Considering how picky/unstable/immoral your co-worker is...yes, the same thing could happen to you. Question is, would you really deserve better?
Co-worker with bf likes me
- Thread starter fjdude
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fjdude,
Man, after reading your story, I felt like reading a reflection of had happened to me 1.5 years ago.
Like others have said, DON'T SHIT ON WHERE YOU EAT!
She isn't worth it, women will do alot of stuff to get your heart and play your heart if she wanted to. Unless she had made concrete decision on her current relationship, ie left her bf for a while, maybe you can consider starting something with her.
But now, as you have already fucked her, both of you are in the bad guys list, and if her bf finds out who you are, you better watch your back.
Let me tell you this, and i have been there, and done that. What you did was wrong, and yes, she can cheat on you again if she likes to. Relationship is about trust, do you trust her? After all these, can you still trust her? The ball is in your hand, you call the shots.
As for me, I left the other girl (she had a bf too!!!)and went back to my gf of 10 yrs, and yes, to be honest,I couldn't leave my gf as I have strong feelings for her. As for the other girl, she couldn't make the decisions, so I made the deicsion for her.
Cut it off man, you had sex with her, its a done deal, you will been even MORE HURT when she goes to the cruise with her bf. NOT WORTH IT. There are TONS of women out there.
JC
Man, after reading your story, I felt like reading a reflection of had happened to me 1.5 years ago.
Like others have said, DON'T SHIT ON WHERE YOU EAT!
She isn't worth it, women will do alot of stuff to get your heart and play your heart if she wanted to. Unless she had made concrete decision on her current relationship, ie left her bf for a while, maybe you can consider starting something with her.
But now, as you have already fucked her, both of you are in the bad guys list, and if her bf finds out who you are, you better watch your back.
Let me tell you this, and i have been there, and done that. What you did was wrong, and yes, she can cheat on you again if she likes to. Relationship is about trust, do you trust her? After all these, can you still trust her? The ball is in your hand, you call the shots.
As for me, I left the other girl (she had a bf too!!!)and went back to my gf of 10 yrs, and yes, to be honest,I couldn't leave my gf as I have strong feelings for her. As for the other girl, she couldn't make the decisions, so I made the deicsion for her.
Cut it off man, you had sex with her, its a done deal, you will been even MORE HURT when she goes to the cruise with her bf. NOT WORTH IT. There are TONS of women out there.
JC
Rule #1 - Do not sleep with co-workers
Rule #2 - Do not fuck up another mans relationship with his partner for your personal gain
Rule #3 - If she cheated with you, she'll cheat on you. Never trust a cheater.
Fuck man, you should have learned this shit by the time you finished high school.
Rule #2 - Do not fuck up another mans relationship with his partner for your personal gain
Rule #3 - If she cheated with you, she'll cheat on you. Never trust a cheater.
Fuck man, you should have learned this shit by the time you finished high school.
Two points.
1) I agree with HOF and fuji. Don't shit where you eat. Sex is sex. A girl outside of work has the same offerings as a girl at work. The difference is if things go south, the girl outside of work will just blow up your phone for a few weeks. You can't avoid the girl at work. And if she's vindictive, she could spread rumors about you, flirt heavily with other guys in front of you and so forth. Just like fuji said, work can suddenly become uncomfortable in the future.
2) If she can cheat with the love of her life currently, she can cheat on you when you the next love of her life become boring to her. Never trust a cheater.
You had your fun, I'd move on. There's other girls out there.
1) I agree with HOF and fuji. Don't shit where you eat. Sex is sex. A girl outside of work has the same offerings as a girl at work. The difference is if things go south, the girl outside of work will just blow up your phone for a few weeks. You can't avoid the girl at work. And if she's vindictive, she could spread rumors about you, flirt heavily with other guys in front of you and so forth. Just like fuji said, work can suddenly become uncomfortable in the future.
2) If she can cheat with the love of her life currently, she can cheat on you when you the next love of her life become boring to her. Never trust a cheater.
You had your fun, I'd move on. There's other girls out there.
I don't think it's LEGAL for any company to forbid two people who work together from seeing each other. (I could be wrong, but my understanding is that you can't have a contract that runs counter to the law. For example, if the law grants one freedom of association, a company cannot say you do not have freedom of association. I've heard of companies having policies that 2 people who work together cannot be in a relationship with someone that they work with if one of those people is the other's direct supervisor. I don't think companies can really stop it, but they can get upset about it and if the boss is fucking the underling, they can move the boss out of the department easily enough.
But I agree with you that there is no point in getting all weepy about cutting another man's grass. It can be a little tricky, but he's not your friend.
To the Original Poster.....
Most guys on this thread are getting all black and white with you. "Don't dip your pen in company ink", "if she cheated on him, she'll cheat on you" Blah blah blah.
Here's the simple truth according to warped old me (and no-one else seems to have said it)
It's not easy to find someone to love. So if and when you do and the feelings are reciprocal, you'd better sieze the day on this one. Fuck it whether you work with her. A job won't love you back. At the end of the day, it's just a job. You can find another job. Fuck it if she has a boyfriend. You don't know him, you don't owe him anything.
I say just go for it and see how it plays out. (Besides, you're already there, the time for this discussion was a month ago.) You're younger, single, who gives a fuck. If you really have feelings for her - sure beats fucking women for cash.
As to she's cheating on him, she'll cheat on you.......
Here's a newsflash. ALL WOMEN CHEAT. They are at their core overly analytical lying cheating whores (except your mother and your sister) and that's why we love them so. So no biggie there either.
Speaking for myself I have adopted the attitude that all women cheat and that sooner or later any woman that I am with will cheat. It's not a question of if, it's a question of when. I sleep better having come to that realization.
The one thing I do find pretty rich about your whole sordid story is how she's going to go a cruise with this guy. That's fucked up.
Most guys on this thread are getting all black and white with you. "Don't dip your pen in company ink", "if she cheated on him, she'll cheat on you" Blah blah blah.
Here's the simple truth according to warped old me (and no-one else seems to have said it)
It's not easy to find someone to love. So if and when you do and the feelings are reciprocal, you'd better sieze the day on this one. Fuck it whether you work with her. A job won't love you back. At the end of the day, it's just a job. You can find another job. Fuck it if she has a boyfriend. You don't know him, you don't owe him anything.
I say just go for it and see how it plays out. (Besides, you're already there, the time for this discussion was a month ago.) You're younger, single, who gives a fuck. If you really have feelings for her - sure beats fucking women for cash.
As to she's cheating on him, she'll cheat on you.......
Here's a newsflash. ALL WOMEN CHEAT. They are at their core overly analytical lying cheating whores (except your mother and your sister) and that's why we love them so. So no biggie there either.
Speaking for myself I have adopted the attitude that all women cheat and that sooner or later any woman that I am with will cheat. It's not a question of if, it's a question of when. I sleep better having come to that realization.
The one thing I do find pretty rich about your whole sordid story is how she's going to go a cruise with this guy. That's fucked up.
i agree 100%. how important is this job? if you are sitting beside each other, my guess is - you are just starting out and therefore you can probably get another similar job. you have already started playing- you need to play this out and not second guess your self.
I agree with everything Player said. These are the top fuckin' rules to live by.
OP, I also have to say you're a scumbag for screwing her when she still was with the other guy.
I have two pieces of advice:
1. Just do what you think is right;
2. Ignore 1. above and any advice about relationships that you get from an escort review board.
1. Just do what you think is right;
2. Ignore 1. above and any advice about relationships that you get from an escort review board.
Legal or not James I worked for a big corporation who specifically had a policy that two people involved romantically or related could not work in the same department. It was explained to me that relations couldn't work "together" due to the problems with nepitism and possible preferential treatment and romantically, well, that is self evident.
I seem to recall one situation like the OP's where two started dating and eventually married who worked together. The company worked with them and found the wife another position elsewhere in the company.
Like I said: I used to think that grabbing another guy's woman was wrong but considering the number of times it happened to me, the number of times it happened to friends, and having learned that we really only get one shot at this, one must grab everything he can the first time around. I know myself particularly had women come on to be BIG time in the past and didn't pursue it due to either my being involved or them, only to have my relationship end within a year and or theirs. Too many "what ifs".
Now, for the record I am NOT talking about marriage. If you're made that committment then hands off, and this goes for if she's married too. If they're just dating? then that's different.
I seem to recall one situation like the OP's where two started dating and eventually married who worked together. The company worked with them and found the wife another position elsewhere in the company.
Like I said: I used to think that grabbing another guy's woman was wrong but considering the number of times it happened to me, the number of times it happened to friends, and having learned that we really only get one shot at this, one must grab everything he can the first time around. I know myself particularly had women come on to be BIG time in the past and didn't pursue it due to either my being involved or them, only to have my relationship end within a year and or theirs. Too many "what ifs".
Now, for the record I am NOT talking about marriage. If you're made that committment then hands off, and this goes for if she's married too. If they're just dating? then that's different.
LOL.
Look-- The situation has 'drama' written all over it. But:
1. How well do you know yourself, and trust you judgement in people in general and relationships specifically?
2. How well do you really know her?
Think about it then make your bed. If you think that you're risking an assault from and angry ex, or going mess up your job (even if not for the relationship but its aftermath), or that she'll cheat on you, than pursuing this is probably a bad idea. If you think you can have a no strings affair or relationship without any of the previous then it might not be a bad idea depending on how scrupulous you are about being 'the other man' (Sloan song, might want to download it
). That all depends on 1 & 2 above, and your ability to be 'the other man' and her ability to deal with the situation...Well said. But I don't agree that all women cheat any more than all men cheat. Some do, some don't. Some will early on in their lives and then stay faithful to their partner later on.
But I do question how this woman has gone about the whole affair. First with the conversation to feel you out. Then the flirting. Then the dating. All while she is with the other guy. She is clearly laying the groundwork for a relationship with you while she is involved with the other guy. Is she not capable of being single for a few weeks?
And then she is calculating to break it off after her vacation. What is up with that?
I think the op blew it when he had sex with her. But that's done. Proceed with caution. Go for it if this is more than free sex and has serious long term potential.
Some people cheat, some (like myself) are very monogomous when in a relationship. It's not really a gender thing.
I am over-analytical, though.
Doesn't make it right...just like the old saying: if 100 people jumped off a bridge would YOU jump off a bridge too?
The only thing I'd change is "many people meet people THROUGH work......"
I know I dealt with many customers when I worked corporate. Customers who the sales reps landed and left to us to maintain. One time I got along great with one and she invited me to a big corporate event (gala). I asked the rep before accepting because something like this is rife with peril. Suppose we got a little carried away and slept together then she regretted it in the morning? Suppose we hit it off then after 6 months it ends badly? No matter what, it WOULD affect the corporation's relationship since we were both the goto people for each company.
Now the op works right next to the woman in question. There is NO way they could keep it a secret and if it ends badly, do you really think it won't affect the work environment? Not so much for them, but for their co-workers? One thing employers do NOT want is personal drama in the office. There is enough to deal with without shit like this.
On a personal note I used to share a townhouse with 2 male co-workers. One ended up bailing on rent for 5 months and since the place was in my name, I had to foot the bill. The bonehead asked me to cash his cheque once and I told him I could only get him my daily ATM limit. He said fine. When he came to me the next day for the rest I said "nope, you owe me $1500 in back rent". He threatened me. To the point I was walking around with a knife up my sleeve at work AND at home. I asked the GM (who was good friends with the guy) to step in and tell him to back off. The GM said: I can't do that, it isn't company related, and I didn't think it was a good idea the three of you moving in together when you were planning it.
This isn't a romantic entanglement in the least but you can see how personal lives and business lives should be kept separate.
You're saying it's likely he'll die because he pursued someone at work? Or he's doing it because of peer pressure??
That's the only way your saying would fit in this scenario.
No, you posted "A lot of people meet others at work now," hence the analogy....ok, I'll edit it for you "if a lot of people jumped off a bridge".......better?
Ok, here's a better analogy: a lot of priests in the catholic church molest small boys, does that make it alright because a lot of priests do it?
Some excellent points made here in this thread, no doubt. But by telling you what you should've done or shouldn't have done doesn't really help you at this stage anyway. What's done is done and ain't nothing can change that! IMHO, you and her are just two young people who're still not sure what you really want. So I think it's fair to say that you just need a direction to move forward. It all boils down to two things: pursuit of your own happiness or damage control. If you truly have strong feelings for her and can envision a LT relationship with her, then by all means pursue her. But if not, man, you need some serious damage control at work!
