if I'm being honest, I just don't want to with her anymore.
So, I continue with this hobby. When the pandemic started, I stopped SCs completely. It was the thing I missed most! When things started opening up again, I stuck with MPs only. I really enjoy it. It does feel like therapy in a way. I don't feel guilty about the hobby itself, but I do feel bad about the dishonesty. I despise dishonestly. I will never outright lie to her, and I never have. And yes, I'm completely ignoring the fact that lying-by-omission is still lying. Na na na! I can't hear you!
In my perfect world, we'd have an open marriage. She's my best friend! I even sometimes find myself wanting to tell her about my hobbying, because I enjoy it so much. I tell her about all of my other obsessions! If she hooked up with another dude, I'd love it! But I can't envision a universe in which I have the balls to bring up the subject of an open marriage.
Okay... apparently I needed to vent.
When you say “dancers at strip clubs,” are we talking just lapdances or bonus features too? I’ve always been curious about how that happens and at which clubs. I’ve only been to the Brass Rail, but it felt like way more of a money sink thank seeing escorts. A lot of the rules were unclear… I had no idea what the extra VIP room treatment could even get me if I shelled out the cash.
I've been seeing one escort consistently for 6 years now apart from a COVID hiatus. I've seen a few others once in that time but they mostly just reminded me how good my regular is. I like to think of it as a professional friends with benefits situation. I always enjoy the entirety of the experience from catching up, the foreplay and tease, and the act itself of course, and then leave with a smile on my face until the next time. You can be friendly with people you pay for services without crossing a line. I look forward to reconnecting with my barber, masseuse, the bartender at my watering hole, etc. Granted none of them deep throat me but that's why their prices are lower.
My sympathies. Apart from the miscarriage I see a lot of myself in there. When we were dating and getting married we had sex all the time. Twice on our wedding night including while the party was still going. I didn't even feel the need to watch porn once the first year. But eventually the decline began and reached a point where it feels like it's being withheld. She doesn't initiate, declines often, does very little when she doesn't, etc. I had been busy before I met her with strippers and escorts whenever I didn't have a girlfriend so eventually decided to get back into that a little just so I could have something sexual to look forward to every so often where my needs get met. I would very much prefer the things these women do to be done by my wife but that's not going to happen so I have my outlet to keep me sane. The open marriage idea has occurred to me as well but knowing my wife that's not going to happen either even though I think I would be comfortable with all that entails.
Understandable, it took me a while to figure all this out as well. My current situation is I have a couple regulars at Brass Rail, which is a clean club with some cop connections so no funny business happens there. That's actually why I go there regularly vs other places as it removes the temptation to spend a lot on what is usually a very inferior intercourse experience on a chair compared to spending quality time in private on a bed with an escort. My first entry into this world was strip clubs when I was in university down the street from Brass so it also has an appeal for that as well. Now don't get me wrong, I've had some great times getting extras from strippers at other clubs and it's something everyone should at least try a few times for the experience. This was mostly when I was younger and single and would try anything. I eventually learned what places offered what kinds of services.
I came up in the glory days of Cannonball where the VIP was basically an orgy with a sea of bobbing heads and chair fucking. Tried lots of other clubs and saw a wide mix of great value for money to scammers wanting $400 for a BJ over 15 years ago! My fondest memories though are the times I wasn't even trying and had it handed to me on a platter. Maybe I just have that kind of face. Once at Whisky on a slow afternoon I was the only one clapping for what seemed like a shy new girl up on stage. Which I would do all the time for any dancer. But that day that particular girl made a beeline for me after, brought me back to the VIP, pulled down my pants and blew me with almost no conversation. Always clap gentlemen. Some years later I was at Paradise, met a beautiful blond, we hit it off just talking and she took me to the naughty VIP without me even asking. The partition behind us was rocking and she popped her head over, confirmed they were fucking, then looked at me and said "when in Rome" and gave me an incredible blowjob and swallowed !!! and didn't charge me anything beyond the $20 per song. I followed her around at least once a week to whatever club she was at and she would blow me each time and that eventually became an arrangement where I fucked her at her place once a week for $800 a month.
All that to say I know where to go to get extras but once I got hooked on fucking that one girl in private, the escort world soon opened up and it was the clear better option. But I still love the strip club experience so I put in the hard work of balancing the 2 worlds. Someone has to. Every once in a while I will stray from Brass to a naughty club just to physically remember what an extras club experience is like but I don't feel the temptation to spend large on the full menu there with all the escort options out there. There's something especially hot about a lapdance seeming like normal and out of nowhere the girl pulls your fingers inside her or she sneaks a handjob under your pants or whatever. On the other hand I've had the experience a few times where the girl proposes extras and I decline saying I'm just looking for a traditional tease and I can see the disappointment in her eyes that it's going to take her 30 minutes instead of 5 to pocket $200. Because Brass is a clean club this can't even happen there and so the girls tend to be very good at turning you on during a traditional lapdance. My faves there are Angie and Valkyrie and Iver been seeing one or both of them once a month for years now. They are experienced experts at what I enjoy and always give me a great time and I'm sure are a little friendlier with me in the VIP than they would be with strangers. I message them beforehand all the time and if I'm at the Rail it's a safe bet what Angie is wearing is something I asked for.
Damn that sounds like a fun time. I am very middle class and don't live downtown, so frequenting strip clubs is unrealistic for me. The one time I went was intoxicating. I spent 4 dances with a girl that left me breathless. I feel like I would get hooked and hustled out of every penny if I went back haha. I'm an easy mark. My ultimate fantasy is fucking a stripper during my bachelor party. I love the idea of a sexy money-hungry professional making me stray from commitment. I think I'll try to get my fix from girls that strip and escort. I wish there was an easy way to narrow down which providers also dance.
That's what my first few times going to Brass were like. Like stepping into adult Oz. it was sensory overload and I could hardly stop thinking about the place between visits. It was like every lingerie catalogue and dirty magazine I'd seen all came alive in one magical space. This went on for years and between Brass being clean and me having a student budget, I didn't know I was only skimming the surface. When I did grad school later in the 90s I discovered Whisky and Cafe Pro and what extras were available. Between seeing porn stars like Jenna Jameson on stage and getting extras from the regulars, it was a whole other level. Funny that Ive come full circle now and am back to Brass being my usual spot. Every time I walk in there, the 19 year old inside me smiles and I can picture what it was like those first times.
Good luck finding someone that strips and escorts. Despite the seeming similarities in skills for girls in the extras clubs, those are generally different kinds of people. Even getting takeout from a stripper is a different experience than sex with a professional escort in my opinion. As much as I loved that $800 arrangement I had with the stripper I mentioned, it wasn't as good as what I get from a pro. Still worth doing for varietybut not the same experience or the best value for money.
As a woman I agree. I know this is a male to male thread but I just can't help but say that hobbying is better then an affair.Definitely don't hobby as much anymore, maybe like once a month. I'm on my second marriage and I realized a long time ago now that hobbying is better than a affair
No strings attached, no expectations. A mistress will eventually want u for herself (the age old want but u can't have) and potentially try and ruin your marriage or make you choose ie/Chris watts, he shoulda just hobbies and not get a side piece.
Hobby all the way!
Just curious what's the difference between a stripper takeout and escort encounter
This is true! I recently realized this within the past couple of years!I think women in their 40's preffered younger guys in their twenties. Not much difference in the sexes after all.
When I was 17-25 I was attracted to older guys like in their 30s and 40s.
Now that I'm older I'm attracted to younger guys. Theirs young guys coming after me wanting to date me and I have but I had to ask myself what the heck is going on with me?! And I told him hey u do know I'm older than u right?! And he's like yeah I know but I find women your age are more attractive and smarter than girls my age, girls my age are dumb and ditzy ect(28yr old guy said this). I thought holy shit times haven't changed and now everything is in reverse! I never dated guys my own age bc I thought the guys were immature and would cheat and they did lol so I went for older, thinking they were more distinguished lol and now that I'm that age I realize I just made that shit up in my own head lol they weren't distinguished they were just nice looking and more mature then the guys my age and could carry a conversation better lol
Don't get me wrong I like any guy any age so as long as they're straight, has manners, can carry a conversation, has a nice body(doesn't have to be fit, I like thick/stocky), is a good lover, likes the outdoors, bbq ing, camping, outdoorsy things, and can satisfy in bed and not just themselves.
Sometimes I wonder if that's why wives stop being physical bc the wives aren't telling their husbands their not getting enough pleasure from them bc their afraid of offending them.
Sex is a two way street, if one person is giving way more than receiving, the other party will basically withdraw and start making excuses as to why they're not in the mood.
Being a good lover is more important than we realize. And that involves giving just as much as we like receiving. The more u please the more the wife is going to want to please you. The less u please the less the wife will want to participate.
Obviously there's more to a marriage than just sex but it is actually important and it does does dwindle after some time and I think that's bc the foreplay stops. Lick n suck that pussy, lick that ass, Lick suck, lick, suck, stick that sausage and stick it in deep.
The deeper the better, then pull out and tease, make her crave it. Make her want that cock.
If u lick and suck that muffin so much she won't be able to contain herself she's gonna wanna return the favor and try and one up you. Then after the foreplay and teasing, fuck each other's brains out!!
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Strippers aren't typically as experienced or as good as a girl who fucks a few times a day professionally, runs her time as a business (including always being clean, having wardrobe ready, keeping an inviting environment), and has a "serve the customer" mentality. Takeout is typically more like a quick fuck with a stranger or a first time with someone who may or may not be as great at sex as putting on a dance show, which is fine enough a goal but a good escort will make it an experience and be excellent at various positions, prolonging sex, and just generally making you feel like a king. Each has their pluses and cons but for me a pro is clearly better and will probably cost you less per minute/hour than trying to bang the stripper. I've banged the stripper many times so I'm not trying to deter anyone from doing it. Sometimes that's what Johnson wants and if it's available right then and there then it's fun and ready to go whereas you will have to wait a bit to book the pro.
As much as I enjoyed my arrangement with that one stripper way back, there were limits to what she would do like no kissing, no DATY, etc. It was more like I had access to her body for basic fucking. Again fine enough if you have no alternative, and she had a great body and could suck the dimples off a golf ball. Better than my usual weekend plans then. But my regular escort now will greet me at the door with a deep French kiss, wearing smoking hot lingerie possibly with her breasts out, and after 20 minutes of fun conversation while that's all distracting me, will begin turning me on with foreplay before kicking the festivities off with a sloppy and aggressive deep throat experience and then I get my choice of order of the full menu of doggy at various angles, 69, tea bagging, Russian, missionary with my hands on her huge rack, both directions of cowgirl, and often more blowjobs to transition me between positions that she knows how to do just long enough to get me at the edge of cumming but will pull back to keep me going, and plenty of dirty talk throughout if her mouth isn't full. And she will happily take a load in her mouth and will blow you as long as it takes to make that happen if needed. It's a full entertainment package. No stripper has ever come close to that with me. Maybe there are ones out there who do compare but those are unicorn exceptions I think. And before her rates went up recently, my regular charged only $250 for that whereas that's about the going rate for a covered blowjob from a stripper at an extras club. Which one are you going to choose?
Agree 100%. Even if the affair is firing on all cylinders, it should and does demand a lot of your time between rendez-vous to keep it hot. On top of all your work and family demands. I was very up for that when I was younger and had more time. But I don't have the time to do it properly now even if I wanted to and that's reason enough not to. If you can't put in the time it will only lead to hurt feelings on her part and then who knows what drama you're in for, which will eat up even more time and not in a fun way. An escort solves this problem nicely. Like any other service you can schedule it as often as works for you and when it's done you can focus on whatever you have to do next. Should go without saying that that doesn't mean you have license to be a thoughtless prick with her. We're all human and selling our time for money. I quite enjoy every aspect of my sessions, including the date like catching up conversations we have before it gets x rated. It's great to be able to make a connection with someone who is going to bring your most intimate fantasies to life, and makes the whole experience even hotter honestly. I think of my regular as almost a friend with benefits since I've been seeing her for years. An hour with her is always the best hour I've had in a while and it's comforting to know that whenever I'm daydreaming about the last or the next time, I don't have to worry about her doing something I will regret. Indeed, my regular has shown me text messages and told me stories showing how she's covered for other clients who were sloppy covering their tracks with their wives and girlfriends and she has successfully explained away why her number is in their call history or whatever. And she did that on her own, improvising on the spot, for free, and sometimes without dumbass even knowing about it. Pro star in every sense of the word
Have we met? I think I love you. Why do you have to be in Ottawa?
Totally agree. From my seat in the guys aisle I can remember being frustrated when I was younger that girls my age preferred older guys. In my later 20s I joined Ashley Madison soon after it started and it was like a whole new world opened up. If you could just write well and not be a dick, women of all ages were hungry for that and I often found myself bedding attractive, horny older women and getting a lot of useful experience and knowledge that made me a better lover and then by the time I was in my 30s I had those younger women coming after me looking for that combination of maturity, experience and safety. I had a long affair with one young stunner who would occasionally date guys her own age alongside what we were doing but she would give them up because the sex was so bad whereas I knew exactly how to give her what she didn't even know she wanted until she tried it. I consoled her after one such breakup with her in latex and us in a 69 while I drove a dildo in her ass. Better than a tub of ice cream. I remember when I first had sex with one other woman, in her humvee of all places (yes a hummer in a hummer) she gave me the greatest compliment when she said "Your wife doesn't want more of this?!?!").
When I first started seeing escorts in my early thirties I specifically sought out an older woman after my cougar experiences and not wanting to get burned with a hot but immature girl running a scam or something. Ended up seeing Erica Fox in her fifties and had an incredible year or so seeing her and enjoying not only a fantastic body but a whole sensual experience that usually included a bottle of wine, roleplay, massage, many hot lingerie options, and of course expert sex, all in a comfortable condo by the lake downtown. I get hard just remembering those experiences decades later and anytime I walk past that building.
All that to say, a little patience and willingness to learn will pay off big time. It gets better kids, hang in there. And I will second there is no better blowjob than from a woman you just made climax. Twice is even better if you can manage to hold her down after the first one. Ties or handcuffs are useful at such times.
Yes some still really want it. Pretty much with everyone except their husband
Are u in Toronto? And What is Russian missi
Have we met? I think I love you. Why do you have to be in Ottawa?
Totally agree. From my seat in the guys aisle I can remember being frustrated when I was younger that girls my age preferred older guys. In my later 20s I joined Ashley Madison soon after it started and it was like a whole new world opened up. If you could just write well and not be a dick, women of all ages were hungry for that and I often found myself bedding attractive, horny older women and getting a lot of useful experience and knowledge that made me a better lover and then by the time I was in my 30s I had those younger women coming after me looking for that combination of maturity, experience and safety. I had a long affair with one young stunner who would occasionally date guys her own age alongside what we were doing but she would give them up because the sex was so bad whereas I knew exactly how to give her what she didn't even know she wanted until she tried it. I consoled her after one such breakup with her in latex and us in a 69 while I drove a dildo in her ass. Better than a tub of ice cream. I remember when I first had sex with one other woman, in her humvee of all places (yes a hummer in a hummer) she gave me the greatest compliment when she said "Your wife doesn't want more of this?!?!").
When I first started seeing escorts in my early thirties I specifically sought out an older woman after my cougar experiences and not wanting to get burned with a hot but immature girl running a scam or something. Ended up seeing Erica Fox in her fifties and had an incredible year or so seeing her and enjoying not only a fantastic body but a whole sensual experience that usually included a bottle of wine, roleplay, massage, many hot lingerie options, and of course expert sex, all in a comfortable condo by the lake downtown. I get hard just remembering those experiences decades later and anytime I walk past that building.
All that to say, a little patience and willingness to learn will pay off big time. It gets better kids, hang in there. And I will second there is no better blowjob than from a woman you just made climax. Twice is even better if you can manage to hold her down after the first one. Ties or handcuffs are useful at such times.
Lol I can tell you're a smoothy!! You got the gift of the gab. I doubt we've met because we're in different areas unless you've been to Niagara falls? I've worked in Toronto with a reputable agency there but under a different name a few years back so maybe we've met but who knows lol. Sounds to me that u have a good work/play/marriage balance, and you've figured out how to have your fun and keep it on the dl. You have good taste in escorts also. The one you mentioned about saving her customers asses from their wives finding out. That's awesome. Ive had to do that before too, it's awkward but u know right away what's transpiring lol wives are ready to lock and load. I have so many questions pertaining to your experiences! You seems like a really cool, level headed guy who just knows what he wants and is able to find the one who can meet the demands. Like seriously good for you! You're a rarity in this industry!
