Should a wife take your last name when you get hitched? And why?

[curr3n_c1000]

I was being sarcastic by asking such a question. Just trying to get you think a bit outside the box on this. I know that it's "standard" for people to take the surname, but to say that it shows commitment is not true. I do respect your choice to want your wife to take your name, but you should also respect others that disagree with that choice. Based on your logic, would you not marry a girl that meets all of your criteria except for taking the name? If you have a slew of women banging down your door to get married then it's a much easier choice. Most of us don't have that choice and have to compromise.

It is also totally false that women are given the legal right to financially castrate a man during a separation.

You don't need to get married to have a good relationship. If you're not going to all the way, then I don't see the point.

Regarding the commitment thing, lets put it like this: You interview two people. Both equally qualified, but one person doesn't have the same enthusiasm to wear the uniform as the other one has. Who do you think gets hired and why? That's all I got to say.

I can tell you one thing. Most men that I know who have been divorced, I do not envy. Not in any way.

 

[curr3n_c1000]

The whole concept under British (and therefore US) Common Law was that women were seen as the property of their father/husband. I heard that's not the case any more.

I've been waiting for someone to bring up the women as property thing.

In Islam, women had to cover up because the rule was no man can see you except your husband. Horrible law, sexist, oppressive, you name it.

Fast forward to today, when female activists tried to 'liberate' Muslim women from the hijab, The same Muslim women told them who are they to tell them what not to wear? The Hijab is part of their culture and many loved wearing them.

So what I'm trying to say is, Many practices we have today may have been rooted in evil or ill-mindedness historically, but it doesn't mean it still represents that.

 

[Kracker]

Hey good for you @Jenesis - fun thread.

IMHO the stronger the man the less it matters.

But that said it’s always seemed charming to me, and an endearing sign of devotion.

 

[explorerzip]

You don't need to get married to have a good relationship. If you're not going to all the way, then I don't see the point.

Regarding the commitment thing, lets put it like this: You interview two people. Both equally qualified, but one person doesn't have the same enthusiasm to wear the uniform as the other one has. Who do you think gets hired and why? That's all I got to say.

I can tell you one thing. Most men that I know who have been divorced, I do not envy. Not in any way.

If you don't need to get married to have a good relationship then it should be the same for women that don't take the surname. You know, it's a personal choice so why the back and forth on this issue?

Your hypothetical example has little to no basis in reality. You're never going to be in a situation where two people have identical qualifications, but one is missing something. That goes for your business and personal life.

 

[Goodoer]

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

This thread reminds me of a frustrating spat with your wife... They refuse to see your point or are unable to understand you as you're ultimately unable to explain that deep-down manly thing that you know is right or means something (to you)... Eventually you give up arguing and wonder why you ever said anything... Then you start looking at naked chicks on the Internet.

Unless you're changing the whole Western world, most dudes want their wives (and especially kids) to take their last name. Why? It is because the other guys' wives did it without being a pain-in-the-ass about it. As a man, you hate losing and do not want to ever hear that other fucking guy chirp you about it. If you're wife is famous, rich or a 15 out of 10, you'll let the last name thing slide as you can Lord the other stuff over the other guy.

Ladies: Marriage is looking worse and worse nowadays. Give the guy a little something... Take his last name, have sex and make him a sandwich and that guy will work his ass off for you and your family.

 

[explorerzip]

So what I'm trying to say is, Many practices we have today may have been rooted in evil or ill-mindedness historically, but it doesn't mean it still represents that.

I don't think anyone said that you're backwards or evil because you want your wife to take your name or something else.

 

[Mitchell99]

Only if she wants to. He has to want to as well. The two of them, both have to want to. Thats obvious to me, also my curiosity ends there.......

 

[xix]

I didn't read all threads but partial. I say yes if there are kids in the marriage. Why?

I was told this by co-workers if the kids are under 18yr old and you can afford to travel.

Worker-A
When ex travelled outside Canada it was easy because she had the last name of kids, while carrying a document notarized just in case she was stealing the kids. Border patrol have different views.

Worker B
Wife changed named and border travel crossing was a bit of headache, but always had to keep a current dated notarized paper.

Worker C
Wife never changed her last name although she married afterwards again.

I guess some women don't want to pay $140 to change the name and go through the hassle with banks, MTO, MOH, plus others, and wills.

I met one person who had and heard from another woman her friend she return to her single/birth name but she was under 34 yr old. Maybe the husband was a beater I don't know I am just guessing.

 

[curr3n_c1000]

I don't think anyone said that you're backwards or evil because you want your wife to take your name or something else.

You all might not have said it, but that's what you feel.

 

[curr3n_c1000]

If you don't need to get married to have a good relationship then it should be the same for women that don't take the surname. You know, it's a personal choice so why the back and forth on this issue?

Your hypothetical example has little to no basis in reality. You're never going to be in a situation where two people have identical qualifications, but one is missing something. That goes for your business and personal life.

To be fair, I said equally qualified.

I will leave it like this: No one should be forced into something they don't want to do, and that goes both ways.

Peace.

 

[Mandalorian]

Just saw this thread now and can’t be bothered reading thru 9 pages.

My ex took my last name, even though I told her I didn’t care.

We have been divorced now for 15 years, she’s remarried but still has my surname. No idea why but It pisses my family off to no end, which knowing her is why she keeps it lol.

 

[Lv Wmn]

I got married over 25 years ago.

At the time my wife, a teacher, took my last name. It did not matter to me either way, 100% her choice.

She made that choice because she had run into too many parents with children in class having different names and, without knowing, calling one or the other parent by the "wrong" (by wrong I mean not listed on the school listing) name and them taking some kind of offence.

Related to names, when choosing names for our daughters if I happened to suggest a name of a student that had been difficult that name was immediately off the list. She could not see herself calling her daughter by the name of a child she had trouble with, it eliminated a number of names. LOL

Short answer, 100% the choice of the wife IMO.

 

[xix]

Just saw this thread now and can’t be bothered reading thru 9 pages.

My ex took my last name, even though I told her I didn’t care.

We have been divorced now for 15 years, she’s remarried but still has my surname. No idea why but It pisses my family off to no end, which knowing her is why she keeps it lol.

Read my post on this page or page 9 or post #170.

Either you Ex kept it for ease in life - lazy or spite the family.
OR are you rich? can claim something at the end.

 

[NoillyPrat87]

Lastly - what does the man have to change to concede to his women equally? What part of himself does he need to change to prove his love to her?

His broad attention toward the other sex needs to become focused exclusively on her. Cheers

 

[NoillyPrat87]

Her choice... Actually I prefer not to, I don't see any use for this today. It's only traditional and there is no need for it anymore. Now, kids tho... Oh my, at one point it was trendy for the kids to bare both names in Qc so you could have a Marie-Josée Couture-Smith or a Jean-François Bélanger-Bibeau loll. Imagine if both now get a kid together... They'd certainly learn their alphabet quickly

 

[Jenesis]

His broad attention toward the other sex needs to become focused exclusively on her. Cheers

Ohhhhhh. Good one!

 

[basketcase]

...

I have heard lacks commitment if she doesn’t, but no on can explain how.
.

..
I'd think the commitment of the legal contact holds far more weight than a change of name form.

And don’t royals now have no last name?

Mountbatten-Windsor for the Brits - not usually used though. The double-barrelled last names were common when both families were prominent. And the Windsor name was changed from Saxe-Coburg and Gotha due to WWI.

 

[Akila Besos]

Hmmm no I shouldn't have too take a man's last name simply because of tradition

Unless it's my own free choice for that then cool

But what's wrong with a female keeping her maiden name?

My last name is apart of me and it's what makes me uniquely me ^^

But it's a different story for assuming the last name and legally changing it

 

[Hipjdog]

Taking the man's last name is sexist and debases women, but taking the woman's name is
really just taking the woman's father's last name, so not much better.

This will sound radical, but what if the new couple came up with a new last name for their family?

 

[xix]

This will sound radical, but what if the new couple came up with a new last name for their family?

A long time ago I heard a 2nd wave feminist speaking about "Credit". Her name was Gloria Steinem I believe.
I could be wrong so.... she claimed that if she got married and change her last name her credit score would drop to zero, and she would have a hard time to buy a car, house or even get a credit card then.

Not sure how credit check it works now but I be curious to know myself.