If you start seeing escorts, you will bring nothing but more trouble to your life. Its not easy just to start seeing escorts and stop whenever you feel like it. If you get in, its not easy to get out.
I'm in a sexless marriage, should I take the pliunge and start seeing escorts?
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Don't know if you're like me, but I was the youngest in the family, so I could see it all first hand. Parents divorced, Grandparents divorced, siblings divorced. So even as a kid I thought, OK, so that's how it works. Thanks for the lesson. Never had a desire to get married and it's worked out just fine.
Interesting thread.
But all in all, after reading all the comments on here, the best advice is to be true to yourself. What do you want? Figure that out and work towards that goal.
If you really love your wife and you desire her sexually, you have to work towards achieving the same from her. If that is not possible, then you have to decide whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life in a sexless marriage or not. (Off-hand, I would say that the answer to that is no.) So then you have to decide whether or not you want out, or to stay in but find release in escorts.
I've had quite a few serious relationships over the years and I've stuck it out when I should have bailed out. The one thing I've learned from that is that a relationship that has gone off the rails seldom can be put back on the rails. In fact, in my experience, it can never be fixed (and not for the lack of trying on my part). Once a woman goes cold on you, she's cold for good. So to be honest with you - what you see is what you're going to get for the rest of your life. So if you can't accept that, then get the hell out now, or just see escorts and if you get caught - you get caught. Big deal. She's the one who drove you to it. It's not like you were getting boned every night and it wasn't enough, it's a case of NO SEX. That's not a marriage, that's room-mates.
If it means anything to you, I know lots of guys in your situation. Once the mothering gene turns on, the sex gene turns off (permanently). With many women, their goal in life is to have kids and to be a "good mother". Sex? Sex was just a tool to get her to motherhood - to catch a man, then to get pregnant. A husband is just a means to an end; little more than an acceptable sperm donor and a revenue source to enable her to raise her brood.
As to the question of Escorts though, you will get to blow your load, you will get a sexual release, but seldom will you find intimacy. (Hence the elusive search for the True GFE.) So escorts will only take you so far. (Then again, you don't really say whether it's just sex that's missing from your relationship, or intimacy AND sex.)
But all in all, after reading all the comments on here, the best advice is to be true to yourself. What do you want? Figure that out and work towards that goal.
If you really love your wife and you desire her sexually, you have to work towards achieving the same from her. If that is not possible, then you have to decide whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life in a sexless marriage or not. (Off-hand, I would say that the answer to that is no.) So then you have to decide whether or not you want out, or to stay in but find release in escorts.
I've had quite a few serious relationships over the years and I've stuck it out when I should have bailed out. The one thing I've learned from that is that a relationship that has gone off the rails seldom can be put back on the rails. In fact, in my experience, it can never be fixed (and not for the lack of trying on my part). Once a woman goes cold on you, she's cold for good. So to be honest with you - what you see is what you're going to get for the rest of your life. So if you can't accept that, then get the hell out now, or just see escorts and if you get caught - you get caught. Big deal. She's the one who drove you to it. It's not like you were getting boned every night and it wasn't enough, it's a case of NO SEX. That's not a marriage, that's room-mates.
If it means anything to you, I know lots of guys in your situation. Once the mothering gene turns on, the sex gene turns off (permanently). With many women, their goal in life is to have kids and to be a "good mother". Sex? Sex was just a tool to get her to motherhood - to catch a man, then to get pregnant. A husband is just a means to an end; little more than an acceptable sperm donor and a revenue source to enable her to raise her brood.
As to the question of Escorts though, you will get to blow your load, you will get a sexual release, but seldom will you find intimacy. (Hence the elusive search for the True GFE.) So escorts will only take you so far. (Then again, you don't really say whether it's just sex that's missing from your relationship, or intimacy AND sex.)
Be careful. Good advice from some of the ladies on this board was for my wife to get off the pill.
That..plus less depenent children has put the spark back in our marriage.
Love is better than lust...and lust is damn fine!
Again I offer you good luck!
Very well written and thought out post SillyGirl. Kind of where I was going with my earlier post, but you said it much better.
LOL well, that may be what women are biologically programmed to do, that does not mean it is the only factor in play here. Its a huge generalization. Just like men are genetically programmed to spread their seed far and wide. Doesnt' mean that's the sum total of what they are all after in a relationship. All the same, it is something to consider.
If the OP is new to this, then its good that you pointed it out and asked the question. There is little or no real emotional intimacy with escorts. Its make-believe.
Sammy Smith, after reading through all this and rethinking my own experience, and in particular the comments of Silly Girl @ #38 and of James T. Kirk @ #46.
The best advice is indeed to be true to yourself. That being said: You need to look at several things, what is going on to make your wife act the way she is - is it that she is exhausted trying to balance a great many balls in the air? How was your relationship beforehand is this a true change of personality and behaviour or only a continuation of what has been steadily building up for some time.
If you want to try to keep the marriage - and there can be many reasons for that.
Try counseling and give it an honest chance!
Take the time and see a Lawyer who deals with Family Law and financial matters, get some advice as to what you can to now to make things less painful if the worst occurs.
Remember no matter what happens that your children love you, and that they didn’t ask (or cause) what has happened or may happen to occur.
Sorry to hear that you are in pain.
The best advice is indeed to be true to yourself. That being said: You need to look at several things, what is going on to make your wife act the way she is - is it that she is exhausted trying to balance a great many balls in the air? How was your relationship beforehand is this a true change of personality and behaviour or only a continuation of what has been steadily building up for some time.
If you want to try to keep the marriage - and there can be many reasons for that.
Try counseling and give it an honest chance!
Take the time and see a Lawyer who deals with Family Law and financial matters, get some advice as to what you can to now to make things less painful if the worst occurs.
Remember no matter what happens that your children love you, and that they didn’t ask (or cause) what has happened or may happen to occur.
Sorry to hear that you are in pain.
I did and have never regretted it. We have a much better relationship now I don't get turned down twice a day!!
the only problem with escorts is that they cannot bear your children
if you have enough kids then you may as well start seeing escorts, because the alternatives are even worse, unless you are a celebrity or you enjoy fucking the same old woman or even different old women
Definitely when a man does not get food in his own house, would definitely go out to the restaurant outside to fill his hunger
food and sex has the same urge, and one feels hungry for both. Goodluck in all your outside endeavors
food and sex has the same urge, and one feels hungry for both. Goodluck in all your outside endeavorsHere is the difference between the way men and women think about marriage: Men think "I want to have sex with YOU for the rest of my life" Women think: "I want you to only have sex with one woman for the rest of your life"
It is unfair for your wife to unilaterally decide that there is no more sex in the marriage. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, you can't expect to be celibate because of her lack of sex drive and if she finds out you are getting off with other women, she has no right to be upset. Oh sure she will be but if she does then it is because she is selfish and you are best off without her.
Do you WANT to never have sex again for the rest of your life? This isn't your problem to fix, it is her's. She has to man up and solve it.
It is unfair for your wife to unilaterally decide that there is no more sex in the marriage. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, you can't expect to be celibate because of her lack of sex drive and if she finds out you are getting off with other women, she has no right to be upset. Oh sure she will be but if she does then it is because she is selfish and you are best off without her.
Do you WANT to never have sex again for the rest of your life? This isn't your problem to fix, it is her's. She has to man up and solve it.
The question comes down to Happiness and Marriage. I'm sure that one reason those seek marriage is to have the physical intimacy that single people don't have. Once the physical intimacy disappears, do you really have a happy marriage? I sure you love her. She is a good person, great mother, but now has become a frigid wife. Happiness is an important part life for everyone. Your happiness is being compromised by her lack of intimacy. You deserve better than what she is offering. She can't be just a mother to your kids. She is your wife, and needs to behave that way.
bruce
bruce
Wow...I almost NEVER agree with you Kirk but I am in complete agreement here.
All these people are giving these rosey answers like "you need to go to counselling...you need to do this...you need to do that".
Whats with all this "you you you"?
Mistake...One thing I've learned is that if only one of you are fighting for a relationship...its gone...all you'll do is buy time to delay the inevitable
I agree with that mostly, but I'm not so sure it applies to the OP. There's no indication that only one of them is "fighting for the relationship". She may just be physically and mentally exhausted by parenthood and unaware, despite the OPs attempts to show her, how important sex is to him in the relationship. That doesn't mean she doesn't love him.
