what is your thought about seeing relationship therapist?

[Jenesis]

Therapy is meant for you. First and foremost. If you have two well “therapied” people for lack of a better term, then a relationship counsellor would be great but if you both need individual work then that has to happen first.

Once that does, you may not need counselling together. You may be able to work forward on your relationship with a new core belief that lets it work now where it wouldn’t before.

Or you find your core beliefs and then learn that your partner was not or is not now - what you want or need. Which can suck if the other person is not in agreement. Can suck more if you have kids and stuff too.

I personally think everyone should go through therapy and at a couple different points in life as times change and therefore minds and hearts change. Sometimes you need to recenter yourself.

As poker said above - I was the classic parental issue child who couldn’t not escape an extremely abusive relationship. I went to counselling for that reason. To come up with my safety plan and figure out my time and way to get out. We spoke about my abuser on that first day and never again. Because it wasn’t about him, it was about me. I needed to fix me to get out. Once I did that, my abuser didn’t have a chance. All his tricks and cards shown and I was done. It was one of the most freeing experiences of my life. Both because of this trauma I carried unknowingly since childhood and getting away from my abuser.

I will say one thing. Therapist are human. Not every one is going to sit right with you and not everyone is a good one or bad one. You have to shop around but it is your mental health so it is worth it.

 

[oral.com]

The first day I met my therapist she looked like a complete nerd, but she was most definitely hot, the second time I saw her she looked like a fucking smoke show, legs cleavage makeup , so of course I thought oh my fucking God, "she wants to fuck me". ( shallow Hal ) lol

Now I am leaving out tons of info here because my personal shit is personal.

After several visits I began telling her about my sexual needs with escorts, she was timid but interested in the details like what would motivate me to be so into certain fetishes. Often I could see her turn beet red and start shifting in her chair. She couldn't hide her reactions. This became a real turn on for me and often I would get a boner talking with her and have to do some shifting of my own. One day I told her my greatest sexual attraction is towards towards slim brunettes with blue eyes and she just happened to fit that description, go figure, that was probably our most awkward but sexually charged session, lots of fumbling with her pen turning pages fumbling her words lol.

Long story short about six months in I finally had sex with my therapist at her condo however she wouldn't see me professionally anymore.

Probably in my top ten hottest sexual experiences.

So yes, go see a therapist.

Oh and yes I know this sounds like BS.

I need to get the number of your therapist

 

[coolmanfever]

Marriage is tough. I was in a 25 marriage that ended. It was my fault it ended, and I lost a good woman. Not a perfect woman, but a darn good one.

I don’t know your situation, but my perspective is…. Most people approach counselling with the attitude of what their partner puts them through. Both my ex and I did that early on. Not productive at all. Some therapists will side with one or the other. My ex actually changed therapists a few times until we found one who sided with her. It got to be a game. Who could paint a bleaker picture of the other and win sympathy.

However…. It should not be that way. Nobody is perfect. And when you examine one’s life, patterns emerge. People often make the same mistakes in life over and over and over again… there are reasons why we do that.

(As an example) instead of understanding that when a parent walked out of your life when you were a kid it created abandonment issues, and now leaving a shitty abusive relationship is impossible for you…. You justify your bad repetitive decisions.

Long story short…. I sought individual counselling to fix me. I had depression, was angry as fuck, would explode over dumb shit, and didn’t want to be that guy anymore. It helped tremendously.

Good luck on fixing someone else. You can only fix you.

thanks poker for sharing. Glad to hear you worked with therapist and still have a mirrage that last 25 years. Do you mind why your marriage ended?

my fear of seeing therapist even for myself individually, I will have to eventually confront him that I am seeing escort. As the result, the therapist may steer me to leave the mirrage and therefore lose a good woman like you mentioned.

 

[poker]

thanks poker for sharing. Glad to hear you worked with therapist and still have a mirrage that last 25 years. Do you mind why your marriage ended?

my fear of seeing therapist even for myself individually, I will have to eventually confront him that I am seeing escort. As the result, the therapist may steer me to leave the mirrage and therefore lose a good woman like you mentioned.

Why my marriage ended? I cheated, with lots of escorts. Even fell head over heels for one who used me.

I guess the simple answer is... I went down the rabbit hole of porn. I needed more and more extreme shit to get me off... and my thing was always tied up chicks. Damsels in distress.

Needles to say, I wanted some of that in the bedroom. Pooky wasn't having none of it. She had her own issues. So, I chased the dream with hookers. Found ones who would role play.

If I am honest, it did not live up to the hype. More often than not it was lame. And I felt guilty. Felt like my life was going off the rails. Then I met *****. She charmed the shit out me, and life spun right out of control.

Wife and I separated about 3 times that year. I confessed to everything. Everything. We tried to work on it. I stopped all my games. Sought some personal counseling. She did too. And one day (4 years later) she was stronge enough to kick me to the curb for what I put her through. I was litterally blindsided.

It was a shitty break up for about a year, and today... we are friends. I will always love her, I am just not in love with her.

And I told the therapist everything. The way I saw it, I needed help, and nobody can help me if they don't know my problems.

I participated in a cognitive behavioral study at St Joe's in Hamilton. Life changing. Saw a local guy too for about 12 sessions.

2 books he recommended. The first helped identify some of issues I had... they called them "life traps" the childhood shit that manifests as we're adults. It was alright. Funny thing is... you begin to understand why other people act the way they do.

The second one (by Terrance Real) helped me begin to deal with the issues and manage myself. I cannot recommend that one enough.

 

[Tony2000]

How many relationship therapists does it take to change a light bulb?


Just one. But the light bulb must want to change.

That sums up the issue for me .... just didn't want to change.

 

[angrymime666]

Yes. They wont tell your partner and they can't help you if you aren't being completely up front.

in theory yes they cannot disclose info to anyone without consent. however, people being people and not always falling the rules, do stray from the no confidentiality agreement. while its a small percentage it does happen.

 

[Jenesis]

in theory yes they cannot disclose info to anyone without consent. however, people being people and not always falling the rules, do stray from the no confidentiality agreement. while its a small percentage it does happen.

Care to give an actual factual example of this because that is the biggest offence of their job and they can lose it, be sued, etc.

Just like real true RMT will just never cross that line into sex services, therapist uphold this rule as the golden rule.

The only time a therapist speaks out is when you are going to harm yourself or others or if children’s aid needs to be called for child safety.

So please provide your proof Otherwise you are just fear mongering.

 

[Jasmina]

No therapist is going to risk losing their gig over some random dude seeing an escort. People MAY have had that fear in the 50s in small communities where everyone knew each other and there wasn't legal actions taken against breach of confidentiality but this isn't the 50s and most of us likely don't live in a small village with one doctor who goes to church with our wives.

in theory yes they cannot disclose info to anyone without consent. however, people being people and not always falling the rules, do stray from the no confidentiality agreement. while its a small percentage it does happen.

 

[angrymime666]

No therapist is going to risk losing their gig over some random dude seeing an escort. People MAY have had that fear in the 50s in small communities where everyone knew each other and there wasn't legal actions taken against breach of confidentiality but this isn't the 50s and most of us likely don't live in a small village with one doctor who goes to church with our wives.

you assume that therapists do not have their own personal issues which trickle into their professional life. like I said it happens but is rare. the probability is unlikely but I have seen professionals in the field become unprofessional in many aspects, including breach of confidentiality.

the list of unprofessional behavior includes but not limited to:

pedophilia, sexual assault, theft, sexual misconduct, black mail.

when someone is unstable they do not think of the consequences. the social services and psychological is ripe with people personal issues. for some reason they believe helping other people would be helpful when they have their own untreated problem.

 

[Jasmina]

Yeah, if you admit to harming yourself or others or breaking the law, there are consequences. I assume the dude asking hasnt molested a child. FFS. You get weirder and scarier with every post dude.

you assume that therapists do not have their own personal issues which trickle into their professional life. like I said it happens but is rare. the probability is unlikely but I have seen professionals in the field become unprofessional in many aspects, including breach of confidentiality.

the list of unprofessional behavior includes but not limited to:

pedophilia, sexual assault, theft, sexual misconduct, black mail.

when someone is unstable they do not think of the consequences. the social services and psychological is ripe with people personal issues. for some reason they believe helping other people would be helpful when they have their own untreated problem.

 

[angrymime666]

Care to give an actual factual example of this because that is the biggest offence of their job and they can lose it, be sued, etc.

Just like real true RMT will just never cross that line into sex services, therapist uphold this rule as the golden rule.

The only time a therapist speaks out is when you are going to harm yourself or others or if children’s aid needs to be called for child safety.

So please provide your proof Otherwise you are just fear mongering.

plenty of professionals cross boundaries. doctors, teachers, rmts, police, social workers. this is why many professions have boards which monitor allegations and have tribunals.

as I said before people who do such things are a rarity but it does happen.

in my previous profession I have seen many professionals cross boundaries. in the field over 20 years there have been many allegations that required people to be discharged from service. whether or not they were found guilty in a court of law I cannot respond to that. most recently at my former place of employment a staff was caught pleasuring 3 clients orally. it made the papers. clinicians will hint to other clients about other clients as a means to steer then away from a relationship with that person.

there are fucked up people in every profession, some make the news, some get swept under the rug and some get away with it. to think trained professionals are not fallible is just being naïve to the capabilities of human beings.

 

[angrymime666]

Yeah, if you admit to harming yourself or others or breaking the law, there are consequences. I assume the dude asking hasnt molested a child. FFS. You get weirder and scarier with every post dude.

this is reality, people are just oblivious to it.

 

[Jasmina]

No, dude, no, it really is not.

this is reality, people are just oblivious to it.

 

[angrymime666]

No, dude, no, it really is not.

meh... your opinion

 

[coolmanfever]

Why my marriage ended? I cheated, with lots of escorts. Even fell head over heels for one who used me.

I guess the simple answer is... I went down the rabbit hole of porn. I needed more and more extreme shit to get me off... and my thing was always tied up chicks. Damsels in distress.

Needles to say, I wanted some of that in the bedroom. Pooky wasn't having none of it. She had her own issues. So, I chased the dream with hookers. Found ones who would role play.

If I am honest, it did not live up to the hype. More often than not it was lame. And I felt guilty. Felt like my life was going off the rails. Then I met *****. She charmed the shit out me, and life spun right out of control.

Wife and I separated about 3 times that year. I confessed to everything. Everything. We tried to work on it. I stopped all my games. Sought some personal counseling. She did too. And one day (4 years later) she was stronge enough to kick me to the curb for what I put her through. I was litterally blindsided.

It was a shitty break up for about a year, and today... we are friends. I will always love her, I am just not in love with her.

And I told the therapist everything. The way I saw it, I needed help, and nobody can help me if they don't know my problems.

I participated in a cognitive behavioral study at St Joe's in Hamilton. Life changing. Saw a local guy too for about 12 sessions.

2 books he recommended. The first helped identify some of issues I had... they called them "life traps" the childhood shit that manifests as we're adults. It was alright. Funny thing is... you begin to understand why other people act the way they do.

The second one (by Terrance Real) helped me begin to deal with the issues and manage myself. I cannot recommend that one enough. View attachment 97831 View attachment 97827

Thanks my friend for the book recommendation..I will look into it. On the hind sight, if your wife did not find out about you seeing escort, would you have stayed in marriage? How did your wife find out that you seeing escort?

I never repeat seeing the same escort more than once. Too much risk for me to get attached to the fantasy. So far works well for me.

 

[Jenesis]

plenty of professionals cross boundaries. doctors, teachers, rmts, police, social workers. this is why many professions have boards which monitor allegations and have tribunals.

as I said before people who do such things are a rarity but it does happen.

in my previous profession I have seen many professionals cross boundaries. in the field over 20 years there have been many allegations that required people to be discharged from service. whether or not they were found guilty in a court of law I cannot respond to that. most recently at my former place of employment a staff was caught pleasuring 3 clients orally. it made the papers. clinicians will hint to other clients about other clients as a means to steer then away from a relationship with that person.

there are fucked up people in every profession, some make the news, some get swept under the rug and some get away with it. to think trained professionals are not fallible is just being naïve to the capabilities of human beings.

Like I said. Bring proof or you are just fear mongering.

I get what you think you are trying to say but your like an anti-vaxxed spreading misinformation or distorted info to spread fear and make people not want to go to therapy. Which is sick and twisted.

I’m personally don’t get why you would want to do that. It is very disturbing behaviour to say the least. You should seek counselling for your condition.

 

[angrymime666]

Like I said. Bring proof or you are just fear mongering.

I get what you think you are trying to say but your like an anti-vaxxed spreading misinformation or distorted info to spread fear and make people not want to go to therapy. Which is sick and twisted.

I’m personally don’t get why you would want to do that. It is very disturbing behaviour to say the least. You should seek counselling for your condition.

proof.... close to 30 years in the social services field. witness to allegations of dozens of coworkers who were formally disciplined, swept under the rug or criminal charges laid. heck I could give a recent news paper clipping of one of my former agencies I was employed with and how staff sexually assaulted a client. I will not due to confidentiality and anonymity. breach of confidentiality while not as severe as child molestation is typically managed in house and people are either black balled by the field or discipline through their specific professional boards which usually dont get the media exposure since its not really news worthy. you can google breach of confidentiality. there are specific allowable reasons to breach confidentiality but it usually revolves hurting ones self or other.

inappropriate behavior is not limited to certain professions and I will reiterate this again it a very small percentage of the social services field that. unless you have worked in the field you wouldnt know the dark secrets. just as others who do not monger would not know the dark secrets of the sex biz.

if you think Im fear mongering thats your opinion. however if lawyers are making a buck suing therapists for breach its not fear mongering but reality.

 

[Jenesis]

proof.... close to 30 years in the social services field. witness to allegations of dozens of coworkers who were formally disciplined, swept under the rug or criminal charges laid. heck I could give a recent news paper clipping of one of my former agencies I was employed with and how staff sexually assaulted a client. I will not due to confidentiality and anonymity. breach of confidentiality while not as severe as child molestation is typically managed in house and people are either black balled by the field or discipline through their specific professional boards which usually dont get the media exposure since its not really news worthy. you can google breach of confidentiality. there are specific allowable reasons to breach confidentiality but it usually revolves hurting ones self or other.

inappropriate behavior is not limited to certain professions and I will reiterate this again it a very small percentage of the social services field that. unless you have worked in the field you wouldnt know the dark secrets. just as others who do not monger would not know the dark secrets of the sex biz.

if you think Im fear mongering thats your opinion. however if lawyers are making a buck suing therapists for breach its not fear mongering but reality.

So post your proof. You have all these ”examples” - so post it. Oh right - you won’t

And I am not talking about sexual assault, which is bad, but I am talking about your claim that therapist breach their confidentiality agreements. And I already know the reasons available to breach, I already stated them.

You are fear mongering and you know it. If you have been in the business for close to 30 years, then you wouldn’t be creating reasons for people to avoid therapy. Sorry but I call bullshit.

 

[kherg007]

It goes without saying but the specific therapist matters 1000%. I've heard horror stories of the "women good; men bad" types, or those who profess a bias from the start. When i told my mates I had a female, they were all "you're in the shit mate" but she was great, helpful, never took a side and helped me realise quite a few things.

 

[moredale7]

But I am going to see a male therapist

Wear protection.