Lend your advice please.
- Thread starter Nathan Drake
- Start date
Oh, I dunno. Catching the flu or a nasty cold, perhaps? It is a rather intimate service you're providing....
It's an excellent first post, very informative about how different escorts might need to approach their partner.Hey all, this is my first post on the boards, though I've read a bunch of threads and feel like I've gotten to know some of you a bit
The ladies just can't be spoken too on this one. Each of them is in the "I can see this only from my own perspective and the rest of you are just mean" mode that we all know and looooove so much. Sigh.
Alison - Does it change if your friend knows you're an SP already? If she knows about what you do, would you tell her about a new bf that was a client of yours?? What if he was a really shitty client - who borderline raped you. Since we're throwing around the worst of the worst what if's here (with allusions my friend would go off the handle and start killing people). What if a SP friend of yours warned you about this guy who had herpes and was trying for bare service - and then he's out with a friend of yours. Would you still keep your mouth shut.
Jessica - Have you never lost touch with people you really like? Also, where did you read that I barely knew the guy from post 1?
Jessica - Have you never lost touch with people you really like? Also, where did you read that I barely knew the guy from post 1?
Try to respect their opinion, they bring a different perspective that should be welcomed.
Forget hunches...I call these deflections. I'm asking what you would do, not how good you are at maintaining friendships.I stay in touch with the people I really like, even if it's just an occasional post card or email.
It was just a hunch ... if a close friend is dating someone I don't usually find out via facebook ... that simply implies a more distant friendship
I don't care if you maintain closer bonds with carrier pigeons.
What would you do?? Edit: My apologies because I actually asked Alison - but feel free to answer it's a generic situation.
heminwayz - drink on brother....I'm gonna go smash a j and see what MJL says.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but there's nothing to indicate that your friend's girlfriend has done anything particularly wrong? If we're comparing outing an SP vs. outing a client...which no one's really answered, or I missed it if they did...could we stick to actually analogous situations? Ie. your female friend is dating a man who you know frequents SPs. Do you tell her? Pretend your female friend is exactly the same relationship as your current male friend, and you know as much about the boyfriend as you do about the girlfriend.
The only ethical thing is to contact the new gf, tell her that you know, and let her decide how to break it to your friend in her own way, or alternately to break off if she can't.
That gives the couple a shot at a life together. Outing her in a highly dramatic and damaging way isn't going to do anyone any good. Hard enough to make a relationship with an SP work, a dramatic outing is just pouring gasoline on the fire. It will breed suspicion, cause a fight, possible wreck your friendship.
The couplev deserve a chance to work through their issues in private. The most you should ever do is nudge them in that direction.
That gives the couple a shot at a life together. Outing her in a highly dramatic and damaging way isn't going to do anyone any good. Hard enough to make a relationship with an SP work, a dramatic outing is just pouring gasoline on the fire. It will breed suspicion, cause a fight, possible wreck your friendship.
The couplev deserve a chance to work through their issues in private. The most you should ever do is nudge them in that direction.
Personally I think everyone needs a chance to come forth if they have not.
Perhaps he knows but it's their secret and perhaps he doesn't know in which case you could 'lightly' bring it up to her discreetly, giving her a chance to be honest with her new man
Or
You could totally take a short cut and as you said 'plug' her
Ahhhhhh .... Choices choices choices ... In the end there is no right or wrong one ... Only thing to consider is how 'something' serve you
Ciao Ciao
Lyra
Perhaps he knows but it's their secret and perhaps he doesn't know in which case you could 'lightly' bring it up to her discreetly, giving her a chance to be honest with her new man
Or
You could totally take a short cut and as you said 'plug' her
Ahhhhhh .... Choices choices choices ... In the end there is no right or wrong one ... Only thing to consider is how 'something' serve you
Ciao Ciao
Lyra
This is a double standard. Would you want an SP who went to kindergarten with your GF outing you?
Pretty clear that this is a polarizing thread.
Sheri - no one said the girl is doing anything wrong. I'm not going to tell my friend simply because she is an SP. If I catch the feeling he's being fleeced, then it becomes a no brainer. Right now is just gathering all the info that I can, and the board is helping me with insight.
MJL - Sorry, and thanks. Hard to track all the comments keep them coming.
Eso - the world is filled with double standards and it's unfortunate but in times where people I care about could be hurt, the people I care about less can be affected. Just the way it is, and I'll have a hard time believing anyone who says otherwise. I need to make sure it's worth it to me.
If someone chose to out me to a future spouse, so be it. I made my own bed to sleep in. I can defend my position with logic that sits level in my head. Treating girls with respect...being a pleasant client, acting polite. These things I feel minimize my chance because the more someone likes you the less chance they will do something like that. That goes for defending someone as well, or telling them about a snake in the grass. If I like you, more chance I'll step in.
I'm also taking a risk that he could - as another person did - blast my name all over Facebook saying my business.
Just gathering as much intel as I can...
It's also become an opportunity to reflect, and decide how much I value said friend in my life (however much time spent together) and how I feel about knowingly to let someone go down a path they might not go down if they knew what they were getting into.
My natural disposition is to mostly MYOB, it's how I usually roll....but this is a situation that may have an exception, and I have always been very tactfully vocal in those times. I don't have to scream and shout her name...it can be done quietly and effectively.
I appreciate all the pm's too. Some great advice coming from a lot of people I wouldn't expect.
THANK YOU to everybody who's taking the time to add to the conversation.
Sheri - no one said the girl is doing anything wrong. I'm not going to tell my friend simply because she is an SP. If I catch the feeling he's being fleeced, then it becomes a no brainer. Right now is just gathering all the info that I can, and the board is helping me with insight.
MJL - Sorry, and thanks. Hard to track all the comments keep them coming.
Eso - the world is filled with double standards and it's unfortunate but in times where people I care about could be hurt, the people I care about less can be affected. Just the way it is, and I'll have a hard time believing anyone who says otherwise. I need to make sure it's worth it to me.
If someone chose to out me to a future spouse, so be it. I made my own bed to sleep in. I can defend my position with logic that sits level in my head. Treating girls with respect...being a pleasant client, acting polite. These things I feel minimize my chance because the more someone likes you the less chance they will do something like that. That goes for defending someone as well, or telling them about a snake in the grass. If I like you, more chance I'll step in.
I'm also taking a risk that he could - as another person did - blast my name all over Facebook saying my business.
Just gathering as much intel as I can...
It's also become an opportunity to reflect, and decide how much I value said friend in my life (however much time spent together) and how I feel about knowingly to let someone go down a path they might not go down if they knew what they were getting into.
My natural disposition is to mostly MYOB, it's how I usually roll....but this is a situation that may have an exception, and I have always been very tactfully vocal in those times. I don't have to scream and shout her name...it can be done quietly and effectively.
I appreciate all the pm's too. Some great advice coming from a lot of people I wouldn't expect.
THANK YOU to everybody who's taking the time to add to the conversation.
+1 She could be gearing up to sit down and have this conversation with him. You have no idea! Do I tell someone what I do on the first date? "What are your hobbies, do you have any brothers or sisters? How do you feel about me touching cocks for money? Please pass the salt." NO.
This is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You have NO IDEA what is going on in this relationship, he could have met her as an SP and is now dating her. YOU HAVE NO CLUE, so why OUT SOMEONE like this? It's insane.
And bullshit this is a close pal you really like and lost touch with and want to re-connect with. You asked in your original post if you should BOOK AND PAY TO FUCK HIS GIRLFRIEND.
Muse said it too, from her EXPERIENCE WITH PEOPLE IN THE INDUSTRY BEING OUTED - men don't always quietly break it off and say "Thanks for the heads up pal" there is a chance to CONTINUE THE OUTING.
- tell their mutual friends
- tell the woman's family and friends
- post it publicly on the internet for anyone to see
- tell her boss
- if she has kids, tell CAS (Children Aid Society)
You have no clue how much stigma is involved with sex work and how outing someone could have SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES.
Listen to the sex workers in this thread telling you this. Even if you don't like it.
I have a guy I know, knowingly beats up on girls. ... big time piece of shit. some rumors of rape too that I don't doubt.
You can be sure that I've let any and all girl(friends) I know that I've seen him with, to watch out.
I'd welcome him wanting to fight me buy that's another story. I've called people out I know yeah if it involves the safety of others.
I care about the overall well being of people..
That's the issue. I care for the girls well being too, and my friends. My friend a little more so, but that doesn't mean I want to start shit in the girls life.
Thank you for reiterating what has been said. Herein lies the issue.
Please note, although the initial post was made in haste...it was the initial three options I felt could play out.
I could
A, just talk
B, play, and talk,
C, just play
They were three options I figure because I did want to meet the girl before this, and I am playing devils advocate with myself.
I'm also hesitating a bit because I have never met the girl, (she has had some mixed reviews that actually kept me away) so I can't definitely say it's her. The photos all match though --- if the profile is real.
It could turn into a shit show if not executed properly.
Allison, please also don't be so sure that all working girls share your opinion, because it is clearly not the case. Getting some pm's from well known board girls, giving me great advice on how to approach the 'reveal' if you will.
You have to be kidding me. Where did I say that all sex workers share my opinion? I said to LISTEN TO THE ONES IN THIS THREAD.
You are framing this later in the thread as though you need to warn your good pal about this safety hazard of a sex working girlfriend he has. If this was a good friend of yours, you wouldn't be thinking about "PLUGGING" the sex worker you found out was his girlfriend.
You're in denial. You automatically equate sex work with a love affair or 'having a relationship with someone else - that is, not monogamous'. Sounds like you even equate sex with love or infidelity.
I don't understand your point about me calling the OP a hypocrite. When I said that his friend is a hyprocrite, it's because he can enjoy hobbying with impunity while remaining secret, discreet and possibly dishonest about it, yet when it comes to the opposite sex who is providing the service, she's not entitled to secrecy or discretion. Hence the hypocrisy. However, I get that it's not about the OP, it's about HIS friend who supposedly doesn't hobby that he thinks he's protecting.
All that being said, I think what maybe you're getting at is not her 'cheating' per se, but her being dishonest about her sex work. In a relationship, we hope for trust and honesty, and no secrets (OK, there may be secrets from the past that are better left unsaid). If you feel she should be honest with him, then that's a better reason to argue for disclosure.
However, as Allison as pointed out, we don't know what's going on in their relationship. This is what my own buddy told me when I asked if I should tell the boss' son way back about what I saw. As it turned out, keeping quiet was the best decision.
