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Co-worker with bf likes me

fjdude

Member
Oct 2, 2004
349
0
16
Antarctica
Needed advice and wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar situation – i’ll try and be brief:
About 2 months – back in Feb ago my co-worker told me that she would have gone out with me if she was single. I thought nothing of it and ignored her comments however after 2 weeks i started developing feelings for her. The thing is that we sit right next to each other at work and we know each other extremely well (think of it as a work-wife/husband sort of role). She has a boyfriend however and they’ve been together for approx 2.5yrs.

Toward the end of Feb i asked her about the comment she had made earlier and we had a long talk where we expressed our feelings for each other however we left on the note that she couldn’t leave her bf and she had more feelings for him. After we had the conversation where we opened up to eachother her feelings for me increased tremendously to the point that there was sexual tension. We started going out for dinners etc etc.

3 weeks ago she told me that all she now has feelings for me that are far greater than for her bf and how she wanted to get intimate. She also started telling me she wanted to leave her bf and was really confused. At this point i told her that getting physical was not a good idea and we’d hang out until she made up her mind to leave her bf (whom she was planning on marrying eventually).
Fast forward to last night – i caved in and slept with her. She also told me that she’s compare me to her bf and she wants to leave him based on certain things that she’s not getting out of her current relationship (her bf however is not a bad guy according to her and treats her well). She wants a long-term partner and we discussed the possibility of a long-term relationship together (it helps that we’re extremely good friends).

Some of my buddies have planted the seed of doubt in me – here’s my dilemma...if she can dump her bf of 2.5yrs what’s stopping her from doing the same to me??? She’s already cheated on him but she feels extremely guilty and she’s gonna tell the bf that she wants to break up coz their long-term values are not consistent. She wants to do this over the span of the next 2-3 weeks. Also next week she’s going on a cruise with the bf but is not sure if she wants to bring it up during the cruise.
I’m not sure what to think of this coz i really like the girl but a part of me thinks she’s cheated once and she could do it again.

Any input is appreciated.
 

browsing

New member
May 28, 2009
83
0
0
Any relationship is a risk, so the possibility always exists that she'll dump you. But for all you know, it could well develop into a nice long term relationship. HOWEVER, you work with her... right beside her... if the relationship goes bad... it will be really brutal. On the second hand, you've already slept with her so you've set a bunch of things in motion already, whether you know it or not. By doing so, you may well have past the point of no return.

Good Luck!
 

HOF

New member
Aug 10, 2009
6,387
2
0
Relocating February 1, 2012
LMAO, she's goin' on vacation with him, but wants to leave him. She screwed you and she's gonna screw him while on vacation!

You work together! Don't SHIT where you EAT!
 

JD75

T.A.F.K.A.R.
Jan 4, 2008
339
0
0
hogtown
dude, does she know you're a member of terb? if not, you might not want to be quick to judge her morals regarding having cheated on her bf. just a thought.
 

Don Draper

Cufflinks & Cognac
Nov 24, 2009
6,364
643
113
There are women all over the city (never mind the whole world) that want relationships and will not bring on any of these complications.

Don't let the potential of work disruption, muddled relationship or demise of a friendship come to pass. Keep it professional and just friends. You've slept with her but she's still going away on a cruise with her current BF.

Don't let it go any further and minimize/control any damage. It is still salvageable.
 

Toke

Just less active
Oct 14, 2002
2,677
71
48
Needed advice and wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar situation – i’ll try and be brief:
About 2 months – back in Feb ago my co-worker told me that she would have gone out with me if she was single. I thought nothing of it and ignored her comments however after 2 weeks i started developing feelings for her. The thing is that we sit right next to each other at work and we know each other extremely well (think of it as a work-wife/husband sort of role). She has a boyfriend however and they’ve been together for approx 2.5yrs.

Toward the end of Feb i asked her about the comment she had made earlier and we had a long talk where we expressed our feelings for each other however we left on the note that she couldn’t leave her bf and she had more feelings for him. After we had the conversation where we opened up to eachother her feelings for me increased tremendously to the point that there was sexual tension. We started going out for dinners etc etc.

3 weeks ago she told me that all she now has feelings for me that are far greater than for her bf and how she wanted to get intimate. She also started telling me she wanted to leave her bf and was really confused. At this point i told her that getting physical was not a good idea and we’d hang out until she made up her mind to leave her bf (whom she was planning on marrying eventually).
Fast forward to last night – i caved in and slept with her. She also told me that she’s compare me to her bf and she wants to leave him based on certain things that she’s not getting out of her current relationship (her bf however is not a bad guy according to her and treats her well). She wants a long-term partner and we discussed the possibility of a long-term relationship together (it helps that we’re extremely good friends).

Some of my buddies have planted the seed of doubt in me – here’s my dilemma...if she can dump her bf of 2.5yrs what’s stopping her from doing the same to me??? She’s already cheated on him but she feels extremely guilty and she’s gonna tell the bf that she wants to break up coz their long-term values are not consistent. She wants to do this over the span of the next 2-3 weeks. Also next week she’s going on a cruise with the bf but is not sure if she wants to bring it up during the cruise.
I’m not sure what to think of this coz i really like the girl but a part of me thinks she’s cheated once and she could do it again.

Any input is appreciated.
You know the answer...

Let her go. Sure things are great now, but when the novelty wears off, she'll do the same to you. Nothing wrong with being single and playing the field, but I won't date/endorse anyone who 'shops' for guys while in a relationship.
 

Toke

Just less active
Oct 14, 2002
2,677
71
48
What 'long-term values' of her BF's are incompatible with her's? What are those values that she speaks of? Do you know exactly what she prefers in you that she doesn't in him? As HOF said, you don't shit where you eat. How will that affect your careers? Can one of you re-locate to another floor or division? For you to have given in to sleeping with her, you must be very attracted to her. Do you think the physical attraction is clouding your judgement? You have to honestly answer all these questions - IMHO.
Done and done.
 

fuji

Banned
Jan 31, 2005
80,011
7
0
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
is.gd
No honey where you get your money... but sounds like you already made a hash of that, so you might as well go all the way with it. Just, don't be surprised if work winds up being kind of an uncomfortable place in the future.
 

thecuriousgeorge

Lucky lil Monkey...
Nov 18, 2009
1,696
5
38
Out being curious
A close friend of mine started his relationship with a girl that was in a relationship for 5 years...i told him that if she could cheat on him with you then she could cheat on you with someone else...

he didnt listen to me...but to his credit..they have now been together for 3 years and are apparently extremely happy together...

so who knows....
 

FOOTSNIFFER

New member
Jan 23, 2004
1,506
0
0
If you can get her to toss your salad, then she's a keeper.:cool:

Seriously....DO NOT get involved with a colleague at work. My God, have I ever paid a price in my career numerous times for exactly that.
 

gramage

New member
Feb 3, 2002
5,223
1
0
Toronto
Tough, but since it sounds like both you and her have guilt over this (the curse of being good people) I think that would hang over you if you tried to be together, especially if feelings for current guy haven't gone away. I say back off if at all possible.

Of course all this guilt might implode her relationship anyway.

And to that "once a cheater always a cheater thing" I have a close family member that left his wife for his secretary, they've been together about 20 years married 18 I think and seem happy.
 

fmahovalich

Active member
Aug 21, 2009
7,255
16
38
Your in a pickle now man...YOU GOTTA WORK WITH HER.

Keep feelings aside...stay calm..and tell her you would like to date...

BUIT NO MORE sleeping together untiul she dumpts the other lad.

That way you see if she is serious or playing you for a little FWB.

DO not push it...do not get angry..be straight with her....

Tell her you;d love to date her..ONCE she is single....


Then you got the work issue to deal with as well!!!

I would be straight with work as well......tell them whats up as soon as you are an item...

But DO NOT PURSUE IT...otherwise..she could dump you..and your employer could dump you...and then you will be a woman hater forever!!!

AND GET OFF TERB

GOOD luck
 

alexmst

New member
Dec 27, 2004
6,939
1
0
I agree that there could be a potential problem later on in your relationship. But you do have to give her credit (and yourself) for waiting as long as you did. She tried and you tried to not overstep the boundaries and respect the relationship she shares with her boyfriend... although those lines were eventually crossed.

As one of my favorite sayings goes... "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

So, YES there is the potential for her to cheat/leave you... You just have to ask yourself if a relationship with her is worth the risk of getting hurt.


xoxo
Well said.
 

Frosty

Active member
Sep 1, 2001
2,009
0
36
Toronto
Her relationship with her soon-to-be ex-bf is absolutely over. She just slept with you. If she doesn't dump his ass then it's BS. You minus well continue on seeing her and where the future holds for you guys.
 

Blue-Spheroid

A little underutilized
Jun 30, 2007
3,436
3
0
Bloor and Sleazy
It would be different if this was a girl you wanted to date casually. However, if you're really good friends, you don't want to hurt each other.

She needs to break it off with her BF, and stay broken off, before you get involved with her. She can't dump him for you; she needs to dump him for herself. You should only get into a relationship with her after she's really become single once again.

If she leaves him for you them you'll be expected to provide whatever it is she's not getting from him. If it does not work out, she'll blame you for ruining the first relationship. Don't let that happen.
 
I'm going to leave you with a few words that an old boss left with me when me and a co-worker were flirting:

"DON'T DIP YOUR PEN IN COMPANY INK!"

nevermind the other shit- you basically just fucked your career at this company unless you get married or one of the 2 of you quit.

Now before we get any further why in hell did you begin going on dates with her in the first place? That's a pretty dum move you had to see that one coming.

you're in the shithole now so you might as well stay there and see what happens- the worst has been done. Either way she has to tell her bf- and chances are the bf isn't going to be too happy with you...

Look maybe it will all work out and you'll have a nice little family with her but the chances are it isn't. But like I said you've pretty much done the worst so might as where just see where it leads you now.

OH- and one other thing. Tell this girl if she wants you to break it off with the bf IMMIDIATELY. There's no 2-3 waiting weeks BS. She's just wanting to see how things play out with you before leaving her man. It shows her insecurity in where a relationship with you may end up.
 

HOCKEY_GOD

Banned
Oct 13, 2009
465
0
0
THE OCEAN
Lol. I agree with your toss the salad remark.

Tell me about it. How about with a bombshell receptionist who had a thing for one of the owners? :eek:
Take her on vacation for a week when she comes back. Give it to her real fucken good in the sack during that week. When you return see if she wants to remain your fuck buddy but tell her that you don't see yourself in a an exclusive relationship for another five years.
 

tboy

resident smartass
Aug 18, 2001
15,972
2
0
63
way out in left field
I'm going to leave you with a few words that an old boss left with me when me and a co-worker were flirting:

"DON'T DIP YOUR PEN IN COMPANY INK!"

nevermind the other shit- you basically just fucked your career at this company unless you get married or one of the 2 of you quit.

.......
MOST companies have a policy to not allow two people in a relationship to work in the same dept period. Some even forbid them to work in the same company because of the problems it brings. This guy has fucked the dog already if anyone finds out.

Damn, they work NEXT to each other? Christ in a sidecar......

Oh, as for the BF thing, don't feel guilty in the least about it. (or at least a little bit lol). All my life I've let oppurtunities pass me by living by the saying "don't mow another man's grass" and lost because of it. Get all you can while the getting's good, otherwise you might find yourself standing on your morals but standing alone........
 
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