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Sexless relationship of 3 years - tips?

Jami77

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If you look at a lot of the biology and anthoplogy science mentioned before, a lot of it boils down to the fact that humans were never meant to be monogomous in the first place. We originally lived in small tribes and when the child is just a few years old he leaves the care of his mother and is cared for by the village. The man then goes off and is able to couple up with other women. Theyve studied modern day tribes in the jungle - and they can be thousands of miles from each other but all tribes seem to naturally work this way.

In those tribes its our genes and instincts that run the whole thing. And male and female genes basically are wired differently - women lose their sex drive after baby is born so they have time and energy to nurture the baby, but men are naturally wired to keep on keeping on. They instinctively know its time to move on. Ever hear how woman are super horny during pregnancy? And they dont know why... Its their genes doing everything to keep the man around long enough to keep the woman safe throughout the pregnancy.

In all these tribes long term marriage is totally unatural. So for a modern man and woman to be married they are going against their natures. And its way harder for a man.

A woman is wired to stay at home and be a nurturer - so after baby is born its simple to follow these instincts. But a man is wired to spread his seed - so for him to stay home and be committed to one person takes unbelievable self control.

They say that for a woman to give 100% of herself to a marriage is actually easy since she is wired that way. But for a man to give even 80 or 90% is a massive amount of commitment and energy to fight his nature. A lot of women dont realise what a man has to give up to be in a committed relationship. We dont get enough credit for that.

There's an interesting history behind marriage too and why it came into being. Back in the middle ages in the UK and many other European countries the tradition was to do whats known as a handfasting, where man and woman were tied together in a ceremony. That handfasting was an early form of marriage - but it was only supposed to last a year - if they wanted to stay together after the year that was fine and if they wanted to split that was fine too. Everyone was pretty chill about it. In that year a woman would get pregnant and she would be assisted by her family - aunts, parents, sisters, and the father and brothers would feed her and look after her safety etc.

Then the romans and catholics took over and it all turned to crap (as it often does when the church gets involved) - Long story short the commoners continued their way of life and the lords of the land (with the backing of the church) would steal all the women to live in the castle in harems for the kings and knights and noblemen. (Braveheart and Robin Hood all based on true stories). It got to a point where the common folk started to riot and rebel against the church, state and nobel men so they could get some action too (only the hags were left for the common folk) so at the lass second to avoid carnage, mass riots and kings being beheaded it was decreed that one man should only have one woman - and the modern idea of being married to one woman for life was born. Some kings didnt like this - and one in particular started his own church so he could divorce his wives. You might have heard of the story.

Preetty much all of British history is based on who is shagging who and who can sow his wild oats more than everyone else (note back in the day oats was considered an athrodisiac hence the phrase).

So there you have it - humans were never meant to be monogomous, or married for life. Our modern society has messed everything up for both sexes and we spend the rest of our lives trying to sort out this fucked up situation.

Yeah communication works - but only to the degree that both partners will do it. And there has to be some leeway - if the woman isnt having sex with her man then she has to expect that its an unnatural situation for the man to be in.... and as one scientist once said "nature will always find a way."

Edit: Fuck that was a long post. But shit its true. I dare anyone to argue with me and the (female) scientists that wrote the books but I missed a bit out.... Its the thing that keeps modern marriages working... so anyway interlude over.... and...

From the bible: Shenanigans 3:12 "And God said this "one man one woman malarky" is an unholy abomination and so the lord said s let their be asian massage parlours and so there was and he was not done yet when he said and let there be women of the night who men shall worship for a certain sum and man was happy and woman at home was blessed with a husband who shared his happiness by going out into the night and visiting the superstore and coming home hence with bags full of goodness... and so everyone was happy and he said let their be light in the brothel at the end of the street and man walked towards the light and paid his house fee and went in for just a massage and came out happy as was and life was grand..."

And man was happy. And we hail all our praises on the woman at home and the woman at the end of the street.

Men love women. All women (well most not the psychos) Were just not allowed to worship them all at the same time. One at a time and as discreet as you can manage.

Praise to the sex professional for she saves the modern marriage.
 
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Jami77

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This article out of the UK about how many times people have sex -
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/how-often-have-sex-month-week-katherine-ryan-78tx2d2c5

Basically says that the comedian Katherine Ryan admitted to having sex twice a month and most parents consider that a lot. Read the article - one woman even says "I dont see my husband like that any more"!!

I would say that it would put me off having kids!!!

Also says 1 in 4 men have sex but only 1 in 10 women have sex. So are the 4 men having sex with the same woman? I never understand how that stastic works...

And I like how they always say "are sexually active" - so does that count all the women who just lie there. I've known a few who are definitely not very active during sex.
 

massman

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Cbr20152012

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Does anyone know what the OP ended up doing?

I lived through my own version of this. Eventually saw the writing on the wall and got out of the marriage (expensive sadly - but the right thing to do for future happiness).
 
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Jami77

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Okay so I know Ive been posting a lot on here but to be honest Ive lived through this all and come out the other end with a pretty good relationship. Although it goes up and down and has faltered somewhat. But get this I had an epithany tonight...

So when I wasnt having much sex (young kids tire you out and keep you up all night) I read a book called 4 Hour Body by Tim Ferriss and in it he talks a lot about hacking your sex life. Long story short he talks about eating steak and grass fed butter and was in a restaurant and all the women were staring at him. Later that night his girlfirend ripped his clothes off - jumped him and scratched the crap out of his back with her nails. She had also noticed that any woman that came near him the night before in the restaurant was cranking her neck to check him out. Then he noticed his scratches healed in a day or so - crazy - anyway hes a body hacker so always checks his blood and realises his Testosterone is through the roof... Anyhoo I wanted to try it and realised I couldnt afford steak or even the grass fed butter so i looked for other solutions and kinda forgot about it.

These days kids are grown up and relationship is kinda all right - up and down - nothing spectacular - I get BJ maybe every week or 2. Kinda unenthusiastic and actual sex maybe every few months. So its not bad - and with kids and work and everyone being tired I bet its a pretty good average. Not that I'm happy about it - which is why Im on here...

Anyhoo - getting old struggling with depression and ED - I goes to doctor and he puts me on Testosterone replacement Therapy.... my Testosterone was pretty low for my age.... 2 months on it and last bloodwork my T is back up to a pretty good level... I'm feeling like I have more energy, not as depressed and dont need naps every day. My boners back too.

And this is the interesting bit - weve been going through a good patch - BJs more regular and Ive noticed shes up for sex every week too. I was thinking we were both in good moods and life was good - though nothing much has changed and its also winter so we should both be sad and depressed right? So now I'm thinking its the TRT stuff. Tim ferriss did it natural - but for all those women to notice him it... he must have been giving off pheromones or something.

Ive also read that semen contains testosterone. So 2 and 2 together. T laden BJs upped my wifes T maybe? And I'm giving off more T pheremones - so double wammy? All of a sudden the sex life is back.

I have read that women need T to keep their libido going and as they get older it drops just like the male.

I also read that if you hang out with young girls your body also gives off more T.

So maybe thats the solution -

1. Hang out with young girls and wifey gets jealous and also your T goes up.
2. go see your doc and get TRT - Google how to lower your testorsterone so you pass the blood test. Then get the TRT
3. Eat steak and grass fed butter.
4. Try and get her to give you a BJ instead of sex.. Her T goes up and you start giving off the T pheremones...

And maybe bobs your uncle.

Maybe all this time weve been looking for psychological solutions - communication - playing games to create jealousy etc... when really we just have to go back to biology... she needs more T and we need more T.

Im also thinking that womens T levels are naturally low so it doesnt take much of a drop for her to go off. Whereas guys start higher and so we have more leeway.

I should have been a scientist or something...
 
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Jami77

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Or maybe the dudes are having sex with each other? 😂
(Not that there is anything wrong with that).
I actually thought about that for a while - being gay for a bit - those dudes are all having sex at the gym, their houses are always imaculate and they always seem sooooo happy. I have a few buddies who are gay and whenever they see you they are always like "Hiiiiyaaaa" with the biggest smile. Probaby cos they are having sex all the time. Then I go into the office and all the women are so cranky and bitchy it drives me nuts.... and especially at a certain time of the month the whole mood in the office changes.... like its full moon or something...
 

massman

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I actually thought about that for a while - being gay for a bit - those dudes are all having sex at the gym, their houses are always imaculate and they always seem sooooo happy. I have a few buddies who are gay and whenever they see you they are always like "Hiiiiyaaaa" with the biggest smile. Probaby cos they are having sex all the time. Then I go into the office and all the women are so cranky and bitchy it drives me nuts.... and especially at a certain time of the month the whole mood in the office changes.... like its full moon or something...
 

Muchadoaboutnothing

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Okay so I know Ive been posting a lot on here but to be honest Ive lived through this all and come out the other end with a pretty good relationship. Although it goes up and down and has faltered somewhat. But get this I had an epithany tonight...

So when I wasnt having much sex (young kids tire you out and keep you up all night) I read a book called 4 Hour Body by Tim Ferriss and in it he talks a lot about hacking your sex life. Long story short he talks about eating steak and grass fed butter and was in a restaurant and all the women were staring at him. Later that night his girlfirend ripped his clothes off - jumped him and scratched the crap out of his back with her nails. She had also noticed that any woman that came near him the night before in the restaurant was cranking her neck to check him out. Then he noticed his scratches healed in a day or so - crazy - anyway hes a body hacker so always checks his blood and realises his Testosterone is through the roof... Anyhoo I wanted to try it and realised I couldnt afford steak or even the grass fed butter so i looked for other solutions and kinda forgot about it.

These days kids are grown up and relationship is kinda all right - up and down - nothing spectacular - I get BJ maybe every week or 2. Kinda unenthusiastic and actual sex maybe every few months. So its not bad - and with kids and work and everyone being tired I bet its a pretty good average. Not that I'm happy about it - which is why Im on here...

Anyhoo - getting old struggling with depression and ED - I goes to doctor and he puts me on Testosterone replacement Therapy.... my Testosterone was pretty low for my age.... 2 months on it and last bloodwork my T is back up to a pretty good level... I'm feeling like I have more energy, not as depressed and dont need naps every day. My boners back too.

And this is the interesting bit - weve been going through a good patch - BJs more regular and Ive noticed shes up for sex every week too. I was thinking we were both in good moods and life was good - though nothing much has changed and its also winter so we should both be sad and depressed right? So now I'm thinking its the TRT stuff. Tim ferriss did it natural - but for all those women to notice him it... he must have been giving off pheromones or something.

Ive also read that semen contains testosterone. So 2 and 2 together. T laden BJs upped my wifes T maybe? And I'm giving off more T pheremones - so double wammy? All of a sudden the sex life is back.

I have read that women need T to keep their libido going and as they get older it drops just like the male.

I also read that if you hang out with young girls your body also gives off more T.

So maybe thats the solution -

1. Hang out with young girls and wifey gets jealous and also your T goes up.
2. go see your doc and get TRT - Google how to lower your testorsterone so you pass the blood test. Then get the TRT
3. Eat steak and grass fed butter.
4. Try and get her to give you a BJ instead of sex.. Her T goes up and you start giving off the T pheremones...

And maybe bobs your uncle.

Maybe all this time weve been looking for psychological solutions - communication - playing games to create jealousy etc... when really we just have to go back to biology... she needs more T and we need more T.

Im also thinking that womens T levels are naturally low so it doesnt take much of a drop for her to go off. Whereas guys start higher and so we have more leeway.

I should have been a scientist or something...
a lot of women struggle with over testosterone these days and that’s why they need to be on birth control pill. PCOS

I was rolling my eyes thinking you were selling the lion diet here
 

Jami77

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a lot of women struggle with over testosterone these days and that’s why they need to be on birth control pill. PCOS

I was rolling my eyes thinking you were selling the lion diet here
I wonder what it is women are doing that gives them too much testosterone? I'd love to try it.

I looked at the Lion Diet - never heard of it before - that seems expensive. Also not a big fan of Steak... I'm mostly a fan of whatever diet allows me to eat Burritos all day. Which probably accounts for my low T :)
 
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Muchadoaboutnothing

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I wonder what it is women are doing that gives them too much testosterone? I'd love to try it.

I looked at the Lion Diet - never heard of it before - that seems expensive. Also not a big fan of Steak... I'm mostly a fan of whatever diet allows me to eat Burritos all day. Which probably accounts for my low T :)

.
 

dvous11

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Life is short.
Get out while the gettin's good.
If you don't put yourself in a position to get everything you want out of life.....no one will.
 

Jami77

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xix said:
Now at work I see the divorcees have their FWB or one night stand. And they always try to hint or hit on me. I


- - Erm... where do you work? and are they hiring?
 

lomotil

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Its funny but sometimes I will eat a sandwich whilst taking a dump. So even though you shouldnt shit where you eat you can actually eat where you shit.
And are you vegan, carnivore or omnivore ? Can you eat a tuna fish sandwich, smoke meat sandwich or peanut butter and banana sandwich whilst defecating ? And you eat with your hands, can you eat with utensils whilst pushing out a good load? I witnessed a Japanese lady eating ramen with chopsticks whilst constipated on the toilet a while back .
 

jeff2

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Its funny but sometimes I will eat a sandwich whilst taking a dump. So even though you shouldnt shit where you eat you can actually eat where you shit.
Speaking of shitting, wasn't there a Quebec radio guy who made the controversial remark that shitting is better than sex? Maybe he was on to something.
 

Jami77

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And are you vegan, carnivore or omnivore ? Can you eat a tuna fish sandwich, smoke meat sandwich or peanut butter and banana sandwich whilst defecating ? And you eat with your hands, can you eat with utensils whilst pushing out a good load? I witnessed a Japanese lady eating ramen with chopsticks whilst constipated on the toilet a while back .
Ive never tried eating with utensils - I'll give it a go next time. I'm not vegan or anything specific and I"m not sure Id like a peanut butter and banana sandwich normally -let alone while taking a dump - thats just weird.
 

xix

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La la land
I found this ... see if it drives with you.

 
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