I'm in a sexless marriage, should I take the pliunge and start seeing escorts?

[alex52]

Marriage arrangements and how marriage works is based on the people involved, so don't feel you have to adhere to a set formula.

Further in the same way that love can be defined in hundreds of different ways. The love you have for your child is not the same type of love you have for your wife.
I feel guilt should not play any part in your decision, sex and love are different things.
I am sure you love your wife and children.
To me sex can be separated as a purely physical act and that is what is missing in your life. So if you have sex with somebody other than your wife its not the end of the world, and only the nature of your love has changed with your wife, but you can continue with your marriage and raising your kids which are the important things in life.
I would give this advice to anybody not just to people on TERB.

 

[Major Major]

There is so much to reply to...but I'll start with the OP.

IMHO...See the escort its cheaper than an affair and the way you're going right now with your marriage there is a count down already in progress....You're either gonna:

- Have an Affair and get caught because those things hardly ever work out
or..
- Put up with it and end up resenting your wife for throwing your needs out the window because its convenient for her...and resent is like gangrene...once it sets in, there is a destructive festering effect that gets worse and worse until you say "fuck it" and drop off.

However...before all this make sure you make attempts to tell your wife about the problem first (this will clear your concience and likely cover your ass if the shit hits the fan)...if she does nothing about it then go nuts....and I almost garauntee you wont feel guilty because she pretty much made her own bed.

 

[nottyboi]

Odd, most of the single guys that didn't get married I know couldn't get a girl to say 'I do'. Once they move out of their parents basement they become loners looking for places they can be with someone. Christmas time is a lonely breakfast for one waiting for people who have lives to invite them to dinner or out of pity bring them into their family experience - the family experience that he craves but can't acknowledge.

Yup, they sure fucked up !

There are pros anc cons to each. Not every single person is lonely and there is definiely lonliness in mariage. The fact is there is no such thing as non-stop happniess. Very few people are naturally happy. Most people are comfy but go between joy, bordom and misery. Such is life.

 

[afterhours]

Good luck. Unfortunately, I am pretty sure that you're not going to see a lawyer/financial manager first because you truly believe the marriage can be saved... but it won't, because wife has already decided to leave, she just hasn't told you yet, and you're going to get assraped by the legal system when it comes to alimony/support/etc.

+1

I query how much $$ is enough to keep an adult male in a sexless marriage.

If your friend told you: let's live together but you cannot sleep with women, and I will pay you for that inconvenience - how much compensation would you ask for?

how much is enough so that when you are 70yo you could look back and say: hey, I lived a pretty good life. Yeah, I was jerking off instead of having sex for the last 45 years, but I saved a bit of money that way!

 

[5hummer]

try getting counseling first

Agree.

... and start hiding (embezzling) your money!!!

 

[Yoga Face]

Learn some new skills

 

[JEFF247]

Odd, most of the single guys that didn't get married I know couldn't get a girl to say 'I do'. Once they move out of their parents basement they become loners looking for places they can be with someone. Christmas time is a lonely breakfast for one waiting for people who have lives to invite them to dinner or out of pity bring them into their family experience - the family experience that he craves but can't acknowledge.

Yup, they sure fucked up !

Sounds like you know a lot of LOSERS!!! The OP fucked up by marrying the wrong girl, but many do.

I enjoy being single but never ruled out marriage. I have never spend Xmas alone. I have a family that I enjoy being with and women the I date are much sought after. They usually end up marrying the next guy because that's their priority. Some of my best friends are ex's. I make good money, have traveled the world and have no regrets.

I don't hang with losers either. Good luck to the OP.

PS-What I would have done is stay with the wife til kids are 18. Then divorce. No SP's til then. Got to man up because kids are involved now.

 

[nottyboi]

+1

I query how much $$ is enough to keep an adult male in a sexless marriage.

If your friend told you: let's live together but you cannot sleep with women, and I will pay you for that inconvenience - how much compensation would you ask for?

how much is enough so that when you are 70yo you could look back and say: hey, I lived a pretty good life. Yeah, I was jerking off instead of having sex for the last 45 years, but I saved a bit of money that way!

Money that will be used to keep you alive and prolong your suffering lol

 

[luckyjackson]

Minus the kids, (thank god), I was in the same situation, until I found someone who gives me everything I could want. But until I found this person, I saw escorts, went to MPs, and picked up women almost during the entire length of my 20 year marriage. I was true to her for the first 2 years, but after doing without it that long, I began to cheat.

It's not an ideal situation. I wish I'd had the balls to be honest with my ex and tell her that it just wasn't working out. But you fool yourself into thinking you are hurting everyone less by staying and not rocking the boat. Ultimately, you are not. Living with a low level of misery caused by an unfullfilled life is not better than facing the truth. If there is still some mutual attraction, do everything you can to work it out. But if you are not still attracted to each other, if you don't get excited at the thought of her, then get out NOW and find someone who does it for you.

....and if you're taking the second route....you could do much worse than to have a great time with some sexy escorts.

 

[afterhours]

Living with a low level of misery caused by an unfullfilled life is not better than facing the truth. ...... get out NOW and find someone who does it for you.

thank you

 

[Questor]

Odd, most of the single guys that didn't get married I know couldn't get a girl to say 'I do'. Once they move out of their parents basement they become loners looking for places they can be with someone. Christmas time is a lonely breakfast for one waiting for people who have lives to invite them to dinner or out of pity bring them into their family experience - the family experience that he craves but can't acknowledge.

Yup, they sure fucked up !

Wow! This guy really needs to trade up in the people he hangs around with. I guess he just feels superior by judging lifestyles that are different from his own.

 

[Cypher]

There are billions of people on the planet, say for sake of argument somewhere between half a billion and a billion marriages at some stage or other at any given time. How come there's only one way to conduct a relationship? If you've done what you can to kindle some romance back in your marriage and the sex still aint there, well then who do you have to answer to except your self? If the escort scene seems to extreme, maybe consider the MP scene. But why should you give up sex because she has? (if that is the case). To me that's as logical as saying "she lost a limb so I have to lose one," or "she went blind so I can never look at anything again" or... you get the picture.

 

[ready2rock]

Minus the kids, (thank god), I was in the same situation, until I found someone who gives me everything I could want. But until I found this person, I saw escorts, went to MPs, and picked up women almost during the entire length of my 20 year marriage. I was true to her for the first 2 years, but after doing without it that long, I began to cheat.

It's not an ideal situation. I wish I'd had the balls to be honest with my ex and tell her that it just wasn't working out. But you fool yourself into thinking you are hurting everyone less by staying and not rocking the boat. Ultimately, you are not. Living with a low level of misery caused by an unfullfilled life is not better than facing the truth. If there is still some mutual attraction, do everything you can to work it out. But if you are not still attracted to each other, if you don't get excited at the thought of her, then get out NOW and find someone who does it for you.

....and if you're taking the second route....you could do much worse than to have a great time with some sexy escorts.

Good advice, Lucky.

R2R

 

[Bill the Pirate]

I'll weigh in as this is a topic near and dear to my heart. I think you need to have a chat with her and explain things from your side of the bed. Explain that you have unaddressed needs, explain also your feelings and long term goals for your relationship.

This could result in a few different outcomes

A, she understands and you get permission. she might even help you pick.
b, she freaks, asks you to leave.... so you start over, it sucks but long term will be better.
c, she understands but doesn't want you to go outside the marriage and steps up her game
d, she doesn't understand, she doesn't give you permission she has no plans to try anything different. If this happens at least you know where you stand and when you get caught you can truthfully tell her you exhausted all other avenues before you took the leap.

I read once where a guy said : god's a prick you know. If he felt it was necessary to dampen my wifes urges why could he do the same to me?

excellent first post by the way. welcome to the board. Good luck with your decision

 

[Asterix]

Contact fugi, a member on the board here. He'll show you how do it with class. Depending on your point of view that is.

 

[SillyGirl]

Hi everybody - I love my wife but after two kids, she has zero interest in sex. I've tried to get her to realize that sex is important for me with no success. Is this a decision I will regret?

Interesting thread. Welcome to the Dark Side, Sammy.

I'm responding from a different perspective than most, as I spent 19 years as a Wife. This does not automatically make me side with yours.

When you say "after two kids, she has zero interest in sex", it seems that this was not a problem before the kids? If that is the case, especially if the kids are young, she's probably exhausted and mentally worn-out. When your whole life becomes about being Mom, it's easy to lose the sexual part of yourself. And if she feels an unfair part of the childcare burden is falling on her, especially if the other adult in the house is leaving a mess around and riling up the kids just before bed, well you could be dealing with a pissed-off woman. I'm not saying this is the case, just suggesting you take an objective look at the situation.

I also agree with those who said medical/emotional issues should be ruled out.

"I've tried to get her to realize that sex is important for me with no success"....um, can I ask how you tried? If it was by groping her at every opportunity and poking her in the back every night, that's not really the best approach. You need to have an honest, difficult conversation about legitimate concerns you have and how important this is to you....it is not reasonable for her to expect you to go without. This conversation might best take place in a counsellor's office, for two reasons...first to help keep things from getting overheated and out-of-control, second to underscore to the Mrs. how serious this is.

If you've had that conversation and done what you can to ease any practical issues, and she still doesn't make an effort, and divorce is not an option....I don't see what you'd have to feel guilty about. It is not reasonable to be expected to give up sex.

 

[jenaVENOM]

Before you take this step please consider trying to rekindle your wife's interest in sex, after all she's a human being, and we all have desires and needs to fulfill.
Take a visit to your local sex shop and try picking up a fun new toy for the two of you to use together
also try watching some porn together.
Fucking other women for money will NOT fix your marriage, I'd suggest don't do it unless you don't want your marriage to be fixed.

 

[Chapter]

Hi everybody - I love my wife but after two kids, she has zero interest in sex. I've tried to get her to realize that sex is important for me with no success. Is this a decision I will regret?

i dont think you should. go to sex therapy or something. the way you sound you will definately regret it

 

[HetroGuy]

Sounds like you know a lot of LOSERS!!! The OP fucked up by marrying the wrong girl, but many do.

I was just grabbing the other side of the argument from your first post that I interpreted was down on anybody that got married. In reality I've been married more than once and spent half my available years single so I see both sides. My problem is I like both life styles and the preference seems to be always on the other side of the fence that currently I find myself at the time.

 

[JEFF247]

I hear ya. As a single guy I just see so many unhappy marriages. Looking in, I think, man I am so glad I'm single. If I want to take off to Vegas or Fallsview I do it. Not sure I want to give that up. I have no need whatsoever to have kids. I meet a lot of women and I love spending time with all of them.