"Paid relationships". Let me ask you a a serious question because this is something I've thought about lately and this is open for anyone:
Does the fact that she's only there for money cause any introspection on your self-worth? I say that with the realization that we live in a consumerist transactional society. (yeah, we can go down the rabbit hole of marriages being a series of transactions but let's save that for another thread...)
It seems more and more to me that the fact she's there only because you're paying her result can only end up in self-esteem issues for the John. And we don't realize how important our self-worth and self-esteem truly is for us. We know that a real man can attract a woman without the need to pay her. Because if she's open to anyone who can meet her dollar demands, then she's the low hanging fruit and not worthy of being chased. And even if you do disagree, doesn't it just become boring and predictable? There's no fun or thrill knowing you'll get the 'ultimate' reward by just reaching into your wallet instead of capturing her interest or charming her or actually engaging in some effort to seduce. I would say that affairs (and I've had 2 to date) seem far more thrilling but yes, they require more work and effort and planning and many people are just lazy and fall prey to the 'instant gratification' zeitgeist we're living in. She's an actor, at the end of the day. She's not there out of a genuine desire to be with you or enjoys your company. (Some guys will say, but 'we have a connection'. Uhh, sure. What real 'connection' is there when you remove the transaction? It's gone and you're replaced by another John)
I'm not trying to shit on johns and whores. I've indulged. I've been there. I get that it's quick, easy to schedule, convenient, and you know what you're getting (again, the consumerist mentality).
I have to say most of the males I saw or met in the lobby or at events fall into categories of: old/fat/ugly or young/fat/dumb and both group may be sexually inexperienced.
They don't take care of themselves and are not exactly GQ cover material. They buy whores because they're easily obtainable. It's this weird type of 'non-feedback' sex. You can be an absolute loser in the bedroom but they don't care about that. Does that bother anyone? Or do you just conveniently put it out of mind?
I know there's some judgement in the argument but I'm asking this earnestly and trying to mentally understand how others cope with it or if they simply choose not to view it as any issue/problem. It's just 'how it is' if you want that hot girl you were unable to attract / marry / date / get with in some fashion or another that didn't involve you paying her.
Doesn't have that effect on me because as my posts have summarized, I've had a rich and engaging sex life outside this world for a long time and have little doubt I could find an affair now if I wanted to. This is more a convenience factor at this age and stage. I don't have the time for a secret relationship like I used to, and zero interest in any drama. To me this is similar to arranging for someone to give me a massage, or cook my food, etc. It's like the old joke, I'm not paying for sex, I'm paying them to go home after. That said, I will be more interested in women who are interesting and can hold a conversation and make the experience feel more real as I'm not looking for a living sex doll. It's best to think of this as a conmercial transaction not unlike peopke you have to socialize with at work. There are many of such people who I genuinely enjoy their company even if it is business related.
The self doubt arises more at home. I'm doing my part in upholding the marital contract, working, keeping fit, pulling my share of the home duties, etc, but I'm hitting a sex wall which I wasn't before. That will cause you to question both yourself and her in your spare moments whether you want to or not. And it occurs to you that while you're getting the cold shoulder at home, that single slut at the office keeps sending looks your way, or you remember where you could go or who you could call for a fun time. Eventually you pick your remedy and how often you're willing to tap it. If you're lucky like me you find a regular who is also fun to chat with before/after the sweaty part and you gave yourself a professional friend with benefits.
We guys are always paying for it, whether per transaction with a pro or monthly outlays to get and keep a relationship. It's no secret that hypergamy is the way of things for most straight women. What a man makes is the highest predictor of a man's access to women. The odds of getting and keeping a woman who makes more than you are quite poor, and are only going to get worse as women's incomes rise. The pool of eligible worthy men will shrink since women generally don't date down, and more women will chase the worthy ones, which will make a good portion of them players as they cash in on their status, shrinking the pool further. Paid sex will become far more common. It's already the case that the average condo downtown has 1-2 pros working there. Should be part of the monthly maintenance fee!
I would agree there's a danger if seeing a pro is a regular thing when you're young and you don't have a lot of real dating experience under your belt. I didn't go to strip clubs until a few years after starting a long term relationship, didn't do affairs until years later, and not even an escort until years after that, and was in one relationship or another during most of that time. If you only know commercial sex you're going to have a limited understanding of sex and relationships and difficulty forming and sustaining normal sexual relationships.
