Question for married guys

[hot.scorpio]

Are you kidding me, you never ever tell your wife...if you feel guilty then go to confession. But telling your wife you have been sleeping with another lady is a fast divorce and you will loose everything....

Ki=eep your mouth shout and don't tell her ANYTHING...

 

[Stoo]

really, this is where you want to get marriage advice!!!

I predict that the OP will be back seeing SPs within 3 months of "retiring". If he tells his wife, he'll be back in 3 hours... looking for the name of a good divorce lawyer.

 

[NoFatties]

Don't listen to them - of course you should tell her !!!!!! She will respect your honesty and love you more. If she feels left out - tell her she can watch as long as she keeps quiet. If you ask her to fetch a cold beer while you are pumping her younger sister - 'poof' suddenly she realizes she too is an important part of your lovemaking.

It's all in the selling - e.g. "Darling, I am fucking a young beautiful woman who I find much more attractive than you but she means nothing to me. I still want you to cook my dinner, clean the house and do my laundry - because you are my wife and I love you. And the good thing is that all the things you hate doing such as licking my balls and swallowing my cum is something you don't have to worry about anymore. Think of it as hiring out someone to do the tasks you don't like doing."

 

[blackrock13]

Don't listen to them - of course you should tell her !!!!!! She will respect your honesty and love you more. If she feels left out - tell her she can watch as long as she keeps quiet. If you ask her to fetch a cold beer while you are pumping her younger sister - 'poof' suddenly she realizes she too is an important part of your lovemaking.

It's all in the selling - e.g. "Darling, I am fucking a young beautiful woman who I find much more attractive than you but she means nothing to me. I still want you to cook my dinner, clean the house and do my laundry - because you are my wife and I love you. And the good thing is that all the things you hate doing such as licking my balls and swallowing my cum is something you don't have to worry about anymore. Think of it as hiring out someone to do the tasks you don't like doing."

I'm guessing your single.

 

[DATYdude]

great thread, keep it coming


and op, for goodness sakes say nothing!

 

[great bear]

As long as you don't talk in your sleep you should be ok.

 

[sasemohan123]

First of all, do tell us what do you feel now: remorse, afraid of being found out, overridden by guilt...? Then you gotta tell if you two have kids, how old? What kind of financial situation you are in? If you can add the REASON why you come to cheat in the first place (SP), well second place (civies) too? How do you feel about your SO: love, hate...? Do you care if someone else hurts because of your "mistake"?

With all that info, hopefully with the power of colective minds on Terb(a hobbying world) someone MIGHT have an answer for you, then we all hope that you can find the right answer amongs the noice you have caused.

What i say is not making a joke on this thread nor on your post, but only you will know HOW it will end up for you, according to your own situation. Living and not able to cope with guilt is hard, being close to exposer is hard... it is really ONLY YOU KNOW.

 

[jiiimmm]

Don't listen to them - of course you should tell her !!!!!! She will respect your honesty and love you more. If she feels left out - tell her she can watch as long as she keeps quiet. If you ask her to fetch a cold beer while you are pumping her younger sister - 'poof' suddenly she realizes she too is an important part of your lovemaking.

It's all in the selling - e.g. "Darling, I am fucking a young beautiful woman who I find much more attractive than you but she means nothing to me. I still want you to cook my dinner, clean the house and do my laundry - because you are my wife and I love you. And the good thing is that all the things you hate doing such as licking my balls and swallowing my cum is something you don't have to worry about anymore. Think of it as hiring out someone to do the tasks you don't like doing."

Funny

 

[GameBoy27]

All I can say is DO NOT TELL HER!!! Some women say they want to know if you've been cheating but when it really comes down to it, they simply can't handle knowing. Nothing good will come of it and none of this really matters in the long run.

Assuming you love your wife and you want to stay with her, make her happy, have lots of sex, be creative, keep it interesting and you should be fine. If that's not the case, why are you still with her.

We all have secrets and they are best left as such!

 

[Dougal Short]

You have violated your marriage vows. If you tell her, you'll either be out on your ass, or paying for it dearly for the rest of your life. Once the "trust" is gone, there won't be much else left. Keep it to yourself, and try to make things better at home.

I am no longer married, but I started hobbying while I was. I found that the best way to deal with the guilt was to book a threesome. Keep occupied and all that.

 

[Polecat]

Any married man using SP's is a loser forcing himself to live a lie.

I'm single but I think if you're thinking about stopping seeing SP's you might want to tell her, she might want to try harder since she is not satifing you at home.

 

[GameBoy27]

I'm single but I think if you're thinking about stopping seeing SP's you might want to tell her, she might want to try harder since she is not satifing you at home.

I think you may change your way of thinking once you've been in a long term relationship. The OP didn't mention his wife wasn't satifing him at home.

 

[alb]

I'm married almost 5 years. I make maybe 5-8 SP visits a year. She has no clue. HOwever I'm retiring from hobby because it does nothing for me anymore. I want to rebuild my marriage and be more honest. Does your wife know you see SPs? Would you consider telling her?

You have got to be kidding right? In answer to your questions - NO and NO! If you tell her there will be no marriage to rebuild just a big old fat divorce to deal with! Jennifer and Viola as do many others make some excellent comments as to why you should not tell your wife and you should take those suggestions to heart! As well, you only made 5 or 8 visits per year its not that many to feel that guilty about. Before I slowed down recently I was up to seeing 4 or 5 per month over the 2+ years of hobbying with SP's.

Push this to the back of your mind and move on to building your relationship accordingly.

 

[GPIDEAL]

She will divorce you if you tell her, I can guarantee you that.
But, if she's suspicious and you feel that she may find out later on..you should tell her yourself first (this will give you brownie points)
If she's not suspicious, don't tell her and start making up for it.

I can appreciate where you're coming from, but I would think he needs to know more than just feel that she's suspicious before he tells her this potentially, marriage-destroying secret.

 

[GPIDEAL]

Very well said Jennifer. I agree with you completely. And as a man, I'd want to be kept in the dark if my SO was seeing a male escort as well.

Generally, I agree with you too, but to tell you the truth, I just may be opened-minded enough for my SO not to keep her fantasies about other men secret. It might be a swinging mentality, but it's also honest, yet it takes two to be open about that kind of stuff or play. Otherwise, it's not something you admit because more harm will be done.

If the OP is over his SPing ways, then he's gained perspective that might allow him to appreciate his wife even more for an even better marriage. Why ruin that? Honesty is not always the best policy.

 

[GPIDEAL]

Don't tell. The same way I wouldn't tell my future mate (10 years down the road) that I was a Service Provider. It would only ruin the relationship. Or, it would only cast unnecessary judgement. Unfortunately 'hobbying' is demonized in society - that's just the facts - as much as many people here would like to justify (rightly or wrongly so) the positive & negative reasons SP’s exist.

Men and women cannot be completely truthful - as said above - let the sleepy dogs lie.. Or ask yourself - how would this in any way shape or form help you or her?

It is a sad fact even when SP & John are perhaps more respectful with each other than some married couples are.

At the egging of a married friend in front of his wife, he wanted me to show pics of a gal I met in Cuba (I'm single), but I eventually got his wife's scorn about that even though I was generous and respectful with my Cuban 'novia'.

 

[Petzel]

Not a good idea!
True story...........when I was a teen my Dad had an affair but was so riddled with guilt he couldn't resist telling my Mom about it. All hell broke loose after that! Biggest and most stupid mistake he ever made. It almost destroyed my Mom and even though they talked through it and she forgave him and they remained together, she was never the same after that. It serves no purpose to tell the spouse and it only makes them feel horrible. If your guilt is so overwhelming then you're better off not doing it in the first place.

 

[diablo77]

Well it is a serious question. I've always been extremely careful. Encrypted hard drive, never keep phone/text records, separate email for hobbying stuff. So there is like 0% chance that she'll find out about my SP activity. However she probably already has some suspicions. We've had periods with very low frequency of sexual activiey. I recently learned that she might have gotten STD tested (clinic in browser history).

ALso there are 2 longer term non SP flings I've had in past, and it's definitely possible she finds out about one of those. Reason I say that is that one of them randomly called me the other day (haven't been together in over 2 years). I kinda just want to start fresh and stop living a lie. But I definitely agree it is a huge risk and it will hurt her a lot.

If she's getting tested for STDs maybe she cheated on you and is now feeling paranoid...

 

[krayjee]

I'm married almost 5 years. I make maybe 5-8 SP visits a year. She has no clue. HOwever I'm retiring from hobby because it does nothing for me anymore. I want to rebuild my marriage and be more honest. Does your wife know you see SPs? Would you consider telling her?

I will tell you loud and clear NO NO NO and NO from my personal experience. Pls remember you are dealing with woman who are more sensitive than man in nature. We men are easy to forgive and forget. Most of the women are not. I made the same mistake after a brief separation and admitted I slept with 4 women during our time apart for 2 months. It hurts her real bad and she brought that subject up every time we had a small fight or argument. Once they lost trust in you, its gone no matter how truthful you are. They will start checking out on you every ocassions and chances they see or feel a bit suspicious. They will go through your wallet, phone and computer and bring up any little thing they see. You will be under her microscope most of the time. It's a living hell man. Finally you felt like you were pushed out to cheat on her. There was no way out and you were forced to look for a shoulder to cry on. Especially on the shoulders of those who will listen to all your craps and understands you just like they were paid to listen to your shits as your therapist. Trust me, most of the mature MPAs and SPs are very good at that and capable of making you seek their help over and over again. Then it gets to a point where you felt more comfortable in their arms than your SO and by the time you realised it, it's already too late my friend. Please think carefully befor you open your mouth. There is no turning back once you did it. Sweet little lies always make them much happier than the honest truth even tho' they demand honesty from you. Now its all up to you my friend. Wish you all the best.
Just remember the sayings " Hell has no fury like a woman scorned" and " Never under estmate the power of an extremely pissed off woman".

 

[WJ49]

Definitely no.

Perhaps you have a good relationship, and perhaps your wife will forgive you.

What I definitely wouldn't count on, however, is her keeping quiet about it. Even if she doesn't divorce you, you should count on the fact that all of her friends, and probably (soon enough) your family will know about your hobbling during the first five years of your marriage.

As mentioned many times above, this is a hobby with a stigma attached to it, and when your wife inevitably discusses here (perfectly legitimate) marital problems with her friends, then everyone is going to know.