Monday October 20, 2008 - 3:29 AM
Whatever the situation, do what you can
I'm not even sure how to go about writing this entry; I'm still in shock, but hopefully writing about it will help me through.
http://www.cp24.com/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20081017/081017_elderly_accident/20081017/?hub=CP24Home
On Friday, a few minutes before 6pm, I watched an elderly man get run over at a crosswalk right in front of me. A man in his 80's had pushed the button, and simply started shuffling across the street, without looking at oncoming traffic. I distinctly remember thinking, "Geez old man, you'd better watch where you're going, or you're gonna get..."
A split-second later, a car going the other way slammed into the man, going full speed. The man
flew over the car, flipped over in the air, and landed on the pavement about 20 feet away - ten feet to the left of my car, on the opposite side of the intersection.
That's pretty much my last clear thought. Everything that happened afterwards was like watching myself in a movie.
I climbed out of my car, and went to check on him. I said to the man, "I'm trained in First Aid; can I help you?" but he didn't respond. A woman on the phone with 911 yelled, "Don't touch him!" and I responded by telling her I was trained, and I'd look after him until emergency crews arrived. I told another bystander (the guy in the car in front of me) to keep everyone back, while I focused on the old man on the ground.
I asked him if he could hear me; he didn't respond. I told him to blink if he could hear my voice, but he was totally non-responsive. His pupils were normal, but he was bleeding heavily from his ears, mouth and nose. I knew there was head trauma, so I didn't move him; I took his pulse from his wrist instead. He had a faint pulse, and I knew there was a hospital a few blocks away, so I just kept trying to reassure him - I knew he couldn't hear me, so I was mostly reassuring myself. The woman with the phone held it to my ear, and I gave the dispatcher my assessment - "non-responsive, head trauma, bleeding from ears, mouth and nose, but has a pulse, and is breathing..."
Then, when she pulled the phone away. he stopped breathing.
My God, I thought, I'm going to have to watch him die right in front of me... At that point, I had no choice but to turn him and resuscitate him. I plugged his nose, lowered my face to his, and started breathing into him.
In First Aid training, they never prepare you for blood. They'll have you work on the dummies, drill it into you over and over and over, but nothing prepares you for seeing all that blood in front of you.
The first one was the hardest; there were gurgling noises as I pushed the air into him, and blood splattered on my face and neck when the air came back out. It got easier, though, and I pumped four or five more breaths into him. He sputtered and coughed, and started breathing again on his own, just as the Fire Department arrived.
I gave the crew a quick assessment of his injuries, as well as the treatment I had administered, then I backed off and let them take over. I was a mess; face and neck covered in blood, with red drops all over my white top. The firefighters gave me some paper towels and hand sanitizer to clean up with, and I got as much of the blood off me as possible. The ambulance arrived, and they loaded him in and took him to the hospital.
People were coming up to me, asking, "Are you ok?" and I mostly nodded and said, "I will be." I was completely numb at that point, and even though I knew it would hit me later on, at that moment, I felt nothing at all. I was still feeling a little queasy from the blood, but I managed to keep myself from getting sick. For the first time, I looked at the car that hit him.
The driver looked like he was in his late 70's. He was quiet, and talking to the police, so I went and looked at his car. I saw that his front right bumper had a dent in it, with a "Reported to Police" sticker on it - that means he had been in a separate accident very recently.
Seeing that sticker really upset me, because it was proof that he probably shouldn't have been driving at all.
I knew the cops were going to ask me for a statement, so I replayed everything over in my head - where I was when it happened, what I did in response, every detail I could think of. I figured out my bearings (N, S, E, W) and approximated distance the best I could. I checked the time, calculated how long everything had taken, and put all the details in sequence. All those Psychology courses have taught me that memories are clearest in the earliest moments after an event, so I put mine in order and gave my statement.
The cop was very nice and supportive, helping me recount the situation. I was clear, concise, and unemotional throughout; I started to crack when I talked about giving him Artificial Respiration, but I pulled it together and finished. I was starting to shake a little bit, so I did what I've learned to do when I'm feeling overwhelmed by emotion - told myself to keep it inside until I got home. I went straight to the liquor store, with every intention of getting plastered. At the store, the girl at the counter said, "oh, you've got some dirt on your top!" and I almost lost it right there. I went home and threw the top in the garbage, and jumped right into the shower - I stood there for over an hour, crying, until the hot water ran out.
I started wondering if he made it or not; I knew that he was in bad shape, and people in their 80's don't usually make it through these types of things. I went on CP24.com, and saw that, as of 8pm (two hours after the accident) he was still in critical condition.
I feel so weird about everything. I don't even feel that I really did anything, because it didn't feel like I was the one doing it. I just reacted to the situation I was in, and things just kind of played out in front of me. I completely forgot some of the intermediate steps from my training, and just trusted my instincts - I don't remember making any conscious decisions. The only thing I actually remembered from First Aid were the closing words of the instructor:
Whatever the situation, do what you can.
I've been a wreck for the entire weekend - I've been stoned pretty much since it happened, trying to stop myself from seeing it in my mind, over and over. I'm hoping that writing about it will help me get through it, because I've already broken down a few times, and I still have to focus on school. If things get worse, I might go see a trauma counsellour. I also need to go and get some blood tests done, in case he had any communicable diseases; I know it's unlikely, but I still need to be sure. I hope he pulls through without too many complications, but he got hit pretty hard, and he's pretty damned old. I just want to put it behind me and move on - I need to concentrate on school right now, and can't let this experience get in the way.
I need to unplug for a while...