I guess when I re-opened this thread I should have explained that the problem was exposed over a year ago. I only just thought to comment on this thread now. I don't think that the guy I caught her with was even in the picture when this thread started, so I'm guessing that he wasn't the first. Anyways to summarize, our marriage was sexless for a mutitude of reasons, one of them being mental illness. I never felt myself to be in a position to dump my wife. Not for cost reasons, but out of moral obligation. Anyways, work became my escape, and yes, I have paid for sex probably 2 or 3 times a year since our troubles began. I've always been self employed, my wife has never worked. I didn't ever think of leaving her...until one day she said "we're separated"...then she said we need time apart...although she wouldn't leave the house, but wanted me to. So I continued to work, she continued to live at home. I asked outright if she was having an affair, and she had no issues with lying to my face. She was really good at it. My lawyer summed it up best when he told me that "parasites don't leave unless they have a new host" so I did a bit of sleuthing and realized she spent 5 days a week at a boyfriends house - a guy that I used to hang out with over 20 years ago. I layed low with my info, did my separation agreement, finished all the paperwork...and then when she was back at her boyfriend's place, I had a lovely boquet delivered with a very personal note. Needless to say, I did ok in the settlement as I knew what I was up against. She left with about 1/2 million dollars, I kept the house and had the pleasure of watching her ass pack and get out the door. All in all, I did ok. It was messy...but things are starting to settle now. Thank you to all those who wished me well, and yes, I understand that I cheated on her too. I just would never have left her andd would have prefered to work things through.