You make the assumption here that a person knows when entering into a relationship how things are going to work out. We don't, so often we make things up on the fly as best we can.
When my wife and I married there was not a thought in my mind that I would ever "step out." Things happened over the course of time. Without going into detail (because they aren't necessary) medical things happened - with me. I became unable to have normal sexual intercourse after some surgery many years ago. I could still get erections; I still had the desire but sexual intercourse is physically uncomfortable for me and I can't maintain the erection. Somehow anything other than normal sexual intercourse was just not something my wife could handle. Oral sex, mutual masturbation - whatever. Just didn't appeal to her. She tried a bit, she didn't enjoy it, she didn't want to, it showed and with her not into it it wasn't fun at all. I wasn't going to force the issue and for a while I stayed "faithful" but without any sexual intimacy other forms of intimacy faded away as well. It's not so much that we were unhappy. I'd even say we became friends - but with no benefits, so to speak. Divorce or separation would be complicated for many reasons. So we stay together, we get along. But I found after a while that I needed physical intimacy; frankly, some relief. I don't really want to have another real "relationship." How do you start anything "real" with a woman only to reach the point of having to say, "by the way. There's something we can never, ever do." This was how I could find it. Escorts might actually appreciate a nice guy who's not especially demanding sexually and who enjoys giving pleasure as much (at times maybe even more) as getting it. My wife, I think, might know (or at least suspect) but we haven't talked about it nor will we.
I've been on "sabbattical" now for seven months because of COVID. I have people around me who are immuno-compromised and I need this thing under much better control than it has been before I can feel comfortable going back. I miss the girl I had been seeing regularly for a year and a half and I fear that I might never see her again. It's a very frustrating time to be honest - it reminds me of the first few months after intimacy stopped in my marriage.
By the way - I've read through the entire thread and whether you intend to or not and whether you realize it or not you are sounding very judgemental, regardless of how much you protest that "I said I'm not judging." Saying that is generally a sign that you realize that you at least sound like you are judging.
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